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(NPR)   Finally, the article that Fark has been waiting for: How to make friends, and keep them   (npr.org) divider line
    More: Interesting, Friendship, Interpersonal relationship, friend mean, Gillian Sandstrom, Love, small talk, senior lecturer, United Kingdom  
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2581 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2021 at 12:38 PM (12 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

 
2021-08-01 12:41:54 PM  
39 votes:
Once I make you a good enough friend that you are comfortable checking out my basement, i won't have any trouble keeping you.
 
2021-08-01 12:41:36 PM  
31 votes:
With zero comments.  That's ominous.
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 12:45:29 PM  
16 votes:
Do you like masturbating and hating everything?
 
2021-08-01 12:56:30 PM  
11 votes:

BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.



That squirrel is not really your friend. It just likes your nuts.
 
2021-08-01 1:13:04 PM  
10 votes:

WhippingBoi: Do you like masturbating and hating everything?


Jeeze... I need to unplug asap.
You nailed it.
 
2021-08-01 12:53:14 PM  
10 votes:
I made s friend once. Then security changed the locks on the morgue. Spoil sports.
 
2021-08-01 1:18:46 PM  
9 votes:
If you're the kind of ass pie who can't figure this out, apparently there's a cartoon about ponies just for you.
 
2021-08-01 1:12:40 PM  
9 votes:

BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.



Username checks out to a disturbing degree.
 
2021-08-01 12:44:07 PM  
9 votes:
They were so busy answering the question how they never thought to ask why
 
2021-08-01 2:19:09 PM  
8 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 1:59:03 PM  
8 votes:
You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.
 
2021-08-01 1:36:15 PM  
8 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 1:15:35 PM  
8 votes:

Lsherm: BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.

You know, I have cats, love cats, and I was having a hard time making friends. So I volunteered for a local cat rescue organization that helped me out in the past. Like they say, invest in a hobby that you love. I was just hoping to meet new people.

It was full of the most toxic women I've ever met in my entire life. I was the only male volunteer out of 200. There was a core group of 10 women in charge who coordinated everything and they all hated each other. Every meet-up at PetSmart was just hostile gossip about other volunteers.

A 60 year-old woman told me I shouldn't talk to a younger volunteer because "her kitty smells because she doesn't take care of herself." She wasn't talking about a cat. I don't have a great sense of smell, but that was the first time in my life someone talked about a smelly crotch without actually being face deep in it.

I kept it up for a year, but eventually it got to be too much. I realized I wasn't meeting anyone I wanted to spend time with at all, so I went home to my cats. Then Covid hit.


Uhh... change to a dog group?
 
2021-08-01 12:48:18 PM  
8 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 1:36:33 PM  
7 votes:
I had friends and then they went off the air.  I don't miss that cad Joey or bemusing Chandler and Ross is too in to dinosaurs.  But I sure miss laundry day with the ladies.
 
2021-08-01 1:35:54 PM  
7 votes:
It's OK to treat friendship as seriously as you would dating

So, how much should I pay someone for 1 hour as my friend?
 
2021-08-01 1:14:33 PM  
7 votes:
"If you have enjoyed the experience of this drink," continued the machine, "why not share it with your friends?"

"Because," said Arthur tartly, "I want to keep them."
 
2021-08-01 12:51:53 PM  
7 votes:
Actually, we're not interested in making friends, per se....

Citibank - Computer Geek
Youtube IGPBRXKuoMc
 
2021-08-01 2:18:22 PM  
6 votes:
I have no problem making friends. A sock, some glue, a couple googly eyes. Mr Flibbers is the only one who truly understands me.
 
2021-08-01 12:43:14 PM  
6 votes:
I just keep her locked in the apartment.
 
2021-08-01 12:41:13 PM  
6 votes:
Nope. I am all full up on friends.

/Currently hovering at......0
 
2021-08-01 4:18:37 PM  
5 votes:

pushthelimits: I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way.


Huh.  You would think they would know precisely how to rub you.....


/ducks
 
2021-08-01 1:58:04 PM  
5 votes:

drjekel_mrhyde: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So like Fark?


With fark it's more like 🍆
 
2021-08-01 1:05:47 PM  
5 votes:
Dale Carnegie
 
2021-08-01 4:39:16 PM  
4 votes:

Heamer: You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.


halloweenforum.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 1:51:43 PM  
4 votes:
i.pinimg.comView Full Size

 
2021-08-01 1:34:22 PM  
4 votes:
Read it.  Practice it. It works.

i.ebayimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 1:07:50 PM  
4 votes:
Be rich.
Have a boat.

/has no friends.
//will you be my friend?
 
2021-08-01 1:01:23 PM  
4 votes:
I would want one of those things? Then when would I have the time to Fark?
 
2021-08-01 1:38:50 PM  
3 votes:

waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑


So like Fark?
 
2021-08-01 1:21:53 PM  
3 votes:
Fark off.

Real hackers are not cybercriminals and make the very best friends.

More friends for me now since the article perpetuates the mistake of using cybercriminal and hacker interchangeably.

If my computer breaks, is infiltrated or stolen, I have friends that would teach me to fix it, teach me how to remove ransomware and beef up my infosec, furnish me with a donor computer to get me through lean times.

More for me.
You don't deserve my wonderful friends.
They're mine, you can't have them and I'll gladly teach them to hold grudges against people who disparage them.
 
2021-08-01 1:06:38 PM  
3 votes:
It hard for mere humans to breach most Farker's "Basement of Solitude"
 
2021-08-01 1:04:42 PM  
3 votes:
*looks at headline*

How did someone sneak the F-word onto Fark?
 
2021-08-01 11:08:10 PM  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 4:28:32 PM  
2 votes:
How to make friends and keep them... I think I've seen this movie.

flxt.tmsimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:26:22 PM  
2 votes:
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:24:26 PM  
2 votes:
The frindship algorithm:
https://youtu.be/k0xgjUhEG3U
 
2021-08-01 2:17:57 PM  
2 votes:

RolfBlitzer: Danger Avoid Death: You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.

Unless you give them just mixed seeds and old cd's from the river. Muahaha.


I like to give Robin hardwood, though.
 
2021-08-01 2:07:44 PM  
2 votes:

Danger Avoid Death: You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.


Unless you give them just mixed seeds and old cd's from the river. Muahaha.
 
2021-08-01 1:13:52 PM  
2 votes:
Well, the last thread of this I asked nicely how to do so... and every answer was either sarcastic, unhelpful, or straight up insulting.

Either no one wants to share how, to keep everyone for themselves, or no one else knows either.
 
2021-08-01 1:03:43 PM  
2 votes:
I've heard of 'friends,' but I'm not certain I know what they are. Actors in a TV show, perhaps?
 
2021-08-01 1:01:38 PM  
2 votes:
The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑
 
2021-08-01 1:00:22 PM  
2 votes:
DIY sure has advanced since I was young.
 
2021-08-02 1:48:27 AM  
1 vote:

Twilight Farkle: [Fark user image 420x308][Fark user image 330x308]


This looks like the top half of a mattythemouse post.
 
2021-08-01 4:57:02 PM  
1 vote:

Heamer: You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.


Those who shine too brightly dim their own light.
 
2021-08-01 4:42:45 PM  
1 vote:
What I hate is when a friend tells me "Wow, you have cool friends." like it's a surprise to them.
True, though. I'm not cool, my friends are.
 
2021-08-01 4:14:04 PM  
1 vote:

jake3988: Well, the last thread of this I asked nicely how to do so... and every answer was either sarcastic, unhelpful, or straight up insulting.

Either no one wants to share how, to keep everyone for themselves, or no one else knows either.


It's pretty simple.  Be a friend.

I just made a new friend recently.  When I changed jobs back in May I started doing my early morning ruck march locally.  So about 5:30 every morning I'd meet this elderly woman walking the other way.  At first we just exchanged pleasantries, but pretty soon we'd have conversations about what is going on in our lives, and if we miss each other in the morning, we get concerned about if the other is OK.

We have pretty much zero in common except that we are both walking around town exceptionally early in the morning.  I'm in my 50's, with a wife and teenage son, she's in her 80's, a widow, with a grown up son.  I'm a computer programmer/analyst, she was a homemaker.  My income is quite a bit more than hers.  She has subsidized housing, I own my own home.  But by being friendly, we've become friends.

Now, this doesn't always work.  Some people just aren't amenable to becoming friends.  That's OK too.  I have some neighbors I am friends with, and some that I'm friendly with, but I wouldn't consider them friends per se.

I think the important thing is to just don't be afraid of meeting new people.  Go out and do stuff, and talk to people, and it will happen.  Maybe take up a hobby and join the local club.
 
2021-08-01 2:23:25 PM  
1 vote:
Prank them. For hours. In your basement.
 
2021-08-01 2:19:20 PM  
1 vote:

pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.


I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.
 
2021-08-01 2:16:50 PM  
1 vote:
You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.
 
2021-08-01 2:11:49 PM  
1 vote:
wikihow.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:10:40 PM  
1 vote:

waxbeans: FarkingChas: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So, a "good time Charlie" relationship. Yes, I see that all the time. That is not being friends. those are only buddies. Usually boring buddies. Because they brag (lie) about everything they have done.

😂🙄 I don't think I've ever purposely lied to anyone about anything ever. Sure I occasionally exaggerate.
There's only three reasons people lie.
And I've never found myself in that position.
When I was young I used to always tell myself the next time I meet somebody new I'm a fabricate everything about myself.
Never once did it because I just blurred out the truth spontaneously all the time.
That's also why nobody likes me I tell the truth that most people don't want to hear the truth they want to be lied to


Occasionally exaggerate
In my experience, this is done 90% of the time while talking in a group. Everyone does it and everyone tolerates the others doing it. I wonder if anyone is actually listening to the BS being spewed. Methinks they are not. They are just waiting for an opening to spew their own BS. I don't want to spew BS (lie) and I don't want others to do it to me. So, i have no "friends". (Narrator: they never were)
 
2021-08-01 2:08:34 PM  
1 vote:
i had friends.  Then covid hit, and i realized I didn't really have any friends. since none of them have bothered to contact me.  not even family

I have been ostracized by society, and that should be a crime
 
2021-08-01 1:55:09 PM  
1 vote:

FarkingChas: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So, a "good time Charlie" relationship. Yes, I see that all the time. That is not being friends. those are only buddies. Usually boring buddies. Because they brag (lie) about everything they have done.


😂🙄 I don't think I've ever purposely lied to anyone about anything ever. Sure I occasionally exaggerate.
There's only three reasons people lie.
And I've never found myself in that position.
When I was young I used to always tell myself the next time I meet somebody new I'm a fabricate everything about myself.
Never once did it because I just blurred out the truth spontaneously all the time.
That's also why nobody likes me I tell the truth that most people don't want to hear the truth they want to be lied to
 
2021-08-01 1:53:05 PM  
1 vote:

drjekel_mrhyde: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So like Fark?


😂😂😂
 
2021-08-01 1:37:58 PM  
1 vote:

kdawg7736: Don't be so shallow?


Don't be shallow and remember to swallow.
 
2021-08-01 1:34:45 PM  
1 vote:
I learn just enough about people to begin to dislike them. People who want to spend more time with just don't get me. Also that seems to be a red flag.
 
2021-08-01 1:25:37 PM  
1 vote:

hej: Step 1: Stay off the pol tab


Pol Tab: How to make clowns and detain them.
 
2021-08-01 1:24:30 PM  
1 vote:
Don't be so shallow?
 
hej
2021-08-01 1:22:56 PM  
1 vote:
Step 1: Stay off the pol tab
 
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