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(Detroit Free Press)   "I am speaking out today because, as a reporter, it is my job to tell the truth. And this is mine. I want every victim of domestic violence to know: You are not alone. And if you get out, I promise you, there is light at the end of the tunnel"   (freep.com) divider line
    More: Hero, Detroit, Detroit Free Press, Domestic violence, Violence, first time, 2005 albums, Domestic Violence Awareness Month, wedding ring  
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4458 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Nov 2021 at 8:17 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-11-28 4:44:01 PM  
Good for her escaping.
 
2021-11-28 7:16:06 PM  
Get out.
And stay away from toxicity
 
2021-11-28 8:19:50 PM  
What about those who shot their way out, and are doing 15 to 20 for 'self defense'.
 
2021-11-28 8:26:26 PM  
upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size

Sometimes that light is a fire
 
2021-11-28 8:26:44 PM  
Let's not forget that men are also the victims of domestic violence.  The big difference is society thinks it's funny when a man is beat senseless by a woman and there are little or no services available to these men.
 
2021-11-28 8:27:10 PM  

Diocletian's Last Cabbage: What about those who shot their way out, and are doing 15 to 20 for 'self defense'.


They sound poor and/or non-white.
 
2021-11-28 8:29:06 PM  
This story is as old as men and women.

And all that time the motivations of the males have all been the same- their own insecurities and weaknesses.
 
2021-11-28 8:31:00 PM  
Everyone...because this involves everyone...if you are in any sort of relationship with someone who is abusive, whether that be physical or mental....get out of that relationship.
 
2021-11-28 8:33:55 PM  
Her story is heartbreaking, and if you are in a relationship with elements like that get ouf now.  Abuse cycles are awful and people like her ex are scum of the earth.

Good on her for moving past it and getting her Masters, I wish I was as strong as her.
 
2021-11-28 8:35:30 PM  

King Something: Diocletian's Last Cabbage: What about those who shot their way out, and are doing 15 to 20 for 'self defense'.

They sound poor and/or non-white.


Sounds more like someone that left the scene, came back with a gun, and started shooting into a house.
 
2021-11-28 8:35:54 PM  
Folks, the FIRST time they hit you, or even threaten to, it's over.

Get out.

There will be no improvement.

It will never get better.

You can never change them.

They WILL put you in the emergency room.

Or a grave.

Get out.  Run.  Hide.  Call for help.

It is the end of the line, and the sooner you realize this, the better.

Do ANYTHING to escape, and never go back.
 
2021-11-28 8:39:18 PM  

OgreMagi: Let's not forget that men are also the victims of domestic violence.  The big difference is society thinks it's funny when a man is beat senseless by a woman and there are little or no services available to these men.


There's an active movement to deny men any help.
Even the founder of women's shelters has faced death threats for suggesting men need them too
 
2021-11-28 8:45:36 PM  
Good report. Hopefully someone will see themselves in it and get away. Probably a sign of codependency
 
2021-11-28 8:49:13 PM  
I had one who was a sicker one than most: he was a "gentle soul". He had an act down pat.

He took control of the finances after I called him out for not repaying his mother money that we owed him, and that I'd given him half of entrusting it to get into her hands.Then we were arguing over the basic needs such as food where I told him I never wanted to get to that point where we were physically hurting ourselves. He controlled the wallet, though. We begin to starve. Also, he encouraged alcohol use.

He always said he would never pressure anyone to do housework. But he left dishes in the sink for days and had his trash bags of clothes piled up in the unit like a hoarder despite my trying to discuss it, until the landlord told him to take it out, then he later told his side piece I did nothing around the house in an attempt to get her to his side.

He kept the television on at night, disrupting our sleep. He claimed it made us smarter.

He kept the room temperature icebox cold...all the time. The room was always dark, his way or the highway.

Not going to go into more personal details of psychological abuse, but a discussion with an ex girlfriend revealed he had the same pattern of behavior with her.

I was in therapy and my therapist was pointing out the red flags and the abuse.

Mindgames...psychological torture, can be THE WORST.
 
2021-11-28 8:52:39 PM  
Butt stuff.
 
2021-11-28 9:02:33 PM  
https://www.msnbc.com/msnbc/can-women-stand-their-ground-msna288011

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marissa_Alexander_case

Marissa Alexander was prosecuted for aggravated assault with a lethal weapon and received a mandatory minimum sentence of 20 years in prison. Alexander said that she fired a warning shot after her husband attacked her and threatened to kill her
 
2021-11-28 9:07:46 PM  
I'm just gonna stay away from this thread.
 
2021-11-28 9:09:32 PM  
Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.
 
2021-11-28 9:15:14 PM  

your cats butt: Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.


As soon as you do that, you're in the wrong, no matter what's actually happening.  Especially if she threatens to call the cops and lie her ass off about what's going on.
 
2021-11-28 9:17:49 PM  
Could she remind CNN that reporters are supposed to tell the truth?
 
2021-11-28 9:23:10 PM  
Worst case of domestic abuse I ever saw as a cop, other than the murders, was when I went to a woman's house and found her cowering in a corner crying and beaten to a bloody pulp. Every window in the house was broken, which caused the neighbors to call us. Her statement included things like "he usually doesn't hit me this hard" and "I think this time he really tried to kill me." When we found him, he was charged with felony assault because he had broken her jaw and her eye socket. A few weeks later I went to court to testify at his preliminary hearing. She and her abusive husband showed up holding hands and laughing - she still had visible bruises - and she asked the prosecutor to drop charges.

I don't know what happened after that.
 
2021-11-28 9:23:15 PM  

vudukungfu: Get out.
And stay away from toxicity


Yes, one aspect that doesn't get as much attention is psychological abuse and manipulation.
This is worst when combined with physical abuse.
But it's important to be aware of verbal and other forms of abuse as well, and to stay away from people who tear you down instead of building you up. In different ways.
 
2021-11-28 9:26:59 PM  

pastramithemosterotic: I'm just gonna stay away from this thread.


So will advertisers, when they read who posts on Fark.
 
2021-11-28 9:33:34 PM  
The Family Violence Prevention and Services Act (FVPSA) provides funding for the on-going operation of a 24-hour, national, toll-free telephone hotline.  The Hotline is an immediate link to lifesaving help for victims.  It provides information and assistance to adult and youth victims of family violence, domestic violence, or dating violence, family and household members, and other persons such as domestic violence advocates, government officials, law enforcement agencies and the general public.

Accessibility
The Hotline can be accessed via the nationwide number 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) or TTY 1−800−787−3224 or (206) 518-9361 (Video Phone Only for Deaf Callers). The Hotline provides service referrals to agencies in all 50 states, Puerto Rico, Guam and the U.S. Virgin Islands.    Persons can also contact the Hotline through an email request from the Hotline website Visit disclaimer page .

Services are provided without regard to race, color, national origin, religion, gender, age, or disability (including deaf and hard of hearing).  Assistance is available in English and Spanish with access to more than 170 languages through telephonic interpreter services.

Services
The Hotline provides the following services:
Crisis intervention.
Domestic violence education.
Safety planning.
Directly connecting callers to Service Providers such as local shelters.
Referrals to agencies that provide legal, economic self-sufficiency, sexual assault, elder abuse, children's and other related services.
National Domestic Violence Hotline Fact Sheet
 
2021-11-28 9:37:20 PM  
I worked at a domestic violence agency as an advocate and later as a crisis counselor. These stories are so common and heartbreaking. There is an ugly cycle to abuse, and survivors carry guilt of leaving and the shame of staying.  I am proud of the men and women I was able to help find recovery and peace from their traumas. It's also worth noting that there is also financial abuse, emotional abuse, and just because you're married it does not give you the right to rape your spouse.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
On the Web: https://www.thehotline.org/
This organization will get you in touch with your local d.v. agency and an advocate will help you find shelter if needed and many agencies offer counseling, legal advocacy, support groups, and financial assistance.

Someone is available 24/7, 365 days a year. With the holidays upon us, the violence will increase because people don't know how to handle their liquor and they don't know how to keep their hands and feet to themselves.
 
2021-11-28 9:37:35 PM  

Bondith: your cats butt: Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.

As soon as you do that, you're in the wrong, no matter what's actually happening.  Especially if she threatens to call the cops and lie her ass off about what's going on.


Yep.  The moment you defend yourself you are automatically made the aggressor, not the victim.  Good luck proving otherwise.
 
2021-11-28 9:44:59 PM  

CruiserTwelve: Worst case of domestic abuse I ever saw as a cop, other than the murders, was when I went to a woman's house and found her cowering in a corner crying and beaten to a bloody pulp. Every window in the house was broken, which caused the neighbors to call us. Her statement included things like "he usually doesn't hit me this hard" and "I think this time he really tried to kill me." When we found him, he was charged with felony assault because he had broken her jaw and her eye socket. A few weeks later I went to court to testify at his preliminary hearing. She and her abusive husband showed up holding hands and laughing - she still had visible bruises - and she asked the prosecutor to drop charges.

I don't know what happened after that.


Breaking Bad - Half Measures Speech
Youtube YSrvFjT0vmY
 
2021-11-28 9:46:02 PM  
Study on MRA whataboutism.  It's Aussie, but likely broadly applicable to the States and Commonwealth nations.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/challenging-the-mra-claim-of-a-domestic-violence-conspiracy/8632190
 
2021-11-28 9:48:18 PM  

OgreMagi: Bondith: your cats butt: Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.

As soon as you do that, you're in the wrong, no matter what's actually happening.  Especially if she threatens to call the cops and lie her ass off about what's going on.

Yep.  The moment you defend yourself you are automatically made the aggressor, not the victim.  Good luck proving otherwise.


This.
And 0 resources for men at the time.

Oh, she's a crack babby momma now.
Good for her.
 
2021-11-28 9:48:28 PM  

CruiserTwelve: Worst case of domestic abuse I ever saw as a cop, other than the murders, was when I went to a woman's house and found her cowering in a corner crying and beaten to a bloody pulp. Every window in the house was broken, which caused the neighbors to call us. Her statement included things like "he usually doesn't hit me this hard" and "I think this time he really tried to kill me." When we found him, he was charged with felony assault because he had broken her jaw and her eye socket. A few weeks later I went to court to testify at his preliminary hearing. She and her abusive husband showed up holding hands and laughing - she still had visible bruises - and she asked the prosecutor to drop charges.

I don't know what happened after that.


That really sounds like she enjoyed the danger and drama of being beaten up and was using a mentally ill victim to achieve her fantasy life.
 
2021-11-28 9:50:11 PM  

soze: Study on MRA whataboutism.  It's Aussie, but likely broadly applicable to the States and Commonwealth nations.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/challenging-the-mra-claim-of-a-domestic-violence-conspiracy/8632190


Of course we can always expect someone who pretends that abuse against men doesn't exist.

Go fark yourself.
 
2021-11-28 9:51:46 PM  
I lost my last assistant to an abusive relationship.  Such an otherwise intelligent and strong young woman with a promising future in management.  It sucks watching somebody go through that, and there's very little you can do about it.

Of course I suggested she leave him, at one point I even offered to pay the security deposit for a new apartment.  It turns out that was the exact wrong thing to do, I became just one more person telling her what to do, granted I was her boss, that's literally my job.

After about 8 months her mental state had deteriorated completely, she'd lost control of herself and she stopped caring about anything.  I suspect she was on drugs... I know he was.
 
2021-11-28 9:52:05 PM  

covfefe: CruiserTwelve: Worst case of domestic abuse I ever saw as a cop, other than the murders, was when I went to a woman's house and found her cowering in a corner crying and beaten to a bloody pulp. Every window in the house was broken, which caused the neighbors to call us. Her statement included things like "he usually doesn't hit me this hard" and "I think this time he really tried to kill me." When we found him, he was charged with felony assault because he had broken her jaw and her eye socket. A few weeks later I went to court to testify at his preliminary hearing. She and her abusive husband showed up holding hands and laughing - she still had visible bruises - and she asked the prosecutor to drop charges.

I don't know what happened after that.

That really sounds like she enjoyed the danger and drama of being beaten up and was using a mentally ill victim to achieve her fantasy life.


More likely Stockholm syndrome.

But your response is about what I'd expect from someone I've labeled "rape apologist".
 
2021-11-28 9:52:56 PM  
The Netflix series "MAID" depicts what a victim of domestic violence faces when trying to end the relationship with her abusive partner.

MAID | Official Trailer | Netflix
Youtube tGtaHcqsSE8
 
2021-11-28 9:53:33 PM  

OgreMagi: soze: Study on MRA whataboutism.  It's Aussie, but likely broadly applicable to the States and Commonwealth nations.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/challenging-the-mra-claim-of-a-domestic-violence-conspiracy/8632190

Of course we can always expect someone who pretends that abuse against men doesn't exist.

Go fark yourself.


I know it's Fark, and you're already farkied in pee yellow, but you could try reading the article for once.
 
2021-11-28 9:54:11 PM  

OgreMagi: covfefe: CruiserTwelve: Worst case of domestic abuse I ever saw as a cop, other than the murders, was when I went to a woman's house and found her cowering in a corner crying and beaten to a bloody pulp. Every window in the house was broken, which caused the neighbors to call us. Her statement included things like "he usually doesn't hit me this hard" and "I think this time he really tried to kill me." When we found him, he was charged with felony assault because he had broken her jaw and her eye socket. A few weeks later I went to court to testify at his preliminary hearing. She and her abusive husband showed up holding hands and laughing - she still had visible bruises - and she asked the prosecutor to drop charges.

I don't know what happened after that.

That really sounds like she enjoyed the danger and drama of being beaten up and was using a mentally ill victim to achieve her fantasy life.

More likely Stockholm syndrome.

But your response is about what I'd expect from someone I've labeled "rape apologist".


Why have you labeled me as a "rape apologist"?
 
2021-11-28 9:55:16 PM  
An actual light at the end of the tunnel would be:
Emergency relocation and room and board for 180 after said Emergency relocation.  But. Money is more important than helping people.  Same reason we don't this Emergency relocation for child prostitution victims.
JFC.
 
2021-11-28 9:56:09 PM  
He/She has to fall asleep at some point...
 
2021-11-28 9:56:39 PM  

soze: OgreMagi: soze: Study on MRA whataboutism.  It's Aussie, but likely broadly applicable to the States and Commonwealth nations.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/challenging-the-mra-claim-of-a-domestic-violence-conspiracy/8632190

Of course we can always expect someone who pretends that abuse against men doesn't exist.

Go fark yourself.

I know it's Fark, and you're already farkied in pee yellow, but you could try reading the article for once.


I read enough of it.  It downplays abuse against men and acts like it's not a big deal.  References one flawed study and implies all studies are equally flawed.  It's nothing more than a hit piece.
 
2021-11-28 10:01:40 PM  

OgreMagi: soze: OgreMagi: soze: Study on MRA whataboutism.  It's Aussie, but likely broadly applicable to the States and Commonwealth nations.

https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/hack/challenging-the-mra-claim-of-a-domestic-violence-conspiracy/8632190

Of course we can always expect someone who pretends that abuse against men doesn't exist.

Go fark yourself.

I know it's Fark, and you're already farkied in pee yellow, but you could try reading the article for once.

I read enough of it.  It downplays abuse against men and acts like it's not a big deal.  References one flawed study and implies all studies are equally flawed.  It's nothing more than a hit piece.


It's a rather thorough article that slaps down a bunch of your dumb sealion nitpicking, so I understand why you couldn't bother to focus your attention.  But you did miss the very end:

Two of the 227 recommendations of the Victorian Royal Commission related to male victims of family and domestic violence:
Government to promote the Victims Support Agency as the main source of assistance for male victims. Agency to provide online resources.
Victims Support Agency and other relevant support services should develop arrangements to ensure male victims get help.
It acknowledged men are victims too:
"The Commission concluded that, although resources should not be diverted from women and children, who constitute the majority of victims, the family violence system needs to respond more supportively to male victims of family violence."
 
2021-11-28 10:11:28 PM  

Bondith: your cats butt: Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.

As soon as you do that, you're in the wrong, no matter what's actually happening.  Especially if she threatens to call the cops and lie her ass off about what's going on.


I know. I didn't. She tried that shiat anyway. Got thrown in jail for a night.
 
2021-11-28 10:15:29 PM  

Terminal Accessory: Folks, the FIRST time they hit you, or even threaten to, it's over.

Get out.

There will be no improvement.

It will never get better.

You can never change them.

They WILL put you in the emergency room.

Or a grave.

Get out.  Run.  Hide.  Call for help.

It is the end of the line, and the sooner you realize this, the better.

Do ANYTHING to escape, and never go back.


I know people whose partners have lied to them, and after working through issues, they ended up getting through it and being happy together.

I know people whose partners have cheated on them, but never strayed again.

I have never known a single person whose partner hit them once and never did it again. It only ever escalates, and if they hit you, they WILL eventually start hitting the kids, too.
 
2021-11-28 10:17:40 PM  
It took me until 25 to figure out that women can be abusers.
 
2021-11-28 10:19:56 PM  
There isn't really a light at the end of the tunnel.

You can escape the abuse, but I never stopped feeling like a victim. It becomes a part of you. There's a scar that rives your soul, and you're never quite completely whole again now that you've experienced how manipulative and cruel people can be to one another.
 
2021-11-28 10:21:45 PM  
oh look, another thread where instead of talking about how to help women AND men actually see warning signs and escape bad relationships, we'll just watch a whole bunch of trash people post "jokes" "sarcasm" and "MRA" nonsense.

these threads reveal that fark can be a terrible place, just like america at large.

enjoy yourselves.
 
2021-11-28 10:29:51 PM  

luna1580: oh look, another thread where instead of talking about how to help women AND men actually see warning signs and escape bad relationships, we'll just watch a whole bunch of trash people post "jokes" "sarcasm" and "MRA" nonsense.

these threads reveal that fark can be a terrible place, just like america at large.

enjoy yourselves.


Ehh. Despite the shiat that gets thrown, the unpleasant topic that provides a mixed conversation, between the sadly experienced and the happily naive. It's why I come to Fark.
 
2021-11-28 10:37:48 PM  

OgreMagi: Let's not forget that men are also the victims of domestic violence.  The big difference is society thinks it's funny when a man is beat senseless by a woman and there are little or no services available to these men.


All Lives Matter
 
2021-11-28 10:41:29 PM  

your cats butt: Bondith: your cats butt: Someone just got shoved down the ignore hole.

I was abused by a woman. I know I am stronger than her, and could have returned blows. But that is not who I am. I can't imagine the distress of being repeatedly over powered by someone you can't stop. The emotional torment must be awful.

As soon as you do that, you're in the wrong, no matter what's actually happening.  Especially if she threatens to call the cops and lie her ass off about what's going on.

I know. I didn't. She tried that shiat anyway. Got thrown in jail for a night.


Funny enough, the guy I spoke about upthread later told his side piece that he had to have the cops take me off his property. She stupidly sent me a screenshot that she was holding on to for "reasons". I file for an open records request and get the proof that that never happened.
Nice guy, huh?
 
2021-11-28 10:43:54 PM  

darwinpolice: Terminal Accessory: Folks, the FIRST time they hit you, or even threaten to, it's over.

Get out.

There will be no improvement.

It will never get better.

You can never change them.

They WILL put you in the emergency room.

Or a grave.

Get out.  Run.  Hide.  Call for help.

It is the end of the line, and the sooner you realize this, the better.

Do ANYTHING to escape, and never go back.

I know people whose partners have lied to them, and after working through issues, they ended up getting through it and being happy together.

I know people whose partners have cheated on them, but never strayed again.

I have never known a single person whose partner hit them once and never did it again. It only ever escalates, and if they hit you, they WILL eventually start hitting the kids, too.


I completely agree.

People can screw up, miscommunicate, make mistakes, and recover.

Violence is not a mistake, it is an inherent behavior.

That does not get better without serious modification therapy, and abusers will almost never agree to that.
 
2021-11-28 10:48:44 PM  

Terminal Accessory: .

Get out.

There will be no improvement.

It will never get better.

You can never change them.

They WILL put you in the emergency room.

Or a grave.

Get out.  Run.  Hide.  Call for help.

It is the end of the line, and the sooner you realize this, the better.

Do ANYTHING to escape, and never go back.

I know people whose partners have lied to them, and after working through issues, they ended up getting through it and being happy together.

I know people whose partners have cheated on them, but never strayed again.

I have never known a single person whose partner hit them once and never did it again. It only ever escalates, and if they hit you, they WILL eventually start hitting the kids, too.

I completely agree.

People can screw up, miscommunicate, make mistakes, and recover.

Violence is not a mistake, it is an inherent behavior.

That does not get better without serious modification therapy, and abusers will almost never agree to that.


I agree, get out. Don't go back.  Not even for stuff.
Hell. Leave the kids, if you have to.

That. Said.
I'm different.  I've changed.
And, I'd like to take that class they send people to but it isn't free.
 
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