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(Unite.ai)   AUTO ALERT: Facial stress score of employee 000348081 is above 90%. (NO ACTION REQUIRED)   (unite.ai) divider line
    More: Creepy  
•       •       •

3330 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Nov 2021 at 12:50 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



48 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-11-24 12:29:06 PM  
RBF FTW
 
2021-11-24 12:39:44 PM  
I always do my banking transactions while I'm @ work because I figure their internet security is a lot better than mine.  Also, I'm sure they don't have a camera hooked up to watch me fark.com off all day.

/I'm getting pretty good @ sudoku.
 
2021-11-24 12:51:35 PM  
AUTO ALERT: THIS ASSHOLE IS STONED AGAIN
 
2021-11-24 12:52:18 PM  
Being monitored for facial stress is stressful.
 
2021-11-24 12:54:10 PM  
That website is SUS AF.
 
2021-11-24 12:54:35 PM  
"Look, I'm not trying to fark up the algorithm so it stops pinging you to have these inane conversations with me, I'm telling you this is my normal face. This is just how my face normally looks."

images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2.wixmp.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 12:54:47 PM  
Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.
 
2021-11-24 12:54:47 PM  
Yet another reason to be glad the camera on my work laptop has a piece of electrical tape over it.
 
2021-11-24 12:55:06 PM  
Is it being combined with psychological tests so you know which employees are likely to shoot up the workplace and which will just die quietly at home?
 
2021-11-24 12:55:08 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

MEH
 
2021-11-24 12:55:27 PM  

mongbiohazard: "Look, I'm not trying to fark up the algorithm so it stops pinging you to have these inane conversations with me, I'm telling you this is my normal face. This is just how my face normally looks."

[images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2​.wixmp.com image 640x480]


At work?  I'd buy that
 
2021-11-24 12:55:31 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 12:55:50 PM  

mongbiohazard: "Look, I'm not trying to fark up the algorithm so it stops pinging you to have these inane conversations with me, I'm telling you this is my normal face. This is just how my face normally looks."

[images-wixmp-ed30a86b8c4ca887773594c2​.wixmp.com image 640x480]


Hell of an O-face.
 
2021-11-24 12:57:10 PM  

Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.


You were potentially in the way of making money, and nearly required that administrators deal with problems.  Clearly guilty of business treason

/I wish I was kidding, I really do...
 
2021-11-24 12:58:24 PM  

Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.


It's work. The only reason they care at all is because they don't want you to disrupt normal operations, or worse, profit. They really don't care about you as a person, only as an employee.

Keeping the above in mind for the past 40+ years has allowed me to place work correctly on my scale of priorities. Hint: it's not first...or last.  How much above or below the middle, is up to them and the way they treat me.
 
2021-11-24 12:59:10 PM  
People are gonna end up acting like the IRA guy that Brendan Gleeson portrayed in The General.  Always partially obscuring his face from cameras so they couldn't get a good image.

th.bing.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 1:00:59 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


"A tortoise? What's that?"

/let me tell you about Subby's mother
 
2021-11-24 1:01:32 PM  
This information will undoubtedly assist management in their goal of making the workplace as miserable as humanly possible.
 
2021-11-24 1:02:26 PM  
My company has a "how are you feeling today" app on one of their internal webpages. I randomly change it from "frustrated" to "just OK" to "enthusiastic".  They are big on "metrics".

Seriously, though, Fano, hope you're doing OK. Sending good thoughts (but no prayers) your way. Relax and try to decompress during the holiday.
 
2021-11-24 1:04:55 PM  

Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.


Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.
 
2021-11-24 1:05:22 PM  
Don't need AI. My wife and I use the "Milton Scale", for work stress. It really is a three star scale. Ok, about to go Milton, and simply Milton.

It gives plausible deniability when they look at our phone records and sms.
 
2021-11-24 1:18:44 PM  

mongbiohazard: Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.

Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.


Fark user imageView Full Size

Thanks for the support, guys
 
2021-11-24 1:21:30 PM  

mongbiohazard: I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.


I'm so glad that I don't have to work much longer.  I'm not doing anything that will change the world.  I hate all of it--the selling, the waste, the pointless jobs so that people can learn how to even more stupid and entitled than they already are.

I went to Wal-Mart early this morning, realizing it was almost Thanksgiving and I was out of groceries.  Not too many customers, but the entire grocery side was full of stockers.  You couldn't even get through the aisles.  I had a cart for my big purchase, and you leave the cart and navigate between the racks and grab your stuff.  I know this, I still prefer it to being there later.

And my Wal-Mart is only about 3/4 stocked all the time.  I can't imagine what it's going to be like during the next month.  I know I'll only be going there at 6 or 7 am.
This has to stop.  Nobody else seems to see it.  I'm just in awe, watching it fall apart.  I've dreamed of this all my life.  You can't stop entropy.
 
2021-11-24 1:24:17 PM  

Flowery Twats: My company has a "how are you feeling today" app on one of their internal webpages. I randomly change it from "frustrated" to "just OK" to "enthusiastic".  They are big on "metrics".

Seriously, though, Fano, hope you're doing OK. Sending good thoughts (but no prayers) your way. Relax and try to decompress during the holiday.


I really appreciate it
 
2021-11-24 1:28:30 PM  

Fano: mongbiohazard: Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.

Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.

[Fark user image 425x566]
Thanks for the support, guys



Take heart every time you see that logo, for it is the most excellent of subversive art: Hidden Goatse!

/once you see it...
 
2021-11-24 1:30:07 PM  
If you could just get back to work and push your feelings down where we won't see them, that would be great.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 1:30:25 PM  

mongbiohazard: Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.

Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.


"Performative caring" has to be even worse than the "team-building" shiat.

- Your numbers are down today, Jgok.
- Well maybe that's because I got pulled off the line to do a skit about how much I love my coworkers, boss.
 
2021-11-24 1:51:17 PM  
We cannot teach managers to have empathy so let us use computers while invading someone's privacy at the same time
 
2021-11-24 1:52:23 PM  

Fano: mongbiohazard: Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.

Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.

[Fark user image image 425x566]
Thanks for the support, guys


Does anyone else see goatse in that image?
 
2021-11-24 1:56:44 PM  
Let's see the facial recognition analyze this..
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 2:07:58 PM  

Fano: m
[Fark user image 425x566]
Thanks for the support, guys


I'm flabbergasted that they spelled everything right.
 
2021-11-24 2:14:11 PM  

mongbiohazard: I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.


That.  "Performative caring" also usually goes hand-in-hand with creepy "mindfulness" programs and creepy, invasive "wellness" BS.  Or so I read over on Ask A Manager.
 
2021-11-24 2:20:24 PM  

Fu Manchu: Does anyone else see goatse in that image?


Yes.  I have been ruined by the internet.  :(
 
2021-11-24 2:24:34 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 2:28:59 PM  

icon0fs1n: Let's see the facial recognition analyze this.. [Fark user image 425x359]



Oh shiat, I am so going to do this...
 
2021-11-24 2:31:49 PM  

Fu Manchu: Fano: mongbiohazard: Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.

Last year after everything locked down and everything was melting down, there was this period where a lot of people's bosses heard it would be a good idea to check in with their employees, and let them know that it was "OK to not be OK" and see how they were doing. And every store you ever visited was emailing you about how we're all gonna get through this together or some shiat.

Boss: "Hey things are really crazy right now, and I want to check in with you make sure you're doing OK. You know, it's really OK to not be OK!" then talks at length about how it's OK to talk honestly if we're not doing so well, and we need to yadda yadda.
Me: "Well yeah, to be honest we're really struggling with depression over here and I..."
Boss, interrupting me: "Oh yeah, that's a shame. Real shame. So anyway, we got these TPS reports to do coming up, and I need you to cross-tabulate the" yadda yadda work stuff we needed.

I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.

[Fark user image image 425x566]
Thanks for the support, guys

Does anyone else see goatse in that image?


Does anyone not see it?
 
2021-11-24 2:34:05 PM  
My company has a policy of "you can talk to your manager about literally anything, even if your issue has zero to do with your actual work, indirectly or otherwise, because we care about you and want to make sure we are all at our best"

I've done this a few times with my manager. Deer in the headlights dot jpg every single time, but it almost always lends to me getting whatever change I want
 
2021-11-24 2:37:24 PM  

cryinoutloud: mongbiohazard: I farking HATE performative caring. I'd rather someone just ignore me than patronize me pretending unpersuasively to care how I'm doing emotionally. It's more honest.

I'm so glad that I don't have to work much longer.  I'm not doing anything that will change the world.  I hate all of it--the selling, the waste, the pointless jobs so that people can learn how to even more stupid and entitled than they already are.

I went to Wal-Mart early this morning, realizing it was almost Thanksgiving and I was out of groceries.  Not too many customers, but the entire grocery side was full of stockers.  You couldn't even get through the aisles.  I had a cart for my big purchase, and you leave the cart and navigate between the racks and grab your stuff.  I know this, I still prefer it to being there later.

And my Wal-Mart is only about 3/4 stocked all the time.  I can't imagine what it's going to be like during the next month.  I know I'll only be going there at 6 or 7 am.
This has to stop.  Nobody else seems to see it.  I'm just in awe, watching it fall apart.  I've dreamed of this all my life.  You can't stop entropy.


I retired the year before this started. Did a road trip to all states west of the Mississippi over a couple of months. Now we stay home. I'm surprised each day to wake up and find my wife hasn't smothered me with my pillow.  Sometimes I feel so grateful to the curbside pick up people that do my grocery shopping for me I want to hug them. Everything is done online delivery or curbside. I've been into the dentist without fail and home depot a few times. Since being vaccinated nothing has really changed but visiting with the neighbors again. Traveling just isn't on the horizon yet, the world seems to have lost its collective mind. Not doing my own grocery shopping is actually very cool. I don't get everything I want sometimes and other times I may get a different brand. I still don't have to stand in line and pay. Farking hated that my entire adult life. So while some things are in fact falling apart others are coming together to replace the before times.
 
2021-11-24 4:13:05 PM  
Saw this one already, doesn't turn out well.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 5:15:29 PM  
What's it say about her???
i723.photobucket.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 5:24:39 PM  
My employer has sent me two web cams, i also have one of my own. As of yet I've appeared on cam in any meeting exactly zero times and don't intend for that to change.

/I'm not a social person and despise being on camera
 
2021-11-24 6:27:40 PM  

TheCableGuy: My employer has sent me two web cams, i also have one of my own. As of yet I've appeared on cam in any meeting exactly zero times and don't intend for that to change.

/I'm not a social person and despise being on camera


My work laptop has a physical shutter on the camera. It stays closed.
 
2021-11-24 6:36:54 PM  
All quiet in Sector 7G

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-24 7:40:50 PM  

farkitallletitend: So while some things are in fact falling apart others are coming together to replace the before times.


Jokes on you .That's MORE entropy--more moving parts, more things to go wrong, more links in the supply chain, more people employed in stupid, boring jobs that should be done by the person for FEEDING THEMSELF.  How special are you if you don't even to go in the store and buy your food?  That's damn near as bad as eating out every meal.
Your way has to die.  The very fact that you think that sort of thing is an improvement on our mess, is a testament to the power of marketing.  You're part of the problem. You used to go buy your groceries, now you have someone else do it for you.  Stop it.  You're not an invalid.

The reason we have hundreds of thousands of people dying of a preventable disease is because they all became too special for their britches, too, and now they're driving  the medical profession to suicide. Fark, they have a guy to clean their pool, why the hell should they have to get some shot, or put on a mask?  They rule the damn world. That's what our breed of hysterical consumerism does for us.

I look around  and I see millions of people--I don't see millions, but I multiply them in my head--who are pretty much too stupid to DRIVE, but there they are, ordering everything in the world, and they all have computers in their hands, and they THINK that they're smarter than anyone, ever.
They're completely dependent on a system that is breaking down in front of our eyes, and all they do is ask for MORE.  Where do you think this is coming from?  This is consumer economics, and our peculiar brand of economics, where there's no shortages, and nothing ever runs out, and there's an inexhaustible supply of willing hands and trucks and postal employees and hand trucks to move it.
That is nonsense.  That is fantasy land.  That is NUTS.

/I have no sense of humor about any of this shiat anymore
 
2021-11-24 8:43:42 PM  

Fano: Last week I broke down in tears in the employee lounge.
Somebody saw and asked me if I was ok. I got it back together after saying "this place is just too much. Nobody cares." The nurse mumbled something and I walked back downstairs with my lunch.
Two days later my supervisor called and said "as a friend , if you have an outburst like that you should go to your car. They nearly called security on you."
I protested that I made no threats. I just cried somewhere where patients could potentially wander by and see. No sympathy or empathy provided.


Wow..What a bunch tight-assed people you work for..I'd be looking for a different place that needs your
services if I were you...No one needs that kind of crap..I'd also go to your HR people and tell them what a-holes they have in their management...


Kraig57: [Fark user image 850x326]


Came to make a THX reference..See you got that taken care of...
 
2021-11-24 11:06:05 PM  
cue the zoom filter app that makes you always look happy and positive.
 
2021-11-25 12:09:48 AM  

farkmedown: My work laptop has a physical shutter on the camera. It stays closed.


Same.  My previous work laptop, I installed one of those stick-on sliding lens covers. (I have one on my personal laptop as well.)
 
2021-11-25 9:37:14 PM  
I'm somewhat animated and perpetually pissed of at Microsoft Teams, jira, and a few other pieces of crap software.  I think the AI would flag me within the first 10 minutes.
 
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