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(Yahoo)   Baptisms gone wild   (yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Weird, Baptism, Churches of Christ, entire church, Russell Moore's baptism, Christian terms, Baptistery, family's Mississippi church, Infant baptism  
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3721 clicks; posted to Main » on 29 Nov 2021 at 2:50 PM (8 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-11-29 2:15:43 PM  
Jesus being baptized is wild enough for me.
 
2021-11-29 2:33:33 PM  
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2021-11-29 2:50:56 PM  
There are . . . other options.

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2021-11-29 2:53:55 PM  
the day mrs. swimo and i were baptized and born again mrs. swimo shook uncontrollably for some 20 hours. we later found out such physical manifestation is found in the Quaker faith.
 
2021-11-29 2:53:58 PM  
Crazy displays of piety. Did these people not read their dungeon master's guide?
 
2021-11-29 2:55:33 PM  
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2021-11-29 2:56:12 PM  
How come all the "Fundamentalists" don't do nude baptisms like it was done in the 1st Century?
 
2021-11-29 2:56:51 PM  
What's with all of the Yahoo! camouflage? It's a New York Times article - just post the original and skip all this "I gotta post one news aggregator's wrapper to another news aggregator" crap already.
 
2021-11-29 2:56:56 PM  

sinko swimo: the day mrs. swimo and i were baptized and born again mrs. swimo shook uncontrollably for some 20 hours. we later found out such physical manifestation is found in the Quaker faith.


Are you sure you didn't get baptized Shaker?
 
2021-11-29 2:58:10 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
TWX
2021-11-29 2:58:30 PM  
Sadly Jessica Paré is no longer available for a baptism.
 
2021-11-29 2:59:29 PM  
WHOOO!

WELCOME TO THE HOLIER-THAN-THOU PLUNGE PARTY!

GET SOME SELFIES FOR THE LAWD!

GLUTEN-FREE BAPTISM! ADROIT & ANOITED!

WHOOOOOO!

 
2021-11-29 3:01:42 PM  
i.stack.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-29 3:05:18 PM  
What exactly is a "Bapt"?
 
2021-11-29 3:05:20 PM  
I thought it got weird when priests started dipping their hand in the baptismal font, and flung droplets across the crowd while chanting "Make it rain, make it rain, make it rain!" Something about it just didn't seem very traditional.
 
2021-11-29 3:07:34 PM  
Ah. Baptism for the influencer generation. Gotta keep those likes flooding in!
 
2021-11-29 3:07:43 PM  
I bet that they still forget about the heel.  What good is getting baptized if your heel is still going to hell?
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2021-11-29 3:07:47 PM  
and yet god gave no shats if you got year head wet or not.

Whatever is in your heart/soul, god already knows, you do not need to pledge anything to god, your day to day behavior is all there is, and nothing is hidden from god.

I don't even believe in god, but if i did that part is blatantly obvious to know, an all knowing god already knows all. Your vocalization about your beliefs are irrelevant, your day to day behaviors will reveal what you truly believe. And whatever is in your heart is already known, and nothing you can say changes that.
 
2021-11-29 3:07:58 PM  
morbotron.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-29 3:09:36 PM  

whither_apophis: How come all the "Fundamentalists" don't do nude baptisms like it was done in the 1st Century?


They pushed away from Judaism after the First Council of Nicaea.

Here's what it is when done according to Judaism (converts to Judaism dunk themselves naked in this thing as the ritual that officially marks them Jewish): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikveh
 
2021-11-29 3:09:58 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: What exactly is a "Bapt"?


Serious answer:  it's Greek for "dip", as in a dip in the river.
 
2021-11-29 3:13:51 PM  
cdn.pastemagazine.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-29 3:14:33 PM  
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2021-11-29 3:15:00 PM  
Nothing like a bout of equine encephalitis to show you're one of the chosen.
 
2021-11-29 3:18:23 PM  

SirEattonHogg: [cdn.pastemagazine.com image 850x364]


First thing that popped into my head
 
2021-11-29 3:21:36 PM  
There shall be showers of blessings...

Paige NO!
 
2021-11-29 3:23:49 PM  

uttertosh: Ah. Baptism for the influencer generation. Gotta keep those likes flooding in!


Mainly it's quick baptisms to get converts and more money from the pews. They went from elegant robes, classes to the potential convert beforehand (and religious instruction classes afterward), and a long ritual for the "special day" for the person to: Wham, Bam, Thank you Jesus!

Now it's "spontaneous baptisms" where you might get a baptismal theme and/or church  branded t-shirt and possibly someone's donated used bathing shorts while being manipulated by the church to follow the other "converts" into the baptism pool: https://www.patheos.com/blogs/slowchurch/2014/02/19/steven-furtick-and-the-disneyfication-of-baptism/
 
2021-11-29 3:33:21 PM  

TommyDeuce: There are . . . other options.

[Fark user image image 509x640]


Whoa! I think I finally found a church I could get along with!
 
2021-11-29 3:42:56 PM  

Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: I bet that they still forget about the heel.  What good is getting baptized if your heel is still going to hell?
[Fark user image image 425x290]


taylormarshall.comView Full Size

Better than what happens if you just dunk your head
 
2021-11-29 3:49:57 PM  
The church where I was baptized didn't have anything as gauche as a swimming pool or a cooler of Miller Lite. I was given magical Jesus  juju with a few sprinkles of water on my forehead by a priest.

Afterwards there was sandwiches and cake.
 
2021-11-29 3:52:19 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: whither_apophis: How come all the "Fundamentalists" don't do nude baptisms like it was done in the 1st Century?

They pushed away from Judaism after the First Council of Nicaea.

Here's what it is when done according to Judaism (converts to Judaism dunk themselves naked in this thing as the ritual that officially marks them Jewish): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikveh


Someone over at Wikipedia says it was done in the nude up until the middle ages. The link to the source is broken, and I'm too lazy to look it up, but I'm assuming this was just in the Roman Catholic Church. To my knowledge, Eastern Orthodox Christians still do it that way.
 
2021-11-29 3:53:09 PM  
This is new? Having grown up as a fundie evangelical and living in a foreign country while my parents tried to save souls they'd baptize people anywhere. Rivers were probably the most common. My dad always asked if anyone had seen hippos or crocodiles.

/ fortunately no crocodiles
 
2021-11-29 4:01:12 PM  
i.imgflip.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-29 4:07:17 PM  

sinko swimo: the day mrs. swimo and i were baptized and born again mrs. swimo shook uncontrollably for some 20 hours. we later found out such physical manifestation is found in the Quaker faith.


Username sorta checks out.
 
2021-11-29 4:09:10 PM  

thealgorerhythm: Miss_Dorothy_Kilgallen: I bet that they still forget about the heel.  What good is getting baptized if your heel is still going to hell?
[Fark user image image 425x290]

[taylormarshall.com image 850x856]
Better than what happens if you just dunk your head


"You ask for ONE head on a platter and all of a sudden people think you collect them!"
 
2021-11-29 4:09:53 PM  

cfreak: This is new? Having grown up as a fundie evangelical and living in a foreign country while my parents tried to save souls they'd baptize people anywhere. Rivers were probably the most common. My dad always asked if anyone had seen hippos or crocodiles.

/ fortunately no crocodiles


I'd rather face crocs than hippos.
 
2021-11-29 4:16:11 PM  

TommyDeuce: There are . . . other options.

[Fark user image image 509x640]


Oh I hope that really happened and isn't a 'shoop!
 
2021-11-29 4:22:14 PM  

Priapetic: TommyDeuce: There are . . . other options.

[Fark user image image 509x640]

Oh I hope that really happened and isn't a 'shoop!


My suspicion is that it was staged, and that's a doll.  Shooting an infant in the face with a super soaker (and holding the kid like that for it) would probably be a CPS investigation.
 
2021-11-29 4:43:21 PM  
what archaic freaks even do this? full-body adult immersion baptisms -with rock bands and hot tubs and beach parties? yeah that's just another modern social event, another excuse for a party and something to instagram and tiktok....

and as far as evangelical "true believers" (in general) who initiate these "rituals" -be it inside a church, in a lake, or in the inflatable hot tub- it's like 20% of the country, right?

THIS IS NOT WIDESPREAD. this is NOT the way of a modern and advanced society that acknowledges science and evidence based-truths.

sure, justin bieber did it. but religion in general is the sign of a weak mind and a fear of death (hence the participation of justin bieber). so putting on a huge display of "faith" like this just means you have a weak mind AND a high need for attention, suckers.
 
2021-11-29 4:45:11 PM  
FARK, I am disappoint.

The Book Of Mormon | West End LIVE 2021
Youtube JzhfFWYeNoU
 
2021-11-29 4:45:12 PM  

Hoban Washburne: sinko swimo: the day mrs. swimo and i were baptized and born again mrs. swimo shook uncontrollably for some 20 hours. we later found out such physical manifestation is found in the Quaker faith.

Username sorta checks out.


Close enough to hobo wash I suppose...
 
2021-11-29 4:48:15 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: whither_apophis: How come all the "Fundamentalists" don't do nude baptisms like it was done in the 1st Century?

They pushed away from Judaism after the First Council of Nicaea.

Here's what it is when done according to Judaism (converts to Judaism dunk themselves naked in this thing as the ritual that officially marks them Jewish): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikveh


so what your telling us is grown-ass ivanka stripped down and jumped into one of these before she was allowed to marry jared?

Fark user imageView Full Size



hmmmm, i bet she requested one lined completely with gold and never touched by any poor people.
 
2021-11-29 5:09:41 PM  
The baptisms here must be interesting.
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2021-11-29 5:12:50 PM  

TommyDeuce: Priapetic: TommyDeuce: There are . . . other options.

[Fark user image image 509x640]

Oh I hope that really happened and isn't a 'shoop!

My suspicion is that it was staged, and that's a doll.  Shooting an infant in the face with a super soaker (and holding the kid like that for it) would probably be a CPS investigation.


It really happened, shortly after the pandemic hit last year, but before everyone started wearing masks. The priest used a water pistol, though. the shoop job on the spray is pretty good, but super soakers shoot out a longer-distance stream.

publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.comView Full Size


Here's another:

kottke.orgView Full Size
 
2021-11-29 5:39:06 PM  

edmo: Jesus being baptized is wild enough for me.


Kinda why John even has a name and presence in modern Christianity.  There were eleventy-billion rando preachers out and about back in the day, but he was the one that picked the right Messiah.  Life of Brian more or less hit the religious climate of the time perfectly

Life of Brian - prophets
Youtube hmyuE0NpNgE
 
2021-11-29 5:40:04 PM  

cyberspacedout: TommyDeuce: Priapetic: TommyDeuce: There are . . . other options.

[Fark user image image 509x640]

Oh I hope that really happened and isn't a 'shoop!

My suspicion is that it was staged, and that's a doll.  Shooting an infant in the face with a super soaker (and holding the kid like that for it) would probably be a CPS investigation.

It really happened, shortly after the pandemic hit last year, but before everyone started wearing masks. The priest used a water pistol, though. the shoop job on the spray is pretty good, but super soakers shoot out a longer-distance stream.

[publisher-publish.s3.eu-central-1.amazonaws.com image 682x519]

Here's another:

[kottke.org image 800x600]


Man, that could be slapped in a frame and titled, "American Baptism."  Hang that shiat on the wall
 
2021-11-29 6:29:31 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

It's been done
 
2021-11-29 6:36:22 PM  
luna1580: DarkSoulNoHope: whither_apophis: How come all the "Fundamentalists" don't do nude baptisms like it was done in the 1st Century?

They pushed away from Judaism after the First Council of Nicaea.

Here's what it is when done according to Judaism (converts to Judaism dunk themselves naked in this thing as the ritual that officially marks them Jewish): https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mikveh

so what your telling us is grown-ass ivanka stripped down and jumped into one of these before she was allowed to marry jared?

[Fark user image 391x519]

Yep.

hmmmm, i bet she requested one lined completely with gold and never touched by any poor people.

Probably, but the overall situation is actually worse than that. Converts to Orthodox Judaism, (like Ivanka supposedly is) are supposed to go through some strict scrutiny before being allowed to take the naked plunge into the Mikvah; and then even afterward you may get your religious conversion invalidated for many reasons (like wearing non-tznius clothing in public, doing something against Shabbos laws, or other varied reasons), some of which might not be the convert's own fault (such as the Rabbi who helped you convert not being favored anymore for various reasons) and puts a convert under higher scrutiny than born Jews. Also, according to Jewish biblical law, once you're a Jew, always a Jew, so technically no conversion can be "invalidated" but the current Rabbinical leadership would rather break Mizvot #207 than have "impure" converts (which they justify to say that if the convert doesn't follow X perfectly, he/she wasn't a Jew to begin with, to put it in their head that they aren't breaking their own religious rules).

Regarding Ivanka, she converted to marry her husband, which is a strict no-no reason in Orthodox Judaism (Rabbis only want converts who sincerely believe Jewish beliefs), she wears non-tznius clothing in public (which requires breasts covered completely, no pants, skirts below the knee with stockings or maxi skirts with socks; where most of the time her clothing is none of that and shows alot), and I have a feeling she breaks alot of Shabbos laws along with her husband; BUT because she is married to a wealthy guy and was the daughter of a wealthy guy who also became the President of the United States, she gets away with it.

Other Orthodox Converts to Judaism, who don't have a big bank account, are tiptoeing through their post-conversion life, praying that they are doing things 100 % correct and that their rabbi didn't piss off the local rebbe (or there was some issue with the Beit Din) later in life while a wealthy convert gets to flout everything and still be considered Jewish.
 
2021-11-29 7:00:38 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Other Orthodox Converts to Judaism, who don't have a big bank account, are tiptoeing through their post-conversion life, praying that they are doing things 100 % correct and that their rabbi didn't piss off the local rebbe (or there was some issue with the Beit Din)


Also hoping that some local orthodox Karen farkhead doesn't decide they don't like you and you don't belong there, so they're gonna flat out make shiat up to get your axed

/all the farking time - and it usually works too
///knew someone that narrowly dodged it - only because at the time they were spotted chowing down on traif and making disparaging comments about the leadership, they were actually at dinner with a rabbi.  A very well respected one
////he apparently went the rabbi version of apeshiat on the people that lied - public contrition was only the beginning.  He was PISSED
 
2021-11-29 7:25:42 PM  
Out of my entire extended family it is I, the only one who hasn't been baptized. I'm also the only one who makes a living dissecting other humans, and it's a very comfortable living. Both of these qualities seems to keep me disinvited to most family events.  They don't understand pathology and I don't understand religion.
 
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