Skip to content
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Metro)   Woman tries to explain the concept of swinging to people who are satisfied with one partner   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward, Swinging, People swing, couple meet, common misconceptions, Vista Wife, older man, swinger, younger swingers  
•       •       •

807 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 24 Sep 2021 at 11:05 AM (3 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



47 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-09-24 11:10:10 AM  
She's got a fivehead.
 
2021-09-24 11:15:13 AM  

MelGoesOnTour: She's got a fivehead.


Someone really liked giving her head.
 
2021-09-24 11:18:57 AM  
The pampas grass thing is her Weeners?
 
2021-09-24 11:20:07 AM  
Gaaaahhh! Well, that certainly put me off of swinging. Those teeth! No thanks.
 
2021-09-24 11:47:49 AM  
I used to have a poster bed  that had upside down pineapples carved on the top of the posts. I had no idea I was a swinger.

Now I sleep in a hammock and it swings when I get it in so I guess I'm still a swinger.

I need my own article in METRO to let the world know of my swinging habits.
 
2021-09-24 12:25:28 PM  
"The 29-year-old mum wants people to know swinging isn't seedy."

It is unless they use condoms or have had vasectomies (from the penile-possessing participants at least).
 
2021-09-24 12:37:58 PM  
Swingin - John Anderson
Youtube BGaqp-_BOHw
 
2021-09-24 12:57:27 PM  
I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.
 
2021-09-24 1:02:40 PM  
The two open/poly relationships I've been in were the best relationships I've ever had. There's a massive reduction in stress knowing you aren't the sole arbiter of a partners needs. Only downside is the more people you involve the more points of failure you introduce.
 
2021-09-24 1:12:44 PM  

ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.


Well, speaking purely from a dataset of one marriage, that is not the case. Married almost 32 years, no affairs, dalliances, or wandering. No porn and anything erotic is mutual and consensual. We love and respect each other and are partners in every way. We're not perfect and have our disagreements but I seriously couldn't imagine my life without her.

If you want to consensually hump one person or a hundred, that is your call. My wife and I have grown as a couple and work well together. We like to say we're like a couple of drunks, staggering down the street, leaning on each other. Each of us helps hold the other one up. If one of us turns away then both of us will fall down.
 
2021-09-24 1:12:55 PM  
The cost of nlood
 
2021-09-24 1:13:46 PM  
Of blood testing alone would put this oit
 
2021-09-24 1:14:49 PM  
Reach for most people.

Sorry, having a huge thumb day.
 
2021-09-24 1:19:51 PM  
Another article that's basically an advert for her OnlyFans sight.
 
2021-09-24 1:31:52 PM  

Slypork: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Well, speaking purely from a dataset of one marriage, that is not the case. Married almost 32 years, no affairs, dalliances, or wandering. No porn and anything erotic is mutual and consensual. We love and respect each other and are partners in every way. We're not perfect and have our disagreements but I seriously couldn't imagine my life without her.

If you want to consensually hump one person or a hundred, that is your call. My wife and I have grown as a couple and work well together. We like to say we're like a couple of drunks, staggering down the street, leaning on each other. Each of us helps hold the other one up. If one of us turns away then both of us will fall down.


We were like that, too.  We married pretty young and we sort of matured together.  Thirty years together.
I felt like I did a 2-year-long face plant when he died. I had trouble functioning at all.
 
2021-09-24 1:32:08 PM  

2wolves: The cost of nlood


The article mentions that the woman who's the subject of the article is from Lincolnshire, with no qualifier, so, unless she's from Lincolnshire, Illinois, STI/STD testing costs nothing (at point of delivery)

/ Also, there's very little to do in Lincolnshire except i. f#ck and ii. dream about being able to leave Lincolnshire
 
2021-09-24 1:32:33 PM  

Slypork: ReapTheChaos:
We like to say we're like a couple of drunks, staggering down the street, leaning on each other. Each of us helps hold the other one up. If one of us turns away then both of us will fall down.


Well put. I'll make a point to remember that analogy.
 
2021-09-24 1:34:18 PM  
Uh, I just wish I were good enough for one partner :(
 
2021-09-24 1:43:19 PM  

Gramma: Slypork: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Well, speaking purely from a dataset of one marriage, that is not the case. Married almost 32 years, no affairs, dalliances, or wandering. No porn and anything erotic is mutual and consensual. We love and respect each other and are partners in every way. We're not perfect and have our disagreements but I seriously couldn't imagine my life without her.

If you want to consensually hump one person or a hundred, that is your call. My wife and I have grown as a couple and work well together. We like to say we're like a couple of drunks, staggering down the street, leaning on each other. Each of us helps hold the other one up. If one of us turns away then both of us will fall down.

We were like that, too.  We married pretty young and we sort of matured together.  Thirty years together.
I felt like I did a 2-year-long face plant when he died. I had trouble functioning at all.


So sorry for your loss. If she goes before me I'd probably turn into Carl from Up and be cantankerous old man. Balloons might not necessarily come into play.
 
2021-09-24 2:10:40 PM  
With those choppers, I'd probably pass on a blowy, but otherwise, she's fair dinkum. Huge landing pad for facials.

/ my work here is done
 
2021-09-24 2:43:04 PM  

ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.


There are a lot of people who use heroin or coffee.
 
2021-09-24 2:47:32 PM  

ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.


Humans also were not meant to travel into space, or have intercourse that doesn't result in impregnation.

I guess those hurt feelings of an unfaithful partner are just figments of our collective imagination.
 
2021-09-24 2:53:56 PM  
I used to encounter a lot of swingers at the nudist resort where I worked, all ages and levels of attractiveness. Some of it seemed pretty skeevy and most of it seemed like all involved were pretty okay with it.

Although the first time I was approached by a gentleman asking if I was there with anyone and then letting me know that his wife was interested in me was really disconcerting. I'm open-minded, but definitely not wingman for my wife open-minded.
 
2021-09-24 3:08:50 PM  

ElPrimitivo: I used to encounter a lot of swingers at the nudist resort where I worked, all ages and levels of attractiveness. Some of it seemed pretty skeevy and most of it seemed like all involved were pretty okay with it.

Although the first time I was approached by a gentleman asking if I was there with anyone and then letting me know that his wife was interested in me was really disconcerting. I'm open-minded, but definitely not wingman for my wife open-minded.


He was probably more interested in you than she was.
 
2021-09-24 3:09:17 PM  

AppleOptionEsc: I guess those hurt feelings of an unfaithful partner are just figments of our collective imagination.


It says something when nearly all the cultures around the world have monogamy as the basic social construct.

/ not open minded on this issue
// especially when there are children involved
 
2021-09-24 3:29:19 PM  
5 head and leopard print clothing.


She hits Tilt on the crazy scale, I guarantee it.
 
2021-09-24 3:38:55 PM  
Husband suggested it after 7 years...

I mean that's not a warning sign, that's a warning siren. But good on her monetizing it.
 
2021-09-24 3:46:20 PM  
"We want more."  of course you do, honey, you're an American.
it's just as boring when you do it, as when they do.  Maybe you thought something different.
 
2021-09-24 4:13:22 PM  
I think her husband cucked himself.
 
Ant
2021-09-24 4:51:57 PM  
No thanks. One partner is more than enough. This stuff sounds like a lot of unnecessary drama.
 
2021-09-24 4:53:39 PM  

MelGoesOnTour: She's got a fivehead.


Expect actual swingers to be less apetizing.

Johnny the Tackling Alzheimers Patient: Another article that's basically an advert for her OnlyFans sight.


Presumably she qualifies as "swinger-hot", so might be able to justify an OnlyFans page.  Wouldn't count on it.

ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.


I've visited a swinging website, and one thing that was curious was that while they recommended swinging in general, most of the time people would come by with questions and would be specific about both partners and their needs they would learn why swinging wouldn't be for them.  I suspect the stars have to align right for it to work for a specific couple (poly relationships have similar issues).

Also, who worries about pornography use other than braindead Christians?  What about "romance novels" on the women's side?  Or is that somehow a non-issue?
 
2021-09-24 5:13:52 PM  

ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.


Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.
 
2021-09-24 5:42:20 PM  

turboke: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.


The point isn't that porn is cheating. The point is that it is seeking sexual stimulation outside of the relationship.
 
2021-09-24 6:22:54 PM  

yet_another_wumpus: Also, who worries about pornography use other than braindead Christians?


turboke: Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.


Plenty of women feel pornography is the same as, or at least close to actual cheating, it's not just a religious objection. The logic goes that you're getting off while lusting after or desiring another woman, sort of cheating in your mind so to speak. I'm not saying I agree, just that many women feel that way about it.
 
2021-09-24 6:49:19 PM  
If I wanted to disappoint two people at the same time I would just have dinner with my parents
 
2021-09-24 6:59:35 PM  

BMFPitt: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

There are a lot of people who use heroin or coffee.


Opiates are a million times better than sex could ever hope to be. Though sex on opiates is fun as well, for the first hour at least. It quickly becomes infuriating.
 
2021-09-24 7:05:56 PM  

nyan9mm: Opiates are a million times better than sex could ever hope to be. Though sex on opiates is fun as well, for the first hour at least. It quickly becomes infuriating.


I'm glad that I get zero enjoyment from opiates.
 
2021-09-24 7:13:11 PM  

DerAppie: turboke: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.

The point isn't that porn is cheating. The point is that it is seeking sexual stimulation outside of the relationship.


I suppose in that case masturbation is also not allowed?

/people are weird
 
2021-09-24 7:37:06 PM  

ReluctantLondon: Uh, I just wish I were good enough for one partner :(


What everyone wants are options that aren't below their standards. Take all standards away and there's options galore, but usually then the option of being alone becomes the preferred one.

To put it another way, you are looking at it wrong, and there's bound to be people out there who are not good enough for you.
 
2021-09-24 7:46:01 PM  

DerAppie: turboke: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.

The point isn't that porn is cheating. The point is that it is seeking sexual stimulation outside of the relationship.


FWIW, I think a partner is entitled to be upset about porn, but only if they are having advances turned down in favor of the porn, or else excessive porn is making their partner "spent" before they have a chance for sexy time.

For someone to demand that their partner have a sexual appetite that is exactly the same size as their own, and no larger, is unfair. It would be like demanding that your partner consume the same number of calories as you; most of the time, that just wouldn't work.

For one couple I knew, the wife would regularly withhold sex as a form of punishment for even the smallest of transgressions, and at the same time she forbade her husband from gratifying himself by other means. Surprise, surprise, that relationship didn't last.
 
2021-09-24 8:35:13 PM  
Seven years into marriage they decide to try other partners... isn't that a phrase? Seven year scratch? Seven year spot on me that is irritating? Hmmm....
 
2021-09-24 11:06:21 PM  

BMFPitt: nyan9mm: Opiates are a million times better than sex could ever hope to be. Though sex on opiates is fun as well, for the first hour at least. It quickly becomes infuriating.

I'm glad that I get zero enjoyment from opiates.


For sure man. I've heard other people say similar, that they just get uncomfortable etc...
 
2021-09-25 6:16:22 AM  

Nidiot: DerAppie: turboke: ReapTheChaos: I've always said that humans weren't meant to be monogamous. Even in marriages that manage to not end in divorce, there's almost always incidents of cheating or pornography use from one or both partners.

Watching pornography is as much cheating as watching a cooking show is dining out.

The point isn't that porn is cheating. The point is that it is seeking sexual stimulation outside of the relationship.

I suppose in that case masturbation is also not allowed?

/people are weird


Dunno, ask the people who worry about porn use.
 
2021-09-25 9:00:26 AM  

Nidiot: ReluctantLondon: Uh, I just wish I were good enough for one partner :(

What everyone wants are options that aren't below their standards. Take all standards away and there's options galore, but usually then the option of being alone becomes the preferred one.

To put it another way, you are looking at it wrong, and there's bound to be people out there who are not good enough for you.


Eh, I'm painfully well-aware that I don't meet any reasonable standard for being a partner; at this point I think that my option if I ever want to have sex is to hope to become sufficiently wealthy to be able to visit a prostitute :/ - even the girls I (supposedly) get off on the (semi) regular don't want to reciprocate (which is fine; frustrating, but fine ;P )
 
2021-09-25 11:46:55 AM  
Swingers are broken people.

IMO
 
2021-09-25 2:39:38 PM  

Gramma: AppleOptionEsc: I guess those hurt feelings of an unfaithful partner are just figments of our collective imagination.

It says something when nearly all the cultures around the world have monogamy as the basic social construct.

/ not open minded on this issue
// especially when there are children involved


'Cept that "Men have needs" and women need to understand that, but if women have needs they get locked up or worse. And that's mostly because of a change from matrilocal to patriarchal land tenancy where the important thing is exactly which peepee made ooh-ooh with the lady so that we know which babby gets the farm. It's pretty much all because "A mother is a fact. A father is an opinion."

In Europe and the US until remarkably recently (c.f. Reviving Ophelia, any academic history of sex work, and many, many others) the vast majority of young men's first sexual experiences and many cases the majority of their entire sexual life was with prostitutes. Women got enforced monogamy on pain of social or actual death. In most of the world men could have concubines, mistresses, several wives, the services of sex workers, etc. if they could afford it. If there were children involved the women had to sit down, shut up, and live with it because they had no legal or economic leverage.

Even within that a good 10% of children born in wedlock could not have been sired by the mother's husband. Jared Diamond talked about this in one of his semi-technical/semi-popular books. It might have been The Third Chimpanzee. Maybe it was Why is Sex Fun? He recounts how a medical researcher using the crude blood-typing tests available in 1940s-early 1960s showed him these results and then swore Dr. Diamond to secrecy. He had a well-founded fear of being lynched if his name was associated with the results. Later research with better tools has largely confirmed these findings. The "Several Fathers" reproductive strategy has been with us from the beginning, even with terrible penalties for being caught at it.

Monogamy of some sort is very common. The idea that human beings are "naturally" lifetime exclusive with one partner at all times from the sexual maturity to death is laughable.

And what do you mean by "children involved"? Do you mean that you shouldn't involve children in sex acts? That should be a given. Do you mean that if you have children your sex life must be with their other parent and that person alone until all of your children are married? If so, why? "It's just wrong" and "The Blessed Virgin will cry because you have sullied Motherhood" are not good reasons. I can think of several, but they are culture-specific, not Laws of Nature.
 
2021-09-25 7:43:55 PM  

ReluctantLondon: Nidiot: ReluctantLondon: Uh, I just wish I were good enough for one partner :(

What everyone wants are options that aren't below their standards. Take all standards away and there's options galore, but usually then the option of being alone becomes the preferred one.

To put it another way, you are looking at it wrong, and there's bound to be people out there who are not good enough for you.

Eh, I'm painfully well-aware that I don't meet any reasonable standard for being a partner; at this point I think that my option if I ever want to have sex is to hope to become sufficiently wealthy to be able to visit a prostitute :/ - even the girls I (supposedly) get off on the (semi) regular don't want to reciprocate (which is fine; frustrating, but fine ;P )


I'm still going to assert that somewhere out there a person exists who would be willing to be a partner to you, it's just that they may happen to be a 45-year-old dedicated crack-whore with a badly fitted wig, no teeth, a knife play fetish and fourteen kids, and who is in need of a place to stay. The idea that you are the most repellent person in the world seems a little over the top. (Alternatively, are you Brian Peppers? I thought he'd died.)

I have no idea what you mean with the last bit about getting other people off but they wont reciprocate. Girls let you touch them but they wont touch you? Is this some weird thing millenials are doing these days?
 
Displayed 47 of 47 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.