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(Fark)   Welcome Fark Artists to your Fartist Friday Contest. On September 8, 1966 "Star Trek: The Original Series" debuted its pilot episode. In honor of Star Trek Day write a limerick about your favorite Star Trek character or episode in any of its series   ( divider line
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574 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Sep 2021 at 12:03 PM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook

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2021-09-09 7:53:31 PM  
Welcome Fark Artists, it's your Fartist Friday Contest. On Stardate 20153.6 (or, September 8, 1966) "Star Trek: The Original Series" debuted its pilot episode. In honor of Star Trek Day write for us a limerick about your favorite Star Trek character or episode, for any of its series.

Contest Rules:

One (1) individual entry item per post please, and a total of three (3) entries posted maximum allowed per person.

All votable entries must follow this week's theme requirements. Posts that don't follow the theme will remain but have Voting disabled. Be sure to check the theme!

Prize: Bragging rights and a mention in the Fark NotNewsletter!

Hearty congratulations to last week's contest winner ScrimBoy for their bee-licious wildlife photo, and check out all our talented F'Artistes!

FFFUQ (Fartist Friday Frequently Unasked Questions):

Fartist Fridays are weekly creativity contests that you can participate in with things you have on hand since many of us are stuck at home right now. If you have an idea for a future contest theme please post it here or send it along to Farkback.

Why? To have fun showing off our skills (or lack thereof!) while we practice socially distancing together, and to vote for your favorite entries.

When? This contest is submitted on Thursdays with entries open immediately to TotalFarkers (membership has its privileges!), then it goes to the Main Page on Friday. Entries close around midnight Eastern on Sunday night. All times are approximate because we're all drunk.

How Does Voting Work? Check the "Enable voting for this entry" box. If you forget, just report it and ask. All entries that meet the contest theme are considered eligible for voting, so please mention if you prefer voting NOT be enabled.

Check out past F'artiste contests by clicking on the Topic Tag and check the weekly Fark NotNewsletter for info on that week's contest theme ahead of time. All skill levels encouraged (as you can see from my sample below) and most importantly: We're all in this together so let's create some F'Arts together - Fark Arts, that is.
2021-09-09 8:32:20 PM  
Spock, logical, without a fear
Lacked feelings sufficient for tears
When he dropped his pants
And turned to advance
His lance had a point like his ears
2021-09-09 9:32:27 PM  
Lt. Edward Larkin, of limited capacity
Was obsessed with carnivoracity
So when he met a Tribble
And dared to take a nibble
Was devoured by his lack of sagacity
2021-09-10 12:16:58 AM  
There once was a professor called Crater
And for his lifestyle he gathered some haters
His partner was at fault
For killing for salt
And now Crater's is known as the 'baiter

There once was a boy called X
With his mind he could cast a hex
He could do anything
Even stop someone's sing
But all he really wanted was sex

There once was a helmsman called Gary
Whose eyes were all silver and starey
He almost won by a razor
If it wasn't for Kirk's phaser
And now under rocks Gary's buried

The once was a helmsman named Sulu
With a sword he is ready to duel you
He'll take off his shirt
Then make you hurt
After the Psi 2000 water has fooled you

There once was a captain called Jim
And the transporter split into him
There was one good and one bad
One crazed and one sad
Why couldn't it have just made him slim?

There once was a pimp they called Mudd
Who sold his women to studs
Tricking the penis
With drugs straight from Venus
But it turned out his plan was a dud

There once was a nurse called Christine
Who found out her former fiancé had turned mean
He was down in the caves
Making robot slaves
And robo-Kirk was insulting Spock's genes

There once was a girl called Miri
Of her you should rightly be leery
The Onlies will grab
And the Grups give the jab
Vaccines will cure all the weary

There once was a doctor called Tristan
And Tristan's assistant? Spock Vulcan nerve pinched him
Tristan's mind washing machine
Got turned on his bean
And now his brain is like a nose after Dristan

There once was a maneuver called Corbomite
That you use when you don't want to fight
Because only a coward
Would run from Clint Howard
And in the end we'll all be friends tonight

There once was a captain called Pike
Who could only beep to say what he likes
If he could talk
He'd say "I'd like a walk"
Or could you at least turn this chair into a bike?"

There once was a captain called Pike
Who could not take a long hike
In another reality
He was the first Star Trek captain on tv
But the fates ended up saying "Psyche!"

There once was an actor called Karidian
Who performed all around the meridian
Death, where is thy sting?
Conscience, where is thy king?
A philosophy positively euclidean

There once was a Romulan commander
His name? The writer's withstander
Did Spock feel bad
When they were fighting his dad
Or did it just get up his dander?

There once was an asshole named Finnegan
His rivalry with Kirk did begin again
Kirk got a leave pass
To sure kick some ass
And Finnegan learned the meaning of discipline

There once was a shuttlecraft named Galileo
Technology close to palaeo
Beam them to the transporter room
Before the Galileo goes boom
Now to the Federation a new shuttlecraft they owe

There once was a general called Trelane
Who behaved like he drove in the free lane
Come on, isn't it true
That he's really a Q
Destined to be the Enterprise's captain's main bane?

There once was a Gorn named Fred
And that Gorn wanted Captain Kirk dead
Kirk laughed and had to say
"Me dead? There's no way."
My shirt is gold, not red."

There once was a 1960's pilot called John
A spaceship from the future he was on
When things started to unravel
They all turned to time travel
And then they were all back before they were gone

There once was a lieutenant commander called Ben
And his death got Kirk put in the pen
But on the trial it was revealed
Ben's fate wasn't yet sealed
That tell tale heartbeat has stricken again

There once was a computer called Landru
And of Landru, Kirk was not a big fandru
Stick a note on a slip
That says "Do Not Worship"
And now you can wash your handrus

There once was a tyrant called Khan
A hell of a time of a trip he was on
Leave him to feed
With a pocket of seeds
I wonder if we'll see him anon?

There once was an ambassador called Fox
And a planet that fought without knocks
A computerized war
Left them numb to the score
But Kirk helped them rebuild their blocks

There once was a woman called Kalomi
She groked Spock, and Spock said "Show me."
Kirk said "For the second time this season
I'll give Spock a reason
To think I'm a racist assholie."

There once was a Horta called Jill
Who etches words like "no kill"
She was just trying to save
Her eggs from the grave
And now with baby Hortas the tunnels are filled

There once was a Klingon called Kor
And of Kor Star Trek fans wanted more
So after some time
He returned on Deep Space Nine
And now Kor is part of the lore

There once was a man called Lazarus
Whose life could be described as hazardous
A dimensional corridor
Who knows what it's for
Introducing Lazarus to Lazarus

There once was a guardian called Forever
Another time travel story? Never!
After all the other women's faded names
Edith Keeler's name remains
A bond with Kirk that nothing will sever

There once was a brother called Sam
Also played by an incorrigible ham
Here Spock, work fast
Put this UV light up your ass
It will save you from your terrible jam

There once was a farker called thatguyoverthere
And he was such a farking nerd he wanted to give himself a wedgie
He ran out of rhymes
but he didn't give a shiat because he was all rhymed out
Happy 55th anniversary to Star Trek
2021-09-10 12:15:30 PM  
There once was a Vulcan called Spock
Whose emotions were as steady as a rock
But when a spore he found
Laying on the ground
His emotions he did unlock.
2021-09-10 12:17:35 PM  
It was a being called Q
Who boggled and harassed the crew
With Picard he found
Some common ground
Now no one asks 'Q Who?'
2021-09-10 12:19:15 PM  
There once was an extra called Morn
His sole purpose a barstool adorn
His dialog obscene, all happened offscreen
and his vomit was much better than corn
2021-09-10 12:22:38 PM  
A crewman named Bill
Was feeling quite ill
Down to his core
But soon he was led
To a medical bed
Because of the red shirt he wore.
2021-09-10 12:38:49 PM  
The son of Kirk and Spock
Hopped up on coke and ready to rock
Played by Andy Dick
Watch out for Mr. Kock.
2021-09-10 12:50:17 PM  
"It's important," said William T. Riker,
"that a woman knows how much you like her."
Then he let his leg rest
on a chair, but you've guessed
that you wouldn't call this leg a hiker
2021-09-10 12:50:47 PM  
Of the hullabaloo that came from Desilu
None was as bombast as Shat'
Though not as coy as Nimoy
Or as astute as Doohan
He could hold a phallic stone with one hand.
2021-09-10 12:52:34 PM  
There once was a doctor called "Bones"
Whose storylines were repeatedly hosed
He's now remembered
As a venerable member
Of a series led by the William Shatner, who is a piece of shiat.

/I was close
2021-09-10 1:09:21 PM  
On Earth, long ago
He was a prince with power untold
Genesis he did steal
And infect Chekov with Ceti Eels
All in an attempt to make Kirk kneel
2021-09-10 1:19:09 PM  
Former Borg Seven of Nine
In a catsuit looked divine
She could barely breathe
Or even sneeze
Not her bosom and but looked fine.
2021-09-10 1:21:01 PM  
There once was a redshirt named Scotty
After giving it all he had got he
Drank something green
Said something obscene
And beat several Romulans dotty.
2021-09-10 1:54:18 PM  
There once was an Engineer Baddie
Named Scotty, so known to be catty
a Klingon made verbage
"the Enterprise is garbage!"
so he said "shouldn't you rephrase that now laddie?"

/got nuthin
2021-09-10 2:02:45 PM  
While traveling through uncharted space
We discovered everyone each has a face
Two arms and two feet
On each creature we meet
Makes me think this was filmed in one place
2021-09-10 2:19:39 PM  
Rai meeting Jiri at Lungha
Arnock at the race of Natara
The arms wide of Temba
The eyes red of Zinda
Darmok and Jalad at Tanagra
2021-09-10 2:33:37 PM  

1funguy: While traveling through uncharted space
We discovered everyone each has a face
Two arms and two feet
On each creature we meet
Makes me think this was filmed in one place

"The Next Generation" says plenty
In Season 6, Episode 20
Panspermia cited
The writers designed it
You'd know that, were you cognoscenti
2021-09-10 2:41:25 PM  
There once was a man named Sulu
Who came to Wolowitz's rescue
He saved the day
With a timely seque
Wow, what a timely man of virtue !
2021-09-10 2:53:08 PM  
Discovery opted to borrow
A plot from their show's tomorrow
As the time loops restart
When the ship blows apart
But this time, it ends in Mudd's sorrow
2021-09-10 3:10:49 PM  
There once was a man named Gene
Who had an incredible dream:
A crew in space
Each week meeting a new alien race
On some sort of 'Trek
It would seem
2021-09-10 3:13:03 PM  
"Well great" said Bones, wouldn't you know it
I can't stop this thread but I can slow it
I can't rhyme with orange
Except in Wales seeing The Blorenge
I'm a Doctor Jim, not a damn poet
2021-09-10 3:22:45 PM  

Parthenogenetic: 1funguy: While traveling through uncharted space
We discovered everyone each has a face
Two arms and two feet
On each creature we meet
Makes me think this was filmed in one place

"The Next Generation" says plenty
In Season 6, Episode 20
Panspermia cited
The writers designed it
You'd know that, were you cognoscenti

To this fact that is commonly known
I must reply with simply a groan
Go on if you must
We return unto dust
To the stars from which we are sown
2021-09-10 3:55:09 PM  
The stories were often derivative
The plotting both silly and primitive
But this was the show
With its "to boldly go"
That taught me to split an infinitive
2021-09-10 4:42:28 PM  
Data's a man by some measure
Who's programmed with ways to give pleasure
When given emotion
It gave him a notion
To spend time on Risa for leisure
2021-09-10 4:53:24 PM  
There once was a captain named Jim
Who you certainly wouldn't call slim
He went for a nibble
Found out it was Tribble
And said, 'It's time to visit the gym."
2021-09-10 5:49:47 PM  
Bones jumped and screwed up time's thread,
Spock and Kirk had to leave Edith dead,
In going back through the hoop,
They left a weird loop,
For Ms. Keeler posed in a Playboy nude spread.
2021-09-10 6:11:35 PM  
He's dead, Jim, he's dead, Jim, he's dead,
He's dead, Jim, he's dead, Jim, he's dead,
He's dead, Jim, he's dead,
He's dead, Jim, he's dead,
He's dead, Jim, he's dead, Jim, he's dead.
2021-09-10 9:42:45 PM  
From the Holosuite then over Quark's tiles
Came a running and screaming by Miles.
Said Jadiza: "Oh my dear,
How could Dr Bashir,
Not know that O'Brien's has piles?"
2021-09-11 10:24:41 AM  
There once was a Klingon named Azetbur
Who's father was phaser'd and near Death's door
He said "Don't let it end this way"
And it didn't
And there was peace...
...until Way of the Warrior

/ This cr#p is what I come up with when I'm feeding the ducks 🤦🏻♂
2021-09-11 12:00:13 PM  
There once was a man in red
Whose gut was brimming with dread
To the Captain he was curt
"I just gotta change this shirt"
But the doc soon said, "he's dead"
2021-09-11 12:32:49 PM  
Oh hey, its that guy Gary 7.
With Terry Garr dialed up to 11.
Oh hey, what was that?
I don't think that's really a cat.
Soft pilot went to soft pilot heaven.
2021-09-11 12:51:21 PM  
While Troi was with the Baku
I wonder what Riker would do
He banged Perim
The lights were dim
And Troi never had a clue
2021-09-11 12:56:11 PM  
An intergalactic probe fails
To reach its Earth contact by hails
They travel through time
Doc Taylor says "Mine!"
But they're not the hell her whales
2021-09-11 1:58:41 PM  
There once was a navigator named Chekov.
Kahn's worm made him scream his head off.
And once while searching for whales,
His English kinda fails as he says, "nuclear wessels".
2021-09-11 2:07:31 PM  
There once was a Vulcan named Spock,
Who had a prehensile C**k,
"It's a good thing", he sang,
"We infrequently bang,
Or the bastard would learn how to walk!"
2021-09-11 3:23:37 PM  
There once was a bad guy named Kahn.
He was played by a man named Montalban.
He lived on an island when I first heard his name
and had an employee who would spot "da plane".
And while his career just seemed to get better, my favorite moment was when he told me about rich Corinthian leather.
2021-09-11 4:05:28 PM  
There once was a bunch of space hippies
That outfoxed the Kirk fast as jiffies
While Spoke rocked and jammed
A take over and land
But the planet was all acid-ditty

Seven of Nine an ex Borg
Her front and behind I adore
When she's firm and she's keen
If you know what I mean
I lock my bunk bedroom door
2021-09-11 10:23:04 PM  
There once was a Sith Lord named Vader
Who said "Luke I am your father"
He said "that's not true"
And then down he flew
but he did not say "see you later"
2021-09-12 12:21:50 PM  
You have to admit that Star Trek
(TOS) was fun as all heck.
But as such things will
It then went downhill.
Viz. Picard and Lower Dreck.
2021-09-12 12:33:29 PM  
Mariner slacked off most of the day,
Boimler covered for her anyway.
Though her mom's the captain,
I didn't think it's happen,
then Shax came back from the grave.
2021-09-12 12:36:46 PM  
There once was a Vulcan named Spock
Who found this all highly illogical.
2021-09-12 12:54:24 PM  
The mission of mercy completed
Left Kirk and the klingons depleted
No moral high ground;
The both of them found
In intelligence they had been cheated
2021-09-12 1:07:36 PM  
There once was a Gul named DukatBajoran women were all that he soughtKira laughed in his faceSaying give up the chaseBut he farked the old Kai quite a lot.
2021-09-12 1:39:56 PM  
Datas dear brother required assembly
A skill with contractions he showed off expressly
The bridge kid complained
But the captain refrained
Shut up Wesley
2021-09-12 6:00:21 PM  

brantgoose: George Takei
Was known to run away
When Cap'n Kirk
Was a real jerk.

Didn't want to catch teh ghey?
2021-09-12 11:42:11 PM  
Beware the con man called Mudd!
His lies might spill redshirts' blood.
He'll sell you a tale
and a ship to set sail
that would sink if it met a flood.
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