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(Slate)   "Do I have to bond with my mom's new husband's family?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Mother, Want, Gender, 2007 singles, Mother insult, Transgender, Gender role, 12-year-old son  
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368 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 18 Oct 2021 at 8:50 AM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



14 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-10-18 7:28:11 AM  
"Dear Slate, Am I an adult?"

(Apparently not).
 
2021-10-18 7:41:28 AM  
My dad and his wife married over 20 years ago, and I may have spent 24 hours combined in her presence.  Living cross country helped a lot.  Then again, she had a plane ticket to fly to my daughters high school graduation and bailed the day before the flight.  The last time I visited dad we were in their house for maybe three hours and she never left the bedroom and came downstairs.

I believe she has a son and daughter, but none of my siblings have ever met them.
 
2021-10-18 7:53:15 AM  
LOL! I didn't, they're more broken than we are.
 
2021-10-18 8:52:51 AM  
I live 20 minutes away from my step father's son and I haven't seen him in three years, except once at the grocery store. My step brothers from my step mother? I don't even remember all their names.
 
2021-10-18 9:16:25 AM  
I only met my wife's step brother once in the 20 years we've been together, and that was accidental because we weren't supposed to be at the house when he stopped over to drop something off.

This is probably a blessing, though.  Based on what he did to my wife when they were kids, if I was ever in alone with him for more than 2 minutes, only one of us would be walking away.
 
2021-10-18 9:18:11 AM  
Yes, and you must serve them high tea with freshly baked buttered scones and raspberry jam.
 
2021-10-18 9:20:56 AM  
You don't have to, but if they're nice people it might be good to.
 
2021-10-18 9:23:57 AM  
In the end we all choose our family.  If you choose to remain your mother's child, you'll at least choose to be courteous to her new husband and in-laws.  That's all that is required for you to continue being your mother's child.  If you find that you're incapable of more, that's fine.  If you mother is demanding more, you have to choose between your relationship with your mother and her demands.  It's not easy, but it's simple.
 
2021-10-18 9:58:22 AM  
You don't have to bond with these people just tolerate them on holidays, etc.
 
2021-10-18 10:24:05 AM  

Unknown Subject: You don't have to bond with these people just tolerate them on holidays, etc.


THIS.

End of thread.
 
2021-10-18 10:26:54 AM  
MrsRT has 4 (5?) step-siblings that she/we've never met (and all their offspring, including grandchildren - so, 30ish family members?).

Of course that's mainly because 15 years ago her widowed mother married a (very nice) widower.  All of us kids were in our 40s with established families of our own & we for the most part live at least 2k miles away from each other.  From the occasional FB post that I see when her mom & step dad are visiting, they all seem like nice people, but there is zero history between any of us.  I've got nothing against meeting them/becoming friends with them, there's just no practical way of doing so given the state of all of our lives at the moment.

/they eloped to Vegas to get married so there wasn't even a big party to meet everyone
//probably on purpose so that everyone wouldn't feel obligated to bring their families 2k miles to them - they're practical people
 
2021-10-18 3:20:57 PM  
Many years ago when my Dad almost gave in to his midlife crisis he tried to get me to bond with his squeeze's kids while explaining that I would be living with my Mom. That didn't go well
 
2021-10-18 3:25:37 PM  
Well, I'd at least meet them. There may be one or two in the bunch that you get along with, or share a few interests or realities.
If not, then let your mom know that it's not your crowd and you're glad that she found someone that she likes.
-OR-
Now that I read the article... sounds like the mom is trying to "make a family" again, but has no idea that the ship has sailed. A bunch of adults looking at each other and thinking, "yeah, no thanks on this mingling thing" is pretty much it.
Tell mom to enjoy HER relationship and not force others'.
 
2021-10-18 3:38:17 PM  
Yes you should.

Life sucks enough as it is. You should try to develop connections whenever you can.

/ I invited my dad's first wife to my wedding (hadn't seen her in over a decade)
// Saw no reason that my half-siblings shouldn't have their mom around at a big family gathering
/// she became part of family get togethers for the 24 years that followed
// she is 85 and has pancreatic cancer now
/ Now I am sad
 
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