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(VT Digger)   Pro Tip: If you're going to kidnap a 16-year-old girl and attempt to smuggle her across the border, get a Covid test first. Or, you know, don't kidnap people   (vtdigger.org) divider line
    More: Dumbass, United States, Christopher Constanzo, Judge, Lawyer, U.S. Customs and Border Protection, Border, Convenience store, Supreme Court of the United States  
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2796 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2021 at 11:17 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



37 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-12-03 8:45:00 PM  
Just hire a prostitute, dude.
 
2021-12-03 10:26:46 PM  
Jesus, Costanzo
 
2021-12-03 10:37:35 PM  
That store is good for clean restrooms and good coffee
 
2021-12-03 11:24:58 PM  
String him up by the balls for a week, castrate him, and then send him to prison.
 
2021-12-03 11:26:17 PM  
You don't flee to Canada because law enforcement is well paid and the bureaucracy is functional just look at how his plan was foiled simply by not having a Covid test. If he'd tried to cross over into Mexico you could probably skip the Covid test with a $50 bribe.
 
2021-12-03 11:31:16 PM  

Mock26: String him up by the balls for a week, castrate him, and then send him to prison.


That's a terrible plan

/you string someone up by their balls for a week...
//you won't need to do the castration - gravity will handle it for you
///don't introduce needless steps - it's just bad design
 
2021-12-03 11:33:45 PM  
"Hey, 16 year old girl I just pulled out of the trunk of ... well, your car that I stole when I kidnapped you ... and then sexually assaulted, then tied up and propped up in the back seat... do me a favour and act like everything's fine while these border cops ask us questions".

I don't think the COVID test was the biggest potential flaw in the genius' plan.
 
2021-12-03 11:37:51 PM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Mock26: String him up by the balls for a week, castrate him, and then send him to prison.

That's a terrible plan

/you string someone up by their balls for a week...
//you won't need to do the castration - gravity will handle it for you
///don't introduce needless steps - it's just bad design


Not painful enough. Use a flapwheel.
 
2021-12-03 11:38:25 PM  
Herzog wrote in the affidavit that the teenager reported that Costanzo had kidnapped her and sexually assaulted her. Agents also learned that her parents had reported she was missing a day earlier in Connecticut, the affidavit stated.

This is a huge farking deal. A girl kidnapped and assaulted. Poor parents distraught and looking for her. This shiat should be all over the news just like every other story which doesn't get attention.

It's funny how this is made to sound like oh yeah that happened too.
 
2021-12-03 11:40:14 PM  

Naido: Jesus, Costanzo


Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
 
2021-12-03 11:40:25 PM  
What if you're from Kentucky Mississippi West Virginia Utah i gotta stop here guys Alabama and it's your cousin-wife you've been married to for 4 yrs already?
 
2021-12-03 11:41:41 PM  
Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?
 
2021-12-03 11:46:45 PM  

jaivirtualcard: Herzog wrote in the affidavit that the teenager reported that Costanzo had kidnapped her and sexually assaulted her. Agents also learned that her parents had reported she was missing a day earlier in Connecticut, the affidavit stated.

This is a huge farking deal. A girl kidnapped and assaulted. Poor parents distraught and looking for her. This shiat should be all over the news just like every other story which doesn't get attention.

It's funny how this is made to sound like oh yeah that happened too.


Yep.

Along with the likes of "even prior to COVID-19, more than 70 people die every day in the United States due to insufficient health insurance". You'd think that'd be a BFD and something to possibly address and such as.
 
2021-12-03 11:49:56 PM  

gameshowhost: more than 70 people die every day in the United States due to insufficient health insurance


Not news, won't sell.  The people angry about that are already angry, the ones not angry about it can't be angered by it.  "They should have got better jobs" or "they'd just leech off the system and make me pay for it".  In neither case are you going to get monetized eyeballs for your trouble.
 
2021-12-03 11:56:37 PM  

Unsung_Hero: gameshowhost: more than 70 people die every day in the United States due to insufficient health insurance

Not news, won't sell.  The people angry about that are already angry, the ones not angry about it can't be angered by it. "They should have got better jobs" or "they'd just leech off the system and make me pay for it".  In neither case are you going to get monetized eyeballs for your trouble.


American apathy is super cool.
 
2021-12-03 11:58:44 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 11:59:20 PM  

anuran: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Mock26: String him up by the balls for a week, castrate him, and then send him to prison.

That's a terrible plan

/you string someone up by their balls for a week...
//you won't need to do the castration - gravity will handle it for you
///don't introduce needless steps - it's just bad design

Not painful enough. Use a flapwheel.


CSB.
Mrs was getting annoyed with our son this week. At some point, verbal hyperbole involving vice grips and testicles came out of her mouth. Son pipes up and says that vice grips applied to testicles won't work. The testicles would just get pulverized leaving basically skin left. Vice grips would probably rip right through that too. He did give alternatives involving a hammer or rubber mallet. Then laughed.

So... he put deep thought into that. Weird. Mr. Severe ADHD is not the deepest thinker or planner, if, well, at all. But vice grips on the man parts? Apparently that is worthy of deep consideration and contemplation.

/CSB

So hey. Vice grips on mr rapist sounds ok to me
 
2021-12-04 12:01:03 AM  

jaivirtualcard: Herzog wrote in the affidavit that the teenager reported that Costanzo had kidnapped her and sexually assaulted her. Agents also learned that her parents had reported she was missing a day earlier in Connecticut, the affidavit stated.

This is a huge farking deal. A girl kidnapped and assaulted. Poor parents distraught and looking for her. This shiat should be all over the news just like every other story which doesn't get attention.

It's funny how this is made to sound like oh yeah that happened too.


She was grabbed Wednesday night and rescued Thursday morning so not a lot of time for the news to run with it.
 
2021-12-04 12:02:59 AM  

cravak: Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?


Turns out it was a platinum Monster cable.
 
2021-12-04 12:03:52 AM  

gameshowhost: American apathy is super cool.


It's not even apathy.  They're not angry about their shiatty insurance... but damn right they'll get angry if you suggest they do something about it.  Or point out other countries that have already.

shiatty insurance is AMERICAN!
 
2021-12-04 12:06:20 AM  

jaivirtualcard: Herzog wrote in the affidavit that the teenager reported that Costanzo had kidnapped her and sexually assaulted her. Agents also learned that her parents had reported she was missing a day earlier in Connecticut, the affidavit stated.

This is a huge farking deal. A girl kidnapped and assaulted. Poor parents distraught and looking for her. This shiat should be all over the news just like every other story which doesn't get attention.

It's funny how this is made to sound like oh yeah that happened too.


Well, the 19 yo is black, the 16 yo can't be published/disclosed...
/I bet it was a cute blonde white girl. 😒
 
2021-12-04 12:12:17 AM  

Unsung_Hero: gameshowhost: American apathy is super cool.

It's not even apathy.  They're not angry about their shiatty insurance... but damn right they'll get angry if you suggest they do something about it.  Or point out other countries that have already.

shiatty insurance is AMERICAN!


a reasonable alternative explanation

/i'll blame calvinism this time? ok.
//that said, this country is still rife with apathy
 
2021-12-04 12:17:08 AM  

cravak: Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?


So why the shoelace in the first place then?
But, yeah, when I read the age, I assumed it was BF&GF running off together and the kidnapping charge is a technicality, i.e. moving a minor across state lines without consent, or something.
Also, depending on the state's age of consent, the sexual assault might also be a technicality.
 
2021-12-04 12:19:02 AM  

Resident Muslim: cravak: Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?

So why the shoelace in the first place then?
But, yeah, when I read the age, I assumed it was BF&GF running off together and the kidnapping charge is a technicality, i.e. moving a minor across state lines without consent, or something.
Also, depending on the state's age of consent, the sexual assault might also be a technicality.


FTR, not saying that's what happened, just what's more likely given the age of the suspect.
 
2021-12-04 12:23:26 AM  
Who Would Jesus rape?
 
2021-12-04 12:33:24 AM  

stuffy: Who Would Jesus rape?


In this case it is apparently everyone. Kid is 19 and is onto his second rape before the investigation into his first rape is done. He's going to cost taxpayers a whole lot of money before he ends up murdered.
 
2021-12-04 12:35:06 AM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-04 12:40:45 AM  
Jesus, that's not how Canadian Girlfriends work.
 
2021-12-04 1:26:30 AM  

Resident Muslim: cravak: Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?

So why the shoelace in the first place then?
But, yeah, when I read the age, I assumed it was BF&GF running off together and the kidnapping charge is a technicality, i.e. moving a minor across state lines without consent, or something.
Also, depending on the state's age of consent, the sexual assault might also be a technicality.


First thing I thought of was a BF/GF situation.  It really makes the most sense given the circumstances.  So for just a single shoelace restraining her, and that shoelace was left loose in the back seat, I'm guessing that when the border agent told them to pull the car to the side she might have tied the shoelace around her wrists so she wouldn't get in trouble with her parents. For a panicking 16 year old girl that would make perfect sense.
 
2021-12-04 2:11:06 AM  
See yet another reason to get the shot. OH, UM, Maybe not that.
 
2021-12-04 3:17:54 AM  

cravak: Anybody read the article?  She was restrained by a single shoelace? I call bs on this.  Guy was probably her bf. Too many things about this make 0 sense. Who the h is restrained by a single shoelace?


I once saw a girl (woman?) in a CVS in Boston who was so skinny, it was like you had taken my neighbor's 8 year old who seems to survive off nutrients in the air, and just stretched her to the height of a college student.

She didn't have a sunken face like a drug addict, so maybe it was anorexia?  Or she was just a really tall 10 year old who looked old for her age?

Whatever it was, I'd totally believe that she could've been restrained with a shoelace.  She'd probably break an arm if she tried struggling out of it.  Even cheap shoelaces from a dollar store, not good ones like the ones from a decent set of work boots

/although, your explanation is way more likely
//but I'm still kinda disturbed by how skinny that girl was that I saw probably 5-6 years ago
 
2021-12-04 4:09:11 AM  

gameshowhost: Unsung_Hero: gameshowhost: American apathy is super cool.

It's not even apathy.  They're not angry about their shiatty insurance... but damn right they'll get angry if you suggest they do something about it.  Or point out other countries that have already.

shiatty insurance is AMERICAN!

a reasonable alternative explanation

/i'll blame calvinism this time? ok.
//that said, this country is still rife with apathy


It's always a good time to blame Calvinism.
 
2021-12-04 4:34:23 AM  

Petey4335: anuran: 

Not painful enough. Use a flapwheel.

CSB.
Mrs was getting annoyed with our son this week. At some point, verbal hyperbole involving vice grips and testicles came out of her mouth. Son pipes up and says that vice grips applied to testicles won't work. The testicles would just get pulverized leaving basically skin left. Vice grips would probably rip right through that too. He did give alternatives involving a hammer or rubber mallet. Then laughed.

So... he put deep thought into that. Weird. Mr. Severe ADHD is not the deepest thinker or planner, if, well, at all. But vice grips on the man parts? Apparently that is worthy of deep consideration and contemplation.

/CSB

So hey. Vice grips on mr rapist sounds ok to me


Stir Crazy - Bar Fight Penis Twister
Youtube F01HSjXXE2w
 
2021-12-04 8:13:21 AM  
They should hang him by his balls!
 
2021-12-04 8:28:16 AM  

Petey4335: anuran: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Mock26: String him up by the balls for a week, castrate him, and then send him to prison.

That's a terrible plan

/you string someone up by their balls for a week...
//you won't need to do the castration - gravity will handle it for you
///don't introduce needless steps - it's just bad design

Not painful enough. Use a flapwheel.

CSB.
Mrs was getting annoyed with our son this week. At some point, verbal hyperbole involving vice grips and testicles came out of her mouth. Son pipes up and says that vice grips applied to testicles won't work. The testicles would just get pulverized leaving basically skin left. Vice grips would probably rip right through that too. He did give alternatives involving a hammer or rubber mallet. Then laughed.

So... he put deep thought into that. Weird. Mr. Severe ADHD is not the deepest thinker or planner, if, well, at all. But vice grips on the man parts? Apparently that is worthy of deep consideration and contemplation.

/CSB

So hey. Vice grips on mr rapist sounds ok to me


Sounds like a documentary in the making, good lucky
 
2021-12-04 11:06:49 AM  

jaivirtualcard: Herzog wrote in the affidavit that the teenager reported that Costanzo had kidnapped her and sexually assaulted her. Agents also learned that her parents had reported she was missing a day earlier in Connecticut, the affidavit stated.

This is a huge farking deal. A girl kidnapped and assaulted. Poor parents distraught and looking for her. This shiat should be all over the news just like every other story which doesn't get attention.

It's funny how this is made to sound like oh yeah that happened too.


We care about the stupidity of the criminal and don't care about the suffering of the victim...

Okay.... Based on that media reaction I'm going to take a guess that the skin colors of both the victim and assailant are..... not white.
 
2021-12-04 11:11:00 AM  
i0.wp.comView Full Size

If you're going to have security cameras in your store, at least place some of them so you can get the perp's face clearly
 
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