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(DeadState)   Why hasn't Jesus returned yet? Because you haven't given evangelical pastors enough money   (deadstate.org) divider line
    More: Dumbass, God in Christianity, God the Father, Islam, God, Trinity, Christian terms, recent Victorython, evangelical pastor Jesse Duplantis  
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3685 clicks; posted to Main » on 24 Sep 2021 at 12:05 AM (10 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



106 Comments     (+0 »)
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2021-09-23 6:29:50 PM  
Bah, saviors these days.  Talk about drama.
 
2021-09-23 7:04:37 PM  
More like b/c those pastors touch themselves at night. Sinners.
 
2021-09-23 7:05:12 PM  
He already came back and raptured all the worthy. The rest of you are stuck in hell.
 
2021-09-23 7:15:38 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-23 7:18:59 PM  
If the real Jesus Christ were to stand up today,
He'd be gunned down cold by the C.I.A


Armageddon Days (Are Here Again) (Remastered)
Youtube LRYwxotoe5o
 
2021-09-23 7:25:24 PM  
That is the perfect jacket and tie for someone trying to scam money.  It is like the rattle on a rattlesnake, or the stripe on a skunk.  It screams "Run away! You don't want none of this!"  Can I get an AMEN?!
 
2021-09-23 7:37:37 PM  
Jesus comes back every Friday to cut the lawn and trim the hedges. Sometimes Bob and Carlos also show up.
 
2021-09-23 7:40:11 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-23 8:46:57 PM  
My favorite part of everyone who invokes "Jesus" is using a Latin bastardization of Yeshuah ("Salvation") and hence committing blasphemy. Same with Jehovah vs. Yahweh. All Christians are going to Hell for blasphemy. Lol.
 
2021-09-23 8:55:44 PM  
Why hasn't Jesus returned yet?

Jesus Thinks You're A Jerk
Youtube 3renLopLxqw
 
2021-09-23 8:58:13 PM  
Repo Man (3/10) Movie CLIP - The Reverend's Telethon (1984) HD
Youtube sAO0owc4xeY
 
2021-09-23 9:32:00 PM  
Matthew 24:36 - "But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father."
 
2021-09-24 12:07:41 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-24 12:09:53 AM  
People give this guy money. Now do you see why they don't believe in the vaccine. It doesn't take much to brainwash and influence them.
 
2021-09-24 12:12:34 AM  

jaivirtualcard: People give this guy money. Now do you see why they don't believe in the vaccine. It doesn't take much to brainwash and influence them.


They believe in the vaccine.  They also believe it's God's will whether or not they die from COVID, which absolves them of all responsibility related to the pandemic.  Also, freedom.
 
2021-09-24 12:14:04 AM  

syrynxx: My favorite part of everyone who invokes "Jesus" is using a Latin bastardization of Yeshuah ("Salvation") and hence committing blasphemy. Same with Jehovah vs. Yahweh. All Christians are going to Hell for blasphemy. Lol.


That's what you get for building a religion off a bad fanfic of the Tanakh.

/ The New Testament is a fanfic zine
// Half the thing is a letters column
 
2021-09-24 12:14:52 AM  
Long before he snapped and became somewhat of a right wing moron, Ray Stevens was asking the important questions:

Would Jesus Wear A Rolex , Ray Stevens , 1987
Youtube 6m_gDoXUlOk
 
2021-09-24 12:17:22 AM  
To be fair, it worked before.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-24 12:18:54 AM  
Final Jeopardy theme tune on a loop for eternity.
 
2021-09-24 12:22:01 AM  
Jesus is going to be on PPV?
 
2021-09-24 12:24:06 AM  
The longest recorded grift in the history of the world.  The Jesus gambit practically runs itself!

Kah-Ching!
 
2021-09-24 12:26:14 AM  

Bootleg: He already came back and raptured all the worthy. The rest of you are stuck in hell.


We may actually already be in hell.
 
2021-09-24 12:27:29 AM  

talkertopc: Jesus is going to be on PPV?


Has been for roughly 2000 years
 
2021-09-24 12:27:58 AM  
[God] loves you and he needs money!
George Carlin - God loves you!
Youtube QZ8hefESt7c
 
2021-09-24 12:28:44 AM  

Gordon Bennett: To be fair, it worked before.

[Fark user image image 480x360]


"Temple's infested"
 
2021-09-24 12:29:20 AM  

Darth_Lukecash: Bootleg: He already came back and raptured all the worthy. The rest of you are stuck in hell.

We may actually already be in hell.


Don't get me wrong, large parts of this are awful, but - if this is all the worse hell is, that really shouldn't be much of an eternal deterrent.
 
2021-09-24 12:30:29 AM  
Send Me Your Money

Suicidal Tendencies Send Me Your Money
Youtube 2ESWRtaHNU8
 
2021-09-24 12:31:01 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-24 12:31:34 AM  
How people can fall for these smarmy, oily cretins is scary. They are totally in thrall to these scammers for dog.
 
2021-09-24 12:33:23 AM  
Saviour
Youtube aS4z8V7S8AU
 
2021-09-24 12:37:05 AM  
Why steal when you can literally ask people to give you money?
 
2021-09-24 12:38:14 AM  
Jebus hasn't come back because y'all farked up his fret hand.
That's why he had to switch to vocals.

pbs.twimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-09-24 12:39:04 AM  

EqualOpportunityEnslaver: Darth_Lukecash: Bootleg: He already came back and raptured all the worthy. The rest of you are stuck in hell.

We may actually already be in hell.

Don't get me wrong, large parts of this are awful, but - if this is all the worse hell is, that really shouldn't be much of an eternal deterrent.


Oh this is early days, wait till things get started.
 
2021-09-24 12:39:38 AM  
The French had the right idea when they burned churches and executed priests during the French Revolution.
 
2021-09-24 12:41:00 AM  

tonguedepressor: Final Jeopardy theme tune on a loop for eternity.


How do you solve the key change problem? It just gets higher and higher.
 
2021-09-24 12:41:58 AM  

Outshined_One: The French had the right idea when they burned churches and executed priests during the French Revolution.


In hindsight, the priest knew that suggesting the French "wash away their sins" was a bad idea.
 
2021-09-24 12:42:27 AM  
And of course God works on human timetables.
 
2021-09-24 12:42:52 AM  

Carter Pewterschmidt: [Fark user image image 468x516]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-09-24 12:47:56 AM  
Sometimes I just think, "Why Not?"  I mean, if these people are so stupid, let them part with their money and maybe less of it will go to the Republican party. Then I think of the mentally ill people who would gladly give this guy two jets because he's neat and who doesn't want to see Jesus. Then I start thinking how they're all mentally ill.
 
2021-09-24 12:48:30 AM  

EqualOpportunityEnslaver: talkertopc: Jesus is going to be on PPV?

Has been for roughly 2000 years


Hasn't anyone seen Prometheus? Dude's not coming back. ;-)
 
2021-09-24 12:52:18 AM  
I am a sinner. I have messed up. But I did deliver a Jack in the Box order via Door Dash to Jesus a couple nights ago. And he was satisfied.
 
2021-09-24 12:53:46 AM  
Look, I'm not religious. I have a personal conspiracy theory that Jesus was a false flag operation by the Romans.

But I would love to see him come back and start beating bankers in his house. Because I bet he'd move to elected reps after that.

Put that shiat on pay per view.
 
2021-09-24 12:57:29 AM  
Naw, man. Jesus was cool. I would totally hang-out with that dude.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: he totally f*cked up the bankers and ran them out of town.

Ya'll laugh about his disciples, but his "disciples" carried brass rings & black-jacks. Let's just say they kept their sh*t together.

So Jesus and his boys are rolling through town, and the whores are all: "yo, wassup?" and Jesus was like: "Girl, do I got a supper for you..."

And everyone just hung-out -- b*tches eating olives & sh*t -- kicking back.

When shiat was gettin' real lit, Judas kissed Jesus on the cheek and that's when fists started to fly -- Jesus and his boys weren't gonna go down like that.

Sh*t got real f*cked up that night. Ya'll like to talk about the last supper like it was some sort of holy thing, but I'm tellin' ya' -- Jesus may have loved your white ass, but he wasn't going down like some punk -- he wasn't going down without a fight.

Jesus was a badass.
 
2021-09-24 12:58:31 AM  

Russ1642: tonguedepressor: Final Jeopardy theme tune on a loop for eternity.

How do you solve the key change problem? It just gets higher and higher.


No, it ends in a downward solemnization.
 
2021-09-24 1:03:30 AM  
He has had his reward. Several times over. In cash.
 
2021-09-24 1:04:12 AM  
Thin Lizzy - The Boys Are Back In Town
Youtube SGZqDzb__bw
 
2021-09-24 1:07:35 AM  
He probably came back as a Chinese girl.
Or got turned away at the border.
Or he raptured the one Christian in the world, miss Eunice Wright or Des Moines, Iowa, in 1963.
 
2021-09-24 1:10:43 AM  
Oh, and that preacher needs to be staked to a pile of money and doused with kerosene.
 
2021-09-24 1:11:21 AM  
If Jesus was a carpenter his priests should have day jobs too right?

/This is why I don't go to church much, opinions like this are not welcome.
 
2021-09-24 1:11:35 AM  
Everyone's waiting for zombie outbreaks, Jesus, aliens, catastrophic natural disasters, but all we keep getting are more billionaires.
 
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