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(YouTube)   It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":   (youtube.com) divider line
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1310 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 03 Dec 2021 at 11:05 PM (43 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-12-03 7:04:49 PM  
It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.
 
2021-12-03 7:30:42 PM  
Nadafingah!
 
2021-12-03 8:18:33 PM  
Fuuuuuuuuuuuddggge
 
2021-12-03 8:20:10 PM  
Now, I had heard that word at least ten times a day from my old man. He worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium; a master.
 
2021-12-03 11:28:25 PM  

Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.


It's even better when you read it in Gabby Johnson's voice.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 11:41:00 PM  
While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.
 
2021-12-03 11:48:02 PM  
YOU SNORTCUNGA!
 
2021-12-03 11:50:43 PM  

Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.


Great honk, man! How in the flerkwinder did you get that past the gumpwumping filter?
 
2021-12-03 11:55:28 PM  

Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.


I feel like there should be a distinction made between disliking the movie and disliking the obnoxious cultural zeitgeist that has engulfed this movie the last four decades.

It's definitely overrated, for sure, and a lot of its most "meme-able" moments have little to do with what make the movie special.
 
2021-12-03 11:58:20 PM  
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2021-12-04 12:01:54 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.


Your mom's overrated!!!
 
2021-12-04 12:04:23 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-04 1:07:41 AM  

Courtney Cox-Zucker: Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.

I feel like there should be a distinction made between disliking the movie and disliking the obnoxious cultural zeitgeist that has engulfed this movie the last four decades.

It's definitely overrated, for sure, and a lot of its most "meme-able" moments have little to do with what make the movie special.


Yes, perhaps overrated isn't the best turn of phrase... over played might be better.
 
2021-12-04 1:24:16 AM  

Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.


And of course this is the sanitized g-rated version as re-told by the narrator, much like "fudge".

In reality what he actually said was much worse. The mom's reaction indicates that more than a few of her lady parts (and questionable vocational skills) were likely mentioned.
 
2021-12-04 1:58:48 AM  
I love it!
 
2021-12-04 2:52:29 AM  
NOTAFINGA!
 
2021-12-04 2:59:58 AM  

Unscratchable_Itch: YOU SNORTCUNGA!


YOU MUNDANE NOODLE!
 
2021-12-04 6:46:07 AM  
And this year, I actually know what a clinker is...so yay.

I've found a bunch of them along the local rail trail...guess no one wants to clean them up.
 
2021-12-04 9:08:56 AM  
I love this movie. My favorite Christmas movie of all time. My wife took me to see a screening of it in a movie theatre a few years back. Sadly, she died last year. Anywho, Happy Holidays!
 
2021-12-04 9:24:44 AM  
I like the Wizard of Oz.


I like the Tin Man.
 
2021-12-04 10:22:14 AM  
Can relate...
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-04 10:39:05 AM  

Courtney Cox-Zucker: Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.

I feel like there should be a distinction made between disliking the movie and disliking the obnoxious cultural zeitgeist that has engulfed this movie the last four decades.

It's definitely overrated, for sure, and a lot of its most "meme-able" moments have little to do with what make the movie special.


The stories in the book are better in print, than the movie is.   And I liked the movie.

//Been a fan since channel 11 in NY showed it in the 80's, before it was ever a "thing"
 
2021-12-04 10:43:01 AM  

Colour_out_of_Space: I like the Wizard of Oz.


I like the Tin Man.


According to the audio commentary from writer/director, Bob Clark, that kid with the goggles in queue with Ralphie to see Santa was every bit as weird in real life. He was originally supposed to be just an extra like all the other kids. However, unlike all the other kids, he was not there with a parent or any other adult guardian, he was there by himself. Somebody on the crew checked in on him to see he was okay and he responded by engaging him in the strangest conversation. The crewmember relayed this to Bob Clark who then went up to him and had a similar experience. He decided right then and there that he had to be in the movie, so he improvised some lines of dialogue for him.
 
2021-12-04 10:43:58 AM  

kermit the forg: Courtney Cox-Zucker: Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.

I feel like there should be a distinction made between disliking the movie and disliking the obnoxious cultural zeitgeist that has engulfed this movie the last four decades.

It's definitely overrated, for sure, and a lot of its most "meme-able" moments have little to do with what make the movie special.

The stories in the book are better in print, than the movie is.   And I liked the movie.

//Been a fan since channel 11 in NY showed it in the 80's, before it was ever a "thing"


The old man shimmied up the telephone pole back in the day to hook us up with HBO. Saw it there in... '84?
 
2021-12-04 10:44:33 AM  
Fur-NAH-che ... that must be Italian.
 
2021-12-04 10:50:48 AM  

Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.


The stage version played at the Performing Arts Center in Appleton, WI a few years back.  Directly across the street from the PAC is a bar (named The Bar) which has an upstairs that can be rented out for parties, called The Leg Lamp Lodge.  There's a leg lamp in every window.  The cast had a party there after their first performance.
 
2021-12-04 11:10:11 AM  
Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.
 
2021-12-04 11:19:48 AM  

Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.


50s?
 
2021-12-04 11:29:57 AM  

Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.


Kids today don't know the difference between the '80's and the '50's.  Won't be long before "retro" styles include greaser big hair with leather leggings
 
2021-12-04 11:43:00 AM  
I might have found some of these words useful when I had a furnace die on Dec. 17th one year.  Couldn't get it replaced until Jan. 6th. There's a limit to what a pair of space heaters can do.
 
2021-12-04 12:14:01 PM  

ImpendingCynic: Fur-NAH-che ... that must be Italian.


Fra-GEE-lay is the pronunciation you're looking for.
 
2021-12-04 1:42:12 PM  

NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?


I remember the 50s, when you could listen to the Little Orphan Annie radio show that ended in 1942.
 
2021-12-04 3:02:18 PM  
Leave my hounds out of this!
 
2021-12-04 3:37:00 PM  

gunther_bumpass: Leave my hounds out of this!


Sunsabiatches
 
2021-12-04 3:46:33 PM  

NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?


Isn't it set in 1939 or 1940?
 
2021-12-04 4:08:08 PM  

WyDave: NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?

Isn't it set in 1939 or 1940?


'38 I think? Just by the way the house is furnished and all the other sets. It also seems pre-WW2, so 1938 is my guess.
 
2021-12-04 4:18:43 PM  

WyDave: NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?

Isn't it set in 1939 or 1940?


Something like that.
 
2021-12-04 6:33:29 PM  

Jake Havechek: WyDave: NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?

Isn't it set in 1939 or 1940?

'38 I think? Just by the way the house is furnished and all the other sets. It also seems pre-WW2, so 1938 is my guess.


It's supposed to be a bit ambiguous.  The big obvious things in the movie, the magazine the rifle ad gets hidden in is December 1937.  Wizard of Oz was released in 1939.  The Little Orphan Annie Decoder Rings is a 1940 ring.
 
2021-12-04 7:10:15 PM  

NINEv2: The old man shimmied up the telephone pole back in the day to hook us up with HBO. Saw it there in... '84?


Your dad was a pole dancer for HBO back in the day, huh? Was he hot?
 
2021-12-04 9:40:24 PM  

EdgeRunner: NINEv2: The old man shimmied up the telephone pole back in the day to hook us up with HBO. Saw it there in... '84?

Your dad was a pole dancer for HBO back in the day, huh? Was he hot?


I dunno. Do you dig 70s pornsataches?
 
2021-12-04 10:05:55 PM  

12349876: Jake Havechek: WyDave: NINEv2: Lochaber_Axe: Unfortunately the movie is really old now and dadgum TBS plays it for 24 hours straight every XMAS so it's played out.  It's also a 1980's movie about the fifties so most young people these days just can't relate.  I got see it back in th 80's and at the time it was the funniest thing I had ever seen, especially the Santa scene.

50s?

Isn't it set in 1939 or 1940?

'38 I think? Just by the way the house is furnished and all the other sets. It also seems pre-WW2, so 1938 is my guess.

It's supposed to be a bit ambiguous.  The big obvious things in the movie, the magazine the rifle ad gets hidden in is December 1937.  Wizard of Oz was released in 1939.  The Little Orphan Annie Decoder Rings is a 1940 ring.


Yeah, if I recall there are various references in the film that place it anywhere from 1937 to 1946. (For instance a couple of the sports references would place it in either 1941 or 1946)  But in a way it makes sense, as the narrator is the adult version of Ralphie recalling his childhood, and may have mixed various different years together in his memories.
 
2021-12-04 11:01:00 PM  

WhippingBoi: Peter von Nostrand: While I really dislike the movie and find it overrated... I saw the stage version a few years ago in Dallas and it was really good.

Your mom's overrated!!!


Nah.  Let her do that thing with her thumb.  It will change you forever.
 
2021-12-05 12:02:04 AM  

NINEv2: EdgeRunner: NINEv2: The old man shimmied up the telephone pole back in the day to hook us up with HBO. Saw it there in... '84?

Your dad was a pole dancer for HBO back in the day, huh? Was he hot?

I dunno. Do you dig 70s pornsataches?


Your dad kept his 70s pornstache going through the mid 80s? He was quite the free spirit, it sounds like.
 
2021-12-05 12:26:22 AM  
The one thing I have never understood about that movie is the scene where the old man plugs in the leg lamp. There are like 20 things on the same outlet. But it takes place before they get their Christmas tree, and it's the 1930, so other than the radio and a few lamps what could possibly be plugged into that outlet? Like looking around my living room most of.thr stuff I have plugged in didn't exist back then.
 
2021-12-05 6:10:38 AM  

EdgeRunner: NINEv2: EdgeRunner: NINEv2: The old man shimmied up the telephone pole back in the day to hook us up with HBO. Saw it there in... '84?

Your dad was a pole dancer for HBO back in the day, huh? Was he hot?

I dunno. Do you dig 70s pornsataches?

Your dad kept his 70s pornstache going through the mid 80s? He was quite the free spirit, it sounds like.


Til the day he died a few years ago.
 
2021-12-05 7:50:50 AM  
My mom is a gigantic A Christmas Story fan. She tortures us by leaving on TBS for hours every Christmas. She even had my dad take her to Cleveland to see the actual house where they filmed it. She had a blast though.
 
2021-12-05 8:23:41 AM  

mechgreg: The one thing I have never understood about that movie is the scene where the old man plugs in the leg lamp. There are like 20 things on the same outlet. But it takes place before they get their Christmas tree, and it's the 1930, so other than the radio and a few lamps what could possibly be plugged into that outlet? Like looking around my living room most of.thr stuff I have plugged in didn't exist back then.


Most homes built before 1920 or so had to be completely wired for electricity.  It was usually really expensive to do this, so they put as few power outlets in a room as they could get away with.

Some rooms only ended up with one power outlet on either side of the room.  This usually necessitated having to plug multiple things into one outlet, such as all the lamps and the radio. Which tended to overload circuits.

Admittedly they're playing it up in the movie for comic effect, but it was a real issue back then, as more electrical items became common in homes.
 
2021-12-05 9:06:55 AM  

mechgreg: The one thing I have never understood about that movie is the scene where the old man plugs in the leg lamp. There are like 20 things on the same outlet. But it takes place before they get their Christmas tree, and it's the 1930, so other than the radio and a few lamps what could possibly be plugged into that outlet? Like looking around my living room most of.thr stuff I have plugged in didn't exist back then.


Old houses didn't have very many outlets
 
2021-12-05 9:10:26 AM  

Ishkur: Sensei Can You See: It's time for my most beloved personal holiday tradition: A complete and accurate transcript of Ralphie's old man's cursing at his furnace from "A Christmas Story":

=================

Ralphie's old man: "Hold it! Shhhh..."

(smoke pours from a vent as clanking noises come from the basement)

"Aha! AHA! It's a clinkerrrr! That blasted stupid furnace! Dadgummit!"

(Stomps downstairs; loud crash)

Ralphie's old man: "Ow! Damn skates! A HACK HACK COUGH COUGH! Oh, for cripes' sake -- open up the damper, will ya? Who the hell turned it all the way down? Again?!! Aw, blast it! Poop flirt rattletrap camel flirt! YOU BLONKER! Rattle feet sturcklefrat!"

(additional crashing noises)

Ralphie's old man: "Of a womp sack butt ratter bottom fodder!"

Narrator: "In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that, as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."

Ralph's old man: "Smick melly womp walker! Drop dumb fratten house snickle fifer!"

===================

You're welcome.

And of course this is the sanitized g-rated version as re-told by the narrator, much like "fudge".

In reality what he actually said was much worse. The mom's reaction indicates that more than a few of her lady parts (and questionable vocational skills) were likely mentioned.


"Butt ratter bottom fodder" is rather obvious.
 
2021-12-05 9:29:47 AM  
Here is where I remind everyone that the mom had her boobs out in "Slap Shot". You're welcome.
 
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