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(Slate)   "I caught my sister's fiancé cheating on her, and I don't think I'm going to tell her. Unless you think I should; I worry telling her will destroy her and cause me to be vilified. But is the alternative worse?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Want, Family, want kids, sister's fiancé, 1-year-old son, much time, best decision, big day  
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457 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Sep 2021 at 3:50 AM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



24 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-09-06 3:56:51 AM  
Butt sex
 
2021-09-06 4:32:46 AM  
Paywall
 
2021-09-06 4:37:03 AM  
You want to know how much she'll hate you when she finds out you didn't warn her?
 
2021-09-06 4:40:13 AM  
Define "Caught Cheating"
Did you just see him having coffee with another woman like a lot of professionals do with their female co-workers or boss? Or pants down raw dogging it a bar bathroom?
 
2021-09-06 6:08:56 AM  
Prudie's punter knows he's cheating, 'cause he's cheating with her...

DNRTFA.
 
2021-09-06 6:49:10 AM  
She knows, and still bases her entire self worth on having a man, any man, in her life.  Until she decides to value herself differently, no one can help her.
 
2021-09-06 7:12:06 AM  
Tell him you saw him doing it and start cashing in on the sweet, sweet blackmail money.
 
2021-09-06 7:26:41 AM  
Her fiance has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car - every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

There is nothing you can do or say.
 
2021-09-06 7:59:38 AM  
It won't help....just stay out of it.
 
2021-09-06 8:36:41 AM  
I learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations. In college, a close friend of mine started dating a girl almost 4 years younger (he was 19 and a sophomore in college, she had just turned 16 and a sophomore in HS.) I first expressed my concern over that, delicately suggesting it was... inappropriate. But no one else (including her parents) thought that was the case, so I came off looking unsupportive and critical. Fine.

Over the next three years as they continued to be together I got to be good friends with her as well. My buddy was a year ahead of me and had graduated, and she just started her first year of college. One day she shows up on campus with some other guy for an event I invited her to. She wanted me to meet him because they were dating, but my friend didn't know and she didn't plan to tell him. Her explanation was that she hadn't been with anyone else aside from my friend since they started dating when she was young, so she wanted to "get out there" and make sure he was really the one. I didn't think it was right, and I felt a duty to let my friend know. I told her it was her life and decision to make, but if she didn't let him know by the end of the month I would. She didn't, so I did.

What happened next was... unexpected. He was devastated at hearing the news. He immediately called her to confront her. They argued, and he found out the other guy was there at her place. She put him on the phone. And... it turns out they knew each other. They used to hang out. My friend starts laughing and by the end of the call he's made plans to go mountain biking with the guy. The two end up with an agreement that they would both date her, which eventually led to regular threesomes.

Anyhow, the other guy eventually moved on to someone else, my friend married the woman, they got divorced after 2 years, and he became a swinger with his new wife and I lost touch with him.

Like I said, I learned to mind my own business with these types of things.
 
2021-09-06 8:44:04 AM  
As a friend you have an obligation to let them know, despite the fact that it's likely to blow up in your face.

Then again, if your friend turns on you for telling them, they weren't a very good friend anyway.  Burn that bridge.
 
2021-09-06 9:27:03 AM  

Groupon boob job: I learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations. In college, a close friend of mine started dating a girl almost 4 years younger (he was 19 and a sophomore in college, she had just turned 16 and a sophomore in HS.) I first expressed my concern over that, delicately suggesting it was... inappropriate. But no one else (including her parents) thought that was the case, so I came off looking unsupportive and critical. Fine.

Over the next three years as they continued to be together I got to be good friends with her as well. My buddy was a year ahead of me and had graduated, and she just started her first year of college. One day she shows up on campus with some other guy for an event I invited her to. She wanted me to meet him because they were dating, but my friend didn't know and she didn't plan to tell him. Her explanation was that she hadn't been with anyone else aside from my friend since they started dating when she was young, so she wanted to "get out there" and make sure he was really the one. I didn't think it was right, and I felt a duty to let my friend know. I told her it was her life and decision to make, but if she didn't let him know by the end of the month I would. She didn't, so I did.

What happened next was... unexpected. He was devastated at hearing the news. He immediately called her to confront her. They argued, and he found out the other guy was there at her place. She put him on the phone. And... it turns out they knew each other. They used to hang out. My friend starts laughing and by the end of the call he's made plans to go mountain biking with the guy. The two end up with an agreement that they would both date her, which eventually led to regular threesomes.

Anyhow, the other guy eventually moved on to someone else, my friend married the woman, they got divorced after 2 years, and he became a swinger with his new wife and I lost touch with him.

Like I said, I learned to mind my own business with these types of things.


Five stars. Would read again.
 
2021-09-06 9:54:46 AM  

Madison_Smiled: Her fiance has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car - every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

There is nothing you can do or say.


The sex must be phenomenal.
 
2021-09-06 10:05:04 AM  

Madison_Smiled: Her fiance has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car - every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

There is nothing you can do or say.


She keeps taking him back because she feels she can't do any better. Take her on a surprise trip to a place where the legal weed grows and the liquor flows. Like a college town in Colorado. Boost her confidence that she can do better than that piece of shiat.
 
2021-09-06 11:18:44 AM  

Madison_Smiled: Her fiance has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car - every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

There is nothing you can do or say.


Yeah, In that case...
memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2021-09-06 11:25:32 AM  

Flincher: Madison_Smiled: Her fiance has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car - every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

There is nothing you can do or say.

She keeps taking him back because she feels she can't do any better. Take her on a surprise trip to a place where the legal weed grows and the liquor flows. Like a college town in Colorado. Boost her confidence that she can do better than that piece of shiat.


In my experience that didn't work. (Jeez, I'm realizing I have far too many stories on this subject.)
My brother was chronically dateless. His friends set him up with a woman they knew from high school. She was an absolute SHREW, but he was finally getting laid on the reg so he put up with it. Long story short, they got married, she cheated, they got divorced. He was all woe is me, I'll never find anyone else. We tried to take him out all the time to get him to meet new people. He was terrible at it. One time he called and told my wife and I met him out at a bar. We got there and he introduced us to this couple he was talking to and said he'd go buy a round. So I'm like, "Hey, so how do you know my brother?" The guy says, "I don't. He tried to buy my wife a drink twice. The first time she said she was married, thirty minutes later we had to tell him again. Then he just started talking to us. That was 10 minutes before you got here." The four of us just stood there and watched him. He bought our round, handed them off to us, excused himself again, went to another section of the bar where these two women were, and bought them a round after which they excused themselves to another area. He kept this up for the rest of the night, just buying rounds for any woman or group of women in the place, none ever even staying long enough for a 5 minute conversation. It was terrible and cringey to watch. After a few months of this he invited his ex-wife to move back in with him. He stayed with her for the next 16 years until he found out his old high school crush got divorced-- then he kicked out his ex-wife again and tried hitting on the old flame.
 
2021-09-06 11:43:40 AM  
article: 'My sister's fiancé has cheated on her before, left her, stolen money, come back, wrecked her credit, wrecked her car-every time she says she's through with him, and every time she takes him right back.

For your own self-interest DON"T let this guy join the family.    Its not just your sister's life he'll ruin if they have kids.
 
2021-09-06 11:49:44 AM  
she'd find out eventually (after the funeral)
 
2021-09-06 1:52:23 PM  
She just needs to have sex with the fiance and film it. Then her sister will label her a home wrecker marry the guy anyway and cut her off completely
 
2021-09-06 2:06:59 PM  
Don't
Just don't
 
2021-09-06 2:52:54 PM  

Groupon boob job: I learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations. In college, a close friend of mine started dating a girl almost 4 years younger (he was 19 and a sophomore in college, she had just turned 16 and a sophomore in HS.) I first expressed my concern over that, delicately suggesting it was... inappropriate. But no one else (including her parents) thought that was the case, so I came off looking unsupportive and critical. Fine.

Over the next three years as they continued to be together I got to be good friends with her as well. My buddy was a year ahead of me and had graduated, and she just started her first year of college. One day she shows up on campus with some other guy for an event I invited her to. She wanted me to meet him because they were dating, but my friend didn't know and she didn't plan to tell him. Her explanation was that she hadn't been with anyone else aside from my friend since they started dating when she was young, so she wanted to "get out there" and make sure he was really the one. I didn't think it was right, and I felt a duty to let my friend know. I told her it was her life and decision to make, but if she didn't let him know by the end of the month I would. She didn't, so I did.

What happened next was... unexpected. He was devastated at hearing the news. He immediately called her to confront her. They argued, and he found out the other guy was there at her place. She put him on the phone. And... it turns out they knew each other. They used to hang out. My friend starts laughing and by the end of the call he's made plans to go mountain biking with the guy. The two end up with an agreement that they would both date her, which eventually led to regular threesomes.

Anyhow, the other guy eventually moved on to someone else, my friend married the woman, they got divorced after 2 years, and he became a swinger with his new wife and I lost touch with him.

Like I said, I learned to mind my own business with these types of things.


That doesn't sounds like a "I learned to mind my own business" kind of story. You did the right thing, it didn't blow back on you, and he worked things out into an arrangement that worked for him.

Mission accomplished I'd say.
 
2021-09-06 8:40:25 PM  

Groupon boob job: I learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations. In college, a close friend of mine started dating a girl almost 4 years younger (he was 19 and a sophomore in college, she had just turned 16 and a sophomore in HS.) I first expressed my concern over that, delicately suggesting it was... inappropriate. But no one else (including her parents) thought that was the case, so I came off looking unsupportive and critical. Fine.

Over the next three years as they continued to be together I got to be good friends with her as well. My buddy was a year ahead of me and had graduated, and she just started her first year of college. One day she shows up on campus with some other guy for an event I invited her to. She wanted me to meet him because they were dating, but my friend didn't know and she didn't plan to tell him. Her explanation was that she hadn't been with anyone else aside from my friend since they started dating when she was young, so she wanted to "get out there" and make sure he was really the one. I didn't think it was right, and I felt a duty to let my friend know. I told her it was her life and decision to make, but if she didn't let him know by the end of the month I would. She didn't, so I did.

What happened next was... unexpected. He was devastated at hearing the news. He immediately called her to confront her. They argued, and he found out the other guy was there at her place. She put him on the phone. And... it turns out they knew each other. They used to hang out. My friend starts laughing and by the end of the call he's made plans to go mountain biking with the guy. The two end up with an agreement that they would both date her, which eventually led to regular threesomes.

Anyhow, the other guy eventually moved on to someone else, my friend married the woman, they got divorced after 2 years, and he became a swinger with his new wife and I lost touch with him.

Like I said, I learned to mind my own business with these types of things.


I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
But please send it in a plain brown email, I have my pride.
 
2021-09-06 8:45:25 PM  

Groupon boob job: I learned to keep my mouth shut in these situations. In college, a close friend of mine started dating a girl almost 4 years younger (he was 19 and a sophomore in college, she had just turned 16 and a sophomore in HS.) I first expressed my concern over that, delicately suggesting it was... inappropriate. But no one else (including her parents) thought that was the case, so I came off looking unsupportive and critical. Fine.

Over the next three years as they continued to be together I got to be good friends with her as well. My buddy was a year ahead of me and had graduated, and she just started her first year of college. One day she shows up on campus with some other guy for an event I invited her to. She wanted me to meet him because they were dating, but my friend didn't know and she didn't plan to tell him. Her explanation was that she hadn't been with anyone else aside from my friend since they started dating when she was young, so she wanted to "get out there" and make sure he was really the one. I didn't think it was right, and I felt a duty to let my friend know. I told her it was her life and decision to make, but if she didn't let him know by the end of the month I would. She didn't, so I did.

What happened next was... unexpected. He was devastated at hearing the news. He immediately called her to confront her. They argued, and he found out the other guy was there at her place. She put him on the phone. And... it turns out they knew each other. They used to hang out. My friend starts laughing and by the end of the call he's made plans to go mountain biking with the guy. The two end up with an agreement that they would both date her, which eventually led to regular threesomes.

Anyhow, the other guy eventually moved on to someone else, my friend married the woman, they got divorced after 2 years, and he became a swinger with his new wife and I lost touch with him.

Like I said, I learned to mind my own business with these types of things.


Or... maybe you helped him to learn some things about himself he might have missed otherwise.

I can't say that telling or not telling is the right thing. It might make all the difference, or none at all. I am not even sure that someone would be happier, overall, one way or another.

I will make the caustic comment that I might decide according to age. If the people were young and developing, they should know what kind of crap they are getting mixed up with. People have a chance to learn and grow and change. If they are much older and set in their ways and reasonably circumspect on their own, I might not say anything. People pretty much know what they are getting into after a certain point in life.
 
2021-09-07 12:07:21 PM  
Start calling her your "step" sister. ;)
 
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