Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(CNN)   Man who headed the DC sniper investigation goes out in a fashion I expect many of us would like to go out   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Police, 55-year-old, Beltway sniper attacks, John Allen Muhammad, US Department of Justice officials, US Attorney General Janet Reno, Constable, Sandy Moose  
•       •       •

7050 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Nov 2021 at 7:17 PM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



82 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-11-26 4:49:56 PM  
Moose died "while watching football and sitting in his recliner,"

Well, it's not a Swedish Death By Erotic Tongue Bath, but I suppose it's better than going out while puking over the toilet, or screaming as the jet plummets earthward.
 
2021-11-26 4:53:46 PM  
Was he still looking for that white box van?
 
2021-11-26 4:58:51 PM  

Devolving_Spud: Moose died "while watching sportzb4ll! and sitting in his recliner,"

Well, it's not a Swedish Death By Erotic Tongue Bath, but I suppose it's better than going out while puking over the toilet, or screaming as the jet plummets earthward.


This.
 
2021-11-26 5:23:27 PM  
Unfortunate typo in a local article:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-26 5:27:02 PM  
Nuts bit off by a Laplander?
 
2021-11-26 6:04:22 PM  
Moose died "while watching football and sitting in his recliner,"

Senselessly snuffed out by bad Bears-Lions football. That figures.
 
2021-11-26 6:04:43 PM  
AutoErotic asphyxiation?
 
2021-11-26 6:25:22 PM  
Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?
 
2021-11-26 6:29:48 PM  
Folded up in a sofa-bed with a large breasted waitress?
 
2021-11-26 6:31:13 PM  
A chain of events that began with a google search for Candiru fish removal?
 
2021-11-26 7:16:41 PM  
My dad died in the hospital a few days after we watched an entire weekend of football together. I like to think that at least that last weekend was something he enjoyed on the way out.

Just thankful I got that time. Not enough people do.

Best wishes to his family.
 
2021-11-26 7:20:46 PM  
This is fine, I guess, but I'd like to die in my sleep like my grandfather.

Not screaming in terror like his passengers.
 
2021-11-26 7:22:47 PM  
fark you subby. I ain't dying while the bears let me down one more time.

I'll make sure they let me down one last time and then I'll suckstart the shotgun
 
2021-11-26 7:23:39 PM  
Moose out front couldn't have told you.
 
2021-11-26 7:25:06 PM  
The closest thing I can compare living during the Sniper was living during the opening phase of COVID-19.  It was the ONLY thing anyone talked about.  It consumed and suffocated every other aspect of life.  People would duck and run while filling up their gas tanks.  Some gas stations would cover their entire pumping stations with tarps to prevent line of sight.  I stopped shopping at Michael's, because two people were shot at Michael's, and I LOVE Michael's.  A local sports radio show would start every show saying, "Ok, today we're going to talk about sports.  We have three major sports franchises and baseball is coming."  Then it would be four hours of non-stop sniper talk.

I'm sorry everyone now knows what that's like.  It's f*cking awful.
 
2021-11-26 7:29:05 PM  
One funny sniper story.

I was on a website back then and someone posted a picture of a Virginia Sunoco where someone was shot.  People chimed in with, "oh that's awful", "I'll pray for his family", and so on.

Then one person says, "WTF?  Cigarettes are only $1.99 a pack in Virginia?!?"
 
2021-11-26 7:32:40 PM  
Wasn't he contractually obligated to die "One day before retirement"?

/ sorry, I couldn't resist making that joke
 
2021-11-26 7:36:03 PM  

pdxbarista: Unfortunate typo in a local article:
[Fark user image image 425x164]


I hope people say they suspect I had a heart when I die.
 
2021-11-26 7:36:51 PM  
He called my name, and I came running but it was too late. His body was shutting down," his wife wrote. "It seems so trite to give first notice this way. Right now, I can't think much beyond I need a plan to celebrate this man: my best friend since 1982. He meant so much to so many, I'm at a loss ... Godspeed Charles."

That is really sweet.
 
2021-11-26 7:41:06 PM  
Shot to death by the jealous husband of a 22 year old supermodel?
 
2021-11-26 7:41:58 PM  

Dr.Fey: Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?


He died in a doctor's house in Vancouver. On 50mg of Demerol, which is nice. The girl was 17.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-11-26 7:44:49 PM  

Murflette: Was he still looking for that white box van?


And if anything that will remain a negative mark on his career.  Not only was the type of vehicle actually wrong, but the tale grew in the telling and it went from an initial description of a normal full-sized van with a white paintjob into any sort of white commercial vehicle, box truck, full-sized cargo van, full-sized passenger van, and minivan.  Hell, they were stopping Mazda 5s right next to 30,000GVW cargo trucks.

I was reminded of an Inspector Lestrade from Doyle's Holmes or Japp from Christie's Poirot, essentially running off half-cocked and justifying the meddling interference by private detectives.  Essentially the entire law enforcement community in the mid-atlantic states from the Applachians eastward were searching white vans while the perpetrators were driving around in a blue '90 Caprice, a retired cop car even, and had been stopped by cops for moving violations or its plates scanned several times during the spree.

No one should have expected solving the case to be easy, but law enforcement did not do themselves any favors by fixating on one particular detail so strongly, let alone an entirely false detail.
 
2021-11-26 7:46:38 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-26 7:47:35 PM  

pdxbarista: Unfortunate typo in a local article:
[Fark user image 425x164]


He's watching football, so it's fitting he gets a football injury report.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-11-26 7:48:06 PM  

Dr.Fey: Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?


If I remember right, his mistress wasn't even that old.  And he was suffering from some late-stage STD that was so severe that the Canadian pathologist originally had removed his penis to save as an oddity before he was overruled and it was sent to join the rest of his corpse.
 
2021-11-26 7:50:25 PM  
He died being instantly vaporized by dozens of fusion bombs popping off all at once?  And in the instant before his death he knew that his name would be remembered forever, for the great sacrifice made to bring the new age of Aquarius?  A time of peace and love.  A time of The Machine.  A time of no gender or race because we will all be mixed race futas all capable of being the jizzer or the jizz acceptor.  A time when we all live in the pods and eat the bugs, doing the work The Machine has told us to, so that The Machine can merge with The Flesh and then there will only be The One.  A time of Borg like Futanari.  Cybernetic Immortality with giant mecha breasts, mecha cocks, and mecha vaginas.  For quadrillions of years.  The One will spread across the universe, Futifying all races and beings.  Bringing them into The One.

Is that how the guy died?
 
2021-11-26 7:54:19 PM  
 
2021-11-26 7:58:56 PM  

Dr.Fey: Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?


Sexy Jesus: He died in a doctor's house in Vancouver


TWX: If I remember right, his mistress wasn't even that old


bearded clamorer: The most notably damaged organ


Jeez, guys, way to kill a joke.

May you all die like Walter Cronkite, on a 16-foot boat with a 60-year-old mistress.
 
2021-11-26 8:01:14 PM  

foo monkey: The closest thing I can compare living during the Sniper was living during the opening phase of COVID-19.  It was the ONLY thing anyone talked about.  It consumed and suffocated every other aspect of life.  People would duck and run while filling up their gas tanks.  Some gas stations would cover their entire pumping stations with tarps to prevent line of sight.  I stopped shopping at Michael's, because two people were shot at Michael's, and I LOVE Michael's.  A local sports radio show would start every show saying, "Ok, today we're going to talk about sports.  We have three major sports franchises and baseball is coming."  Then it would be four hours of non-stop sniper talk.

I'm sorry everyone now knows what that's like.  It's f*cking awful.


That's spot on.  A co-worker's cousin was one of the victims, and then she was at the site of a second shooting.  She was convinced it was all about her.  It was not.  And then one of the shootings was at the Home Depot where I shopped.  And I could see the helicopters circling from my apartment and knew there'd been another one.  I remember finding a path from my apartment to the Metro that only had one half block outside above ground.  And I'd run it.  Felt like those videos of Sarajevo.   Scary as hell.
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-11-26 8:01:34 PM  

Dr.Fey: Dr.Fey: Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?

Sexy Jesus: He died in a doctor's house in Vancouver

TWX: If I remember right, his mistress wasn't even that old

bearded clamorer: The most notably damaged organ

Jeez, guys, way to kill a joke.

May you all die like Walter Cronkite, on a 16-foot boat with a 60-year-old mistress.


If I'm 92 and in good enough shape to show a 60 year old woman my dinghy, then I'll call that a win.
 
2021-11-26 8:02:59 PM  
Like Arthur Jarrett (NSFW)

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-11-26 8:03:51 PM  

karlandtanya: Like Arthur Jarrett (NSFW)

[Fark user image 320x240]


Still not sure how that was cause to run away.
 
2021-11-26 8:07:40 PM  
Jesus, dying in a chair at 68? No thanks.
 
2021-11-26 8:10:00 PM  
Um, I might've been the one to kill him.

I just started listening to the Monster: DC Sniper podcast yesterday.


/somewhere a butterfly flaps its wings
 
TWX [TotalFark]
2021-11-26 8:14:39 PM  

foo monkey: One funny sniper story.

I was on a website back then and someone posted a picture of a Virginia Sunoco where someone was shot.  People chimed in with, "oh that's awful", "I'll pray for his family", and so on.

Then one person says, "WTF?  Cigarettes are only $1.99 a pack in Virginia?!?"


d.justpo.stView Full Size
 
2021-11-26 8:16:04 PM  
Sexual misadventure?
 
2021-11-26 8:18:32 PM  

Dr.Fey: Like Erroll Flynn, on a 60-foot yacht with a 16-year-old mistress?


Walter Cronkite wanted to go out on an 80-foot yacht with a 20-year-old mistress.

His wife said it would be on a 20-foot yacht with an 80-year-old mistress.
 
2021-11-26 8:23:03 PM  
With Allison Brie sitting on his face?
 
2021-11-26 8:24:19 PM  
So few left...
 
2021-11-26 8:25:26 PM  
I was living around where three of the shootings happened early on one day. I still remember that douche bag rush calling him Bullwinkle Moose and being the general ahole he always was.
 
2021-11-26 8:27:45 PM  

Polish Hussar: [Fark user image 640x480]


LOUDER AND SADDER!
 
2021-11-26 8:33:24 PM  

Murflette: Was he still looking for that white box van?


Laugh it up hairball, but it was pure terror for me as I lived 1/2 mile from the first shooting and every subsequent shooting took place at locations my wife and (then) 6 year old son traveled every day in Maryland. I owned a white van too. I had no clue if my family or friends were safe.
.
20/20 hindsight sure must be a real ego-booster for you, Tiny Hands.
 
2021-11-26 8:35:00 PM  
I'm going out like I came in: Naked, screaming, and covered in blood.
 
2021-11-26 8:37:43 PM  

TWX: Murflette: Was he still looking for that white box van?

And if anything that will remain a negative mark on his career.  Not only was the type of vehicle actually wrong, but the tale grew in the telling and it went from an initial description of a normal full-sized van with a white paintjob into any sort of white commercial vehicle, box truck, full-sized cargo van, full-sized passenger van, and minivan.  Hell, they were stopping Mazda 5s right next to 30,000GVW cargo trucks.

I was reminded of an Inspector Lestrade from Doyle's Holmes or Japp from Christie's Poirot, essentially running off half-cocked and justifying the meddling interference by private detectives.  Essentially the entire law enforcement community in the mid-atlantic states from the Applachians eastward were searching white vans while the perpetrators were driving around in a blue '90 Caprice, a retired cop car even, and had been stopped by cops for moving violations or its plates scanned several times during the spree.

No one should have expected solving the case to be easy, but law enforcement did not do themselves any favors by fixating on one particular detail so strongly, let alone an entirely false detail.


When someone starts shooting innocent, random people through half of a county, you take my lead you have. Again, your 20/20 hindsight must really impress people at parties.
 
2021-11-26 8:38:28 PM  
ANY LEAD
 
2021-11-26 8:38:45 PM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-26 8:57:35 PM  

foo monkey: The closest thing I can compare living during the Sniper was living during the opening phase of COVID-19.  It was the ONLY thing anyone talked about.  It consumed and suffocated every other aspect of life.  People would duck and run while filling up their gas tanks.  Some gas stations would cover their entire pumping stations with tarps to prevent line of sight.  I stopped shopping at Michael's, because two people were shot at Michael's, and I LOVE Michael's.  A local sports radio show would start every show saying, "Ok, today we're going to talk about sports.  We have three major sports franchises and baseball is coming."  Then it would be four hours of non-stop sniper talk.

I'm sorry everyone now knows what that's like.  It's f*cking awful.


Yup. We had a sniper issue in Columbus in 2003, thought to be a copycat of your beltway sniper. The whole city was in fear for like 3 months till he was caught. Your comparison to the pandemic is spot on
 
2021-11-26 9:06:09 PM  
R.I.P. Mr. Moose 
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-26 9:09:06 PM  
I had an appointment for work on a Monday morning at a house, year ago. I showed up, but the homeowner was not there. Pretty soon a neighbor came out and told me he had died the Friday before.

Apparently the deceased had drinks with his neighbor on his deck every Friday afternoon. That Friday he called his friend and said drinks were ready. the guy came over, but in the short time it took him to get there,  his friend was dead. It was a sudden coronary event, or stroke, he guessed.

The neighbor paused, and said reflectively, "You know, that is not a bad way to go. Drink in hand, sitting on the porch, waiting on a friend."
 
2021-11-26 9:09:49 PM  

vilesithknight: foo monkey: The closest thing I can compare living during the Sniper was living during the opening phase of COVID-19.  It was the ONLY thing anyone talked about.  It consumed and suffocated every other aspect of life.  People would duck and run while filling up their gas tanks.  Some gas stations would cover their entire pumping stations with tarps to prevent line of sight.  I stopped shopping at Michael's, because two people were shot at Michael's, and I LOVE Michael's.  A local sports radio show would start every show saying, "Ok, today we're going to talk about sports.  We have three major sports franchises and baseball is coming."  Then it would be four hours of non-stop sniper talk.

I'm sorry everyone now knows what that's like.  It's f*cking awful.

Yup. We had a sniper issue in Columbus in 2003, thought to be a copycat of your beltway sniper. The whole city was in fear for like 3 months till he was caught. Your comparison to the pandemic is spot on


Yeah, that blew. I lived in DC but my family was still in Ohio and to drive back I'd have to go straight through Columbus. I remember I was recline the seat just so my head was hidden behind the B pillar.
 
Displayed 50 of 82 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.