If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Some Guy)   Are you missing your penis? If so, some guy in Nebraska may have found it   ( channel3000.com) divider line
    More: PSA  
•       •       •

6424 clicks; posted to Main » on 15 Feb 2002 at 8:55 AM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

39 Comments     (+0 »)
2002-02-15 08:57:25 AM  
Well it is detachable...
2002-02-15 08:57:49 AM  
Some schmuck is missing his schmuck
2002-02-15 09:03:01 AM  
I really don't like being without my penis for too long.
It makes me feel like less of a man, and I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak.
2002-02-15 09:04:14 AM  
:::Thoren said the finding could be the result of a self-inflicted accident or an assault. :::

Well duh? Good call genius.
2002-02-15 09:07:04 AM  
I have to sit down... the doc told me not to lift heavy loads!
2002-02-15 09:08:07 AM  
Detachable Penis
King Missile

I woke up this morning with a bad hangover
And my penis was missing again
This happens all the time, it's detachable

This comes in handy a lot of the time (detachable penis)
I can leave it home when I think it's gonna get me in trouble (detachable penis)
Or I can rent it out when I don't need it (detachable penis)

But now and then, I go to a party, get drunk
And the next morning I can't for the life of me (detachable penis)
Remember what I did with it

First, I looked around my apartment, and I couldn't find it (detachable penis)
So I called up the place where the party was
They hadn't seen it either

I asked them to check the medicine cabinet (detachable penis)
'Cause for some reason, I leave it there sometimes
But not this time (detachable penis)

So I told them if it pops up to let me know
I called a few people who were at the party
But they were no help either (detachable penis)
I was starting to get desperate (detachable penis)

I really don't like being without my penis for too long (detachable penis)
It makes me feel like less of a man
And I really hate having to sit down every time I take a leak (detachable penis)

After a few hours of searching the house (detachable penis)
And calling everyone I could think of
I was starting to get very depressed (detachable penis)
So I went to the Kiev, and ate breakfast (detachable penis)

Then, as I walked down Second Avenue towards St. Mark's Place (detachable penis)
Where all those people sell used books and other junk on the street (detachable penis)
I saw my penis lying on a blanket, next to a broken toaster oven

Some guy was selling it (detachable penis)
I had to buy it off him
He wanted 22 bucks, but I talked him down to 17 (detachable penis)

I took it home, washed it off (detachable penis)
And put it back on (detachable penis)
I was happy again, complete (detachable penis)

People sometimes tell me I should get it permanently attached (detachable penis)
But I don't know (detachable penis)
Even though sometimes it's a pain in the ass
I like having a detachable penis (detachable penis)

Detachable penis
Detachable penis
Detachable penis (detachable penis)
Detachable penis (detachable penis, penis)
Detachable penis (detachable penis, penis)
Detachable penis (detachable penis, penis)
Detachable (detachable, detachable)
2002-02-15 09:08:09 AM  
"Apparent" severed penis? What's apparent about it? If you find a wang that's not attached to someone, I would have to say it is indeed severed beyond any shadow of a doubt.
2002-02-15 09:08:23 AM  
Oxdeadbeef: "Thought about that, think about this, I don't wanna sit when I take a piss, I'm glad I'm not a girl" - Tesco Vee & The Meatmen/"We're the Meatmen and you suck"/1984

My wife has Mr. P.P. Stick - and my set of matching marraccas. She keeps it hermetically sealed in a mayonnase jar on Funk & Wagnels front porch.
2002-02-15 09:10:55 AM  
I put mine in my safe in the wall where I keep all my other valuables like Alf pogs and my Britney Spears pocket pussy.
2002-02-15 09:14:54 AM  
once again: "Gonads and Strife"

credit to SLAYERSWINE -- you started this in another post. I didn't realize it would be today's theme.
2002-02-15 09:17:25 AM  
Mental Image-

Guy standing in car wash parking lot, holding up something and yelling,

"Did somebody drop their cock?"
2002-02-15 09:22:49 AM  
I wonder if this is a 'vaccum action' incident gone horribly awry
2002-02-15 09:24:34 AM  
"The organ was taken to a crime lab Wednesday to make the final determination on whether it is human...."

I'm no expert, but wouldn't that be
img.fark.netView Full Size
2002-02-15 09:26:46 AM  
Good lord... that is 15 miles from my home town...

Grand Island, NE

Since much doesn't happen around there, this is probably Headline news!
2002-02-15 09:34:55 AM  
Hey SLAYERSWINE - I had the distinct honor of meeting Stevie Ray once too. He did an in-store appearance & guitar give away promotion at a Record Bar where I worked. I got my copy of Can't Stand the Weather autographed then shared a hit w/him and Chris Tucker (drummer) out back of the mall. Ah, good times...

How does that fit in this thread? Uh,.. well,.. letsee.... uh, my assistant manager at the Record Bar was a real penis, and I he needed to use a car wash.
2002-02-15 09:34:57 AM  
Fb should be told, he has been looking for his for ages

2002-02-15 09:36:01 AM  
The last thing I would not be aware of if I was missing it would be my penis...we're kinda attached at the hip
2002-02-15 09:40:35 AM  
I live in Nebraska!
*looks down*
whew....its cool guys, I'm all there.
that is almost as wierd as the guy who sawed off the legs of the pregnate woman here a few months back.
2002-02-15 09:43:16 AM  
Holy shiat Luxowell, what do they put in your drinking water there?
2002-02-15 09:46:34 AM  
I'm not sure... Didn't you use to have two of them?
2002-02-15 09:55:29 AM  
The Kiev sucks these days; Veselka is much better. And Giuliani cleaned up all the blanket merchants
2002-02-15 11:10:53 AM  
Are you missing your penis?

Nope. Been with me the whole time...

My Penis, My Penis,
Wherever I go, he goes,
My Penis, My Penis,
My Penis and me!"
2002-02-15 11:29:51 AM  
I went out with a girl once that wouldn't let me leave the house with my penis.

Me: I'm going out
Her: Not with your Penis, you will have to leave that here!

Hence, the start of the detachable penis.
2002-02-15 11:31:39 AM  
2002-02-15 11:54:27 AM  
Where's the Penis Bird guy when you need him?
2002-02-15 12:05:15 PM  
Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to own a stiffy,
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick!

So three cheers for your willy or John Thomas,
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork,
your wife's best friend,
Your percy or your cock,
You can wrap it up in ribbons,
You can stick in a sock,
But din't take it out in public
or they'll stick you in the dock
And you won't
2002-02-15 12:28:42 PM  
Found: Penis. If you can describe it, it's yours. Call 555-1234.
2002-02-15 12:30:39 PM  
"The organ was taken to a crime lab Wednesday to make the final determination on whether it is human..."

WTF does this mean? I've heard of guys hung like a horse, but I didn't think it was really possible. This makes no sense at all.
2002-02-15 12:33:03 PM  
Nope, ain't mine.

If you find one lying about in Chapel hill, though, lemme know, mkay?

2002-02-15 12:33:17 PM  
Did Lorena Bobbit move to the Cornhusker State?

2002-02-15 12:48:57 PM  
Or did someone husk his corn a leettle too ardently?
2002-02-15 01:48:25 PM  
Dammit, I KNEW I forgot something when I was up there.
2002-02-15 03:07:57 PM  
Damn, I was hoping to be the first person to post the Detachable Penis song... :(
2002-02-15 03:15:19 PM  
Fireblade: ...uh, up WHERE exactly?...
2002-02-15 03:22:33 PM  
Damn it I think I left my dick at the car wash, I'll be right back unless someone took it....
2002-02-15 03:55:21 PM  
Someone claim it quick. I'm tired of seeing that thing on the backs of milk cartons.
2002-02-15 07:21:12 PM  
Not to be a prick, but the drummer from Double Trouble is Chris 'Whipper' Layton, not Chris Tucker.
2002-02-15 08:35:46 PM  
Luxowell: I live closer to the severed penis than you do. :D
2002-02-16 02:46:23 PM  
Living in the cultural, social, political, economic, scientific backwater of Nebraska I can assure you that any day now the crime lab will be able to determine the gender of the person who lost said penis.
Displayed 39 of 39 comments

This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking

On Twitter

Top Commented
Javascript is required to view headlines in widget.
  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.