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(Slate)   "I am ashamed to admit that I am frustrated with my oldest son. He stopped taking his antidepressants, he won't help with chores or take responsibility, and I am exhausted with him. Am I being a terrible parent?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Sad, Family, Mother, Marriage, Father, Anxiety, ex-husband, parents of children, cause of the divorce  
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390 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 18 Oct 2021 at 11:05 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



27 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-10-18 10:15:09 AM  
Yes. And if you had just done butt stuff instead of getting knocked up, you wouldn't be asking stupid questions of strangers.
 
2021-10-18 10:27:45 AM  
No. You're human.
 
2021-10-18 11:16:20 AM  

Mugato: Yes. And if you had just done butt stuff instead of getting knocked up, you wouldn't be asking stupid questions of strangers.


Uncle Eazy: No. You're human.


The dichotomy of man.
 
2021-10-18 11:19:52 AM  

Omnidirectional Punching: Mugato: Yes. And if you had just done butt stuff instead of getting knocked up, you wouldn't be asking stupid questions of strangers.

Uncle Eazy: No. You're human.

The dichotomy of man.


The Jungian thing?
 
2021-10-18 11:30:37 AM  
I suggest a fatal beating. 100% guaranteed to cure his depression or your money back.
 
2021-10-18 11:35:22 AM  
You need to talk to a qualified professional, random internet Slate stranger.
 
2021-10-18 11:51:14 AM  
Hit him with THE BLOCKCHAIN
 
2021-10-18 12:12:48 PM  
Your a lousy parent. You can work on yourself...but your son is a loser
 
2021-10-18 12:28:44 PM  
I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.
 
2021-10-18 12:44:56 PM  
Since when is being frustrated with your kids a source of shame?
 
2021-10-18 12:49:08 PM  
My youngest baby boy son moved into his own place last week - and he's only 26 years-old.
Mrs. Henry is worried sick about him - so much so that she hasn't noticed my "empty-nester" nudity protocol.
 
2021-10-18 1:06:27 PM  
"Did not like the way they feel," has always seemed like an oversimplification of something that is supposed to have an effect on brain chemistry. I have seen people take medications and get to "normal" function and others lose control to the point of where the cure is worse than the disease.
 
2021-10-18 1:10:13 PM  

clborgia: "Did not like the way they feel," has always seemed like an oversimplification of something that is supposed to have an effect on brain chemistry. I have seen people take medications and get to "normal" function and others lose control to the point of where the cure is worse than the disease.


I have never taken them, but I have numerous close to me that have, including my son.  He is severely autistic and we give him a mood stabilizer that has helped a lot with leveling out his emotional highs and lows.   It seems to be helping.    I have two other immediate family that are on the more mild ones, and both swear by it.  They did say it took a while to get the "mood" of it sorted, though.    The one other relation took it for ADD as a kid, and stopped because he didn't like how it made him feel.   He is doing just fine now, though, so that worked out.
 
2021-10-18 1:13:20 PM  

clborgia: "Did not like the way they feel," has always seemed like an oversimplification of something that is supposed to have an effect on brain chemistry. I have seen people take medications and get to "normal" function and others lose control to the point of where the cure is worse than the disease.


Yep. Also, maybe he also doesn't want to add fun things like weight gain or impotence on top of his depression.

Depression makes staying in shape hard enough without a pill making that worse, and being a lard ass is depressing in and of itself.
 
2021-10-18 1:28:55 PM  
wow.  have you never had to enforce any rules with your kid, ever.

Son - you can stay here if you take you meds on time, consistently and go to regular therapy sessions.  Also you need to write out a 1 year plan that includes getting a job or going to school and moving out. In the mean time If you don't have a job in 2 weeks or you don't keep said job i'm kicking you out and changing the locks.
 
2021-10-18 2:11:39 PM  

tom baker's scarf: wow.  have you never had to enforce any rules with your kid, ever.

Son - you can stay here if you take you meds on time, consistently and go to regular therapy sessions.  Also you need to write out a 1 year plan that includes getting a job or going to school and moving out. In the mean time If you don't have a job in 2 weeks or you don't keep said job i'm kicking you out and changing the locks.


That always works with clinically depressed adolescents, I'm sure it will work here, great advice!
 
2021-10-18 2:16:22 PM  

Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.


I can. The good news is they eventually lose interest and leave you to drift aimlessly. Maybe you learn to swim, maybe you don't. All part of the rich tapestry of life.
 
2021-10-18 4:12:40 PM  

Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.


This.

I can't help but think the home environment might be related to the depression.

My advise would be this, run an experiment:
Get him an apartment and pay rent on it for 1 year.  Give him money for groceries and other necessities if he needs it.

Tell him at the end of the year he can either get a job and continue constructing his own independent life, or he is welcome to move back in.  Completely up to him.
 
2021-10-18 4:35:59 PM  

akya: Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.

This.

I can't help but think the home environment might be related to the depression.

My advise would be this, run an experiment:
Get him an apartment and pay rent on it for 1 year.  Give him money for groceries and other necessities if he needs it.

Tell him at the end of the year he can either get a job and continue constructing his own independent life, or he is welcome to move back in.  Completely up to him.


TBH that deal would have been awesome when I was 18 and didn't suffer from depression
 
2021-10-18 5:04:04 PM  

deadsanta: tom baker's scarf: wow.  have you never had to enforce any rules with your kid, ever.

Son - you can stay here if you take you meds on time, consistently and go to regular therapy sessions.  Also you need to write out a 1 year plan that includes getting a job or going to school and moving out. In the mean time If you don't have a job in 2 weeks or you don't keep said job i'm kicking you out and changing the locks.

That always works with clinically depressed adolescents, I'm sure it will work here, great advice!


the parent is obviously on the verge of severe burnout and sooner or later they won't be able to help them anymore.  they can either choose to try something new now or watch that kid live in misery forever.
 
2021-10-18 5:43:47 PM  

relaxitsjustme: akya: Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.

This.

I can't help but think the home environment might be related to the depression.

My advise would be this, run an experiment:
Get him an apartment and pay rent on it for 1 year.  Give him money for groceries and other necessities if he needs it.

Tell him at the end of the year he can either get a job and continue constructing his own independent life, or he is welcome to move back in.  Completely up to him.

TBH that deal would have been awesome when I was 18 and didn't suffer from depression


I guess I would also stipulate that if he moves back in, strict rules, similar to what tom baker's scarf recommended would apply.  After all he's an adult now and shouldn't be your economic/emotional responsibility forever.

My guess is once he gets some distance and a taste of independence, he will realize how great it is to be a fully functional adult living life on their own terms.

I have a feeling just getting a bit of a fresh start will probably help his depression, regardless, and might light a fire under his butt to make sure he maintains it.  Plus you avoid the burn out that appears to be coming.
 
2021-10-18 7:17:30 PM  

akya: Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.

This.

I can't help but think the home environment might be related to the depression.

My advise would be this, run an experiment:
Get him an apartment and pay rent on it for 1 year.  Give him money for groceries and other necessities if he needs it.

Tell him at the end of the year he can either get a job and continue constructing his own independent life, or he is welcome to move back in.  Completely up to him.


Or just go to college out of town.
 
2021-10-18 7:55:27 PM  

Farce-Side: Since when is being frustrated with your kids a source of shame?


People often stigmatize mental illness within their families. This creates and sense of shame.
 
2021-10-18 8:04:58 PM  
When you suffer from depression you have to learn that you can still go through the motions of life. That you can get a job and pay the rent and so on. And I suspect that most people would feel no effects at all from taking modern antidepressants.
 
2021-10-18 8:41:58 PM  

melfunction: When you suffer from depression you have to learn that you can still go through the motions of life. That you can get a job and pay the rent and so on. And I suspect that most people would feel no effects at all from taking modern antidepressants.


Oh, well, if you suspect that then you're probably correct and can definitely apply that statistic to individual cases.

SSRIs have a nearly 40 percent side effect rate, fyi.
 
2021-10-19 11:41:51 AM  

Ker_Thwap: I can't imagine growing up with my parents firmly involved/entrenched in every aspect of my brain functioning, and always being told that I don't measure up to the range of human norms.


This is what I tell my Nurglings: "If you don't fall into the range of human norms, how will you ever present as humans when stacked three high and dressed in a trench-coat?"
 
2021-10-19 6:52:55 PM  
Sounds like Elliott Rodger, the Santa Barbara shooter. He was asian
 
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