Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(MEL Magazine)   So the moral of the story is, if you get a DNA test and the results are anomalous, keep your mouth shut   (melmagazine.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Family, Mother, dad's friend, dad's brother, fifth anniversary of the time Andrew, dad, consumer DNA test kits, incident bother  
•       •       •

2578 clicks; posted to Business » on 25 Nov 2021 at 6:20 AM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



84 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-11-25 6:38:20 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 6:54:03 AM  
My dad got a call from a cousin that did one of those tests saying they matched with another cousin. That other cousin ended up being my dad's half sibling. My paternal grandfather was an over the road trucker, and apparently had a family somewhere else. When my parental grandfather died, his other family had no idea, just thought he ran off.
 
2021-11-25 6:58:51 AM  
Has it been 6 months since the last DNA test story?
No one should be surprised.  Before we had vaccines many boys got sterilized by infections and their spouses wanted kids. Infidelity has also been a persistent issue.  There are also a lot of kids who were not told they were adopted.
I have not seen a good lottery fail article in a while.  Where are the poisonings, cut brake lines, bankruptcy, and corpses buried in shallow graves under the porch?
 
2021-11-25 7:03:35 AM  
Shame and Scandal in the Family by Shawn Elliot (with lyrics)
Youtube PAkkLQr2Kjc
 
2021-11-25 7:27:37 AM  
So they give out the contact info on anyone that takes the test? Can you keep that private?
 
2021-11-25 7:29:16 AM  

FarkingChas: So they give out the contact info on anyone that takes the test? Can you keep that private?


Don't know about 23andme. On Ancestry, you can contact other users through the Ancestry web site.
 
2021-11-25 7:47:19 AM  
Commercial: "We always thought I was Scottish like my dad. Turns out I'm German!"

Reality: Your das is Scottish and the mailman is German.
 
2021-11-25 8:06:56 AM  
Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.

Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...
 
2021-11-25 8:13:03 AM  

ChibiDebuHage: Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.

Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...


You mean the medical clues that health insurance and life insurance companies can now use against you (there are currently no laws against doing do)?  Decisions, decisions.......
 
2021-11-25 8:15:15 AM  
yeah, no thanks.  bad idea on every level
 
2021-11-25 8:16:20 AM  
Yeah, pretty much every biologist & anthropologist called this crap out long ago.

Rates of cuckoldry & other weird stuff are way way higher than anyone thinks. You crack open that Pandora's Box at your own risk, kids.

My kid did hers against my advice and it ended up confirming my own sordid parentage, but I already knew that. Couple DNA tests in a family can lay a real swath of destruction and actually hurt people. So be ready.
 
2021-11-25 8:18:45 AM  

SpaceMonkey-66: ChibiDebuHage: Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.

Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...

You mean the medical clues that health insurance and life insurance companies can now use against you (there are currently no laws against doing do)?  Decisions, decisions.......


https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneti​c_Information_Nondiscrimination_Act

"The act bars the use of genetic information in health insurance and employment: it prohibits group health plans and health insurers from denying coverage to a healthy individual or charging that person higher premiums based solely on a genetic predisposition to developing a disease in the future, and it bars employers from using individuals' genetic information when making hiring, firing, job placement, or promotion decisions."
 
2021-11-25 8:28:02 AM  
OBGYN friend of mine admitted it's not exactly uncommon for the male partner in the delivery room to (unbeknownst to him) not be related to the baby. It's a bit different when the baby is of another race and the dude is kind of staring and starting to wonder. When that's the case, she usually realizes it first, emphasizes the health of the baby, and gets the heck out of the room.
 
2021-11-25 8:31:06 AM  
I did start reaching out to my half-siblings. We're all the product of this one dude, and I want to know more about him. A few of them have sent me pictures of him and his sperm application thing

why are they sending her his dick pic?
 
2021-11-25 8:45:07 AM  

Northern: Before we had vaccines many boys got sterilized by infections and their spouses wanted kids


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 8:46:15 AM  
I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.
 
2021-11-25 8:46:38 AM  

GregInIndy: Couple DNA tests in a family can lay a real swath of destruction and actually hurt people. So be ready.


People making the choices they do are hurting people. Quit blaming the DNA tests.
 
2021-11-25 8:47:32 AM  

Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.


It's a great idea. Imagine it's done as SOP and then there can't be any arguing about child support in divorce court.
 
2021-11-25 8:49:04 AM  
IIRC there was a rape case in Ireland where all of the men in the town got analyzed. About 40% were not related to their fathers.

The rapist submitted a sample from a friend and years later boasted about it in a pub. Oops!
 
2021-11-25 8:51:44 AM  

mrmopar5287: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

It's a great idea. Imagine it's done as SOP and then there can't be any arguing about child support in divorce court.


Why have only one couple arguing in divorce court when we could have three hundred?
 
2021-11-25 8:53:58 AM  

GregInIndy: Yeah, pretty much every biologist & anthropologist called this crap out long ago.

Rates of cuckoldry & other weird stuff are way way higher than anyone thinks. You crack open that Pandora's Box at your own risk, kids.

My kid did hers against my advice and it ended up confirming my own sordid parentage, but I already knew that. Couple DNA tests in a family can lay a real swath of destruction and actually hurt people. So be ready.


It's almost like raising kids well and providing a good example of adulthood is more important than actual genetic ancestry. Who knew?


It's 2021 people, grow the fark up.
 
2021-11-25 8:55:35 AM  

Russ1642: mrmopar5287: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

It's a great idea. Imagine it's done as SOP and then there can't be any arguing about child support in divorce court.

Why have only one couple arguing in divorce court when we could have three hundred?


The fact that you think babies are usually born to married couples is so quaint.
 
2021-11-25 9:05:10 AM  

Russ1642: Why have only one couple arguing in divorce court when we could have three hundred?


That's what I'm saying: if we do mandatory paternity testing there won't be anyone arguing in divorce court. The DNA will settle the argument before it starts.
 
Juc
2021-11-25 9:06:58 AM  
I can imagine a number of males would be mighty upset at raising and paying for children they weren't prepared for or didn't want, and may be mighty upset about that at if it wasn't their actions that caused the kid to happen.

To some folks children are a gift and for some they are a curse.
I dunno why that's hard to understand really.
 
2021-11-25 9:08:57 AM  
I prefer to let my little retirement fund still think I'm her father.
 
2021-11-25 9:24:47 AM  

Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.


Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.
 
2021-11-25 9:33:43 AM  
And the moral of the story is:  If it's not broke, don't fark with it.  Something wrong with your DNA?  then leave it alone.

But that's not good for THE ECONOMY, is it, you mercenary pukes?  Your relationships must have a proven market value, and you're watching constantly to make sure that they perform the way you want them to. Is your woman sullied?  You need to know. That's a cost outlay right there that you are NOT going to be responsible for.  How come your boy doesn't have your blonde hair?  This looks like a drain on your self-esteem, so there's a DNA test right there.  When you're paying for these valuable assets, you want them just the way you ordered them, not with lines and scabs that they acquired through life, and maybe their relationship with you.

And there is nothing wrong with that, right, guys?

ChibiDebuHage: Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.
Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...


Are you a king?  No you aren't.  To tell you the truth, you aren't even important enough to demand that others explain their genetic ties to you.  Are you explaining yours?  Have all the men  combed the world to make sure that their lineage didn't get slopped over  somewhere, dirtying the fine lines of genetic purity somewhere else?  Seems awfully sloppy, farking like rabbits, until the day you decide that your genetics are too precious to be anywhere except in the people you own.  And they had better be there.

How about you just make some trashy backyard "purebred" dogs and feed your ego that way?  At least the dogs will be dead in 15 years.
 
2021-11-25 9:34:45 AM  

Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.


That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.
 
2021-11-25 9:42:14 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 9:47:27 AM  

Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.

That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.


What really happens is we use it to determine if a mastectomy or a lumpectomy is more appropriate, or if we should start screening breast MRIs at 30 and advise they have children earlier in their life (if they want to have kids at all) because the person is BRCA1 positive.

There are certainly people trying to use the information for whatever other illegitimate use, but that doesn't negate the legitimate value of the information.
 
2021-11-25 9:53:01 AM  

Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.

That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.

What really happens is we use it to determine if a mastectomy or a lumpectomy is more appropriate, or if we should start screening breast MRIs at 30 and advise they have children earlier in their life (if they want to have kids at all) because the person is BRCA1 positive.

There are certainly people trying to use the information for whatever other illegitimate use, but that doesn't negate the legitimate value of the information.


Great. But what the fark does that have to do with paternity testing or even ancestry testing?
 
2021-11-25 9:54:35 AM  
people are farking morans, news at 11.
 
2021-11-25 9:55:26 AM  

Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.

That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.

What really happens is we use it to determine if a mastectomy or a lumpectomy is more appropriate, or if we should start screening breast MRIs at 30 and advise they have children earlier in their life (if they want to have kids at all) because the person is BRCA1 positive.

There are certainly people trying to use the information for whatever other illegitimate use, but that doesn't negate the legitimate value of the information.

Great. But what the fark does that have to do with paternity testing or even ancestry testing?


What does genetic testing at birth have to do with knowing someone's genetics so that it can guide medical decisions?
 
2021-11-25 10:04:07 AM  

SpaceMonkey-66: ChibiDebuHage: Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.

Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...

You mean the medical clues that health insurance and life insurance companies can now use against you (there are currently no laws against doing do)?  Decisions, decisions.......


This is why I won't do any DNA test until the laws here in Canada clearly state who can and cannot have access to this info.
 
2021-11-25 10:05:22 AM  

mrmopar5287: GregInIndy: Couple DNA tests in a family can lay a real swath of destruction and actually hurt people. So be ready.

People making the choices they do are hurting people. Quit blaming the DNA tests.


Every extended family that remains family has a certain amount of this stuff that gets papered over to serve the greater desire of staying connected & continuing to love & care for each other while accommodating the fact that people are people and all kinds of underhanded things happen all the time.

Facts & evidence attack that at its base. Often the lie everyone wants is better. Sweeping one family member's failure under the rug to carry on together is sometimes what makes a family possible.
 
2021-11-25 10:19:34 AM  
My grandmother had always told me that her love for me was as big as the sun, but a rigorous scientific analysis showed that it was at most a K-type main-sequence star. That stupid do-it-at-home love spectroscopy test ruined my life!
 
2021-11-25 10:37:37 AM  

Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.

That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.

What really happens is we use it to determine if a mastectomy or a lumpectomy is more appropriate, or if we should start screening breast MRIs at 30 and advise they have children earlier in their life (if they want to have kids at all) because the person is BRCA1 positive.

There are certainly people trying to use the information for whatever other illegitimate use, but that doesn't negate the legitimate value of the information.

Great. But what the fark does that have to do with paternity testing or even ancestry testing?

What does genetic testing at birth have to do with knowing someone's genetics so that it can guide medical decisions?


Uh, you're the one that brought this irrelevant shiat up in a thread about ancestry testing.
 
2021-11-25 10:43:44 AM  
"...For one, I look nothing like him: Both my parents have blue eyes, and mine are brown..." ~ FTA

Yeah, high school biology should have told you that one of your parents wasn't your biological parent.  Blue eyes are a recessive trait.  Which means both of your "parents" only had the genes for blue, or possibly green, eyes.  If either of them carried the gene for brown eyes, they would have had brown eyes.

There are variations and abnormalities, for example green/brown eye can genetically be blue/brown.  But if both parents have blue eyes, the odds are near 100% that the child will have blue eyes.  Genetically green eyes are incredibly rare, and it's the only eye color gene that's recessive to blue.  Meaning both parents could theoretically hold the genes for green eyes while still being blue.

Brown eyes from two blue eyed parents isn't impossible, but statistically it's on par with being born with a tail or webbed feet.
 
2021-11-25 10:49:12 AM  

Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: Xetal: Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.

Mandatory DNA testing is a good idea, but not necessarily for paternity reasons.

Generic testing can show huge differences in risks for different diseases and problems. We can then act to mitigate those risks.

Mutations in protein repair genes that predispose to ovarian and breast cancer. Clotting disorders that predispose to DVT and PE. Generic disorders that predispose to liver, kidney, or heart disease.

Being able to base medical decisions off genetic information is an amazing tool, and there is a good argument that we should be doing it on everyone.

That all sounds wonderful but what actually ends up happening is the data are collected and used against you, either for FUD induced medical treatments or advertizing. There's already a shelf in the self-help section devoted to eating based on your farking blood type. With every new scientific advancement comes three or four new ways to scam people.

What really happens is we use it to determine if a mastectomy or a lumpectomy is more appropriate, or if we should start screening breast MRIs at 30 and advise they have children earlier in their life (if they want to have kids at all) because the person is BRCA1 positive.

There are certainly people trying to use the information for whatever other illegitimate use, but that doesn't negate the legitimate value of the information.

Great. But what the fark does that have to do with paternity testing or even ancestry testing?

What does genetic testing at birth have to do with knowing someone's genetics so that it can guide medical decisions?

Uh, you're the one that brought this irrelevant shiat up in a thread about ancestry testing.


They test for paternity and ancestry by using DNA. The two concepts are not unrelated. The only difference is what you're looking for on the strands if DNA...
 
2021-11-25 10:53:51 AM  
For some, pride and blood exceed love.
 
2021-11-25 11:06:02 AM  
If a family implodes because of an impropriety 25+ years ago, it seems like all has not been well for quite a while (and in two of the three stories, the children reported always having distant relationships with their fathers...)
 
2021-11-25 11:25:22 AM  

Russ1642: I've seen farkers suggest mandatory paternity testing for all newborns. It's a terrible idea.


uh, wrong? if you already know the kid is not biologically yours (e.g. sperm donor or you married a preggo woman for whatever reason) then there's no issue.
 
2021-11-25 11:35:16 AM  

Katie98_KT: SpaceMonkey-66: ChibiDebuHage: Subby, I guess you're not interested in knowing who your biological mother, father, and siblings REALLY are.

Also, you're not interested in the family medical clues that may be very helpful for you to know...

You mean the medical clues that health insurance and life insurance companies can now use against you (there are currently no laws against doing do)?  Decisions, decisions.......

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geneti​c_Information_Nondiscrimination_Act

"The act bars the use of genetic information in health insurance and employment: it prohibits group health plans and health insurers from denying coverage to a healthy individual or charging that person higher premiums based solely on a genetic predisposition to developing a disease in the future, and it bars employers from using individuals' genetic information when making hiring, firing, job placement, or promotion decisions."


GATTACA showed how laughable that is
 
2021-11-25 11:35:42 AM  
And people call Boomers lames. I wouldn't want my parents to take a DNA test, because who knows what type of Tom farkery was going on in the drug induced 70's.
 
2021-11-25 11:52:42 AM  
People who can't handle truth are weak garbage. That's pretty much the reason I don't care for christians.
 
2021-11-25 11:55:22 AM  

Ms. Hushpuppy: OBGYN friend of mine admitted it's not exactly uncommon for the male partner in the delivery room to (unbeknownst to him) not be related to the baby. It's a bit different when the baby is of another race and the dude is kind of staring and starting to wonder. When that's the case, she usually realizes it first, emphasizes the health of the baby, and gets the heck out of the room.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-25 12:07:19 PM  

electricjebus: "...For one, I look nothing like him: Both my parents have blue eyes, and mine are brown..." ~ FTA

Yeah, high school biology should have told you that one of your parents wasn't your biological parent.  Blue eyes are a recessive trait.  Which means both of your "parents" only had the genes for blue, or possibly green, eyes.  If either of them carried the gene for brown eyes, they would have had brown eyes.

There are variations and abnormalities, for example green/brown eye can genetically be blue/brown.  But if both parents have blue eyes, the odds are near 100% that the child will have blue eyes.  Genetically green eyes are incredibly rare, and it's the only eye color gene that's recessive to blue.  Meaning both parents could theoretically hold the genes for green eyes while still being blue.

Brown eyes from two blue eyed parents isn't impossible, but statistically it's on par with being born with a tail or webbed feet.


Not that rare, 2% of the world has green eyes. Mutation in the OCA2 gene causes less melanin in the iris leading to blue or green eyes. That mutation sometimes causes albinism.
 
2021-11-25 12:10:34 PM  

GregInIndy: Yeah, pretty much every biologist & anthropologist called this crap out long ago.

Rates of cuckoldry & other weird stuff are way way higher than anyone thinks. You crack open that Pandora's Box at your own risk, kids.

My kid did hers against my advice and it ended up confirming my own sordid parentage, but I already knew that. Couple DNA tests in a family can lay a real swath of destruction and actually hurt people. So be ready.


Oh... this is precisely why I'm getting the family DNA tests for Xmas.

Vulture have been arguing over the estate of my maternal grandparents for close to 15 years.

...and we're pretty convinced that grandma (the grand wizard of what is currently happening) was not at all faithful to grandpa (who was probably the kindest person I've ever met).

My dad's response? "That's evil... but funny as hell. Just don't address who the tests came from."

/yes I want to watch it burn, but only because it's not worth keeping anymore
//the rest of the "kids" in my generation agree
///it's beginning to look a lot like Christmas 😈
 
2021-11-25 12:34:27 PM  
there weren't really any surprises in my lineage, which itself was a surprise.  still marginally prepared for contact from a half sibling.

my aunt gave up a child for adoption in the 70s?  waiting for that one to pop up.  mrs. tybj! and I refer to him as 'cousin It'
 
2021-11-25 12:34:39 PM  
"I was happier living in ignorance of the lies my life was built upon" isn't something I think I'd ever put into print for others to read, but you do you, peeps.
 
Displayed 50 of 84 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.