Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Yahoo)   QAnon Shaman quotes Forrest Gump in sentencing memo, no word on if it was "Stupid is as stupid does"   (news.yahoo.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Plea, Royce C. Lamberth, Psychology, Jacob Chansley, Attorney Albert Watkins, behalf of Chansley, sentencing memo, current mental health struggles  
•       •       •

3748 clicks; posted to Main » and Politics » on 11 Nov 2021 at 9:20 AM (27 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



96 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-11-11 8:47:32 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 8:49:42 AM  
Was it this one?
i.pinimg.comView Full Size

I bet it was that one...
 
2021-11-11 8:51:34 AM  
Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.
 
2021-11-11 8:54:21 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 8:58:50 AM  
Any Qanon believer can be safely assumed to suffer from "mental health struggles", I think.
 
2021-11-11 9:01:55 AM  

Mad Scientist: Any Qanon believer can be safely assumed to suffer from "mental health struggles", I think.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 9:13:46 AM  
So, we can now also call the Qanon shaman "Forrest Chump," then.
 
2021-11-11 9:17:45 AM  
Chansley, who admitted in plea papers to being among the first 30 rioters to breach the Capitol, was photographed shirtless walking with his bullhorn and flagpole throughout the building that day and was arrested three days later in his hometown of Phoenix, Arizona, where he was charged with two felonies and four misdemeanors.

Ohhhhhh, he's from Phoenix.  Well, that's understandable, then.  Living in Phoenix is enough to drive anyone insane.

/lived in Tucson
//Tucson's motto:  At least we're not Phoenix
 
2021-11-11 9:21:52 AM  

xanadian: Chansley, who admitted in plea papers to being among the first 30 rioters to breach the Capitol, was photographed shirtless walking with his bullhorn and flagpole throughout the building that day and was arrested three days later in his hometown of Phoenix, Arizona, where he was charged with two felonies and four misdemeanors.

Ohhhhhh, he's from Phoenix.  Well, that's understandable, then.  Living in Phoenix is enough to drive anyone insane.

/lived in Tucson
//Tucson's motto:  At least we're not Phoenix


As far as I'm concerned, building a city in a place where it gets 111 degrees is a testament to mankind's hubris, and invoked parallels of Icarus burning himself for flying too close to the sun.
 
2021-11-11 9:23:22 AM  
"I'm not a smart man."
 
2021-11-11 9:23:28 AM  
I bet it was "But you ain't got no legs, Lt Dan."
 
2021-11-11 9:23:45 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 9:25:02 AM  
Maybe Qanoners need to be placed in conservatorships. Britney's dad should have free time now.
 
2021-11-11 9:26:54 AM  
"In Tuesday's sentencing memo, Watkins reflected on the images of Chansley that emerged from the insurrection, suggesting that his client's unorthodox appearance became "inextricably linked" to the events at the Capitol."

Hey everybody! Look at me, look at me, look at me!
Hey! Why is everybody looking at me? Stop it!
 
2021-11-11 9:26:55 AM  
pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 9:27:26 AM  
The attorney said Chansley spends up to 22 hours a day in solitary confinement, despite not being violent.

Yes, he'd do better in gen-pop?

Jake Havechek: If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic?


Okay, I'd like you to re-read that.
 
2021-11-11 9:27:53 AM  
"Is he smart, or is he like me?"

Just my guess.
 
2021-11-11 9:28:28 AM  
"Judge, I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is."

/unlikely
 
2021-11-11 9:28:51 AM  

kbronsito: Maybe Qanoners need to be placed in conservatorships. Britney's dad should have free time now.


Seriously, the lawyers position seems to be that because of his mental health issues he can't be counted on to behave in a way that conforms to societal norms.  If that's the case, he needs to under a doctors care NOT released back into the community.  Institutionalize him until his mental health improves
 
2021-11-11 9:30:07 AM  
"I gotta go pee"
 
2021-11-11 9:30:24 AM  
Likely quote: "I have to go pee..."
 
2021-11-11 9:30:44 AM  

UberDave: [Fark user image image 230x219]


image.spreadshirtmedia.comView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 9:31:17 AM  

pastramithemosterotic: "I gotta go pee"


GODDAMMIT. I took the time to highlight and hit the italics button... You beat me to it.
 
2021-11-11 9:31:23 AM  

Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.


As someone who deals with depression and anxiety, who is married to someone with depression and anxiety, I say throw him away and toss the key. Using "mental health struggles" as a magic wand to make things all better is an insult to us.
 
2021-11-11 9:31:33 AM  
MattytheMouse:

Icarus died from the fall after the wax holding the feathers in place melted.
 
2021-11-11 9:32:19 AM  
Towards the end of the article his lawyer says "He wishes to be held accountable for his actions,". If that were true, he wouldn't be trying to get away with time served, would he?
 
2021-11-11 9:32:21 AM  
My guess:

Anyway, like I was sayin', shrimp is the fruit of the sea. You can barbecue it, boil it, broil it, bake it, sauté it... Dey's uh, shrimp-kabobs, shrimp creole, shrimp gumbo... Pan fried, deep fried, stir-fried... There's pineapple shrimp, lemon shrimp, coconut shrimp, pepper shrimp, shrimp soup, shrimp stew, shrimp salad, shrimp and potatoes, shrimp burger, shrimp sandwich...
 
2021-11-11 9:32:42 AM  

fishmeal: kbronsito: Maybe Qanoners need to be placed in conservatorships. Britney's dad should have free time now.

Seriously, the lawyers position seems to be that because of his mental health issues he can't be counted on to behave in a way that conforms to societal norms.  If that's the case, he needs to under a doctors care NOT released back into the community.  Institutionalize him until his mental health improves


Give him an old school frontal lobotomy through the eyeball.
 
2021-11-11 9:33:16 AM  

2wolves: MattytheMouse:

Icarus died from the fall after the wax holding the feathers in place melted.


Not in the definitive telling of the story: Disney's Hercules!
 
2021-11-11 9:34:21 AM  

Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.


uhhh. Most people serving time have documented mental health issues.
 
2021-11-11 9:35:03 AM  

ongbok: Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.

uhhh. Most people serving time have documented mental health issues.


Fine, he can move in with you and you can take care of him, okay?
 
2021-11-11 9:35:24 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-11-11 9:35:32 AM  
Sex Sounds | Forrest Gump making sex sounds
Youtube xcVLQcDuoGs
 
2021-11-11 9:35:45 AM  
Was it this line?  I bet it was this line.
Family Guy - Forrest Gump
Youtube NQ-lAp-pU9Q
 
2021-11-11 9:36:26 AM  

Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.


Oh! So he's a person of color?
 
2021-11-11 9:37:15 AM  

hank byron: Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.

Oh! So he's a person of color?


Get pancreatic cancer.
 
2021-11-11 9:39:04 AM  

fishmeal: kbronsito: Maybe Qanoners need to be placed in conservatorships. Britney's dad should have free time now.

Seriously, the lawyers position seems to be that because of his mental health issues he can't be counted on to behave in a way that conforms to societal norms.  If that's the case, he needs to under a doctors care NOT released back into the community.  Institutionalize him until his mental health improves


Most schizophrenics can receive care in the community. But if he is making that case, it really needs to come with guarantees that a treatment plan is place. It should include regular visits with a licensed shrink, and some oversight to make sure he actually follows thru on treatment. Otherwise, he's merely using his diagnosis to avoid responsibility, rather than not being responsible for actions due to a diagnosis. Just because someone is mentally ill, it doesn't mean they aren't also an ahole.
 
2021-11-11 9:40:31 AM  
A little late on this submission.
 
2021-11-11 9:43:08 AM  
Come shrimpin' with me on my shiny new shrimpin' boat
 
2021-11-11 9:44:11 AM  
Look, judge. The crime i committed has already been committed and i can't move on if you keep me in jail.

All criminals should try that defense.
 
2021-11-11 9:46:49 AM  
If I'm ever tried I hope that I can remember the screenplay from The Cannonball Run for my court appearance.
 
2021-11-11 9:50:16 AM  
I have no issue with him putting the past behind him after he dies in prison.
 
2021-11-11 9:50:29 AM  
"He wishes to be held accountable for his actions," Watkins said.

Except for the part where he wants to get away with time served, and also all his whining that he wasn't being held in a luxury hotel instead of a prison.
 
2021-11-11 9:53:49 AM  
"It is time for the Shaman to start on his journey to freedom - not from jail, but from mental health infirmities of significance," Watkins wrote. "It is time for Mr. Chansley to commence his journey from within."

Think of how much time he'll have to take this inner journey while in prison. No distractions, no temptations.

fark that asshole and the buffalo he rode in on. He wanted to be a celebrity to a bunch of terrorists and he got his wish.
 
2021-11-11 9:54:24 AM  

karnal: [Fark user image 500x738]


WTF does that pic have to do with this Q'anon goon?

Stay on point son!
 
2021-11-11 9:58:37 AM  

KerryKlu: karnal: [Fark user image 500x738]

WTF does that pic have to do with this Q'anon goon?

Stay on point son!


No trolls on Fark, they say...
 
2021-11-11 10:00:21 AM  

ongbok: Jake Havechek: Watkins cited Chansley's past and current mental health struggles as reasons for his release with time served.

If he has "mental health struggles", why was he running around the Capitol like a goddamn lunatic? Give him 10 years, not 4. Asshole.

uhhh. Most people serving time have documented mental health issues.


He'll feel right at home then won't he?
 
2021-11-11 10:03:34 AM  
"The attorney said Chansley spends up to 22 hours a day in solitary confinement, despite not being violent. "

Maybe it's because people want to be violent to him?
Or maybe everyone else in confinement is sick of his bullshiat and can only tolerate two hours a day of him?
 
2021-11-11 10:05:02 AM  

undernova: KerryKlu: karnal: [Fark user image 500x738]

WTF does that pic have to do with this Q'anon goon?

Stay on point son!

No trolls on Fark, they say...


Of course not.

Anything to distract from the Orange Messiah's crimes.
 
2021-11-11 10:05:06 AM  
The man is a

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
Displayed 50 of 96 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.