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(WUSA9)   How to tell you have bad decision making skills: You try to carjack an MMA fighter using a wooden stick, you don't know how to drive the car, you flee police by going the wrong way into oncoming traffic, then think you can outrun a police dog   (wusa9.com) divider line
    More: Fail, Manual transmission, Mixed martial arts, Martial arts, Gear ratio, Semi-automatic transmission, Grappling, Wrestling, English-language films  
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2265 clicks; posted to Main » on 13 Oct 2021 at 3:05 PM (10 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



53 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-10-13 12:47:42 PM  
So the only thing they can't steal/escape from, technically, is the dog?
 
2021-10-13 3:09:41 PM  
A contender appears!
Man spray Gasoline on would be ROBBERS (no one got hurt)
Youtube ymK_vty6dTE
 
2021-10-13 3:10:52 PM  
Sounds like a good challenge to add to season 2 of Squid Game.
 
2021-10-13 3:11:19 PM  
That story needed "Yakety Sax" playing during it.
 
2021-10-13 3:13:04 PM  
Per the headline, it sounds like he got up to level 4.  Not bad, I guess
 
2021-10-13 3:13:38 PM  
**Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift
 
2021-10-13 3:13:44 PM  
See this is why, should things go horribly wrong, you should try to hijack only with weapons that you can comfortably take up your ass.
 
2021-10-13 3:18:25 PM  

Feel_the_velvet: Per the headline, it sounds like he got up to level 4.  Not bad, I guess


I feel like the only person in the world who played GTA strictly by the by the DMV handbook. No violations
 
2021-10-13 3:19:43 PM  

NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift


Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.
 
2021-10-13 3:19:48 PM  
You voted for Ex-President Useless farkwad.

That's it. That's how you tell you have shiatty decision making skills.
 
2021-10-13 3:20:20 PM  
Glad they were able to catch the person before they got elected.
 
2021-10-13 3:21:54 PM  

Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.


Making your password 'their' apparently ruins yours
 
2021-10-13 3:24:41 PM  
Takeaway: there's a K9 named Titan that will chase your ass down before you have a chance to say 'ah know ma ri......owie!
 
2021-10-13 3:30:56 PM  

Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 3:31:32 PM  

Murflette: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

Making your password 'their' apparently ruins yours


/Knew it when I did it.
//Someone has to keep grammar nazis entertained.
/// just doing my part.
 
2021-10-13 3:31:38 PM  
Isn't every muscle-head under 65 an "MMA fighter" these days?

/They're going to tag-team that dummy
//"Tag team" meaning "fark at the same time"

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 3:38:01 PM  
Bet that farker's Skyrim savegames are nuts.
 
2021-10-13 3:38:05 PM  
Wait so he successfully carjacked a "MMA Fighter" with only a stick.
Then things started going downhill for him?
 
2021-10-13 3:40:53 PM  

koder: See this is why, should things go horribly wrong, you should try to hijack only with weapons that you can comfortably take up your ass.


walyou.comView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 3:41:43 PM  
Perp 1: Let's go steal a car. We'll go to the McDonald's and wait for some big fat lady to come out and roll her.
Perp 2: Dude, what are you crazy? Let's go down to the gym and find some muscly guy and roll him instead.
Perp 3: yeah, dude, what were you thinking! Did you forget I have a stick?
 
2021-10-13 3:47:09 PM  
Not sure what kind of dog Titan is but assuming a German Sheppard or Belgian Malinois.  I have both, you are not out running my girls period.  Super smart and when it comes time to play fetch, very fast.
 
2021-10-13 3:51:04 PM  

Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.


I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.
 
2021-10-13 3:51:31 PM  
I have the coworker who's a ranked MMA fighter.

He's a super nice guy.  Not exceptionally intelligent but no dummy either.  But his best quality is that he is the epitome of Neutral Good.  Dean doesn't lie, doesn't tolerate cheating, gives and receives advice well, and is all around a great team player because he likes everybody... (even the assholes, which is the only annoying thing about him).

From what he relates about MMA, though, the number one talent required is the ability to take a fkkg beating.  He comes into work after a match and he looks like he's been in a car accident.

People will say, "Dude, you look like shiat.  How was the match?"

"It was great!  I lost but it was great!"

/and he leaves a wake of damp panties in his path
//even my lesbian coworkers say they'd do him
///seriously, somebody needs to follow him around with a sploosh mop
 
2021-10-13 3:52:39 PM  

Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.


they're

/pet peave
 
2021-10-13 3:53:18 PM  

Exile On Beale Street: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.


I learned to drive a standard transmission on a tractor.  And haven't used a clutch in 40 years.

Loan me your standard transmission car and I will fk up your clutch and your tires.
 
2021-10-13 3:54:43 PM  
The real question we need to be asking though is this:  Can you break these cuffs?
 
2021-10-13 3:55:29 PM  
He left his facebook page open to comments. I just posted this:

scontent-iad3-2.xx.fbcdn.netView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 3:56:03 PM  

bughunter: Exile On Beale Street: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.

I learned to drive a standard transmission on a tractor.  And haven't used a clutch in 40 years.

Loan me your standard transmission car and I will fk up your clutch and your tires.


My dad had a 67 Bronco three on the tree I also learned on. That was challenging, but eventually fun as hell.
 
2021-10-13 3:56:37 PM  

Exile On Beale Street: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.


but was it the same type of stick the perps hit the guy with?  Larch?
 
2021-10-13 4:00:22 PM  

the voice of raisin: Exile On Beale Street: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.

but was it the same type of stick the perps hit the guy with?  Larch?


I'm not insulting anyone who can't, but where and when I grew up it's like saying you don't know how to ride a bike. I just thought everybody knew...
 
2021-10-13 4:02:01 PM  
held without bond

for those seeking a general descriptor
 
2021-10-13 4:02:43 PM  

Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.


My handwriting protects my passwords from any scrutiny, sometimes even my own.
 
2021-10-13 4:07:45 PM  

TotallyRealNotFake: Wait so he successfully carjacked a "MMA Fighter" with only a stick.
Then things started going downhill for him?


No, he didn't "successfully" carjack him.
Successful means they got the car. They didn't.

They ran away scared in their own car after a whole gym full of people came out and started kicking their asses along with the MMA guy.

Eventually, more people inside the gym rushed out to thwart the attempted carjacking. All three suspects were eventually able to get back in their vehicle and left the scene.

RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!
 
2021-10-13 4:13:05 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 4:14:55 PM  
It used to amaze me that there were people who didn't know how to operate a manual transmission.    Now I'm amazed that there are people who have never even heard of a manual trans.   Man, I'm old.

/lawn
//get off
 
2021-10-13 4:17:45 PM  
The most fun thing about a three-on-the-tree is having to pull it into the garage for the mechanic to inspect.
 
2021-10-13 4:22:38 PM  

Thank You Black Jesus!: held without bond

for those seeking a general descriptor


Thanks, but the Mississippi plates, and their being pursued through the woods by deputies and unleashed dogs was description enough.
 
2021-10-13 4:27:29 PM  
Sounds like the genius my ex left me for, he robbed the motorcycle shop he worked at under the table because he was trying to avoid child support. He got caught on camera unlocking the backdoor after the boss locked it and turned out the outside lights after the boss turned them on. Came back three hours later with friends thinking he was safe but the boss had put in the night vision security cameras and caught him and his buddies robbing the place. He was already on probation for throwing a brick through a bar window and getting into a fight after he got thrown out for being a drunk ahole.
 
2021-10-13 4:29:08 PM  

J45Picker: Isn't every muscle-head under 65 an "MMA fighter" these days?

/They're going to tag-team that dummy
//"Tag team" meaning "fark at the same time"

[Fark user image image 624x341]


Technically EVERYONE is an MMA fighter when you jump them with a stick and they're stickless.
 
2021-10-13 4:48:14 PM  

groppet: Sounds like the genius my ex left me for, he robbed the motorcycle shop he worked at under the table because he was trying to avoid child support. He got caught on camera unlocking the backdoor after the boss locked it and turned out the outside lights after the boss turned them on. Came back three hours later with friends thinking he was safe but the boss had put in the night vision security cameras and caught him and his buddies robbing the place. He was already on probation for throwing a brick through a bar window and getting into a fight after he got thrown out for being a drunk ahole.


I got a story like that.  In high school I had a girl leave me for a 'man' of the same mental caliber.   This guy decided that he was going to beat the high cost of marijuana by growing his own.....in his mother's front yard.   One day he was out there in the front yard watering the plants with a watering can.  While he's watering his grow-op, a cop car came down the street.  The front yard was elevated several feet off the sidewalk behind a retaining wall.  The cop couldn't actually see what he was watering.  It all looked like a fairly innocent suburban scene.  Nice young man helping his mom with the yard work.   Well, this guy saw the cop car and proceeded to throw the watering can over the neighbors fence, run into the house and slam the door.  The cop witnessed this, and being the inquisitive cop type, stopped to investigate this odd behavior.

Not too long after he got arrested for the pot plants, he and number of his equally bright friends decided to steal an aluminum rowboat from someone's yard....in the middle of the day.   They went into the yard with a pair of bolt cutters, severed the chain securing the boat, and then proceeded to carry the boat down the street.   Did I mention this was in the middle of the day?
 
2021-10-13 4:58:55 PM  

Fissile: groppet: Sounds like the genius my ex left me for, he robbed the motorcycle shop he worked at under the table because he was trying to avoid child support. He got caught on camera unlocking the backdoor after the boss locked it and turned out the outside lights after the boss turned them on. Came back three hours later with friends thinking he was safe but the boss had put in the night vision security cameras and caught him and his buddies robbing the place. He was already on probation for throwing a brick through a bar window and getting into a fight after he got thrown out for being a drunk ahole.

I got a story like that.  In high school I had a girl leave me for a 'man' of the same mental caliber.   This guy decided that he was going to beat the high cost of marijuana by growing his own.....in his mother's front yard.   One day he was out there in the front yard watering the plants with a watering can.  While he's watering his grow-op, a cop car came down the street.  The front yard was elevated several feet off the sidewalk behind a retaining wall.  The cop couldn't actually see what he was watering.  It all looked like a fairly innocent suburban scene.  Nice young man helping his mom with the yard work.   Well, this guy saw the cop car and proceeded to throw the watering can over the neighbors fence, run into the house and slam the door.  The cop witnessed this, and being the inquisitive cop type, stopped to investigate this odd behavior.

Not too long after he got arrested for the pot plants, he and number of his equally bright friends decided to steal an aluminum rowboat from someone's yard....in the middle of the day.   They went into the yard with a pair of bolt cutters, severed the chain securing the boat, and then proceeded to carry the boat down the street.   Did I mention this was in the middle of the day?


Sometimes when I've been fighting a bastard of a problem I get to thinking I'm not smart enough.

Then I read stories like these.
 
2021-10-13 5:14:38 PM  

arrogantbastich: So the only thing they can't steal/escape from, technically, is the dog?


Came here to say this.
 
2021-10-13 5:19:42 PM  

skyotter: A contender appears!
[YouTube video: Man spray Gasoline on would be ROBBERS (no one got hurt)]


Are we sure it was an attempted robbery? They might have just wanted to talk about her car warranty.
 
2021-10-13 5:27:44 PM  
Good ol' Stafford. The shiathole of the DMV, and just about everyplace else.
 
2021-10-13 5:28:04 PM  

TotallyRealNotFake: Wait so he successfully carjacked a "MMA Fighter" with only a stick.
Then things started going downhill for him?


For them, three of them
 
2021-10-13 5:56:52 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-10-13 6:21:35 PM  

Exile On Beale Street: the voice of raisin: Exile On Beale Street: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

I learned on a stick, and drove it till I was like 24. I could eat, roll a joint, shotgun beers, tie a necktie while driving with my knees. I'm always amazed by people who can't drive one.

but was it the same type of stick the perps hit the guy with?  Larch?

I'm not insulting anyone who can't, but where and when I grew up it's like saying you don't know how to ride a bike. I just thought everybody knew...


you also used to get better gas mileage from a manual transmission because the computers were slow and the mechanism was clunky.  you could also control gear changes for a "more exciting" experience.

neither are true any more.

csb:  My Mazda 3 even has that pseudo-manual mode which will keep the trans from up-shifting if I dont want it to.  I messed with that for the first 6 months, put haven't used it since.  maybe use it if I'm towing a trailer.
 
2021-10-13 6:33:08 PM  
Are you sure that whole thing was written by Carl Hiaasen?
 
2021-10-13 7:29:41 PM  
No one thinks they can outrun the police dog. Usain bolt couldn't. It's instinct to run from a bitey snarling animal. But who cares everyone got a little bit of a run.
 
2021-10-13 9:10:10 PM  

the voice of raisin: Madaynun: NotARocketScientist: **Reads headline**
Stick shift?
**click link**
Stick shift

Millennial anti theft Device.
Writing your passwords in Cursive also ruins there day.

they're

/pet peave


No...their (possessive) ...and the grammar nazi already corrected it.
 
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