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(Digg)   How I found out I was old. It will happen to you, too. Bonus: linking to a Digg article about a Reddit thread   (digg.com) divider line
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613 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 14 Sep 2021 at 3:50 PM (5 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2021-09-14 3:31:13 PM  
32 votes:
I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.
 
2021-09-14 3:43:03 PM  
20 votes:

TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.


Let's post to slashdot.
 
2021-09-14 3:48:52 PM  
15 votes:
Stupid RealPlayer keeps buffering buffering. I can't wait to switch to Flash.

Ha! All your base are belong to us!
 
2021-09-14 4:34:21 PM  
14 votes:
There's knowing you're old, and then there's knowing you're old.

Knowing "Oh, I'm twice as old as college freshmen" is hard. Even if you didn't go to it, seeing your 20-year highschool reunion definitely tells you you're old. The fact that some of the people you knew in high school have adult children now is even more overt.

But in order to really hurt, the reminder has to have a hook - a strong sensory/emotional association that just whacks you in the head out of nowhere.

Like, you were having a decent day, and were feeling okay about life, but now you're stuck in traffic listening to the radio. And all of a sudden that stupid Howie Day "Collide" song comes on as you're flipping stations. It's not that it was ever a great song, but all of a sudden, you're right back there in your junior year of college. You've been going out with this young woman, and her program is having a formal, so despite your protestations that it's stupid, she twists your arm and convinces you to come. You're skeptical, but then when you come to pick her up, she's wearing form-fitting navy dress with a sash that knocks the wind out of you. She attempted to cook you dinner before the dance, and although she added way too much mint to the couscous, you dutifully eat every bite.

You sneak a few drinks beforehand a go to the party. Her friends are there and you don't know anyone well, so you spend most of the first hour doing an awkward two-step and as the two of your dance between clumps of people. Then, that stupid farking song comes on, the DJ declares a slow dance, and she does not let you sit it out, but grabs you and melts into you, awkwardly at first, but then completely earnestly. It's been 20 years, and you can still smell whatever she was wearing in her hair that night as she buries her face in your chest. Within minutes, you've fled the party. She goes back to your place, because your roommates are out of town. For the first time in your life, you have sex that could actually be described as "making love," even though you would have denied it at the time.

In the morning, she wakes up, rolls over, looks directly in your eyes, and smiles, as sunbeams dance over the bare white walls. Involuntarily, you think to yourself, "When I die, this is the memory that I want to flash before my eyes right before it all goes black."

And then, in the honking parking lot on I-93 north, as you're contemplating the dramatic demise of that relationship six months after that memory was made, it hits you: If the condom had broken that night, you'd have a college-aged kid who'd be making fun of you for your music choices right now, like you once did to your dad when a Billy Joel song came on the radio and he got all distant.

/ Could be worse; for some of you the condom did break
 
2021-09-14 9:19:46 PM  
9 votes:
The test. Fall over in public.

If everyone laughs, you're young.

If everyone looks worried and rushes over to help you, you're old.
 
2021-09-14 7:18:06 PM  
7 votes:
I was renewing my passport and I put brown in the hair color section. Mrs Fan says "honey, that's a lie, your hair is mostly gray".
 
2021-09-14 4:27:02 PM  
6 votes:

Glockenspiel Hero: enry: TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.

Let's post to slashdot.

I remember being annoyed at how bad /. was compared to a good threaded USENET newsreader like trn

/Only have a 5 digit /. ID because I couldn't be bothered with something that bad.


Alt.binairies.nospam.fark.fark
 
2021-09-14 4:12:30 PM  
6 votes:
I'm so old I won't bother reading this until it shows up on Angelfire
 
2021-09-14 4:09:01 PM  
6 votes:
I went to see Elvis Costello in NYC a few years ago. We're waiting in the lobby and my wife looks around and says the crowd looks like we're attending a public radio fundraising event.

/khaki pants everywhere.
//he still rocked.
 
2021-09-14 4:49:47 PM  
5 votes:

Slypork: I still remember when I was 21 and saw a centerfold that had just turned 18. They had always been these mythical "older" women.


I was surfing MILF porn at some point and they all looked too young.  I swear when I was consuming porn illegally they were all in their late 30's and early 40's but now they're the women in their late 20's.  Whether the porn industry or my eye for aging changed I don't know.
 
2021-09-14 4:25:52 PM  
5 votes:
I still remember when I was 21 and saw a centerfold that had just turned 18. They had always been these mythical "older" women.
 
2021-09-14 3:57:29 PM  
5 votes:
Did something on accident.  ON F'G accident?!?!?!?

It's BY accident you mother loving, window licking crayon eaters!  Go back to farking your cousins you poster child for condom use.
 
2021-09-14 7:30:36 PM  
3 votes:
When I went into the neighborhood liquor store and the cashier was my friend's son who, as a teenager, used to steal beer from us at parties.
 
2021-09-14 4:23:20 PM  
3 votes:
Do you remember the first time you were angry at a cloud?
 
2021-09-14 9:12:59 PM  
2 votes:

enry: TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.

Let's post to slashdot.


entangled.systemsView Full Size
 
2021-09-14 6:26:52 PM  
2 votes:
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

When you realize this is true
 
2021-09-14 5:24:16 PM  
2 votes:
i was at the grocery a few weeks ago and the kid at the checkout asked me if i was eligible for the 55+ senior discount

i pretty much already knew i was old but that one really kinda drove it home

/only 48
 
2021-09-14 4:01:00 PM  
2 votes:
I tend to forget
 
2021-09-14 3:50:06 PM  
2 votes:
When kids beat you at video games you used to dominate.

/And then you shoot the TV to assert dominance.
 
2021-09-14 7:29:12 PM  
1 vote:
I was about 45 when someone gave me an unsolicited senior discount on the restaurant check.  I think I just needed more sleep.
 
2021-09-14 5:55:11 PM  
1 vote:

Wasilla Hillbilly: Do you remember the first time you were angry at a cloud?


I work in IT, I yell at the cloud and it's users on a daily basis and have for years.
 
2021-09-14 5:25:31 PM  
1 vote:
Martian_Astronomer:

(Nods slowly)
Naked Eye, by Luscious Jackson

/Condom broke
//found our last year I was a grandpa at 39
//young uns: freeze some sperm at 20 and get it snipped.
 
2021-09-14 4:33:03 PM  
1 vote:
When I didn't give a sh*t about these "feeling old" things.  Which must have happened around age 14.
 
2021-09-14 4:17:25 PM  
1 vote:
I knew I was old when I started REALLY appreciating a nap.
Not just the quick 10 - 30 min battery topper charge.
But a real, kick back on the hammock and wake up three hours later kinda nap.

GET OFF MY LAWN!
 
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