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(Daily Boulder)   A plumber found 'bags and bags of cash' stashed in a bathroom wall at Joel Osteen church... that's all   (dailyboulder.com) divider line
    More: News, Joel Osteen, Houston police investigators, Lakewood Church, megachurch pastor Joel Osteen, local station KRPC Channel, discovery, Christian terms, Victoria Osteen  
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6485 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Dec 2021 at 5:30 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-12-02 11:50:23 PM  
Remember when he closed his church  and refused to help hurricane victims?

Still comes on my TV every Saturday after SNL... the grift is strong with this one.
 
2021-12-02 11:56:10 PM  
$600,000? He probably didn't even notice it was missing.
 
2021-12-03 12:19:41 AM  
There's a parable in the Bible about a man who saves up more than he could possibly use or spend.  I'm pretty sure it ends with God telling him he's a wonderful person and not some kind of hoarder.
 
2021-12-03 12:22:35 AM  
My guess is that this is not the only place he has money stashed
 
2021-12-03 12:24:32 AM  

Torgo_of_Manos: My guess is that this is not the only place he has money stashed


more work for the plumbers
 
2021-12-03 12:37:21 AM  

Monty_Zoncolan: Torgo_of_Manos: My guess is that this is not the only place he has money stashed

more work for the plumbers


The way these rich grifting assholes work, I wonder if this is the first time one of his contractors actually got p
 
2021-12-03 1:38:14 AM  
I once saw an AC/DC concert in that church.  I should have went to the can and kicked holes in the wall.
 
2021-12-03 1:58:36 AM  

UberDave: I once saw an AC/DC concert in that church.  I should have went to the can and kicked holes in the wall.


If his church gets torn up by treasure hunters, that would just be too bad
 
2021-12-03 2:16:41 AM  
Obvious tag
 
2021-12-03 3:01:20 AM  
It's a miracle!
 
2021-12-03 3:21:32 AM  
im3.ezgif.comView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 4:16:45 AM  
Hold on, I have to go to the van for my bigger toolbox.
 
2021-12-03 4:45:02 AM  
"It's not mine! I swear! I was just holding it for a friend...named Jesus!"
 
2021-12-03 5:01:44 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"Oh that money?  Well that money was just resting in my walls..."
 
2021-12-03 5:32:27 AM  
"Someone had stolen $600,000..."

Yeah. "Someone".
 
2021-12-03 5:34:36 AM  
Police : "Plumber found £600.000 dollars in your bathroom walls !"
Osteen : "But there were supposed to be one mill... uh I don't know what he's talking about"
Plumber doing donuts on the church's parking in a brand new Dodge Charger : "Yeeeeeeeeha !"
 
2021-12-03 5:38:35 AM  
...blink...blink...blink.blink....blink...blink blink blink...blink
 
2021-12-03 5:39:24 AM  
His room in Hell has been reserved for a long time.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-12-03 5:40:39 AM  
I wonder if there is anything about Joel Osteen that hasn't already been said.
 
2021-12-03 5:43:00 AM  
Plumber is a better person than I am.
Stealing from FakeTeeth McPlasticFace would be a mandate for me.
 
2021-12-03 5:43:02 AM  
There's always money in the banana stand.
 
2021-12-03 5:44:41 AM  
The discovery came several years after someone stole $600,000 in cash and checks from a safe at Osteen's Lakewood Church. Whoever stole the money in 2014 may have been hidden it in the bathroom wall.

Shame on all of you who thought Megapastor Joel Osteen was hoarding lucre in the walls.

Why, this is a Christmas miracle! I am not a betting man because gambling is a sin, but I would bet when the cash is counted and the checks which weren't canceled are cashed, there will be juuuuust enough to cover the cost of a two week ministry trip to the Seychelles to spread the Gospel.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-12-03 5:53:17 AM  
Joel Osteen once found me broken down by the side of the road and helped me out of fifty bucks.
 
2021-12-03 5:55:36 AM  

omg bbq: Plumber is a better person than I am.
Stealing from FakeTeeth McPlasticFace would be a mandate for me.


That's how you end up dead in a ditch.  Do you really think he would turn the other cheek for 600K?
 
2021-12-03 5:56:07 AM  
Since the blinky farker doesn't pay taxes I'm assuming there's some especially complicated grift going on here if that stash is the money they reported stolen years ago. And, as always, tax that farker.
 
2021-12-03 5:57:06 AM  

Atomic Jonb: omg bbq: Plumber is a better person than I am.
Stealing from FakeTeeth McPlasticFace would be a mandate for me.

That's how you end up dead in a ditch.  Do you really think he would turn the other cheek for 600K?


You don't tell anyone you found it, put the wall back like it was, and leave.

Clearly he thought it was safe, why send the guy in to fix the plumbing otherwise?
 
2021-12-03 5:59:54 AM  
I don't know why someone (even if it was Joe himself) would bother with stealing a bunch of checks unless they were co-mingled with the cash already and not worth the time to separate.  You might be able to get away with cashing a few stolen checks but probably not a whole bag full of them.

I predict Joe stole the money himself (or had someone do it for him) and made an insurance claim to double his money.  While that seems like a needlessly stupid scam to pull when your fake church brings in the kind of money his does, greedy people have been known to do stupid things to feed their greed.
 
2021-12-03 6:01:53 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-12-03 6:02:01 AM  

Unscratchable_Itch: Since the blinky farker doesn't pay taxes I'm assuming there's some especially complicated grift going on here if that stash is the money they reported stolen years ago. And, as always, tax that farker.


Um, correct me if I'm wrong, but I believe that salary paid to church employees is taxable income.  I'm inclined to think he's figured out some fancy stuffs that help him escape some taxes.  Past that point I am no expert.
 
2021-12-03 6:02:58 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Atomic Jonb: omg bbq: Plumber is a better person than I am.
Stealing from FakeTeeth McPlasticFace would be a mandate for me.

That's how you end up dead in a ditch.  Do you really think he would turn the other cheek for 600K?

You don't tell anyone you found it, put the wall back like it was, and leave.

Clearly he thought it was safe, why send the guy in to fix the plumbing otherwise?


I'm sure he will never go to get it, find out its missing, and think 'Well, who besides me was in this wall in the last 10 years?  Oh yeah, Joe's Plumbing!  I'll send a dozen apostles over with 5$ dollar wrenches and find out the name of the guys who worked for them in 2021."  He probably wouldn't even care about getting the money back, but rather provide just punishment for the heathen who stole from Jesus' chosen one.
 
2021-12-03 6:04:50 AM  

Torgo_of_Manos: My guess is that this is not the only place he has money stashed


I would hope so.

Imagine there was a leaky pipe, And when you went to recover your stash, it was destroyed by mold.

The bathroom might be one of the few places you can get privacy long enough to recover your stash, but it should just be a backup location, in case you can't get to your main stash
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-12-03 6:05:43 AM  
This reeks of Scooby Doo.  It was Old Man Osteen the whole time!
 
2021-12-03 6:07:48 AM  

fzumrk: I don't know why someone (even if it was Joe himself) would bother with stealing a bunch of checks unless they were co-mingled with the cash already and not worth the time to separate.  You might be able to get away with cashing a few stolen checks but probably not a whole bag full of them.

I predict Joe stole the money himself (or had someone do it for him) and made an insurance claim to double his money.  While that seems like a needlessly stupid scam to pull when your fake church brings in the kind of money his does, greedy people have been known to do stupid things to feed their greed.


Call it a cost of doing "business" and getting away with it. I think the currency itself had to be part of Osteen's bugout stash, and the checks were just a cover to shake suspicion.
 
2021-12-03 6:09:14 AM  

Unscratchable_Itch: Since the blinky farker doesn't pay taxes I'm assuming there's some especially complicated grift going on here if that stash is the money they reported stolen years ago. And, as always, tax that farker.


It's always good to have a stockpile of cash hidden nearby, just in case you suddenly need to flee the country in the dead of the night.
 
433 [TotalFark]
2021-12-03 6:12:21 AM  
The checks are the strange part.  No one noticed they hadn't been cashed?  What's that about, who just stashes checks?  Obviously the answer is Joel Osteen but wtf.
 
2021-12-03 6:13:48 AM  
I wonder if the plumber also found a note telling him that the princess was in another castle, too.
 
2021-12-03 6:13:54 AM  
Where is this church? I need to take a few shiats. Pronto.
 
2021-12-03 6:17:20 AM  

Atomic Jonb: omg bbq: Plumber is a better person than I am.
Stealing from FakeTeeth McPlasticFace would be a mandate for me.

That's how you end up dead in a ditch.  Do you really think he would turn the other cheek for 600K?


Maybe, maybe not. He's a sub-human piece of grifter shiat and I'll be damned if I had a chance to flick some cum in his eye and chickened out.
 
2021-12-03 6:19:21 AM  

433: This reeks of Scooby Doo.  It was Old Man Osteen the whole time!


"Now let's see who this 'Holy Ghost' *really* is..."
~gasp~
"Why, it's Old Man Osteen!"

"I knew people would willingly give me their worldly wealth if they believed in an afterlife... and I woulda gotten away with it too, if it weren't for you meddling kids!"

"Well now you'll have a whole bunch of sinners to preach to... in the county jail! Great work kids! After we drop him off at the precinct, ice cream sundaes are on me!"
 
2021-12-03 6:20:16 AM  
Was it a bunch of gold coins stashed in an invisible "?" Block?
 
2021-12-03 6:24:42 AM  
So this Osteen guy might not be 100% squeaky clean?

Whodathunkit.
 
2021-12-03 6:27:17 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 6:27:26 AM  
a few years ago someone stole 600k out of the church safe. It was never recovered and no one was ever charged. My guess is that this is part or all of that
 
2021-12-03 6:28:13 AM  

fzumrk: I don't know why someone (even if it was Joe himself) would bother with stealing a bunch of checks unless they were co-mingled with the cash already and not worth the time to separate.  You might be able to get away with cashing a few stolen checks but probably not a whole bag full of them.

I predict Joe stole the money himself (or had someone do it for him) and made an insurance claim to double his money.  While that seems like a needlessly stupid scam to pull when your fake church brings in the kind of money his does, greedy people have been known to do stupid things to feed their greed.


Having seen several church embezzlement schemes over the years, you may not be wrong.
 
2021-12-03 6:30:42 AM  

433: I wonder if there is anything about Joel Osteen that hasn't already been said.


When he dies, he'll discover himself strapped to a chair in a room face to face with God. They sit at a table. On the table sits a razor blade, a flute, and a chili pepper. And God is wearing a name tag with "Mr. Bubbles" sharpied on it.

Nope. Lots more to be said.
 
2021-12-03 6:31:16 AM  

UberDave: I once saw an AC/DC concert in that church.  I should have went to the can and kicked holes in the wall.


Waaaaaa?
 
2021-12-03 6:32:10 AM  

433: I wonder if there is anything about Joel Osteen that hasn't already been said.


He's probably the single person on Earth most hoping and praying the Bible isn't accurate at all, since if it was, he'd be guaranteed an express ticket to Hell and the first thing a devil is going to do is rip his grift out of his guts through his asshole, with clawed hands.
 
2021-12-03 6:33:37 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-12-03 6:44:28 AM  
So, they discovered where he stashes petty cash then?

Did he find.a 'go bag' too?
 
2021-12-03 6:46:16 AM  

thrillbilly1967: a few years ago someone stole 600k out of the church safe. It was never recovered and no one was ever charged. My guess is that this is part or all of that


But it just seems odd that someone would steal money and then not actually take it off the property.

Maybe this is many layers deep-- like the safe 'theft' was a con to convince people that they needed to give even more?

/because if God takes money from the church, that's obviously a sign that God wants you to give them more money
 
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