Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(NPR)   Want to have a friend (or friends) with benefits, but worried about the ethical implications? Don't worry, NPR has your back. Platonically speaking, of course   (npr.org) divider line
    More: Interesting, Interpersonal relationship, romantic relationships, social script, stark lines, episode, script, sex, Friendship  
•       •       •

3189 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Oct 2021 at 9:50 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



93 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-10-27 8:37:01 AM  
FWB can be freaking awesome.
When both of your are on the same page and stay there.

But this dive comes with a high degree of difficulty.
 
2021-10-27 9:44:52 AM  
I have no moral objections to attempting it responsibly and kindly, I just don't see it working for most people.

Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.

Maybe it's just a method to ditch me as a friend?  I have no clue.  It just seems like adding sex to the mix would accelerate the longing for a more serious relationship.
 
2021-10-27 9:48:27 AM  

SpectroBoy: FWB can be freaking awesome.
When both of your are on the same page and stay there.

But this dive comes with a high degree of difficulty.


I'm not saying it can't work, but: All the people I knew as a younger man who did the FWB thing did it because one of the two people wanted more out of the relationship, but were willing to settle for what they could get.
 
2021-10-27 9:50:53 AM  
Try a coworker for extra fun.
 
2021-10-27 9:52:04 AM  
sex.

making the world go round since....well, since forever...
 
2021-10-27 9:52:26 AM  
"friends"?
 
2021-10-27 9:53:16 AM  

RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun


Never ever stick your pen into company ink.

unless one of you want to leave that employment when the relationship goes bust.

Seen it happen so many times...
 
2021-10-27 9:55:41 AM  

RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.


yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)
 
2021-10-27 9:56:53 AM  

Teddy Brosevelt: "friends"?



So no one told you sex was gonna be this way <clap> <clap> <clap> <clap> <clap>
 
2021-10-27 9:57:15 AM  

steklo: Never ever stick your pen into company ink.


Wisdom is a rare gift, be glad you have it.
 
2021-10-27 9:58:22 AM  

SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)


It worked for wife and I.
 
2021-10-27 9:58:27 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 9:59:28 AM  

Ker_Thwap: Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.


Pretty much. 

It's a bait and switch when you start getting told about how it is "special" or "different."

Have one female friend who does the FWB thing regularly (well or did, got knocked up). She'd have "guys she'd date" and "guys who she'd hook up with."

It was weird, if she liked a guy too much, he was in the date pile.
 
2021-10-27 9:59:30 AM  
<quickly puts away the full 'the continental' outfit>
...Why would anyone think about the NPR like that?

<looks around nervously, quietly sobbing monotonously>
 
2021-10-27 10:00:48 AM  
What about bondage partners?
 
2021-10-27 10:04:27 AM  

Ker_Thwap: I have no moral objections to attempting it responsibly and kindly, I just don't see it working for most people.

Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.

Maybe it's just a method to ditch me as a friend?  I have no clue.  It just seems like adding sex to the mix would accelerate the longing for a more serious relationship.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 10:04:32 AM  
how to repair things when the line-crossing gets messy.

If you have to repair things, try more lube. Also, sex is supposed to be messy, ya prudes!
 
2021-10-27 10:05:23 AM  
Let's Go To Bed
Youtube -1vuUFu475Y
 
2021-10-27 10:05:42 AM  

dionysusaur: SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)

It worked for wife and I.


Mrs. Fool and I as well.
 
2021-10-27 10:06:47 AM  

SpectroBoy: Wisdom is a rare gift, be glad you have it.


Thanks. I've seen it happen with other friends and even my young adult kids. I warned them each and every time.."Don't have sex with co-workers" It never ends well and like most kids, they do it anyway thinking they know better and so far, I've been right.

My step-daughter had a relationship at her office, it went belly up and then co-workers were taking up sides, and it got very bad she had to leave that office.

Same thing happened with the step-son. Except the girl turned out to be on of those crazy psycho girls that didn't take the break-up well and once again engaged other co-workers and started spreading rumors and all sort of drama crap. It got so bad, he had to leave that job too.

Sorry but getting my genitals wet for a little while isn't worth losing a good job/career.

I could've said, "I told you so" to both of them, but I let them learn from their mistakes.

Sometimes, its the only way to learn a good lesson.
 
2021-10-27 10:07:50 AM  

Martian_Astronomer: SpectroBoy: FWB can be freaking awesome.
When both of your are on the same page and stay there.

But this dive comes with a high degree of difficulty.

I'm not saying it can't work, but: All the people I knew as a younger man who did the FWB thing did it because one of the two people wanted more out of the relationship, but were willing to settle for what they could get.


Same with folks I've known who did open/poly things - there's generally one person the relationship is centered around.

Or, alternatively, the two people are in other relationships and "FWB" with the person they're cheating on their main partner with.
 
2021-10-27 10:09:05 AM  
I tried the NPRFWB thing but Yuki Noguchi never returned my calls.
 
2021-10-27 10:10:32 AM  

thehobbes: Ker_Thwap: Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.

Pretty much. 

It's a bait and switch when you start getting told about how it is "special" or "different."

Have one female friend who does the FWB thing regularly (well or did, got knocked up). She'd have "guys she'd date" and "guys who she'd hook up with."

It was weird, if she liked a guy too much, he was in the date pile.


Were all the guys aware of the, ahem, piles of other guys? Or would they just know from the previous guy running down her thigh?
 
2021-10-27 10:14:35 AM  

SpectroBoy: FWB can be freaking awesome.
When both of your are on the same page and stay there.

But this dive comes with a high degree of difficulty.


Agreed.  As long as you make your intentions clear and both people benefit from it, it's fantastic.  Just don't lead the other person on if you're not interested in more, and you should be good.
 
2021-10-27 10:15:08 AM  

desertfool: dionysusaur: SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)

It worked for wife and I.

Mrs. Fool and I as well.


Same. 16+ years.
 
2021-10-27 10:16:51 AM  
It can work if you get over the heavily ingrained social stigma. Make sure your partners are all informed and you might find out that sex isn't what makes your romantic relationship(s) special.

/ Also be willing to accept "no, I'm not comfortable with it." It's not for everyone, and forcing a partner into a "poly" situation is an extremely sh*tty thing to do.
 
2021-10-27 10:18:42 AM  

jjwars1: desertfool: dionysusaur: SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)

It worked for wife and I.

Mrs. Fool and I as well.

Same. 16+ years.


I will admit, it works for some people to meet, date have a good relationship from the office, but there's the other side of the coin in which sometimes it doesn't work and sometimes it can cause office drama.

If both parties are good, responsible and mature people, then proceed with caution. Just have a good "back up plan" if something should go south.
 
2021-10-27 10:20:20 AM  
Someone who is into someone else will accept FWB (temporarily) when they actually want a real relationship.
 
2021-10-27 10:22:17 AM  

dionysusaur: SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)

It worked for wife and I.


It's clearly possible, just more risky.

Also, things have gotten much worse in this area.

I'm old. I still remember going out for drinks with a bunch of coworkers and the occasional random female coworker ending up on my lap to flirt. These days we'd BOTH be in trouble.

It used to be outside of work was none of the company's business. Then HR decided "meeting at a bar after work" was somehow the company's business.
 
2021-10-27 10:24:59 AM  
No.
Fark user image
 
2021-10-27 10:28:09 AM  

SpectroBoy: Teddy Brosevelt: "friends"?


So no one told you sex was gonna be this way <clap> <clap> <clap> <clap> <clap>


Yes, STDs are a risk, most likely from Joey.
 
2021-10-27 10:33:06 AM  

Teddy Brosevelt: "friends"?


Acquaintances with benefits is more like it.

The whole point is to let off some steam, and then to enjoy a couple of weeks of not having to talk to each other until nature calls again.
 
2021-10-27 10:41:44 AM  

NevynFox: thehobbes: Ker_Thwap: Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.

Pretty much. 

It's a bait and switch when you start getting told about how it is "special" or "different."

Have one female friend who does the FWB thing regularly (well or did, got knocked up). She'd have "guys she'd date" and "guys who she'd hook up with."

It was weird, if she liked a guy too much, he was in the date pile.

Were all the guys aware of the, ahem, piles of other guys? Or would they just know from the previous guy running down her thigh?


i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 10:42:18 AM  
Eh, as long as everybody is honest and responsible - vanishingly rare qualities these days, it seems :/ - I don't think there are any ethical implications..?

/ I may be biased: I'm currently the friend-with-benefits to a couple of girls
// I'm not good enough for PIV, but I'll take what I can get
/// And I'm not going to be disappointed if "what I can get" is the opportunity to go down on a friend and turn her into a loose-limbed bundle of happy
 
2021-10-27 10:48:32 AM  

sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Teddy Brosevelt: "friends"?

Acquaintances with benefits is more like it.

The whole point is to let off some steam, and then to enjoy a couple of weeks of not having to talk to each other until nature calls again.


Weeks?  Monk.
Days at most.
 
2021-10-27 10:50:04 AM  
 Sadly STDs are on the rise. I hear the UK has one circulating that eats flesh. Don't be a fool, cover your tool.
 
2021-10-27 10:50:10 AM  

jjwars1: desertfool: dionysusaur: SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)

It worked for wife and I.

Mrs. Fool and I as well.

Same. 16+ years.


Did either of you have spouses you were looking to shed at the time?   Both of us did.  That was 16 years ago.
 
2021-10-27 10:53:08 AM  

CarnySaur: No.
[Fark user image 751x76]


I listened to this episode last weekend.

TL:DR:

1st story is about a guy who finally realized he was gay, and tried to apologize to former girlfriends he thought in retrospect he'd deceived or led on. Story focused on his relationship with a particular FWB, with whom he was particularly close, and who he hurt because they had different expectations (i.e. he just needed a beard)

2nd segment is about two porn actresses who are friends but also have non-working sexy time.

IMO, the takeaway of the episode:


===

NATISSE: So in a season about friendship, it made sense to talk to them together. They both researched sexual ethics, which they explained to me as the study of what's right or wrong in regards to sex - you know, how it can go well or badly. And when we're talking about sex here, Quill has a pretty broad definition.

KUKLA: I actually come back to something that my son said when he was 8 years old. I said to him, do you even know what sex is? And he said, well, it's when two people who like one another play with each other's bodies for fun. I actually thought it was kind of a lovely definition of sex 'cause it wasn't heteronormative, and it didn't require that anybody's bit be stuck inside anybody else's bit. It was about playing with bodies for pleasure.

NATISSE: So Kurt and his friends were playing with each other's bodies, and it was fun. It also served this other purpose - to make Kurt look straight. And for that, he wanted to apologize.
===

 
2021-10-27 10:54:23 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 10:54:30 AM  
Mr. Grumpy Cat and I met at work. We've been together for 14 years, married 12 years.

I have had many relations with co-workers over the years. It was fun every time. No complaints.
 
2021-10-27 10:54:45 AM  

SpectroBoy: RolfBlitzer: Try a coworker for extra fun.

yikes.

I prefer to keep work and play separate (when possible)


Same.
 
2021-10-27 10:55:28 AM  

dionysusaur: sex_and_drugs_for_ian: Teddy Brosevelt: "friends"?

Acquaintances with benefits is more like it.

The whole point is to let off some steam, and then to enjoy a couple of weeks of not having to talk to each other until nature calls again.

Weeks?  Monk.
Days at most
.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 10:59:04 AM  

Anderson's Pooper: Yuki Noguchi


Fun fact: I listened to NPR for years on my way to work. During most of that time, I thought her name was Yukino Gucci.
 
2021-10-27 10:59:20 AM  
The only "ethical implications" of FWB is moralists criticizing you for having a life they don't approve of.
 
2021-10-27 11:02:07 AM  
FWB can be great, but I have noticed at least one potential problem.

When one of the two "friends" meets someone they want to be exclusives with, that leaves the other one behind. That physical contact they had is now gone and someone else has it now. So, the left behind one has to start completely over and establish and build back something they once had and that can be terribly hard and often difficult. Especially with the knowledge that the other person is happy and enjoying that contact with someone else that isn't you. This can lead to resentment and the ultimate destruction of the friendship.

FWB is risky and you have to manage your feelings in order to prepare yourself for possibilities like this.
 
2021-10-27 11:05:30 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-27 11:07:38 AM  

zappaisfrank: FWB can be great, but I have noticed at least one potential problem.

When one of the two "friends" meets someone they want to be exclusives with, that leaves the other one behind. That physical contact they had is now gone and someone else has it now. So, the left behind one has to start completely over and establish and build back something they once had and that can be terribly hard and often difficult. Especially with the knowledge that the other person is happy and enjoying that contact with someone else that isn't you. This can lead to resentment and the ultimate destruction of the friendship.

FWB is risky and you have to manage your feelings in order to prepare yourself for possibilities like this.


A person should have more than one FWB.

/I guess it's just easier for women.
 
2021-10-27 11:08:18 AM  

CarnySaur: No.
[Fark user image image 751x76]


How does NPR expect me to listen to this with my wife within earshot?
 
2021-10-27 11:21:31 AM  

Ker_Thwap: I have no moral objections to attempting it responsibly and kindly, I just don't see it working for most people.

Maybe it's an old person thing, but I can't even manage a friends without benefit relationship for more than a few weeks/months.  You set boundaries, this is a friends only deal, I'm not looking for love/roommate/dependent/spouse/girlfri​end/whatever...  friendship is a rare and wonderful thing, and the next thing I know I get the "let's talk about us, and where this relationship is heading" talk, and when gently rebuffed, she gets embarrassed and decides she needs to focus on something more long term, and I've lost another friend.

Maybe it's just a method to ditch me as a friend?  I have no clue.  It just seems like adding sex to the mix would accelerate the longing for a more serious relationship.


once one friend wants to fark the other, the friendship is over. the other person might not know it yet. it might turn into a relationship, there might be some farks along the way, but regardless the days of being platonically friends are done.
 
2021-10-27 11:22:48 AM  
I was bagging a hot chick at one place of work.  True, we'd gotten married before I started working there, so I had to reassure people that there was nothing iffy going on, just nepotism.
 
Displayed 50 of 93 comments


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all


View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.