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(Slate)   "I buy crap from all the fundraisers my coworkers' children have, but no one bothers to shop up and support me at my marathons. It's unfair and more than a little insulting. What should I do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Dumbass, Family, Marriage, 34-year-old mother, friends' children, multi-year hiatus, best friend's wife, kids' fundraisers, couple months  
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371 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 22 Oct 2021 at 4:24 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



40 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-10-21 11:01:33 PM  
Stop feeling entitled to reciprocation.
You're not a nice person.

Actual nice people do nice things with 0 expectations of reciprocation because they simply want to do the nice thing.

Don't buy extra cookies or cookies you don't want to eat to act nice. Just say no.
 
2021-10-22 2:35:21 AM  
$1 candy bars vs. $25-50 minimum donations for those charity 5ks.
 
2021-10-22 2:36:08 AM  
If only they'd sent her a personalized email.
 
2021-10-22 4:41:14 AM  
la la la

/buy my stuff!
 
2021-10-22 4:45:08 AM  
I'm sick to death of adults asking me to sponsor them to do something they already like doing.  This asshat is a case in point.  "I'm running 26 miles, something I do regularly because it makes me feel good about myself and superior to you.  Give me money for a charity you may or may not support so you don't feel guilty every time we meet."  Piss off, glory hunting attention seeker.  My sponsorship isn't going to make you run faster or further.  Just run your marathon and take yourself 26 miles further away from me.
 
2021-10-22 5:13:22 AM  

Purple_Urkle: Stop feeling entitled to reciprocation.
You're not a nice person.

Actual nice people do nice things with 0 expectations of reciprocation because they simply want to do the nice thing.

Don't buy extra cookies or cookies you don't want to eat to act nice. Just say no.


nice people are murdered in the street

/for being nice people
 
2021-10-22 5:29:28 AM  

Be polite walk on the right: nice people are murdered in the street

/for being nice people


Are those the ones who are nice but walk on the left?  Are you send us a coded warning?
 
2021-10-22 5:36:16 AM  
You just made the list, pal
 
2021-10-22 6:00:50 AM  

Purple_Urkle: Stop feeling entitled to reciprocation.
You're not a nice person.

Actual nice people do nice things with 0 expectations of reciprocation because they simply want to do the nice thing.

Don't buy extra cookies or cookies you don't want to eat to act nice. Just say no.


And assholes will know the nice person as an easy mark.

Reciprocation is a part of every relationship. If LW supports people, and those people don't support back, then dropping the support is a normal thing to do.

Doing "nice things just for being nice" is for acts towards random strangers. Being Friends comes with responsibilities such as reciprocating (some of) the effort the other party puts in the relationship every once in a while.
 
2021-10-22 6:02:39 AM  
Gofundme? Patron?
 
2021-10-22 6:41:01 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-22 6:43:27 AM  
Nobody wants to stand outside and watch people run by. Get a better hobby like jello wrestling.
 
2021-10-22 6:49:36 AM  
Coworkers and friends? Fark, I can't even get my immediate family to come to my races. My wife had to drag my teenage kids to my first marathon (and she only went out of a sense of obligation).
And other than wanting them there for my first (It was a big deal for me), I don't care. I know many people in the running community, and usually we do these big races as a group, so I"m surrounded by friends who honestly are interested in the whole event.
 
2021-10-22 6:52:29 AM  
Serious question:  could excesses of butt stuff change your stride, even enough to effect your marathon time?
 
2021-10-22 7:13:37 AM  
mellinials and their entitlements have gotten out of control.  when this age group gets control of the country, we are all farked.
 
2021-10-22 7:36:04 AM  
If I hey won't support you, don't support them
 
2021-10-22 7:47:08 AM  
Stop.
 
2021-10-22 7:49:59 AM  

Only You Can See This: I'm sick to death of adults asking me to sponsor them to do something they already like doing.  This asshat is a case in point.  "I'm running 26 miles, something I do regularly because it makes me feel good about myself and superior to you.  Give me money for a charity you may or may not support so you don't feel guilty every time we meet."  Piss off, glory hunting attention seeker.  My sponsorship isn't going to make you run faster or further.  Just run your marathon and take yourself 26 miles further away from me.


I'm sick to death of adults who are making the same amount of money as I do asking me to pay for their kids.  Hey Stacey, if you can't afford camp for little Jimmy then maybe you should slow down on the Starbucks and avocado toast.  Money is fungible, if I "donate" $5 I might as well just give mom a martini.
 
2021-10-22 7:54:25 AM  
First, there is no such thing as altruism. She is not buying overpriced crap from her friends in a vacuum, she's doing within the concept of community with the expectation of reciprocated support later. Anyone who so much as mentions that they did something in the past for others out of the simple goodness of their heart within the context of seeking their own support has just blown up their own argument.

As for the running aspect of things: I have never understood the donation / charity connection to running. There are races with entry fees (usually like $100), and elite races with no open registration for which you need to qualify with a previous race time. The latter are the elite races, like Boston, which also offer entry to people who raise money for a charity. Boston requires you to raise $10,000. The only difference between the two is the total cost to get in, and who is paying it! The runner is being charged $10k to gain entry to one of the world's most elite running races and looking for other people to help foot the bill. This woman takes it a step further: not only pay a portion of her entry fee so she can run the New York marathon, but also show up and cheer for her.

I ran Boston 4 times. My friends and family are all in the area, and some of them lived on the race route. None of them ever showed up to cheer and I didn't expect them to. I'm running... I will pass you in less than a second and will be tired and inside of my own head too much to hear the crowd anyway, let alone look for you in the throngs of people. My parents would only show up a few blocks from the finish line to give me a ride home. One time they actually got out of the car because they knew I was proposing to my wife at the finish, and she was only there because she was running it as well.
 
2021-10-22 8:01:40 AM  
Here you go.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-22 8:02:29 AM  
I enjoy the fact that my company has a no solicitation policy in the handbook that specifies no fundraisers, no asking people to join things, no inviting people to your show/race/church, etc. If you want sponsorship for a race talk to Marketing and see what they can offer.
 
2021-10-22 8:14:26 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Here you go.
[Fark user image 252x200]


Haha, every time I transfer money online to my savings account I write "Donation to the Human Fund" in the optional memo line.
 
2021-10-22 8:17:20 AM  
Have sex with their spouses. That'll show 'em.
 
2021-10-22 8:45:10 AM  

dv-ous: $1 candy bars vs. $25-50 minimum donations for those charity 5ks.


you haven't done a kids fundraiser in a while have you?

Now they're all subcontracted out to companies that sell garbage home products and tinned popcorn/cookies.

all at least $20 and up.
 
2021-10-22 8:46:57 AM  

Petite Mel: Coworkers and friends? Fark, I can't even get my immediate family to come to my races. My wife had to drag my teenage kids to my first marathon (and she only went out of a sense of obligation).
And other than wanting them there for my first (It was a big deal for me), I don't care. I know many people in the running community, and usually we do these big races as a group, so I"m surrounded by friends who honestly are interested in the whole event.


Yep.
LW shouldn't expect them to show up.  But tossing a couple bucks to the fundraiser isn't asking too much.  LW does the same for their kids.
 
2021-10-22 8:48:28 AM  

LaChanz: Stop.


and start blaming other people for your problems

/thatll make you real popular
 
2021-10-22 8:52:04 AM  

Purple_Urkle: Stop feeling entitled to reciprocation.
You're not a nice person.

Actual nice people do nice things with 0 expectations of reciprocation because they simply want to do the nice thing.

Don't buy extra cookies or cookies you don't want to eat to act nice. Just say no.


And that means she's friends with not nice people since they can't even be bothered to do nice things.
 
2021-10-22 9:01:30 AM  
I don't think my wife has ever come to a single one of my races and that's fine. As said before, you pass by in a moment and there's nothing to do for the rest of the time
 
2021-10-22 9:12:48 AM  

RogermcAllen: Only You Can See This: I'm sick to death of adults asking me to sponsor them to do something they already like doing.  This asshat is a case in point.  "I'm running 26 miles, something I do regularly because it makes me feel good about myself and superior to you.  Give me money for a charity you may or may not support so you don't feel guilty every time we meet."  Piss off, glory hunting attention seeker.  My sponsorship isn't going to make you run faster or further.  Just run your marathon and take yourself 26 miles further away from me.

I'm sick to death of adults who are making the same amount of money as I do asking me to pay for their kids.  Hey Stacey, if you can't afford camp for little Jimmy then maybe you should slow down on the Starbucks and avocado toast.  Money is fungible, if I "donate" $5 I might as well just give mom a martini.


They have box mojito's and apparently you know where Stacey sits, so let's make this a win-win situation for the working mom AND you, k?
 
2021-10-22 9:13:57 AM  
Your coworkers don't care about your hobby. You will need to come to terms with that and move on.
 
2021-10-22 9:20:23 AM  

Groupon boob job: Rapmaster2000: Here you go.
[Fark user image 252x200]

Haha, every time I transfer money online to my savings account I write "Donation to the Human Fund" in the optional memo line.


It's money.  And you're people.  Sounds legit to me.
 
2021-10-22 9:43:52 AM  

Only You Can See This: I'm sick to death of adults asking me to sponsor them to do something they already like doing.  This asshat is a case in point.  "I'm running 26 miles, something I do regularly because it makes me feel good about myself and superior to you.  Give me money for a charity you may or may not support so you don't feel guilty every time we meet."  Piss off, glory hunting attention seeker.  My sponsorship isn't going to make you run faster or further.  Just run your marathon and take yourself 26 miles further away from me.


Actually, it's a lot more incidental than that.  See, a lot of races with charity bibs (the paper number they put on the runners) are hard to get into.  I think it's a tax write off and it builds a ton of good will in the community to let them hold the race because everyone can support their favorite local charity or at least say "It screws up traffic but at least there is a runner supporting Dildos for Divorces and they provide sex toys to to women in abuse shelters."

So the race gives various charities bibs and the charities give them to fundraisers/runners with a guaranteed minimum donation.  Someone mentioned upthread that Boston goes for about $10k, but it depends on the charity.  Basically, if you don't give them their money by the deadline your credit card gets dinged for the guarantee amount and if you raise more money, awesome.

So giving them money is even more about vanity than you're giving them credit for because otherwise they'd never be able to run in the prestigious races they can't qualify for.
 
2021-10-22 11:08:00 AM  
1.  Parents, stop selling this crap.  Send in a check, and save your family's reputation with the community.  Mommy, I need to sell seven hundred dollars worth of stuff to get the glowing yo-yo!  Guess what, kid.  If you bring in a hundred dollars, cash, they'll just give you the yo-yo.  No strings attached.  So to speak.

2.  I might donate to your run, if it's a good cause.  I have no desire to sit out on a corner and wait for you to run by.  So I can watch you run.  For about thirty seconds.  I don't go to kids' ball games, and I certainly ain't gonna turn out to watch a grown-ass adult run.
 
2021-10-22 11:26:24 AM  
1) And Your Friends They All Come Crawling, Slap You On The Back And Say Please...: I've decided the best way to get support for proper school funding is to advertise that if approved, you'll never have to participate in a charity fundraising effort again.  Not you, not your kids and you won't have to buy cheap crap from your co-workers.  Might work for universal health care, too.  Anyway, I loathe sponsored charity sport events.  I bicycle and if it's a charity ride I want to do, I see if it's worth it for me to cover the requested donation on my own or I don't do it.  I recommend you STFU and do it that way.

2) He Said "I Might Mislead You, But I Wouldn't Ever Lie To Ya.": STFU and GTHOI.

3) I Don't Feel You Anymore, You Darken My Door: Nobody needs narcissist in their life.  Tell them to FRO.

Fark user imageView Full Size


4) You Won't Catch Me Cryin' 'Cause I Just Can't Win: Tell mom to STFU and MYOB.  Having said that, I'm guessing you could use a little therapy for yourself given that upbringing.  Might not hurt to apologize to Chelsea if you haven't done so already, but that doesn't require your participation in her therapy.

5) Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only The Piano Player: There's nothing to celebrate here.  Tell her you're mailing the severance check and tell her to GTFO and also to FRO.

6) You Know I Like My Girls A Little Bit Older (Stump Prudie): Only consideration is what you want, not what society considers appropriate.  GTHOY.

7) From Here On Out My Pet Name Would Be Ex: As the truth will come out eventually, it's always best to be in front of it.  Tell her.  It's not like she hasn't moved on.

8) Under The Moonlight, You See A Sight That Almost Stops Your Heart (Classic): Tell him to STFU and GTHOI.
 
2021-10-22 12:26:53 PM  
Stop supporting charities that are nothing more than giant scams to stuff money in the pockets of a few people
 
2021-10-22 2:00:25 PM  
slate has gone all in on advice. guess it drives the clixxx
the stories all sound made up or perhaps lifted from and reworked versions of bad 90s comedy routines

/'whats the deal with people doing fundraisers for their kids?!!??'
 
2021-10-22 2:55:12 PM  
If it was a school fundraiser for your children they might be more inclined to reciprocate - for an adult, not so much
 
2021-10-22 4:38:34 PM  
I refuse to participate in school fundraisers for my kid because of how little money actually goes back to the school.

I figure she can sell $5k worth of nasty-ass popcorn and cheap wrapping paper or I can just write a check to the school for $250.  Either way, the school gets the same amount of money, it saves me from the headache of having to hit up my friends and co-workers for sales and the additional headache of having to distribute peoples' purchases, and that way I don't feel even slightly guilty about refusing to buy that shiat from other peoples' kids.
 
2021-10-22 6:51:57 PM  
I don't care for the notion that you have to "get" something for your donation, whether it's somebody else doing some running or walking, or a little useless patch or bumper sticker or anything else.  If it's a cause I'm in support of, give me the address or website to make my donation.  If I need some more info on the charity, give me that.  Maybe I'd like to contribute but am short on cash or don't want to feel pressured into when or how much to donate.  Don't just walk up and say, "Give me $10 for this supposed cause that my supposed kid is collecting for, but pay it right now, in cash, and don't ask for a receipt, either, because they didn't furnish one to me to give out.  Just fork it over, because everyone else is, supposedly."
 
2021-10-22 11:13:27 PM  
Having read the article, I actually thought the advice was pretty good. Basically, the runner felt hurt their "friends" didn't come to support them.

This actually didn't come off as transactional in the letter to me, more like someone realizing the inequality of their relationships. However, the letter writer did not make it clear to the people involved just how much it would mean to them.
 
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