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(Slate)   "My sister hastily rescheduled her wedding for next month. None of our other siblings can attend, and I can't afford to miss work and just got my job after a year. She called us names on social media and has been mean. I'm good not attending, right?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Family, Dear Prudence, Make You Feel My Love, sister's wedding, live chat, last year, family's support, Jene Desmond-Harris  
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462 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 19 Aug 2021 at 12:50 PM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



28 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-08-19 8:56:26 AM  
People have missed their parent's funerals and their own kid's graduations over the last year due to Covid. Your wedding is an event that can be rescheduled, reworked or skipped entirely--it's not time sensitive. You want your family there? Reschedule for next year. In this case, sounds like little sister's having a fit. Ignore her. She'll either come around or she won't. If not--it was just a matter of time before she abandoned the family scene, for one reason or another.
 
2021-08-19 9:12:52 AM  
She probably rescheduled to make some other person happy.  The problem with changing dates for one person is that that person will still fail to show up.

Anyone that begs you to change the date of something because they "can't make it then" needs to be ignored completely.  If they made it a priority, they would be there.  If you change it?  They won't come regardless, because they didn't really care enough to begin with.
 
2021-08-19 9:13:24 AM  
Sounds like you have plenty of other brothers and sisters, so writing one off isn't really destroying the curve.
 
2021-08-19 9:15:39 AM  
Everybody has a life. They're are few events that need to be responded to on short notice. Skip it.

/you can go to her next one
 
2021-08-19 9:15:47 AM  
Sounds like she doesn't care about others. Selfish people suck.
 
2021-08-19 9:43:18 AM  
I'm starting to think that the decline of marriage is a good thing.

On the other hand, I fear we are about to see the rise of "officially living together" parties, with a big reveal of whose apartment they are moving into.
 
2021-08-19 9:47:07 AM  
1. Get married at the clerk of courts with a stalwart friend or a fearless notary.

2. Wait for Covid to pass *completely*

3. Throw an amazing, delayed, "anniversary party" with all the people you care about who are still alive. It'll be full of better memories and a lighter conscience.
 
2021-08-19 9:49:54 AM  
The rescheduled wedding of my spouse's cousin is in a few months.  We found out that there is an issue with requiring vaccinations and masks, as the groom's side of the family is firmly anti-vax.  The bride's side has several immunocompromised individuals, so at this point, why even try.
 
2021-08-19 11:47:37 AM  

Marcus Aurelius: She probably rescheduled to make some other person happy.  The problem with changing dates for one person is that that person will still fail to show up.

Anyone that begs you to change the date of something because they "can't make it then" needs to be ignored completely.  If they made it a priority, they would be there.  If you change it?  They won't come regardless, because they didn't really care enough to begin with.


Probably the groom and his family.
 
2021-08-19 12:13:24 PM  
Christ... we never *had* any public event for my dad, since he died just before COVID started spreading like wildfire soon after he passed away (late in Jan 2020).  We didn't want to assemble a bunch of octogenarians into some closed space and potentially infect a bunch of them.

/ffs, you've been given a free excuse to not attend a wedding. why the hell would you question such a thing? that's a windfall.
 
2021-08-19 12:56:49 PM  
...butt stuff?
 
2021-08-19 1:09:21 PM  
Go fark yourself, Sis.

Last year Mrs Clam and I celebrated our 25th anniversary with pizza in the park. This year I couldn't visit my dad dying in the hospital. There's a farking pandemic on and shait's not normal. Deal with it. Get hitched now and do a big anniversary party later, when the pandemic's over.
 
2021-08-19 1:10:43 PM  
We're at the point where the wedding is going off next month come hell or high water. Vaccinated guests only, and we're accepting regrets in lieu of attendance.

If you can't come, don't come. We'll be fine.
 
2021-08-19 1:20:11 PM  
1) With A Purposeful Grimace And A Terrible Sound: Poor planning on her part does not constitute an emergency on your part.  Tell her to FRO.

2) Pronoun Trouble: Tough one.  In the immediate, stick with the practical suggestion that Prudie had in terms of it being how you wish to be addressed.  I understand there's a gap between how you actually wish to be addressed and what's safe for you to be addressed as, but until you can extract yourself from the leverage your family has over you, I would advise safety.  Having said that, extraction NEEDS to be your top priority so you can tell your family to FRO.

3) You Don't Need To Be Coy, Roy: DTMFA now and GTFO as soon as you can.

4)  Set A Man On Fire And He's Warm For The Rest Of His Life: Ugh.  Anyway, Prudie is right here, you don't need to be there nor do Sam's parents.  Although Sam's parents probably need to be told to GTHOI.

5) I Don't...I Don't Want To Hear It: I think you need to start by practicing in the mirror.  A few variations on STFU.  Maybe even have your spouse role play.  Then you'll be ready in the moment to tell her to STFU.  And then KHITBASH.

6) Like A Dog That's Been Beat Too Much (Stump Prudie): Had that issue in my old neighborhood.  Animal control ultimately was called and they had the dog taken.  Only got a fine for it.  But immediate issue was resolved.  It's really the only viable course of action.

7) She's Gone, Oh I, Oh I Better Learn How To Face It: DTMFA.

8) Gotta Pick Up My Soul And Move On (Classic): It is possible your friend did not like your ex and has some specifics you have conveniently glossed over.  Still, if you don't wanna talk about it, tell them to STFU and MYOB.
 
2021-08-19 1:55:47 PM  
Fark her dad?
 
2021-08-19 1:57:19 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-19 2:06:30 PM  

Heamer: ...butt stuff?


With her fiancé.  That should make the bride to be care less about the wedding.
 
2021-08-19 2:53:46 PM  
Tell her you'll go to her next wedding.
 
2021-08-19 2:56:03 PM  

PirateKing: We're at the point where the wedding is going off next month come hell or high water. Vaccinated guests only, and we're accepting regrets in lieu of attendance.

If you can't come, don't come. We'll be fine.


You still have your Amazon registry up, right?
 
2021-08-19 2:56:22 PM  

HugeMistake: I'm starting to think that the decline of marriage is a good thing.

On the other hand, I fear we are about to see the rise of "officially living together" parties, with a big reveal of whose apartment they are moving into.


My entirely unsolicited moving in together advice: Pick an apartment that is new to both of you. One person moving into another person's already established space is almost always awkward.
 
2021-08-19 3:13:08 PM  

namegoeshere: HugeMistake: I'm starting to think that the decline of marriage is a good thing.

On the other hand, I fear we are about to see the rise of "officially living together" parties, with a big reveal of whose apartment they are moving into.

My entirely unsolicited moving in together advice: Pick an apartment that is new to both of you. One person moving into another person's already established space is almost always awkward.


Tell me about it. When I moved in with my (now) wife, I had a largish "guy" apartment. Lots of comfortable and functional stuff that wasn't necessarily very nice looking. She owned a small condo that was tastefully decorated.

There was absolutely no room for any of my things, except for anything I said was important to me. Most of my things would not have fit, everything she had was appropriate for the size place, and everything "fit" together visually.

Then there is all the kitchen stuff - a small condo kitchen cannot really use two sets of dishware, pots, pans... to say nothing about small appliances like blenders and toasters. We were both old enough to have complete sets of everything we wanted/needed. I'm the cook, so most of my pans, knives, etc. were the ones that we kept.

Ended up working out though - I ended up subletting my place to the younger sibling of a friend who took it as fully furnished. She bought some things, and I took back the rest when we got a house and I wanted "basement furniture" that was comfy and oversized.
 
2021-08-19 3:37:44 PM  
I suggest you fark her husband-to-be. I can pretty much guarantee that'll set the wedding back a few months.
 
2021-08-19 3:49:33 PM  
No more anal for her
 
2021-08-19 4:09:49 PM  

optikeye: PirateKing: We're at the point where the wedding is going off next month come hell or high water. Vaccinated guests only, and we're accepting regrets in lieu of attendance.

If you can't come, don't come. We'll be fine.

You still have your Amazon registry up, right?


Damn straight we do. I'm already sleeping on a new mattress.
 
2021-08-19 4:27:05 PM  
Send her a nice card.  Snail mail.
 
2021-08-19 4:39:35 PM  
The 'hurry up' aspect has me guessing that this bride is pregnant - and wants to walk down the aisle while she can still fit in her dress,
 
2021-08-20 2:49:46 AM  

corq: 1. Get married at the clerk of courts with a stalwart friend or a fearless notary.

2. Wait for Covid to pass *completely*

3. Throw an amazing, delayed, "anniversary party" with all the people you care about who are still alive. It'll be full of better memories and a lighter conscience.


We got married when Mrs. Nuran left grad school so there wouldn't be a break in insurance. The service consisted of two friends and the judge. We didn't mention it to anyone. A year and a half later we had a wedding with friends and family.
 
2021-08-20 4:51:09 AM  

Not Y3K Compliant: The rescheduled wedding of my spouse's cousin is in a few months.  We found out that there is an issue with requiring vaccinations and masks, as the groom's side of the family is firmly anti-vax.  The bride's side has several immunocompromised individuals, so at this point, why even try.


They probably shouldn't marry.

I hate to be that guy, but you aren't just marrying the wife or groom, you're marrying the entire family.

Unless he is going to write off that bag of crazies, your cousin is in for a lifetime of shiat.
 
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