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(BBC)   Woman takes the correct action when she hears a tree falling. Grabs her beer   (bbc.co.uk) divider line
    More: Cool, Wind, CCTV footage, falling tree, Weather, pub beer garden, Cheryl Pound, Market Street, strong winds  
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3091 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Nov 2021 at 9:50 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



19 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-11-27 5:26:05 PM  
Tree fell near elderly woman while she was having a cig and a beer after closing the pub. This is clearly some Farker's dream grandma.
 
2021-11-27 8:07:38 PM  
An ode to Busch beer will go good here....

look: 2.5 | smell: 1.75 | taste: 2 | feel: 2.75 | overall: 4

Upon opening it, I felt as if a dead skunk had farted directly into my face. I then noticed the sweet aroma, which had hints of Zyklon B, Sarin, and rotting fecal matter. Mild undertones of oak. As it pours into the mouth you notice the dread first. An abomination such as this biological horror is an affront to God Himself. The foam coats your tongue and stings like razor blades coated with ghost pepper and salt. It goes down like Fluoroantimonic acid and triggers a wave of potentially deadly seizures. The more brew that flows FROM the can, the more of your soul flows IN to the can. The aftertaste is comparable to going down on an old Taiwanese hooker at the end of her shift, in the dark with bad aim on your part. I mean really, you were drunk as hell and God only knows what you put your mouth on. As this concoction reaches your stomach you get the feeling that you've been brutally violated several times but upon calling 911, they just told you that "You can NOT undo what has been done". You and you alone caused this atrocity. You immediately begin feeling as if you've inadvertently murdered the entire human race. Your genitals shrivel up and turn to dust as you watch in horror. The screams of men, women, and children beg you-BEG YOU, to kill them. It becomes apparent that you have unleashed an unyeilding evil. A dark and malignant miasma. The fallen angels bellow with reverence, vindication, and approval. The shadow grows near. You feel as if you have caused an extinction level event and more suffering than any intelligent being in the entire Universe could ever comprehend. As this surprisingly affordable brew is exposed to the oxygen in the air, it reacts like a fine wine. This aeration causes the smell of chlorine gas and the taste of sulfur and moldy roadkill. God is dead. Blood pours from the sky in torrents as dying children cry out for their parents. All semblance of mercy, of law, order, and justice has been erased. And what rough beast, it's hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?
 
2021-11-27 9:55:01 PM  
And she was just getting ready to leaf.
 
2021-11-27 9:55:12 PM  
Priorities.
 
2021-11-27 10:00:25 PM  
And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fir-ious anger

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-27 10:01:53 PM  
If I'm not grabbing my beer at Weeners at that age, bury me. I have died and am too drunk to lay down. Go, Granny, go!
 
2021-11-27 10:04:08 PM  
Take 2-
If I'm no grabbing my beer as a first feflexive action by that age, bury me for I have died and am too drunk to lay down. Go, Granny. go!

/ok?
 
2021-11-27 10:06:50 PM  
Take 3-
IF I'm not grabbing my beer as a first reflexive action etc. etc. etc.
/Hell, may be getting close to time to just bury me now.
//ok?
 
2021-11-27 10:07:44 PM  

ruudbob: An ode to Busch beer will go good here....

look: 2.5 | smell: 1.75 | taste: 2 | feel: 2.75 | overall: 4

Upon opening it, I felt as if a dead skunk had farted directly into my face. I then noticed the sweet aroma, which had hints of Zyklon B, Sarin, and rotting fecal matter. Mild undertones of oak. As it pours into the mouth you notice the dread first. An abomination such as this biological horror is an affront to God Himself. The foam coats your tongue and stings like razor blades coated with ghost pepper and salt. It goes down like Fluoroantimonic acid and triggers a wave of potentially deadly seizures. The more brew that flows FROM the can, the more of your soul flows IN to the can. The aftertaste is comparable to going down on an old Taiwanese hooker at the end of her shift, in the dark with bad aim on your part. I mean really, you were drunk as hell and God only knows what you put your mouth on. As this concoction reaches your stomach you get the feeling that you've been brutally violated several times but upon calling 911, they just told you that "You can NOT undo what has been done". You and you alone caused this atrocity. You immediately begin feeling as if you've inadvertently murdered the entire human race. Your genitals shrivel up and turn to dust as you watch in horror. The screams of men, women, and children beg you-BEG YOU, to kill them. It becomes apparent that you have unleashed an unyeilding evil. A dark and malignant miasma. The fallen angels bellow with reverence, vindication, and approval. The shadow grows near. You feel as if you have caused an extinction level event and more suffering than any intelligent being in the entire Universe could ever comprehend. As this surprisingly affordable brew is exposed to the oxygen in the air, it reacts like a fine wine. This aeration causes the smell of chlorine gas and the taste of sulfur and moldy roadkill. God is dead. Blood pours from the sky in torrents as dying children cry out for their parents. All semblance of mercy, of law, order, and justice has been erased. And what rough beast, it's hour come round at last, slouches towards Bethlehem to be born?


Pairs well with McDonalds.
 
2021-11-27 10:09:35 PM  

skybird659: Take 3-
IF I'm not grabbing my beer as a first reflexive action etc. etc. etc.
/Hell, may be getting close to time to just bury me now.
//ok?


Go home skybird. You're drunk.
 
2021-11-27 10:15:12 PM  
If she had already gone home would the tree have made any sound?
 
2021-11-27 10:16:15 PM  
I can hear a "Hoooo'leeee fooooocCCHHH..." on the wind there.
 
2021-11-27 10:16:39 PM  
Her reaction in slow-mo is priceless. The tenacious grip on the cig and beer is incredible while doing a slight hunching dodge. I just want to know what the acronym on her sweatshirt ending in FF is.
 
2021-11-27 10:45:03 PM  

berylman: Her reaction in slow-mo is priceless. The tenacious grip on the cig and beer is incredible while doing a slight hunching dodge. I just want to know what the acronym on her sweatshirt ending in FF is.


I believe it's "STAFF"

And I don't think she's super old or anything, just has bleached out hair and hunches over to protect herself from the wind.
 
2021-11-27 11:01:41 PM  
And I'm a treeeee....Tree fallin...
Tom Petty - Free Fallin'
Youtube 1lWJXDG2i0A
 
2021-11-27 11:25:21 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-27 11:40:45 PM  

maxis_mydog: skybird659: Take 3-
IF I'm not grabbing my beer as a first reflexive action etc. etc. etc.
/Hell, may be getting close to time to just bury me now.
//ok?

Go home skybird. You're drunk.


am home and I amdrunk so, you're batting.500 Good for you! Tha Mets are signing right now on another thread. Give them a boobies.
 
2021-11-28 1:09:09 AM  
filter going to town in this thread.

boobsies got clintoned
 
2021-11-28 3:15:36 AM  

Lady J: filter going to town in this thread.

boobsies got clintoned


Filter you say, I say Boink!
Everyone bump uglies, do the pants dance, roll in the hay, open the gates of Mordor, sweep the chimney, knock boots, then feed the kitty and slime the banana......or just pork.
 
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