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(TV Guide)   Look on Hallmark's works, ye Mighty, and despair: Here's a list of all 41 farking Christmas movies they're debuting this year   (tvguide.com) divider line
    More: Scary, Christmas, new slate of Hallmark Christmas Movies, Christmas tree, Logline, Christmas Eve, Stars, action movie star, last quarter of the year  
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663 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 24 Oct 2021 at 7:05 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-10-24 3:31:30 PM  
I don't have to look. My wife will end up watching all of them and trying to tell me about it.
 
2021-10-24 3:39:41 PM  
"Two old friends from high school work together over Christmas to sell his uncle's Mexican bakery famous for its magical gingerbread cookies that grants wishes."

Spoiler alert: it's a stash house for MS-13.
 
2021-10-24 3:44:28 PM  
If they were better at marketing, they'd sell holiday themed cat treats, herb tea, and box wine.
 
2021-10-24 3:50:27 PM  

EnzoTheCoder: "Two old friends from high school work together over Christmas to sell his uncle's Mexican bakery famous for its magical gingerbread cookies that grants wishes."

Spoiler alert: it's a stash house for MS-13.


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2021-10-24 4:01:52 PM  
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2021-10-24 4:45:56 PM  
I thought Christmas was cancelled this year.

Dammit.
 
2021-10-24 5:06:03 PM  
I'll confess right here that I am currently watching the Hallmark Channel right this minute.

The plots are the same (and it's made me run from hot cocoa, and cookies are about there), but the interesting thing to me is the casting the past couple of years.   Black main characters, interracial marriage (because they always wind up getting back together in the end) and in one film the secondary, but prominent cast, included a married gay couple who adopt a baby by the end of the movie....there is a scene where they kiss.

The Hallmark Channel was my drug in Nov. of 2016.   It truly saved Christmas for my family because Nana (me) was making all kinds of good stuff to eat and decorating.   I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't discovered that snow covered fantasy.
 
2021-10-24 5:16:39 PM  

optikeye: If they were better at marketing, they'd sell holiday themed cat treats, herb tea, and box wine.


Not boxed but...
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2021-10-24 5:25:15 PM  
Well, if anything can slow down the cord-cutting trend, it's certainly this.
 
2021-10-24 5:27:34 PM  

Dewey Fidalgo: I'll confess right here that I am currently watching the Hallmark Channel right this minute.

The plots are the same (and it's made me run from hot cocoa, and cookies are about there), but the interesting thing to me is the casting the past couple of years.   Black main characters, interracial marriage (because they always wind up getting back together in the end) and in one film the secondary, but prominent cast, included a married gay couple who adopt a baby by the end of the movie....there is a scene where they kiss.

The Hallmark Channel was my drug in Nov. of 2016.   It truly saved Christmas for my family because Nana (me) was making all kinds of good stuff to eat and decorating.   I'm not sure what would have happened if I hadn't discovered that snow covered fantasy.


I'm a grumpy old man, but I'll confess I kind of like them. They're totally predictable*, but the acting is good, the characters are all likable, and, honestly, I'm a sucker for a happy ending**. I don't seek them out, but if I happen upon them when channel surfing, I'll enjoy it.

*but I saw one a couple of weeks ago were there was a mentally challenged kid that you were sure would be adopted by the happy couple at the end, but he drowned in the lake instead, precipitating the crisis that lead to the otherwise happy ending.

**the wholesome kind, perverts.
 
2021-10-24 5:28:15 PM  

EnzoTheCoder: "Two old friends from high school work together over Christmas to sell his uncle's Mexican bakery famous for its magical gingerbread cookies that grants wishes."

Spoiler alert: it's a stash house for MS-13.


The 'shortnin' is snitches.
 
2021-10-24 5:31:56 PM  
Well now I know what I'll be forced to watch "Clockwork Orange" style when I'm in Hell.
 
2021-10-24 5:54:23 PM  
Christmas in Harmony's synopsis feels like it could also be the title of a porno.
 
2021-10-24 5:55:21 PM  
Just a small town girl
livin' in a No Xmas world
She took the midnight sleigh going anywhere

Just a city boy
try to stop a corporate closure
He took the midnight sleigh going anywhere
 
2021-10-24 5:56:30 PM  
On a side note, I'm amazed that one of them features Hanukkah. I wonder if they'll add a Kwanzaa one next year.
 
2021-10-24 5:56:31 PM  
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2021-10-24 5:56:38 PM  
I always piss my wife off to no end every time she watches a Hallmark movie and I say "Hey that guy with the sweater, I know he's the serial killer.." and she screams back "IT'S NOT LIFETIME, ASSHOLE!" and I walk away, happy that my work here is done.
 
2021-10-24 7:19:47 PM  
One December Night has Bruce Campbell in it, and that is all anyone needs to know about that movie... but Hallmark failed to have him join forces with Danica McKellar.
 
2021-10-24 7:22:48 PM  
fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.
 
2021-10-24 7:23:34 PM  
Ah, Christ's birthday.  I'm now reminded of the shortest verse in the Bible:  "Jesus wept."
 
2021-10-24 7:26:45 PM  

greentea1985: On a side note, I'm amazed that one of them features Hanukkah. I wonder if they'll add a Kwanzaa one next year.


If there were a Hallmark Hanukkah and Kwanza channel, I'd subscribe so fast it'd make your dreidel spin.
 
2021-10-24 7:27:33 PM  

DOCTORD000M: fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.


Lethal Weapon and The Long Kiss Goodnight are also Christmas movies written by the Die Hard guy.
 
2021-10-24 7:29:24 PM  
Think I'd rather suck start a shotgun then see 41 hallmark Christmas movies.

Thanks subby!
 
2021-10-24 7:32:48 PM  

Yaw String: I don't have to look. My wife will end up watching all of them and trying to tell me about it.


Tell her you have to be quarantined again
 
2021-10-24 7:33:37 PM  

Mugato: DOCTORD000M: fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.

Lethal Weapon and The Long Kiss Goodnight are also Christmas movies written by the Die Hard guy.


Doesn't Kiss Kiss Bang Bang also take place at Christmas?  Maybe The Nice Guys as well?  Also fun Shane Black movies.
 
2021-10-24 7:33:55 PM  
With a combined budget of 41 thousand dollars.
 
2021-10-24 7:34:54 PM  
Does every white woman in these movies have the same hairstyle?
 
2021-10-24 7:36:49 PM  
The worst part is always the plot twist that the canoe-the one the amnesiac stranger the hospitable single parent with the two cute kids takes in finds in the shed and starts repairing- is the one that the deceased spouse flipped in the river while stringing lights for the village's Christmas celebration...
 
2021-10-24 7:37:48 PM  

Naido: Mugato: DOCTORD000M: fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.

Lethal Weapon and The Long Kiss Goodnight are also Christmas movies written by the Die Hard guy.

Doesn't Kiss Kiss Bang Bang also take place at Christmas?  Maybe The Nice Guys as well?  Also fun Shane Black movies.


Yes to KKBB, never saw The Nice Guys, I guess he likes the juxtaposition between Holiday cheer and ultra-violence.

/KKBB isn't that violent
 
2021-10-24 7:42:26 PM  

Yaw String: I don't have to look. My wife will end up watching all of them and trying to tell me about it.


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2021-10-24 7:43:18 PM  

Jake Havechek: [Fark user image image 425x520]


That drinking game will destroy your liver in 3 1/2 hours.
 
2021-10-24 7:45:11 PM  
It's like walking through the bookstore and finding yourself in a maze of twisted little romance covers, all alike.
 
2021-10-24 7:50:09 PM  

nytmare: It's like walking through the bookstore and finding yourself in a maze of twisted little romance covers, all alike.


What's a bookstore?
 
2021-10-24 7:54:56 PM  

DOCTORD000M: fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.


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2021-10-24 8:13:28 PM  

markie_farkie: I always piss my wife off to no end every time she watches a Hallmark movie and I say "Hey that guy with the sweater, I know he's the serial killer.." and she screams back "IT'S NOT LIFETIME, ASSHOLE!" and I walk away, happy that my work here is done.


We mess with my mom the same way she acts the same way. It usually ends up with us going "Hey are they saving the shop, town, festival or marriage in this one?" "Do you think they will fall in love?" She tells us to fark off and we laugh and laugh. Missed that last year.
 
2021-10-24 8:17:44 PM  
Can we all agree that any holiday that intrudes on children demanding candy and an orgy of eating needs to fark off?

Weather depending we may put the Christmas decorations up before Thanksgiving, but I'll be damned if they get plugged in before Black Friday.
 
2021-10-24 8:18:56 PM  
This is what the TV Guide listings in hell looks like.
 
2021-10-24 8:23:41 PM  

DOCTORD000M: fark am I glad my wife is not into this shiat. We'll watch Gremlins and Die Hard and Heman/She-Ra X-Mas like we always do.


My sister and I always watch the Star Wars Holiday Special with Rifftrax for Christmas -- really the only way to survive that thing.

He-Man/She-Ra Christmas is its own kind of weird - that song in the middle is pure torture tho.
 
2021-10-24 8:24:55 PM  
It is more disgusting than the "Saw" franchise
 
2021-10-24 8:26:42 PM  
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2021-10-24 8:28:34 PM  

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My God, it's worse than I thought.
 
2021-10-24 8:30:06 PM  

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I'm reminded of the futility of life and how much I hate it here.
 
2021-10-24 8:36:17 PM  

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Username checks out, because it feels like I'm staring at a cosmic horror.
 
2021-10-24 8:44:24 PM  
Eight Gifts for Hanukah isn't a Christmas movie subby.
Where is the January 8th epic starring Mike Pence as Judas, selling Donald Trump out for a handful of silver?
 
2021-10-24 8:52:09 PM  
I don't mind Hallmark movies.
I don't actually watch them, but I appreciate the business they give to the Canadian film industry.
 
2021-10-24 8:55:51 PM  
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2021-10-24 9:05:09 PM  

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2021-10-24 9:05:34 PM  
The Nine Kittens of Christmas
Time:
8 p.m. ET/PT on The Hallmark Channel
Stars: Brandon Routh, Kimberley Sustad, Gregory Harrison
Logline: "Cat lovers Zachary and Marilee are thrown back together at Christmas when they're tasked with finding homes for a litter of adorable kittens."

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2021-10-24 9:20:14 PM  

EnzoTheCoder: "Two old friends from high school work together over Christmas to sell his uncle's Mexican bakery famous for its magical gingerbread cookies that grants wishes."

Spoiler alert: it's a stash house for MS-13.


Based only on Wikipedia gingerbread article, I'm not sure how "authentic" a Mexican bakery with gingerbread cookies would be.  But I guess it could be a "Taco Bell" Mexican bakery.
 
2021-10-24 9:22:13 PM  
Do you want more soldiers in the war against Christmas? Because shiat like this is how people get radicalized.
 
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