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(Digg)   How I found out I was old. It will happen to you, too. Bonus: linking to a Digg article about a Reddit thread   (digg.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, The Met, Joke, AARP, Conan O'Brien, Metropolitan Museum of Art, Monday, NBC, The Norm Show  
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612 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 14 Sep 2021 at 3:50 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2021-09-14 3:31:13 PM  
15 votes:
I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.
 
2021-09-14 3:57:29 PM  
13 votes:
Did something on accident.  ON F'G accident?!?!?!?

It's BY accident you mother loving, window licking crayon eaters!  Go back to farking your cousins you poster child for condom use.
 
2021-09-14 4:34:21 PM  
11 votes:
There's knowing you're old, and then there's knowing you're old.

Knowing "Oh, I'm twice as old as college freshmen" is hard. Even if you didn't go to it, seeing your 20-year highschool reunion definitely tells you you're old. The fact that some of the people you knew in high school have adult children now is even more overt.

But in order to really hurt, the reminder has to have a hook - a strong sensory/emotional association that just whacks you in the head out of nowhere.

Like, you were having a decent day, and were feeling okay about life, but now you're stuck in traffic listening to the radio. And all of a sudden that stupid Howie Day "Collide" song comes on as you're flipping stations. It's not that it was ever a great song, but all of a sudden, you're right back there in your junior year of college. You've been going out with this young woman, and her program is having a formal, so despite your protestations that it's stupid, she twists your arm and convinces you to come. You're skeptical, but then when you come to pick her up, she's wearing form-fitting navy dress with a sash that knocks the wind out of you. She attempted to cook you dinner before the dance, and although she added way too much mint to the couscous, you dutifully eat every bite.

You sneak a few drinks beforehand a go to the party. Her friends are there and you don't know anyone well, so you spend most of the first hour doing an awkward two-step and as the two of your dance between clumps of people. Then, that stupid farking song comes on, the DJ declares a slow dance, and she does not let you sit it out, but grabs you and melts into you, awkwardly at first, but then completely earnestly. It's been 20 years, and you can still smell whatever she was wearing in her hair that night as she buries her face in your chest. Within minutes, you've fled the party. She goes back to your place, because your roommates are out of town. For the first time in your life, you have sex that could actually be described as "making love," even though you would have denied it at the time.

In the morning, she wakes up, rolls over, looks directly in your eyes, and smiles, as sunbeams dance over the bare white walls. Involuntarily, you think to yourself, "When I die, this is the memory that I want to flash before my eyes right before it all goes black."

And then, in the honking parking lot on I-93 north, as you're contemplating the dramatic demise of that relationship six months after that memory was made, it hits you: If the condom had broken that night, you'd have a college-aged kid who'd be making fun of you for your music choices right now, like you once did to your dad when a Billy Joel song came on the radio and he got all distant.

/ Could be worse; for some of you the condom did break
 
2021-09-14 4:17:25 PM  
8 votes:
I knew I was old when I started REALLY appreciating a nap.
Not just the quick 10 - 30 min battery topper charge.
But a real, kick back on the hammock and wake up three hours later kinda nap.

GET OFF MY LAWN!
 
2021-09-14 4:15:15 PM  
8 votes:
Seriously though I think it was when I realized sex was no longer a dominant driving force in my life
 
2021-09-14 5:55:11 PM  
6 votes:

Wasilla Hillbilly: Do you remember the first time you were angry at a cloud?


I work in IT, I yell at the cloud and it's users on a daily basis and have for years.
 
2021-09-14 5:25:31 PM  
5 votes:
Martian_Astronomer:

(Nods slowly)
Naked Eye, by Luscious Jackson

/Condom broke
//found our last year I was a grandpa at 39
//young uns: freeze some sperm at 20 and get it snipped.
 
2021-09-14 4:35:01 PM  
5 votes:
Having to buy reading glasses.
 
2021-09-14 4:11:01 PM  
5 votes:
For me it was when the new guy at work was the same age as my granddaughter.
I had gotten used to being the same age as my coworkers moms but this is really too much.

/lord I need to retire
 
2021-09-14 4:52:29 PM  
4 votes:
I've worked at a K-8 school for the last 13 years, so every day is a reminder of how old I am.

/this year's Kindergarten is the class of 2030
 
2021-09-14 4:09:01 PM  
4 votes:
I went to see Elvis Costello in NYC a few years ago. We're waiting in the lobby and my wife looks around and says the crowd looks like we're attending a public radio fundraising event.

/khaki pants everywhere.
//he still rocked.
 
2021-09-14 3:58:03 PM  
4 votes:

enry: TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.

Let's post to slashdot.


I remember being annoyed at how bad /. was compared to a good threaded USENET newsreader like trn

/Only have a 5 digit /. ID because I couldn't be bothered with something that bad.
 
2021-09-14 6:30:06 PM  
3 votes:
Having an early-onset debilitating condition can help bypass the existential angst of aging.
 
2021-09-14 3:48:52 PM  
3 votes:
Stupid RealPlayer keeps buffering buffering. I can't wait to switch to Flash.

Ha! All your base are belong to us!
 
2021-09-14 3:43:03 PM  
3 votes:

TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.


Let's post to slashdot.
 
2021-09-14 8:37:58 PM  
2 votes:
I looked at my old skateboard and realized I'd never ride it again. Sigh...
 
2021-09-14 8:18:04 PM  
2 votes:
My first set of progressive lenses.

Also, being unable to get a new job.
 
2021-09-14 6:26:52 PM  
2 votes:
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size

When you realize this is true
 
2021-09-14 6:25:40 PM  
2 votes:
Oldies stations playing MY music.

Naps.

Bifocals.

Everyone under 30 looks so damn young.

Not recognizing any of the celebrities on a magazine/awards show/whatever.

Celebrities I grew up with dying off.

Aches and pains that I didn't use to have or take longer to recover from.

Medical checkups for things I didn't used to worry about.


The real kick in the pants was getting mail from AARP. Man they didn't waste any time either. I got that bit of mail the day after I was eligible. F*ck you guys very much for the reminder!
 
2021-09-14 6:19:49 PM  
2 votes:
Probably when I saw my muscles disappearing despite my usual activity. The first signs of skin sagging.
 
2021-09-14 5:56:47 PM  
2 votes:
When the hairstylist, unasked, took the clippers to my ears.
 
2021-09-14 5:36:27 PM  
2 votes:
Working at a university, I declared myself old when the majority of first-year admits were born after I was admitted.
 
2021-09-14 5:07:45 PM  
2 votes:
i sat on my nuts within s few days of turning 40.   that was a decade ago.

my high school gf is a grandmother and my oldest friend from childhood is a grandfather.
 
2021-09-14 5:02:48 PM  
2 votes:

mcmnky: For me the first feeling old was realizing I could remember my father being the age I was then.

/I was in my 30s
//My folks started young


I got curious earlier this year and discovered that, this past April 14th, I was the exact same age, to the day, that my dad was on the day that I was born. Definitely a sobering thought.
 
2021-09-14 4:55:33 PM  
2 votes:
For me the first feeling old was realizing I could remember my father being the age I was then.

/I was in my 30s
//My folks started young
 
2021-09-14 4:51:12 PM  
2 votes:
Finally admitting I need to wear readers.
Or when my farts started smelling like my dad's.
 
2021-09-14 4:43:26 PM  
2 votes:

bingethinker: It was several years ago, when i realized that people born in a year starting with a "2" could get a driver's license.


People born in a year starting with a "2" can legally buy booze.
 
2021-09-15 1:58:54 PM  
1 vote:

Slypork: skybird659: When I was 17 and my 11 month old son died during heart surgery. Sorry. Downer but I turned a hard 40 overnight. 1975. Still aches.

So sorry for your loss. It's not something you ever get over.


Thank you. Redirected my life totally. Never had another child but became dedicated 'auntie' for dozens of children sice, many who still stay in touch and visit and now offer help to me as an adult. I actually spent 25 years on the local elementary school 'pick up' office list for a dozen or so kids that I babysat and was often '3rd' duty parent for across those years. Helps immensely and one of the things I'm proudest of. Appreciate your compassion. Sounds like you might speak from experience yourself. Compassion back to you!
 
2021-09-15 8:00:39 AM  
1 vote:

psychosis_inducing: I was at the grocery store, and I Like Big Butts And Cannot Lie came over the PA. Even the prissy-looking moms didn't look up at the speakers.


Dentist yesterday. Hot In Hurr by Nelly. Nobody batted an eye.

Middle age is hearing the bar bangers of your youth in the dentist chair.
 
2021-09-15 2:08:14 AM  
1 vote:
When I was 17 and my 11 month old son died during heart surgery. Sorry. Downer but I turned a hard 40 overnight. 1975. Still aches.
 
2021-09-14 9:12:59 PM  
1 vote:

enry: TelemonianAjax: I realized I was old when I was reading a Reddit thread on Digg from Fark.

Let's post to slashdot.


entangled.systemsView Full Size
 
2021-09-14 8:05:10 PM  
1 vote:
It was a while ago when I realized that someone half my age was no longer jail bait.

Now the half my age plus seven ladies are in their 30s.

/not that I have any interest in jail baitish aged girls mind you, it was just the 'damn you're old' thought
 
2021-09-14 4:33:03 PM  
1 vote:
When I didn't give a sh*t about these "feeling old" things.  Which must have happened around age 14.
 
2021-09-14 4:32:37 PM  
1 vote:
My dad said it was when you realized how young the cops are.

The first time for me was when I had to get one of those pill organizers with the days of the week on them, but then I remembered that little kids get sick.

But as soon as I instinctively put my glasses on my head so I could read something I knew I was getting old.
 
2021-09-14 4:29:47 PM  
1 vote:
It was several years ago, when i realized that people born in a year starting with a "2" could get a driver's license.
 
2021-09-14 4:25:52 PM  
1 vote:
I still remember when I was 21 and saw a centerfold that had just turned 18. They had always been these mythical "older" women.
 
2021-09-14 4:12:30 PM  
1 vote:
I'm so old I won't bother reading this until it shows up on Angelfire
 
2021-09-14 3:50:06 PM  
1 vote:
When kids beat you at video games you used to dominate.

/And then you shoot the TV to assert dominance.
 
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