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(The Daily Beast)   Authorities autopsy alligator suspected of eating man during Hurricane Ida, discover human remains. No word on status of gigantic emerald   (thedailybeast.com) divider line
    More: Creepy, Hurricane Katrina, Tamanend, St. Tammany Parish, Louisiana, New Orleans, Sheriff, Lake Pontchartrain, St. Tammany Parish Sheriff's Office, 504-pound alligator  
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1546 clicks; posted to Main » on 14 Sep 2021 at 2:20 PM (5 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



57 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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5 days ago  
Name of news source checks out.
 
5 days ago  
No emerald was found

Also the guy who did the autopsy is retiring next week.
 
5 days ago  
Shouldn't this have the Follow Up tag?
 
5 days ago  
Necropsy, subby.
 
5 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
I thought that was a crocodile.
 
5 days ago  
This is exactly why I went through that rigorous training as a child...

media4.giphy.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
This is what alligators do welcome to the food chain.
 
5 days ago  
Dude was 71 years old. Unless he was some sort of workout / fitness maniac, he couldn't have been very tasty. Stringy, limp flesh, probably.

Teens / young adults might be better, but they'd scamper off too fast when they see a gator nearby.
 
5 days ago  

RTOGUY: This is what alligators do welcome to the food chain.


Did an alligator eat your punctuation?

images.squarespace-cdn.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
"Autopsy Alligator" sounds like a cartoon character designed by Big Funeral.
 
5 days ago  
I tend to try to stay far away from 12 foot 500+lb gators on a nice day.

Doubly so when they're pissed off from a cat 4 hurricane.
 
5 days ago  
There was a hand, too.  Did you bring the hand?

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
static1.colliderimages.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  

jtown: There was a hand, too.  Did you bring the hand?

[Fark user image image 600x300]


starecat.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  

Pert: [Fark user image 425x200]

I loved that movie - it was a fun story, and Kathleen Turner was in her prime.
 
5 days ago  
I not introducing myself to every cop in the pueblo.
 
5 days ago  
Family Guy - Romancing the Stone
Youtube YmQpQyRTuGM
 
5 days ago  

Englebert Slaptyback: "Autopsy Alligator" sounds like a cartoon character designed by Big Funeral.


You only preform an autopsy on humans.  Necropsy is for animals.

Autopsy is a specialized term for a human necropsy. So technically you could call an autopsy a necropsy... But your not going to get an MD to use a term that would make their work seem less important.

Podiatrists bill for bebridments.  Not cutting toenails of old diabetic people.  (And as a class lots of fraudulent billing)
 
5 days ago  

Huck And Molly Ziegler: Teens / young adults


You like the middle-aged ones?  14, 15, 16?
 
5 days ago  
So, we killed an alligator for being an alligator?
 
5 days ago  
At least they were looking for an emerald and not a satellite tracking beacon
 
5 days ago  
Recently revealed video of the event:

media.tenor.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  

bughunter: Recently revealed video of the event:

[media.tenor.com image 220x166] [View Full Size image _x_]


That gator was a little perturbed.
 
5 days ago  
So...the wife pulled him away...only to immediately drop and leave him unattended on the front porch within easy reach of the floodwaters?

Genius.
 
5 days ago  
I hope the family got some nice shoes and a matching purse for their ordeal.
 
5 days ago  
c.tenor.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  

jtown: There was a hand, too.  Did you bring the hand?

[Fark user image image 600x300]


I wanted to enquire about a clock.
 
5 days ago  
" Look at those snappers, huh? "
 
5 days ago  
You know, making it to 71 and then being eaten by a huge alligator during a huge hurricane is far from the worst way to leave this world. Really beats being shot in a robbery, or hit by a drunk driver, or starving to death on your bathroom floor because you fell and broke a hip. Or cancer.

And I know I'm in the minority on this one, but it beats just dying in your sleep. When my time arrives, I'd like to see it coming. If it comes in the shape of enormous scaly jaws emerging from hundred mile an hour winds, that's fine with me.

Much drama. Very legend. Wow.
 
5 days ago  

bughunter: Recently revealed video of the event:

[media.tenor.com image 220x166]


Damn he got off easy.
 
5 days ago  
How many times do I have to tell you people stop feeding the gators candy bars.
 
5 days ago  

peachpicker: enormous scaly jaws emerging from hundred mile an hour winds


Gatorcane?

Hurricroc!
 
5 days ago  

Huck And Molly Ziegler: Dude was 71 years old. Unless he was some sort of workout / fitness maniac, he couldn't have been very tasty. Stringy, limp flesh, probably.

Teens / young adults might be better, but they'd scamper off too fast when they see a gator nearby.


Tell you what I learned as a Florid child, not yet old enough to see over the top of the stove.

Gators tend to drown their prey and then stuff it under water for a while (mangrove roots are handy).

Stringy limp flesh can be transformed.
 
5 days ago  

stuhayes2010: So, we killed an alligator for being an alligator?


No, for eating a person which marks it as a menace.
(we put down domestic dogs for less)

There are about five million more of them in the US.
They are defensive of their young and equal opportunity eaters including the eggs of wading birds.

They were here before us and they will probably be here after.
 
5 days ago  

zbtop: So...the wife pulled him away...only to immediately drop and leave him unattended on the front porch within easy reach of the floodwaters?

Genius.


She probably told the husband "I'm going to get help. If the alligator starts come over here, just beat him off. He'll leave you alone if you beat him off, trust me, I know."
 
5 days ago  

peachpicker: You know, making it to 71 and then being eaten by a huge alligator during a huge hurricane is far from the worst way to leave this world. Really beats being shot in a robbery, or hit by a drunk driver, or starving to death on your bathroom floor because you fell and broke a hip. Or cancer.

And I know I'm in the minority on this one, but it beats just dying in your sleep. When my time arrives, I'd like to see it coming. If it comes in the shape of enormous scaly jaws emerging from hundred mile an hour winds, that's fine with me.

Much drama. Very legend. Wow.


would much rather die in my sleep than get chewed alive by a gator
 
5 days ago  

Snooza: peachpicker: You know, making it to 71 and then being eaten by a huge alligator during a huge hurricane is far from the worst way to leave this world. Really beats being shot in a robbery, or hit by a drunk driver, or starving to death on your bathroom floor because you fell and broke a hip. Or cancer.

And I know I'm in the minority on this one, but it beats just dying in your sleep. When my time arrives, I'd like to see it coming. If it comes in the shape of enormous scaly jaws emerging from hundred mile an hour winds, that's fine with me.

Much drama. Very legend. Wow.

would much rather die in my sleep than get chewed alive by a gator


would it help to know they don't chew but just clamp down and drag you into deep enough water to roll and drown you?

I'd rather be shot.
 
5 days ago  

Ashelth: Englebert Slaptyback: "Autopsy Alligator" sounds like a cartoon character designed by Big Funeral.

You only preform an autopsy on humans.  Necropsy is for animals.

Autopsy is a specialized term for a human necropsy. So technically you could call an autopsy a necropsy... But your not going to get an MD to use a term that would make their work seem less important.

Podiatrists bill for bebridments.  Not cutting toenails of old diabetic people.  (And as a class lots of fraudulent billing)


This sort if linguistic pedantry must make you hella fun at parties
 
5 days ago  
I am let down...  I see a related picture above, but...

Did they find a clock?
 
5 days ago  
Wrong!  It was a necropsy.  An autopsy is only performed on humans.  When you do it to an animal, it is called a necropsy.
 
5 days ago  

winedrinkingman: Wrong!  It was a necropsy.  An autopsy is only performed on humans.  When you do it to an animal, it is called a necropsy.


You gonna try to get us to stop using inflammable incorrectly, too?
 
5 days ago  

Father_Jack: Ashelth: Englebert Slaptyback: "Autopsy Alligator" sounds like a cartoon character designed by Big Funeral.

You only preform an autopsy on humans.  Necropsy is for animals.

Autopsy is a specialized term for a human necropsy. So technically you could call an autopsy a necropsy... But your not going to get an MD to use a term that would make their work seem less important.

Podiatrists bill for bebridments.  Not cutting toenails of old diabetic people.  (And as a class lots of fraudulent billing)

This sort if linguistic pedantry must make you hella fun at parties



It's not even pedantry, since it's wrong.

Dumbass ignored (or didn't understand) the reference to Big Funeral, aka the funeral industry, which is something that largely focuses on PEOPLE.

Nowhere did I say that there would be an autopsy on an alligator. FFS, I said Autopsy Alligator sounds like a cartoon character; it should have been obvious that AA was a name.

tl;dr Ashelth = potato
 
5 days ago  

zbtop: So...the wife pulled him away...only to immediately drop and leave him unattended on the front porch within easy reach of the floodwaters?

Genius.


When I first heard this story after the storm, I just assumed she killed him and blamed an alligator.

\Gonna need DNA results on those human remains to convince me otherwise.
\\Nobody living in south La would leave an alligator attack victim next to the waterline while they go get help.
\\\Unless they were pulling for the gator
 
5 days ago  

Snooza: peachpicker: You know, making it to 71 and then being eaten by a huge alligator during a huge hurricane is far from the worst way to leave this world. Really beats being shot in a robbery, or hit by a drunk driver, or starving to death on your bathroom floor because you fell and broke a hip. Or cancer.

And I know I'm in the minority on this one, but it beats just dying in your sleep. When my time arrives, I'd like to see it coming. If it comes in the shape of enormous scaly jaws emerging from hundred mile an hour winds, that's fine with me.

Much drama. Very legend. Wow.

would much rather die in my sleep than get chewed alive by a gator


I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather did, unlike the passengers in his car.
 
5 days ago  
[Mayor of town] Now look fellas. Let's be reasonable, huh? This is not the time or the place to perform some kind of a half ass autopsy on a gator! And I am not going to stand here and see that thing cut open and see old man Satterlee spill out all over the dock!
 
5 days ago  

behind8proxies: [Fark user image 245x187] [View Full Size image _x_]



i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
5 days ago  
There once was a woman from Decatur,
Who was laid by a big alligator.
Now nobody knew the results of that screw,
Because after he laid her, he ate her.
 
5 days ago  

Father_Jack: Ashelth: Englebert Slaptyback: "Autopsy Alligator" sounds like a cartoon character designed by Big Funeral.

You only preform an autopsy on humans.  Necropsy is for animals.

Autopsy is a specialized term for a human necropsy. So technically you could call an autopsy a necropsy... But your not going to get an MD to use a term that would make their work seem less important.

Podiatrists bill for bebridments.  Not cutting toenails of old diabetic people.  (And as a class lots of fraudulent billing)

This sort if linguistic pedantry must make you hella fun at parties


Most of the parties I go to "a vet gave an autopsy to an alligator" would actually get a laugh.

Since I socialize with other researchers, students and staff in the department.
 
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