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(Daily Mail)   Damn near killed him   (dailymail.co.uk) divider line
    More: Plug  
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3543 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2021 at 9:24 AM (24 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-12-03 6:00:28 AM  
One of those one-in-a-millon shot kind of things, I guess.
 
2021-12-03 8:22:43 AM  
Pretty much the definition of an "Ammosexual".
 
2021-12-03 8:47:47 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 8:50:45 AM  
Figure the guy came home from work, thought: "hmmm, what should I shove up my ass today?".
 
2021-12-03 9:26:24 AM  
"let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

/{...crickets...}
 
2021-12-03 9:27:09 AM  
Whoever used the "plug" tag: Bravo, sir or madam
 
2021-12-03 9:27:27 AM  
'Stand back, people - I'm going to drop an ass bomb!'

'Enough with the juvenile fart jokes already! That shtick is tired.'

'Butt-Butt-Butt-'

'ENOUGH!!'
 
2021-12-03 9:27:51 AM  
Just the sort of thing I'd expect to read about over morning tea in a publication of that calibre.
 
2021-12-03 9:28:05 AM  

goodncold: "let he who is without sin cast the first stone"

/{...crickets...}


Which sin?  The sin of having WWII artillery shells?  The sin of cleaning out the garage/shed/basement while naked?

I've never committed either of those.
 
2021-12-03 9:28:08 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: One of those one-in-a-millon shot kind of things, I guess.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:28:28 AM  
i.makeagif.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:30:33 AM  
57mm?   Next week, he'll slip and fall on an 88mm.   When he waddles in with the 105 duly lodged, the docs can call him Bazooka Joe
 
2021-12-03 9:31:31 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:33:03 AM  
'slipped and fell on it during a clear-out'

How anyone thinks that's a believable excuse ever is beyond me.  Like, look at the size across of the thing up your butt, and with it the size of your anus.  The only way that would ever be believable is if there was noticeable bruising or tearing in the area where it went into you to go along with whatever "it" is. You'd probably be less of a spectacle in the A&E if you just owned it and told the nurse "I'm an idiot and used [item] as a sex toy.  It was a bad decision, please help."  If you joke about it with the staff, you'll probably be a minor comment in the break room.  If you make up some elaborate story, then you become the elaborate story for the staff (and in this case a tabloid).
 
2021-12-03 9:33:36 AM  
It's always 'slipped and fell'. I Nobody is gonna buy that, especially a doctor, so why not make it interesting.

"You see doc, it all started when I was out fishing and found this talking frog."

/classic joke afficionados might know the ending to this one
//though it usually starts with "judge" not "doc"
///it doesn't end with 'ordinance in the rectum' but that's not my point
 
2021-12-03 9:33:46 AM  
Right..."cleaning"...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:35:39 AM  

Farking Clown Shoes: One of those one-in-a-millon shot kind of things, I guess.


Talk about some explosive shiats

/Should add some steel plating to the toilet
 
2021-12-03 9:36:48 AM  
I am not letting this thing anywhere near my butthole.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:37:51 AM  
img.ifunny.coView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:40:46 AM  
 
2021-12-03 9:40:47 AM  
As Mrs. Carte says, "How did humans ever get to the top of the food chain"?
 
2021-12-03 9:41:00 AM  
This would be a great place for an explosive diarrhea joke...
 
2021-12-03 9:42:27 AM  

functionisalwaystaken: Whoever used the "plug" tag: Bravo, sir or madam


One of those ones where I can see them selecting it from the dropdown, mentally giggling to themselves thinking, "I wonder if anyone will catch this..."

Yes.  Yes, we did, and it was great.
 
2021-12-03 9:43:04 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 9:43:30 AM  
It was a million to one shot, doc.
 
2021-12-03 9:45:15 AM  
I think he collected military memorabilia.

Ya think?
That guy has military memorabilia up the ass.
 
2021-12-03 9:47:12 AM  

Schmerd1948: I am not letting this thing anywhere near my butthole.

[Fark user image image 634x657]


Fark user imageView Full Size


The future is now
 
2021-12-03 9:50:18 AM  

kyuzokai: It's always 'slipped and fell'. I Nobody is gonna buy that, especially a doctor, so why not make it interesting.

"You see doc, it all started when I was out fishing and found this talking frog."

/classic joke afficionados might know the ending to this one
//though it usually starts with "judge" not "doc"
///it doesn't end with 'ordinance in the rectum' but that's not my point


I heard it without a clear introduction, but ending with 'and I swear, Your Honor, that's exactly what happened'

Did the guy also explain that he gave the shell a good coat of grease so it wouldn't rust?
 
2021-12-03 9:50:23 AM  
...and whenever he needs to sit down, he yells:"SHOTGUN!"
 
2021-12-03 9:51:05 AM  

New Rising Sun: 'slipped and fell on it during a clear-out'

How anyone thinks that's a believable excuse ever is beyond me.  Like, look at the size across of the thing up your butt, and with it the size of your anus.  The only way that would ever be believable is if there was noticeable bruising or tearing in the area where it went into you to go along with whatever "it" is. You'd probably be less of a spectacle in the A&E if you just owned it and told the nurse "I'm an idiot and used [item] as a sex toy.  It was a bad decision, please help."  If you joke about it with the staff, you'll probably be a minor comment in the break room.  If you make up some elaborate story, then you become the elaborate story for the staff (and in this case a tabloid).


I don't know why they make up any story at all. "I don't owe you an explanation, are you going to take it out or not?"
 
2021-12-03 9:53:12 AM  

Schmerd1948: I am not letting this thing anywhere near my butthole.

[Fark user image 634x657]


This unit will now be known as a Bad Dragon Runner.
 
2021-12-03 9:54:32 AM  

Schmerd1948: I am not letting this thing anywhere near my butthole.

[Fark user image 634x657]


Of course not. That is obviously purpose built for giving handjobs.
 
2021-12-03 9:57:22 AM  

Boo_Guy: New Rising Sun: 'slipped and fell on it during a clear-out'

How anyone thinks that's a believable excuse ever is beyond me.  Like, look at the size across of the thing up your butt, and with it the size of your anus.  The only way that would ever be believable is if there was noticeable bruising or tearing in the area where it went into you to go along with whatever "it" is. You'd probably be less of a spectacle in the A&E if you just owned it and told the nurse "I'm an idiot and used [item] as a sex toy.  It was a bad decision, please help."  If you joke about it with the staff, you'll probably be a minor comment in the break room.  If you make up some elaborate story, then you become the elaborate story for the staff (and in this case a tabloid).

I don't know why they make up any story at all. "I don't owe you an explanation, are you going to take it out or not?"


Normally, I would agree with this.
But having a WWII mortar shell inserted in your rectum should come with an explanation.
 
2021-12-03 10:01:12 AM  
It's trending on the twitters
Fark user image
 
2021-12-03 10:03:28 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 10:04:38 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Boo_Guy: New Rising Sun: 'slipped and fell on it during a clear-out'

How anyone thinks that's a believable excuse ever is beyond me.  Like, look at the size across of the thing up your butt, and with it the size of your anus.  The only way that would ever be believable is if there was noticeable bruising or tearing in the area where it went into you to go along with whatever "it" is. You'd probably be less of a spectacle in the A&E if you just owned it and told the nurse "I'm an idiot and used [item] as a sex toy.  It was a bad decision, please help."  If you joke about it with the staff, you'll probably be a minor comment in the break room.  If you make up some elaborate story, then you become the elaborate story for the staff (and in this case a tabloid).

I don't know why they make up any story at all. "I don't owe you an explanation, are you going to take it out or not?"

Normally, I would agree with this.
But having a WWII mortar shell inserted in your rectum should come with an explanation.


Depending on my mood I'd either just tell them the truth or nothing at all. If they aren't going to remove it without an explanation and I didn't want to give one then I guess I'm waddling off to another ER.

/or a drug store for a giant box of muscle relaxants and some BBQ tongs
 
2021-12-03 10:08:05 AM  
What is it this time, Tyler?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 10:11:39 AM  
I don't know (nor do I want to) what sort of things he has shoved up his ass but a shell that is 2.24 inches across? That had to hurt
 
2021-12-03 10:12:04 AM  
I was cleaning out my garage completely naked, as you do, when all of a sudden a banana peel got under my foot and I slipped! I had been cleaning the floor but left that banana peel and this singular item, positioned at such an angle that it slipped right in without tearing or bruising the skin. Sure was a strange set of coincidences that led me to this predicament, what a pickle!

/pickle would have been easier to use than an artillery shell
 
2021-12-03 10:15:10 AM  

Harry Freakstorm: 57mm?   Next week, he'll slip and fall on an 88mm.   When he waddles in with the 105 duly lodged, the docs can call him Bazooka Joe


i.redd.itView Full Size

Gotta work your way up to this one.  Can't just go right for it.
 
2021-12-03 10:17:57 AM  

Yellow Beard: I don't know (nor do I want to) what sort of things he has shoved up his ass but a shell that is 2.24 inches across? That had to hurt


That's just the width of the projectile. The casing is going to be even bigger.
 
2021-12-03 10:28:57 AM  
external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 10:30:03 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

A man presents to the emergency room.....
 
2021-12-03 10:31:12 AM  

MythDragon: Harry Freakstorm: 57mm?   Next week, he'll slip and fall on an 88mm.   When he waddles in with the 105 duly lodged, the docs can call him Bazooka Joe

[i.redd.it image 480x640]
Gotta work your way up to this one.  Can't just go right for it.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 10:40:38 AM  
If it was an accident why was the shell covered in a condom... And lube?
 
2021-12-03 10:43:18 AM  

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Normally, I would agree with this. But having a WWII mortar shell inserted in your rectum should come with an explanation.


The explanation...

Family Guy - The Sexual Thrill!
Youtube z3ANJri0a-8
 
2021-12-03 11:16:06 AM  
If you are going to try out some anal exploration do yourself a favour and, before you start, concoct a story for the ER team  that is more original than "I fell on it."
 
2021-12-03 11:32:20 AM  

Pista: It's trending on the twitters
[Fark user image 237x80]


Heh heh "bum squad"
 
2021-12-03 11:37:09 AM  
I see all the bases have been covered here.
 
2021-12-03 11:56:03 AM  

Boo_Guy: New Rising Sun: 'slipped and fell on it during a clear-out'

How anyone thinks that's a believable excuse ever is beyond me.  Like, look at the size across of the thing up your butt, and with it the size of your anus.  The only way that would ever be believable is if there was noticeable bruising or tearing in the area where it went into you to go along with whatever "it" is. You'd probably be less of a spectacle in the A&E if you just owned it and told the nurse "I'm an idiot and used [item] as a sex toy.  It was a bad decision, please help."  If you joke about it with the staff, you'll probably be a minor comment in the break room.  If you make up some elaborate story, then you become the elaborate story for the staff (and in this case a tabloid).

I don't know why they make up any story at all. "I don't owe you an explanation, are you going to take it out or not?"


Speaking from experience?
 
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