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(Fark)   What's the worst present you have ever received?   ( divider line
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175 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 23 Oct 2021 at 4:25 AM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2021-10-22 11:33:31 PM  
Total Fark
2021-10-22 11:40:07 PM  
"Happy Birthday!" then kicked in the nads.
2021-10-22 11:44:14 PM  
Membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.
2021-10-22 11:49:04 PM  
you're mom
2021-10-22 11:53:14 PM  
Tighty whiteys and tube socks.  Childhood in the 70s was rough.
2021-10-22 11:59:11 PM  
A video of Fast Times At Ridgemont High, but with Phoebe Cates and Jennifer Jason Leigh's boobs removed.
2021-10-22 11:59:16 PM  
Nothing beats being a kid and unwrapping underwear, toothpaste, and socks on Christmas morning...
2021-10-23 12:01:17 AM  
A ten-inch iron skillet, for my 20th birthday, from my husband. It's a good skillet, but I was not happy that day.
2021-10-23 12:15:15 AM  

Which really hurts when that's what you get from your nearest and dearest.
2021-10-23 12:20:29 AM  
the kids
2021-10-23 12:21:28 AM  
2021-10-23 12:25:09 AM  
the worst present? the past.
2021-10-23 12:26:06 AM  
I received a (from my best friend, mind you) Harkins Gift Card for $1.00. It wasn't even worth the time to redeem it for fear of pissing off everybody else in line.
2021-10-23 12:27:28 AM  
I was dating a man who tore a piece of paper from a notepad, tore that sheet in half, and wrote on it "IOU one dinner." That was my Christmas present from my lover that year. Yes, we broke up shortly thereafter. Are you shocked?
2021-10-23 12:39:31 AM  
I got a secondary air tank for scuba diving from my mother.

I have never been scuba diving in my life.
2021-10-23 12:45:48 AM  

SpockYouOut: I got a secondary air tank for scuba diving from my mother.

I have never been scuba diving in my life.

Do you even live near water?
2021-10-23 12:58:37 AM  
OK So Amuse Me:

Do you even live near water?

Lake Michigan
2021-10-23 1:02:46 AM  

SpockYouOut: OK So Amuse Me:

Do you even live near water?

Lake Michigan

It would have been really weird if you lived in Arizona. Had your mom hit her head recently? Because that is an odd gift. Did you ever ask her why?
2021-10-23 1:17:07 AM  

Cafe Threads: Nothing.

Which really hurts when that's what you get from your nearest and dearest.

Was going to hold off because it felt cynical but you posted this, so...

Absolutely nothing, but that included not even a "happy birthday"  from any family or friends... and I was (am still) married.

yeah it hurt, even more so because I entered my actual birthday on Fark and had that banner on most of the day till I closed it.
2021-10-23 1:19:15 AM  
Hippo ankle socks.
2021-10-23 1:20:20 AM  
Inside of a box I got the clap.
2021-10-23 1:30:10 AM  
From life? Long COVID.

From a person? That would have to be my high school graduation present from my oldest friend. He gave me two books: Fifty Stories for Six Year-Olds and My Turn: The Autobiography of Nancy Reagan.

It was OK, though; I got him a cassette of Space Jazz, the soundtrack to the book (i.e., not the movie) Battlefield Earth, which featured (far, far from their finest) music by Chick Corea and Stanley Clarke, as well as this immortal exchange:

"What planet is that?"

"I don't know, God."

Then there was a bunch of other equally scintillating nonsense I've thankfully forgotten, followed by the two characters intoning sadly, "Poor Earth."

My friend and I used to quote that to each other randomly for years.
2021-10-23 1:37:00 AM  
My aunt got me a pack of yo-yo strings. I did not own a yo-yo.
2021-10-23 1:52:43 AM  
My parents got me a matchbox car for my 16th birthday.
2021-10-23 2:24:18 AM  
As a kid, one of my great aunts once gave me a board game version of a TV game show that I had never watched.. I never did bother opening it.
2021-10-23 3:57:26 AM  
2021-10-23 4:01:20 AM  
The gift of life. But there's so much drama if you try to return it.
2021-10-23 4:08:09 AM  

Alphax: As a kid, one of my great aunts once gave me a board game version of a TV game show that I had never watched.. I never did bother opening it.

I think the TV show had Chuck Woolery.. but I've still never seen it.  Nor can I recall the name of it now.
2021-10-23 4:55:06 AM  
Actually, there's two.  We have travelling family gifts that get shuffled around the family members at Christmas with two rules - it must be displayed prominently in the house, and no backsies.  Christmas is a time of dread, waiting to see what crap awaits you under the tree.

First, this commemorative plate depicting The Life Of Christ in cats.  My holier than thou sister had to have this in her living room for a year and thinks she's going to Hell.  Her kids laughed their arses off.  Notice the evil look on the face of Judas cat, the Siamese to the right of Jesus cat at the Last Nom-Noms:

Fark user imageView Full Size

Second, this tasteful Tutankhamen / Elvis / Dambusters clock - decorative and useful:

Fark user imageView Full Size
2021-10-23 5:13:32 AM  
A cassette version of an album by a musician who happens to have the same name as me. I won't say who, but he's not a bad musician I just don't care much for the kind of music he plays. It's as boring as I am.

As a bonus, back in the days of land lines a fan once found my phone number and called me in hopes of reaching this musician.  I totally missed out on a chance to pretend I was someone really not very famous.

Well, he is famous enough to have a Wikipedia page and at least one fan.
2021-10-23 5:26:10 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
2021-10-23 5:28:26 AM  

My great-aunt gave me one for xmas, and I made the mistake of wearing it xmas dinner, so she thought I liked it.

Every damn year until she died, I got another purple velour V-neck shirt.

Fortunately I had a drag queen friend who could actually pull that look off, so I just gave it to her. It became known as the annual Lana present.
2021-10-23 5:35:52 AM  
The only true answer for everyone is being born
2021-10-23 5:37:13 AM  
I remember mentioning a born-again-Christian uncle of mine in the thread about gifts given as insults; he'd always give gifts intended to highlight how poor my family was - I remember being given things like cartoons on VHS tapes before we could afford a VCR player (I don't think my family ever actually bought a VCR player - I think we got one as a hand-me-down from an aunt in the late 90s...); I don't really consider those the "worst" gifts I've been given because, well, that uncle was (and, presumably, still is) a pr#ck, and it was expected of him

I rarely receive gifts nowadays, but the two gifts I (didn't) receive that I consider the worst are the IOUs I received from my parents 16th and 21st birthdays - I've never even bothered to bring it up with them, as I know it'll be denied * shrugs *
2021-10-23 5:37:24 AM  

lifeslammer: The only true answer for everyone is being born

User name checks out.
2021-10-23 5:56:05 AM  
My mom was the only one who remembered my birthday this year, but actually sent a pretty cool gift consisting of chocolate donuts and almonds.

Oh, and mom? The $20 bill in the card was nice, but you do realize that I'm old enough to be an AARP member, right? :)
2021-10-23 6:08:00 AM  
Right-winger books from my brother who was trying to convert me.
2021-10-23 6:10:15 AM  

ybishop: [Fark user image image 850x511]

You don't like cocoa?  Who doesn't like cocoa?
2021-10-23 6:26:37 AM  
When I was graduating college and my then-girlfriend still had a year to go, she bought me a cookbook called One is Fun.*

Two weeks later she broke up with me. In hindsight I should probably have seen that coming.

*Huh. Apparently it's still in print, all these decades later.
2021-10-23 6:31:43 AM  
Bed pillows.  Imagine the size of the box, gotta be something good, right? No.
2021-10-23 6:32:17 AM  
Christmas of '72. I was 8 yrs old. Go out to the tree that morning to find that my older brother (12) got a stereo, my younger brother (4) got an extremely well made hand-made rocking horse, and I had...nothing under the tree.

Needless to say, I was distraught. I was just on the edge of a complete meltdown when my mom tells me to go look in the garage. My dad had converted the garage into a playroom for us kids. So I go out there and there is a full size pool table with my name on it.

I was happy at the time, I was a kid. But when I think back on that years later, I realize that it was a really shiatty present for an 8 year old. I knew nothing about pool and I could barely reach over the edge of the table at that age. That table was really for my dad so he and his friends could drink and shoot pool. Giving it to me for Christmas was his way of justifying the expense.
2021-10-23 6:32:37 AM  
A ceramic Santa full of diabetic candy.  I'm not diabetic and my birthday is in July.
2021-10-23 7:04:37 AM  
My teams losing on my birthday.
2021-10-23 7:21:55 AM  
I don't really mind getting socks these days, my feet wreck those things so they're always welcome.

I had a gradma that didn't really notice that her grandkids were aging, or that inflation existed, so all of us got a 50p coin taped inside our birthday cards well into our twenties.
2021-10-23 7:38:51 AM  

dildo tontine: Membership to the Jelly of the Month Club.

Now dildo, that's the gift that keeps on giving!

But to answer the question, I once got a flannel hunting jacket and a beret from the same person. I've never been hunting a day in my life nor have I ever been to France or the type to wear a beret!

But, as we always taught our kids, you're not entitled to a gift, so you should appreciate whatever somebody gives you if they decide to give you a gift at all
2021-10-23 7:41:46 AM  
A lecture from my girlfriend at the time that people over the age of 8 shouldn't care about birthdays, and how immature and selfish I was to think it was something worth mentioning.
2021-10-23 7:48:31 AM  
A cheating girlfriend.

/I would've preferred a hot cocoa sampler
//I unironically like hot cocoa samplers - you don't care about me but I made you spend money and I got cocoa
2021-10-23 7:51:06 AM  
I got a basket full of cleaning supplies for my 28 or 29th birthday, from my walking-breathing-cliché mother in law. Of course, they were "superior" aggressive cleaning supplies, like bleach. She said they were better than my usual stuff.
I'd like to point out that both that my husband is a clean freak, and it's usually him who cleans, not me. Apparently this displeased her?
I was stunned, and asked my husband to put them on the highest shelf, so that the baby and the toddler couldn't possibly reach them. They stayed there until we moved a few years later.

This days she doesn't give me anything, because I once said years ago that I try to avoid clutter. Fine by me :-)
2021-10-23 7:56:56 AM  
OK So Amuse Me:

It would have been really weird if you lived in Arizona. Had your mom hit her head recently? Because that is an odd gift. Did you ever ask her why?

Yes.   She got offended that I didn't like her gift.  She had put a lot of thought into it.
2021-10-23 8:01:36 AM  
A unicycle. When I turned 16. And was living in the boonies, probably 10 miles from the nearest pavement.
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