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(Lifehacker)   Judging by the headline, it seems like someone has an issue with lawns (Warning: Contains foul language)   (lifehacker.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Lawn, National Wildlife Federation, Grass, Poaceae, lawn alive, Impervious surface, best thing, grass species  
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4634 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Sep 2021 at 8:24 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-09-25 8:02:16 AM  
"Editor's note: the author of this article does have a lawn, and her partner has repeatedly asked her to run the mower while they're away at work if she's going to just sit around the house fiddling with her laptop."
 
2021-09-25 8:26:53 AM  
100% agree. Lawns suck.
 
2021-09-25 8:28:28 AM  
Rolling around with your puppies and/or kids on gravel just doesn't feel as good.

Same for slip n slides, or some midnight sex in the fenced in backyard.
 
2021-09-25 8:30:46 AM  
Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.
 
2021-09-25 8:34:24 AM  
Cut it in the spring/summer, mulch the leaves on it in the fall, do nothing for it in the winter. I haven't bothered watering it all year long, because it never got really dry here all year.
 
2021-09-25 8:34:24 AM  
My cousin in Vegas is building a new house and is gonna use red creeping thyme instead of grass.

Drought resistant, low maintenance, attracts honey bees and smells good.
 
2021-09-25 8:34:36 AM  
While that's true, the alternatives mentioned require a lot more work to maintain.
 
2021-09-25 8:39:23 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-25 8:40:06 AM  

freddyV: My cousin in Vegas is building a new house and is gonna use red creeping thyme instead of grass.

Drought resistant, low maintenance, attracts honey bees and smells good.


I want to try this but my partner is not onboard.

I hate lawns. Hate them.
 
2021-09-25 8:40:49 AM  
Bob Rivers - I Fought The Lawn
Youtube 3s5X06O-t9w
 
2021-09-25 8:41:23 AM  
"Contains foul language."

Can confirm. "Lawn" appears several times in TFA.
 
2021-09-25 8:43:28 AM  
I'll give ya some fowl language.

Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Quack.
Quack quack.
Cluck.
 
2021-09-25 8:43:32 AM  
There's having a lawn to prevent erosion, an unwatered, parched, weedy thing that gets mowed once a month; and then there's the chemical-laden carpet of verdant eye-joy complete with in-ground sprinklers on a timer.
 
2021-09-25 8:45:19 AM  

educated: freddyV: My cousin in Vegas is building a new house and is gonna use red creeping thyme instead of grass.

Drought resistant, low maintenance, attracts honey bees and smells good.

I want to try this but my partner is not onboard.

I hate lawns. Hate them.


From what I understand it is expensive to do an entire lawn but you eventually save money from watering and maintenance costs. I haven't researched anything, it's just convo with her.
I have been in the works of building a home, but with the expense I am holding off.  But I will look into this when I get that far.
 
2021-09-25 8:45:21 AM  
 Leave it all alone for a few weeks and you get Poison Ivy and Virginia Creeper and clover and all sorts of stuff you can't walk on with bare feet.  Hit it with the lawn mower every week or two and it looks close enough to being a lawn that the only people who notice are assholes
 
2021-09-25 8:47:50 AM  

Lifeless: Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.


Yeah, look. At those rich bastards in their mansion. I bet they even have a refrigerator.
media.istockphoto.comView Full Size
 
2021-09-25 8:48:46 AM  

MythDragon: Lifeless: Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.

Yeah, look. At those rich bastards in their mansion. I bet they even have a refrigerator.
[media.istockphoto.com image 612x408]


They might not have a refrigerator.
 
2021-09-25 8:49:56 AM  

August11: There's having a lawn to prevent erosion, an unwatered, parched, weedy thing that gets mowed once a month; and then there's the chemical-laden carpet of verdant eye-joy complete with in-ground sprinklers on a timer.


I have my lawn mowed every other week during the growing season, and that's it.  No fertilizer, and the only watering it gets is by Mother Nature.  It's surprisingly hardy--people shouldn't "pamper" their lawns; grass is fully capable of surviving on its own.
 
2021-09-25 8:51:25 AM  
Lawns are the most flagrant conspicuous consumption ever.
And a complete shackle to the folks who want to look like they have "made it", but aren't quite there. (Which is probably just as well. We can't be having with ambitious parvenus having disposable funds or time to do anything that might upset the class system.)
 
2021-09-25 8:55:34 AM  
Xeriscaped the backyard 5 years ago. Never have to mow, water some plants occasionally, pull a few weeds. Spend time watching the hummingbirds
 
2021-09-25 8:57:04 AM  
Yeesh, lots of people without lawns here.
Recently bought a house, it's on a small street in a tight knit neighbourhood and the lawn is bigger than my old lawn was. We've got gardens and shiat but not over the whole dang property.
fark am I supposed to do besides cut it and not let it die?

Difficulty: I don't live in a desert and the sky waters the lawn without my assistance.
 
2021-09-25 9:01:30 AM  

Mouser: August11: There's having a lawn to prevent erosion, an unwatered, parched, weedy thing that gets mowed once a month; and then there's the chemical-laden carpet of verdant eye-joy complete with in-ground sprinklers on a timer.

I have my lawn mowed every other week during the growing season, and that's it.  No fertilizer, and the only watering it gets is by Mother Nature.  It's surprisingly hardy--people shouldn't "pamper" their lawns; grass is fully capable of surviving on its own.


It's true. And I think the problem is with the pampering. That's where the environmental impact is.
 
2021-09-25 9:03:32 AM  
I got rid of any grass on my property years ago. Between rocks and mulch, it's far easier to maintain. I don't have much in the way of flat land, so the decision was especially easy for me.
 
2021-09-25 9:05:42 AM  
Contains foul language?

Please, submitter, we're not French.
 
2021-09-25 9:06:31 AM  

Laobaojun: Lawns are the most flagrant conspicuous consumption ever.
And a complete shackle to the folks who want to look like they have "made it", but aren't quite there. (Which is probably just as well. We can't be having with ambitious parvenus having disposable funds or time to do anything that might upset the class system.)


thumbs.gfycat.comView Full Size
 
2021-09-25 9:06:41 AM  
This article understates my loathing of lawns.  My wife, however, loses her mind when I suggest replacing it with something better, since it might adversely affect property values.
 
2021-09-25 9:10:37 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-25 9:12:02 AM  
Obviously it depends on location, but I have the impression that people who write the "I hate lawns" articles believe that if we just stop mowing, we'll have houses surrounded by lovely fields of wildflowers and happy pollinators like nature intended.       The actual truth, I think, is that lawns are probably the best of a number of options, especially if you don't go overboard with the green monoculture theme.   Plant some grass, mow it once or twice a month and don't worry about the dandelions.

But what happens if you don't mow?   In New England, eventually you get forest.   Before that, you get brambles, poison ivy, vines, and probably yellow jackets.    And lots of mosquitos and ticks.

Gardens as an alternative to lawn?   Don't make me laugh.   Gardens are insanely labor intensive.  Go a couple of weeks without mowing?  You have taller grass.   Go a couple of weeks without weeding the garden?   You now have a patch of weeds with some zinnias mixed in.    They take a lot of water too.   You can let grass go brown during a drought, but having everything die off defeats the purpose of a garden.
 
2021-09-25 9:18:07 AM  
In the Western US, I might agree. Not enough water to fark around like that.

East of the Mississippi, whatever. Do what you want.
 
2021-09-25 9:26:33 AM  
Article fails to point out that maintaining the lawn gives us suburbanites something to do on the weekends besides drink and beat our kids. We maintain our lawns to actually feel like we did something - then we can partake in those other more enjoyable activities, guilt-free.

Fun fact, my neighbors on either side of me are, in fact, black. Their lawns are significantly nicer and better maintained than mine. Not sure about authors correlation of lawn maintenance and white-flight in my small corner of the world.
 
2021-09-25 9:27:57 AM  

johnny_vegas: Laobaojun: Lawns are the most flagrant conspicuous consumption ever.
And a complete shackle to the folks who want to look like they have "made it", but aren't quite there. (Which is probably just as well. We can't be having with ambitious parvenus having disposable funds or time to do anything that might upset the class system.)

[thumbs.gfycat.com image 336x252] [View Full Size image _x_]


Why yes, I can be critical of the wealthy & wannabe wealthy bougies, and see the value of bleeding the bougie wannabes of time and money.  How hard is that?

/now, if we could only keep the stay-at-home spouses of the aspiring affluent a-holes busier, so they won't get all Karen out of boredom...
 
2021-09-25 9:30:02 AM  
I don't have a lawn.  I have a make-the-neighbors-further-away buffer zone.

The fact that it's called the Green Zone is inconsequential.
 
2021-09-25 9:30:47 AM  

Lifeless: Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.


Wow. That was easy.

Next, imagine yourself shutting off the computer and never logging back in to Fark.
 
2021-09-25 9:32:24 AM  
There are some benefits to keeping the weeds down around the house.  Coyotes, mice, and mosquitoes don't get so close.  You can see the road from the driveway when you are pulling out.
That's all my family did when I was a kid, and our yard was beautiful.  So many different kinds of plants flowering & growing in different shapes and colors all through the year.  My mother used to call our back yard "The Emerald City".  We knew folks that had "golf grass"; it looks sterile.

Now live in a completely different state, but still the only thing I have to do is mow around the house (not the whole property) every week or two and hit the invasive multiflora roses and russian olives with a brushcutter in the spring.  Otherwise those two will take over and choke out the native species.  Cutting a path to the clearing at the other end of the property makes a nice dog walk without so many ticks and fleas in the tall grass.  The rest of the property is turning back into woods.

The native plants already have everything they need from the environment where they evolved.  You don't have to fertilize and de-thatch and kill grubs and all that.  They just grow.
 
2021-09-25 9:33:09 AM  

Mouser: August11: There's having a lawn to prevent erosion, an unwatered, parched, weedy thing that gets mowed once a month; and then there's the chemical-laden carpet of verdant eye-joy complete with in-ground sprinklers on a timer.

I have my lawn mowed every other week during the growing season, and that's it.  No fertilizer, and the only watering it gets is by Mother Nature.  It's surprisingly hardy--people shouldn't "pamper" their lawns; grass is fully capable of surviving on its own.


*checks location* Tell that to the people insisting on growing lawns in farking desert climates.
 
2021-09-25 9:33:37 AM  

Lifeless: Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.


You mean being as rich as a middle-class homeowner?  Yeah, I can imagine that.

Imagine being a person that doesn't value the aesthetics of the place they live.

/I have a lawn
//I never have to water it
///wouldn't have one if I lived in a desert
 
2021-09-25 9:34:35 AM  
I do wonder if there's a sort of predator avoidance drive we've kept in genetic memory since our days on the savannah....
 
2021-09-25 9:34:51 AM  
There are mushrooms sprouting up in what used to be the "lawn" behind my house, which is now a lot of moss.  The front lawn is slowly being overrun by clover.  I do still mow, but it's a lot easier when there isn't actual grass.  I also try to get rid of the ugly, highly contagious weeds like dandelions, but that can be futile because if one neighbor doesn't take care of them before the seeds take flight, everybody else ends up with the same problem.
 
2021-09-25 9:39:06 AM  
The headline could also be pointing out the author's fetish.

DNRTFA
 
2021-09-25 9:40:45 AM  
I mixed some micro clover seeds into my lawn. My grass looks the best it has ever, and Inever have to fertilize (I didn't fertilize before, but my lawn looked like crap)
I also have a smart sprinkler system, so it doesn't water unless it needs to.
 
2021-09-25 9:46:31 AM  
Grass roots below ground are as long as the grass blade above ground. If you want a deeper root, force the root to search deeper by letting the blade grow longer. I now alternately every 2 & 3 weeks. My lawn is lush, uses less water even in our CA Summer drought. The longer blades allow the grass roots to search for hidden, deeper, moister soil. Drives Hubby nuts to admit I'm right. He wants to mow weekly just because that's what his Dad taught him. We're below our water allotments/allocations on a large lot with a small orchard & large garden.
 
2021-09-25 9:46:32 AM  

CarnySaur: There are mushrooms sprouting up in what used to be the "lawn" behind my house, which is now a lot of moss.  The front lawn is slowly being overrun by clover.  I do still mow, but it's a lot easier when there isn't actual grass.  I also try to get rid of the ugly, highly contagious weeds like dandelions, but that can be futile because if one neighbor doesn't take care of them before the seeds take flight, everybody else ends up with the same problem.


Some friends of ours in Chicago replaced all the grass in their backyard with clover. It's the same uniform green color, doesn't need any watering, and naturally outcompetes almost all the weeds. Worst part is that they need to keep mowing it even in drought.

My wife wants to convert our yard to clover. Unfortunately our neighbors are all pretty meticulous about their yards, and our HOA specifies we have grass.

I loathe lawns with a vengeance. Six years in Tucson, AZ spoiled me. I would convert our lawn to rocks if it wasn't for that %#*$ HOA
 
2021-09-25 9:47:39 AM  

Lifeless: Imagine being so rich that you can dedicate a significant plot of land to an economically worthless crop simply because it provides the aesthetic value of being uniform in color.


Sorry to hear about your shiatty studio with its view of a brick wall
 
2021-09-25 9:51:05 AM  

SuburbanCowboy: I mixed some micro clover seeds into my lawn. My grass looks the best it has ever, and Inever have to fertilize (I didn't fertilize before, but my lawn looked like crap)
I also have a smart sprinkler system, so it doesn't water unless it needs to.


It really is funny(sad?) that clover has turned into a weed rather than a nitrogen source for the grass that pulls water up for the grass from 3' down and stays green even when the grass turns yellow in a drought.  In my yard anything that needs reseeding gets reseeded as clover (e.g. where the dead tree got taken out or the edge of the sidewalk where the water pipe burst) an slowly the clover is making it's way through the lawn.

The clover looks great all season, and I hardly even need to mow because the rabbits keep it clipped down.
 
2021-09-25 9:55:06 AM  
I refuse to waste water on a lawn.
If it goes brown, it goes brown (and eliminates the need to mow!)
I do get disapproving looks from a couple neighbors...don't care...the yard is otherwise immaculate.

However, we get enough rain year round here in Florida that my lawn rarely goes brown.
Maybe for 2-3 months here and there in the winter. So I generally still get the benefit of a green lawn at god's expense.
 
2021-09-25 9:55:32 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-25 9:56:03 AM  

UncleDirtNap: While that's true, the alternatives mentioned require a lot more work to maintain.


Several homes have let half their yards revert to Indiana prairie.  They don't have to do anything to them.  That's the plan - let nature do its thing.

Biggest problem I see with going back to nature would be grass fires.  The neighborhood where I lived in Indianapolis in the late 60s - early 70s had a 10-acre lot between 2 subdivisions.  No one took care of it or mowed it.  Come fall, there would be 3' high grass.  At the time, folks used burn barrels to dispose of some of their trash, and that field would burn each fall.  Of course, everyone had a strip of maintained lawn between the field and the house, but if the winds were high, all that burning grass could have burned a house down, or embers could have reached nearby woods.

If you plan it carefully - and I'd wager a lot of universities would help with any issues - then it makes sense.

See also: xeriscape landscaping.   More applicable to drought-prone areas, but having a lot of bushes, shrubs, trees, etc., will help slow water runoff (allowing it to percolate down to natural aquifers) and provides corridors for animals to move safely (keep your murdering cats inside).

[My apartment complex spends $$$ on mowing services, and a lot of the land could be converted to low shrubs, succulents, etc., that require little/no maintenance.  Juniper bushes, for example.  Maybe then they'd have the money to fix the problems with the buildings.  It's a big expense up front, but will save money in the long run.]]
 
2021-09-25 9:58:33 AM  

Laobaojun: johnny_vegas: Laobaojun: Lawns are the most flagrant conspicuous consumption ever.
And a complete shackle to the folks who want to look like they have "made it", but aren't quite there. (Which is probably just as well. We can't be having with ambitious parvenus having disposable funds or time to do anything that might upset the class system.)

[thumbs.gfycat.com image 336x252] [View Full Size image _x_]

Why yes, I can be critical of the wealthy & wannabe wealthy bougies, and see the value of bleeding the bougie wannabes of time and money.  How hard is that?

/now, if we could only keep the stay-at-home spouses of the aspiring affluent a-holes busier, so they won't get all Karen out of boredom...


*shrug* it's a lawn
 
2021-09-25 10:00:51 AM  

Mouser: August11: There's having a lawn to prevent erosion, an unwatered, parched, weedy thing that gets mowed once a month; and then there's the chemical-laden carpet of verdant eye-joy complete with in-ground sprinklers on a timer.

I have my lawn mowed every other week during the growing season, and that's it.  No fertilizer, and the only watering it gets is by Mother Nature.  It's surprisingly hardy--people shouldn't "pamper" their lawns; grass is fully capable of surviving on its own.


What, you can't mow that shiat yourself?
 
2021-09-25 10:02:14 AM  
I'm not hung-Ho on lawns. For years my plan for the smallish front yard is some raised planting beds and gravel paths. The drainage is awkward and we don't do much out there so a "garden" would help and it might be more enjoyable.
On the other side so much of our back yard was bramble and brush so that's been cleared out and turned into trees and lawn. I have plans to convert some of it into patio areas but right now it's becoming grass to hold the soil.
There are some really rough parts where things fall to grow well and I'm using mulch and compost where I can and trying to only fertilize the trees.
I want irrigation in the beds but the grass is mostly on its own except for a few weeks in the worst of summer when it's helping the trees as well to water a little.
 
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