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(CNN)   Turkeyologist details the proper way to cook a turkey, but if you're reading this now it's too late   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: PSA, Roasting, Cooking, Karen Wilcher, Temperature, Fahrenheit, Cooking techniques, Water, frozen turkey  
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315 clicks; posted to Food » on 25 Nov 2021 at 3:18 PM (7 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-11-25 11:19:35 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 12:46:47 PM  
My sister worked on one of those turkey hotlines for a few years. I don't think it was butterballs, I think it was the state department of food safety or something. Anyway, the stories she told at Thanksgiving every year...

The lady who decided to use a black garbage bag as a roasting bag. She called because the bag melted to the turkey, and she wanted to know if the skin was still safe to eat.
 
2021-11-25 1:52:54 PM  
Cooked mine perfectly. It was good.

Must...rest...now...
 
2021-11-25 1:56:52 PM  
Already had some turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, and rolls and butter. Now I'm relaxing with a Harpoon Winter Warmer and watching the Lions losing.
 
2021-11-25 1:59:27 PM  

Jake Havechek: Already had some turkey, mashed potatoes, corn, and rolls and butter. Now I'm relaxing with a Harpoon Winter Warmer and watching the Lions losing.


AKA Da Bears only hope?
 
2021-11-25 3:05:12 PM  
Holy smokes! Bears 13/Lions 14. It's an actual football game. Time for ale number 3.
 
2021-11-25 3:28:39 PM  

Jake Havechek: Holy smokes! Bears 13/Lions 14. It's an actual football game. Time for ale number 3.


If we lose to the lions I really might suck start the boomstick.

Also decided on chicken potato stew (carrots. Celery and spices)  dinner rolls, steamed veggies and mashed taters.

Cheap, I can offer it to the 4 other housemates,
 
2021-11-25 3:28:55 PM  
I have enough turkey and sides left for a turkey sandwich if I get hungry tonight, and another full dinner meal tomorrow. Party! Bonus!
 
2021-11-25 3:38:40 PM  

Benevolent Misanthrope: My sister worked on one of those turkey hotlines for a few years. I don't think it was butterballs, I think it was the state department of food safety or something. Anyway, the stories she told at Thanksgiving every year...

The lady who decided to use a black garbage bag as a roasting bag. She called because the bag melted to the turkey, and she wanted to know if the skin was still safe to eat.


President Bartlet and the Butterball Hotline
Youtube zQsvcs9IB8A
 
2021-11-25 3:44:55 PM  

Axeofjudgement: Jake Havechek: Holy smokes! Bears 13/Lions 14. It's an actual football game. Time for ale number 3.

If we lose to the lions I really might suck start the boomstick.

Also decided on chicken potato stew (carrots. Celery and spices)  dinner rolls, steamed veggies and mashed taters.

Cheap, I can offer it to the 4 other housemates,


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 4:06:24 PM  
Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.
 
2021-11-25 4:12:30 PM  

Axeofjudgement: Axeofjudgement: Jake Havechek: Holy smokes! Bears 13/Lions 14. It's an actual football game. Time for ale number 3.

If we lose to the lions I really might suck start the boomstick.

Also decided on chicken potato stew (carrots. Celery and spices)  dinner rolls, steamed veggies and mashed taters.

Cheap, I can offer it to the 4 other housemates,

[Fark user image 425x477]


Oh right. This is where I post a pic of the giant pot of pulled pork I made yesterday. Gonna do some sides to go with it tonight.

And don't worry--I set 3 lbs of the pork shoulder aside and cut it into strips for the meat grinder. Will be making chorizo tomorrow. Bone's in the freezer for beans or stew at a later date.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 4:13:51 PM  
I have a kit that takes 5-6 minutes in the microwave. So preparation will begin around 4:55pm today.
 
2021-11-25 4:14:47 PM  
Since it's just mom and myself this year, we both slept in. Turkey is cooking now. We'll probably eat around 7pm or so.
 
2021-11-25 4:19:29 PM  
"...the breast should be 170 degrees Fahrenheit..."
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 4:26:47 PM  
But Yanks should already be Piggin' on their gobble meat right now - unless they dun blowed it up in the deep-fryer again.
Anyhoo, have a good day with the fam & whatnot.
 
2021-11-25 4:29:46 PM  
I will *never* understand how people can fark up a turkey / get a dry bird. Do they not baste it or what?
 
2021-11-25 4:34:11 PM  
Smoked a fresh bird this morning.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 4:36:49 PM  

scrumpox: Smoked a fresh bird this morning.
[Fark user image image 425x566]


2 years ago I flew to CO for Thanksgiving at my sister's. My brother-in-law smoked the turkey. It was fantastic.
 
2021-11-25 4:47:33 PM  

thealgorerhythm: Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.


Don't the drippings get too strong tasting from the smoke?
 
2021-11-25 4:54:21 PM  
No shiat, subby. We're halfway moved from FL to NY and we're looking forward to Hot Pockets in the motel.
 
2021-11-25 5:06:11 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 5:07:02 PM  

scrumpox: Smoked a fresh bird this morning.
[Fark user image 425x566]


that. looks. farking phe-nom-nom-nomenal.
 
2021-11-25 5:12:10 PM  

tkgeisha: thealgorerhythm: Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.

Don't the drippings get too strong tasting from the smoke?


Smoked gravy is a gift from Valhalla.
 
2021-11-25 5:15:36 PM  

olrasputin: Axeofjudgement: Axeofjudgement: Jake Havechek: Holy smokes! Bears 13/Lions 14. It's an actual football game. Time for ale number 3.

If we lose to the lions I really might suck start the boomstick.

Also decided on chicken potato stew (carrots. Celery and spices)  dinner rolls, steamed veggies and mashed taters.

Cheap, I can offer it to the 4 other housemates,

[Fark user image 425x477]

Oh right. This is where I post a pic of the giant pot of pulled pork I made yesterday. Gonna do some sides to go with it tonight.

And don't worry--I set 3 lbs of the pork shoulder aside and cut it into strips for the meat grinder. Will be making chorizo tomorrow. Bone's in the freezer for beans or stew at a later date.

[Fark user image image 600x800]


Will you get my new dad? 🤣 I frigging love your style
 
2021-11-25 5:16:37 PM  

scrumpox: Smoked a fresh bird this morning.
[Fark user image 425x566]


That is a sexy bird.

I'll be in my bunk.
 
2021-11-25 5:29:21 PM  
Frying my gizzards in duck fat right now.
I'm make a Shephard's Pie minus mash potato, add gizzards and top with Stove Top. With walnut and cranberry-rasins.
 
2021-11-25 5:33:52 PM  
I haven't had roast duck in a long time.  Good stuff. It's a little greasier than most poultry but it's succulent. Well cooked duck is a fine meal.
 
2021-11-25 5:34:49 PM  
tintar:

How the f*ck was that strip so aggressively unfunny when I read as it was published, yet every one you post is funny.

This is going to cause shower thoughts for awhile.
 
2021-11-25 5:48:52 PM  

NINEv2: tkgeisha: thealgorerhythm: Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.

Don't the drippings get too strong tasting from the smoke?

Smoked gravy is a gift from Valhalla.


Hear hear.  My non-gravy-eating wife is willing to try it from the fore-posted bird.
 
2021-11-25 5:58:00 PM  
I've tried to smoke a turkey before but it turned the bird gamey.  My wife won't let me try it again.

/The other meats were great though.
//Trying to convince family to use brisket in stead of turkey.
///Three for whoopie pie stout!!!
 
2021-11-25 6:04:02 PM  

mrparks: How the f*ck was that strip so aggressively unfunny when I read as it was published


I know, right? I even hesitated, because making fun of ideation, even if dark/sarcasm, ain't cool. then again we have lived very strange decades since.

I think it's just that Onstad is somehow eternally topical, you can pull one up for almost any subject?

/also I'll readily admit it is an odd sort of not-quite-obsession
 
2021-11-25 6:12:27 PM  
Well, it still isn't too late for this (if you'd forgotten):

Alice's Restaurant - Original 1967 Recording
Youtube m57gzA2JCcM
 
2021-11-25 6:37:16 PM  

tkgeisha: thealgorerhythm: Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.

Don't the drippings get too strong tasting from the smoke?


That's the deliciousness. Smoky gravy!
 
2021-11-25 6:59:34 PM  

fasahd: Well, it still isn't too late for this (if you'd forgotten):

[YouTube video: Alice's Restaurant - Original 1967 Recording]


depends, did you bring the glossy photographs and a sharpie
 
2021-11-25 7:02:53 PM  

thealgorerhythm: tkgeisha: thealgorerhythm: Just pulled mine off the smoker. 20 pounds. The exterior bark nibbles are delish. Now I gotta go mix these drippings into gravy while the bird rests.

Don't the drippings get too strong tasting from the smoke?

That's the deliciousness. Smoky gravy!


Just finished putting away the leftovers, can confirm, smoked goo makes the gravy. If you do it right, there's not a whole lot of goo in the pan, b/c the moisture stays in the bird.
 
2021-11-25 7:28:17 PM  
Turkey Day plans changed a couple of days ago. (Yay for living in a covid hotspot!) So I went with the stupid easy version of a traditional menu. Took me all of an hour and half, with a significant chunk of time just making sure nothing burned/boiled over.

Fark user imageView Full Size


/remembered to snap a pic halfway through cutting up the chicken
 
2021-11-25 7:35:53 PM  

drogg: Turkey Day plans changed a couple of days ago. (Yay for living in a covid hotspot!) So I went with the stupid easy version of a traditional menu. Took me all of an hour and half, with a significant chunk of time just making sure nothing burned/boiled over.

[Fark user image image 425x566]

/remembered to snap a pic halfway through cutting up the chicken


respect.
 
2021-11-25 7:45:23 PM  
tintar:

Thanks! It was very tasty.

CSB/ The green bowl in the top right corner and I go back many decades. It was the bowl my grandma always used for mashed potatoes for any family get together. Somewhere along the line (age 10-ish), it ended up being my job to mash the potatoes in that bowl. So when she passed, it was my one specific request when going through her stuff.
/end CSB
 
2021-11-25 8:02:22 PM  
So the Pyrex dish that I was roasting our turkey breast in just exploded.  I didn't read TFA but I suspect that's not proper.

/Thanks Pyrex.  Changed to lime glass in 2006 and been exploding since
 
2021-11-25 8:23:22 PM  
My turkey was still frozen this morning, despite three days of "thawing".  So, I ran water on it until the giblets and neck came free and put it in the roaster.  The guides all agreed it would take five hours or so to cook, but I was up early and five hours would be about right.  Three hours later it was done!  That's faster than the guidelines say for a thawed turkey.  And I mean 'legs falling off' done.  Not the first time the roaster delivered early, so I turned it down to "Serving" while finishing everything else.

I do like the roaster, even though the skin never gets crisp.
 
2021-11-25 8:47:25 PM  
So the full Thanksgiving meal is finally done:

Fark user imageView Full Size


Pulled pork topped with truffle parrano on half a toasted Hawaiian bun, duck fat skillet potatoes, sautéed okra with Cajun seasoning, and roasted turnip root + carrots.
 
2021-11-25 9:06:04 PM  

olrasputin: So the full Thanksgiving meal is finally done:

[Fark user image image 425x566]

Pulled pork topped with truffle parrano on half a toasted Hawaiian bun, duck fat skillet potatoes, sautéed okra with Cajun seasoning, and roasted turnip root + carrots.


Mmmmmmmmm
 
2021-11-25 9:13:42 PM  
Welp the time has come. I went traditional but not turkey 
Fark user imageView Full Size


Housemate has now said I need to teach him how to make deer Chilli and chicken and potato stew.

Bud there is no recipe. I start of sautéing garlic in butter... then I just go with whatever sounds good or available and taste often.
 
2021-11-25 9:16:17 PM  

olrasputin: So the full Thanksgiving meal is finally done:

[Fark user image image 425x566]

Pulled pork topped with truffle parrano on half a toasted Hawaiian bun, duck fat skillet potatoes, sautéed okra with Cajun seasoning, and roasted turnip root + carrots.


Good looking plate, there. Love the Pan-Southern meets French approach.
 
2021-11-25 9:34:36 PM  

casey17: I will *never* understand how people can fark up a turkey / get a dry bird. Do they not baste it or what?


They simply cook it too long.

Basting does nothing. It's probably the one thing the article got right.
 
2021-11-25 9:50:23 PM  

Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: casey17: I will *never* understand how people can fark up a turkey / get a dry bird. Do they not baste it or what?

They simply cook it too long.

Basting does nothing. It's probably the one thing the article got right.


Temperature probe in the right spot. Bam, done.

Well, I also like a good brine. Last 3 birds I've cooked at Alton Brown's brine recipe have come out ah maze ing.
 
2021-11-25 9:54:53 PM  

Axeofjudgement: Welp the time has come. I went traditional but not turkey [Fark user image image 425x318]

Housemate has now said I need to teach him how to make deer Chilli and chicken and potato stew.

Bud there is no recipe. I start of sautéing garlic in butter... then I just go with whatever sounds good or available and taste often.


Soup looks damn tasty. I really need to grab some deer or elk next time I go to the butcher.
 
2021-11-25 9:57:28 PM  

jclaggett: Joey Jo Jo Jr Shabadu: casey17: I will *never* understand how people can fark up a turkey / get a dry bird. Do they not baste it or what?

They simply cook it too long.

Basting does nothing. It's probably the one thing the article got right.

Temperature probe in the right spot. Bam, done.

Well, I also like a good brine. Last 3 birds I've cooked at Alton Brown's brine recipe have come out ah maze ing.


Yeah, it's not hard to do, but then again how many links have we seen about idiots who can't seem to cut a farking avocado without impaling themselves?

Alton's recipe is solid, but since I've started salting/dry brining I'll never go back.
 
2021-11-25 10:38:10 PM  
Axeofjudgement:

One recipe that I like for venison is Bigos (Polish Hunter's Stew). You do need to like kraut though.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
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