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(NPR)   Finally, the article that Fark has been waiting for: How to make friends, and keep them   (npr.org) divider line
    More: Interesting, Friendship, Interpersonal relationship, friend mean, Gillian Sandstrom, Love, small talk, senior lecturer, United Kingdom  
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2595 clicks; posted to Main » on 01 Aug 2021 at 12:38 PM (16 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-08-01 1:46:25 PM  

Lsherm: BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.

You know, I have cats, love cats, and I was having a hard time making friends. So I volunteered for a local cat rescue organization that helped me out in the past. Like they say, invest in a hobby that you love. I was just hoping to meet new people.

It was full of the most toxic women I've ever met in my entire life. I was the only male volunteer out of 200. There was a core group of 10 women in charge who coordinated everything and they all hated each other. Every meet-up at PetSmart was just hostile gossip about other volunteers.

A 60 year-old woman told me I shouldn't talk to a younger volunteer because "her kitty smells because she doesn't take care of herself." She wasn't talking about a cat. I don't have a great sense of smell, but that was the first time in my life someone talked about a smelly crotch without actually being face deep in it.

I kept it up for a year, but eventually it got to be too much. I realized I wasn't meeting anyone I wanted to spend time with at all, so I went home to my cats. Then Covid hit.


This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.
 
2021-08-01 1:51:43 PM  
i.pinimg.comView Full Size

 
2021-08-01 1:53:05 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So like Fark?


😂😂😂
 
2021-08-01 1:55:09 PM  

FarkingChas: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So, a "good time Charlie" relationship. Yes, I see that all the time. That is not being friends. those are only buddies. Usually boring buddies. Because they brag (lie) about everything they have done.


😂🙄 I don't think I've ever purposely lied to anyone about anything ever. Sure I occasionally exaggerate.
There's only three reasons people lie.
And I've never found myself in that position.
When I was young I used to always tell myself the next time I meet somebody new I'm a fabricate everything about myself.
Never once did it because I just blurred out the truth spontaneously all the time.
That's also why nobody likes me I tell the truth that most people don't want to hear the truth they want to be lied to
 
2021-08-01 1:58:04 PM  

drjekel_mrhyde: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So like Fark?


With fark it's more like 🍆
 
2021-08-01 1:59:03 PM  
You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.
 
2021-08-01 2:07:44 PM  

Danger Avoid Death: You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.


Unless you give them just mixed seeds and old cd's from the river. Muahaha.
 
2021-08-01 2:08:34 PM  
i had friends.  Then covid hit, and i realized I didn't really have any friends. since none of them have bothered to contact me.  not even family

I have been ostracized by society, and that should be a crime
 
2021-08-01 2:10:40 PM  

waxbeans: FarkingChas: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So, a "good time Charlie" relationship. Yes, I see that all the time. That is not being friends. those are only buddies. Usually boring buddies. Because they brag (lie) about everything they have done.

😂🙄 I don't think I've ever purposely lied to anyone about anything ever. Sure I occasionally exaggerate.
There's only three reasons people lie.
And I've never found myself in that position.
When I was young I used to always tell myself the next time I meet somebody new I'm a fabricate everything about myself.
Never once did it because I just blurred out the truth spontaneously all the time.
That's also why nobody likes me I tell the truth that most people don't want to hear the truth they want to be lied to


Occasionally exaggerate
In my experience, this is done 90% of the time while talking in a group. Everyone does it and everyone tolerates the others doing it. I wonder if anyone is actually listening to the BS being spewed. Methinks they are not. They are just waiting for an opening to spew their own BS. I don't want to spew BS (lie) and I don't want others to do it to me. So, i have no "friends". (Narrator: they never were)
 
2021-08-01 2:11:49 PM  
wikihow.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:16:50 PM  
You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.
 
2021-08-01 2:17:57 PM  

RolfBlitzer: Danger Avoid Death: You just keep giving them gifts until you raise their hearts to 10 and they'll be your friend forever.

Okay, I may have been playing way too much Stardew Valley lately.

Unless you give them just mixed seeds and old cd's from the river. Muahaha.


I like to give Robin hardwood, though.
 
2021-08-01 2:17:57 PM  

FarkingChas: waxbeans: FarkingChas: waxbeans: The best advice is just agree with what ever your pal says. Like, be an echo chamber for their opinions and it should all be 🍑

So, a "good time Charlie" relationship. Yes, I see that all the time. That is not being friends. those are only buddies. Usually boring buddies. Because they brag (lie) about everything they have done.

😂🙄 I don't think I've ever purposely lied to anyone about anything ever. Sure I occasionally exaggerate.
There's only three reasons people lie.
And I've never found myself in that position.
When I was young I used to always tell myself the next time I meet somebody new I'm a fabricate everything about myself.
Never once did it because I just blurred out the truth spontaneously all the time.
That's also why nobody likes me I tell the truth that most people don't want to hear the truth they want to be lied to

Occasionally exaggerate
In my experience, this is done 90% of the time while talking in a group. Everyone does it and everyone tolerates the others doing it. I wonder if anyone is actually listening to the BS being spewed. Methinks they are not. They are just waiting for an opening to spew their own BS. I don't want to spew BS (lie) and I don't want others to do it to me. So, i have no "friends". (Narrator: they never were)


I don't know.
I think LIE harsh. And. I only think that because of feed back.
For example most people won't acknowledge how much line companies do when they're advertising and trying to sell you products and whatnot.
They like to always blame it on the person interpreting it.
To me if it's not playing clear and concise then that in fact is a lie.
But I've gotten so much negative feedback saying that over the years but I've just thrown my hands up.
 
2021-08-01 2:18:06 PM  
I have found that if you don't have friends as an adult, good luck making new ones. It's also very difficult if your life story is something that most people can't relate to (like going to college as a 12yo, which also contributed to a lack of friends), or if you're disabled and can't go out much.

So while people need community in order to support each other through tough times, those communities tend to be very closed off over time. This is why we need a strong safety net that doesn't have wholes large enough to drive a semi through: not everyone can find community, but they still deserve to have basic life-sustaining goods and services. The hard part is getting people to care about people who aren't a part of their friends network.
 
2021-08-01 2:18:22 PM  
I have no problem making friends. A sock, some glue, a couple googly eyes. Mr Flibbers is the only one who truly understands me.
 
2021-08-01 2:19:09 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:19:20 PM  

pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.


I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.
 
2021-08-01 2:21:48 PM  

Peki: I have found that if you don't have friends as an adult, good luck making new ones. It's also very difficult if your life story is something that most people can't relate to (like going to college as a 12yo, which also contributed to a lack of friends), or if you're disabled and can't go out much.

So while people need community in order to support each other through tough times, those communities tend to be very closed off over time. This is why we need a strong safety net that doesn't have wholes large enough to drive a semi through: not everyone can find community, but they still deserve to have basic life-sustaining goods and services. The hard part is getting people to care about people who aren't a part of their friends network.


💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
/
I feel like this substantiates my suspicion that if you don't get a wife that's a high school sweetheart then you're never going to get a wife from that specific neighborhood.
 
2021-08-01 2:23:25 PM  
Prank them. For hours. In your basement.
 
2021-08-01 2:24:20 PM  
waxbeans:
I don't know.
I think LIE harsh. And. I only think that because of feed back.
For example most people won't acknowledge how much line companies do when they're advertising and trying to sell you products and whatnot.
They like to always blame it on the person interpreting it.
To me if it's not playing clear and concise then that in fact is a lie.
But I've gotten so much negative feedback saying that over the years but I've just thrown my hands up.


Yes, it is harsh. But it is true. Saying BS is just a way to sugarcoat it. Just like your feedback shows. No one wants the truth. This is (one reason) why I can never make friends.
 
2021-08-01 2:24:26 PM  
The frindship algorithm:
https://youtu.be/k0xgjUhEG3U
 
2021-08-01 2:25:31 PM  

I just lurk here: [Fark user image image 425x643]


The directions are incorrect.
It should read "adopt a dog".
 
2021-08-01 2:26:22 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:26:59 PM  
static.comicvine.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 2:29:56 PM  

FarkingChas: waxbeans:
I don't know.
I think LIE harsh. And. I only think that because of feed back.
For example most people won't acknowledge how much line companies do when they're advertising and trying to sell you products and whatnot.
They like to always blame it on the person interpreting it.
To me if it's not playing clear and concise then that in fact is a lie.
But I've gotten so much negative feedback saying that over the years but I've just thrown my hands up.

Yes, it is harsh. But it is true. Saying BS is just a way to sugarcoat it. Just like your feedback shows. No one wants the truth. This is (one reason) why I can never make friends.


Yep.
/
🤜🤛
 
Azz
2021-08-01 3:15:05 PM  

Lsherm: pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.

I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.


Ex wife sounds right. Anyone who thinks that a valid or a default response to verbal insults should be physical violence is an idiot.
 
2021-08-01 3:19:05 PM  

Peki: I have found that if you don't have friends as an adult, good luck making new ones. It's also very difficult if your life story is something that most people can't relate to (like going to college as a 12yo, which also contributed to a lack of friends), or if you're disabled and can't go out much.

So while people need community in order to support each other through tough times, those communities tend to be very closed off over time. This is why we need a strong safety net that doesn't have wholes large enough to drive a semi through: not everyone can find community, but they still deserve to have basic life-sustaining goods and services. The hard part is getting people to care about people who aren't a part of their friends network.


This is a pretty true thing you said...Those of us who slipped outside the  "Common experiences"
window are far more outsiders than those who were on the fringe, but still had the common shared
experiences of childhood. I can't identify with or even compare notes on the usual "Common experiences"
that a lot of people use to connect on (I'm going to use a Network Topology thing here) the first layer
of communication among each other..There seems to be very little tolerance for someone that can't
exchange these experiences..The expectation that you have to have this common protocol of
experiences or you are pegged as, "someone we just can't talk to because they aren't in on it.".
And this is coming from an otherwise regular appearing white male..For someone of  obvious
physical difference, they are even more hosed, they probably don't even get a chance
among a lot of people, because they get pegged, as "outsider" on visual inspection alone..

As an example..In St. Louis, one of the absolute FIRST questions anyone will ask you is "Where did you go to High School?"  .. It's so common here it's like a cliche' .. But what it REALLY is, is a way to peg your place
in the pecking order.. It's about where you lived (and in-turn your family financial status), religion (Catholics here in STL are a REAL clique-ish bunch), who you might know, and what experiences are common to people
in that little social circle area..  It's a VERY VERY VERY loaded question, for being so simple..
 
2021-08-01 3:23:28 PM  

kkinnison: i had friends.  Then covid hit, and i realized I didn't really have any friends. since none of them have bothered to contact me.  not even family

I have been ostracized by society, and that should be a crime


The only thing my family is waiting to hear about me is when I die.

Then they can be their usual smug, satisfied selves and talk about how I brought it on myself somehow. Probably with my cigarette smoking. Because obviously I would never die otherwise.
 
2021-08-01 3:24:38 PM  

Mr. Shabooboo: Peki: I have found that if you don't have friends as an adult, good luck making new ones. It's also very difficult if your life story is something that most people can't relate to (like going to college as a 12yo, which also contributed to a lack of friends), or if you're disabled and can't go out much.

So while people need community in order to support each other through tough times, those communities tend to be very closed off over time. This is why we need a strong safety net that doesn't have wholes large enough to drive a semi through: not everyone can find community, but they still deserve to have basic life-sustaining goods and services. The hard part is getting people to care about people who aren't a part of their friends network.

This is a pretty true thing you said...Those of us who slipped outside the  "Common experiences"
window are far more outsiders than those who were on the fringe, but still had the common shared
experiences of childhood. I can't identify with or even compare notes on the usual "Common experiences"
that a lot of people use to connect on (I'm going to use a Network Topology thing here) the first layer
of communication among each other..There seems to be very little tolerance for someone that can't
exchange these experiences..The expectation that you have to have this common protocol of
experiences or you are pegged as, "someone we just can't talk to because they aren't in on it.".
And this is coming from an otherwise regular appearing white male..For someone of  obvious
physical difference, they are even more hosed, they probably don't even get a chance
among a lot of people, because they get pegged, as "outsider" on visual inspection alone..

As an example..In St. Louis, one of the absolute FIRST questions anyone will ask you is "Where did you go to High School?"  .. It's so common here it's like a cliche' .. But what it REALLY is, is a way to peg your place
in the pecking order.. It's about where you lived (and in-turn your family financial status), religion (Catholics here in STL are a REAL clique-ish bunch), who you might know, and what experiences are common to people
in that little social circle area..  It's a VERY VERY VERY loaded question, for being so simple..


Yup. I can't even answer a question about siblings normally because of my childhood. I've learned to take the easy answer because the truth is something that makes people uncomfortable; two of my siblings died when I was very young. So without a normal basis to start a convo, I get outcast pretty damn quick.

I'm trying, really I am, but my life's story tends to scare people instead of forming connections with them.
 
2021-08-01 4:14:04 PM  

jake3988: Well, the last thread of this I asked nicely how to do so... and every answer was either sarcastic, unhelpful, or straight up insulting.

Either no one wants to share how, to keep everyone for themselves, or no one else knows either.


It's pretty simple.  Be a friend.

I just made a new friend recently.  When I changed jobs back in May I started doing my early morning ruck march locally.  So about 5:30 every morning I'd meet this elderly woman walking the other way.  At first we just exchanged pleasantries, but pretty soon we'd have conversations about what is going on in our lives, and if we miss each other in the morning, we get concerned about if the other is OK.

We have pretty much zero in common except that we are both walking around town exceptionally early in the morning.  I'm in my 50's, with a wife and teenage son, she's in her 80's, a widow, with a grown up son.  I'm a computer programmer/analyst, she was a homemaker.  My income is quite a bit more than hers.  She has subsidized housing, I own my own home.  But by being friendly, we've become friends.

Now, this doesn't always work.  Some people just aren't amenable to becoming friends.  That's OK too.  I have some neighbors I am friends with, and some that I'm friendly with, but I wouldn't consider them friends per se.

I think the important thing is to just don't be afraid of meeting new people.  Go out and do stuff, and talk to people, and it will happen.  Maybe take up a hobby and join the local club.
 
2021-08-01 4:14:54 PM  

Azz: Lsherm: pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.

I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.

Ex wife sounds right. Anyone who thinks that a valid or a default response to verbal insults should be physical violence is an idiot.


Clearly you've never met women
 
2021-08-01 4:18:32 PM  

waxbeans: Azz: Lsherm: pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.

I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.

Ex wife sounds right. Anyone who thinks that a valid or a default response to verbal insults should be physical violence is an idiot.

Clearly you've never met women


Oh, do shut up.
 
2021-08-01 4:18:37 PM  

pushthelimits: I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way.


Huh.  You would think they would know precisely how to rub you.....


/ducks
 
2021-08-01 4:21:04 PM  

Cafe Threads: waxbeans: Azz: Lsherm: pushthelimits: This is why 99% of my friends are men. I'm not proud of the fact that most of my own gender rubs me the wrong way. It is what it is. I have zero tolerance for catty behavior, superficial personalities, and gossip.

I don't think it's necessarily a gender thing, at least without social influence. Men get the pecking order pretty quickly just based on size. I'm a smaller man - 5'10" - and you figure out by the time you're 15 years old who you can't pick a fight with. So as a smaller man you adapt your fighting skills later in life to avoid the physical and instead use your mental skills to beat an opponent. I think women learn this far earlier in life, which makes them bona-fide Samurai by adulthood in destroying people emotionally.

My ex-wife, who was an Army brat and one of the most chill people I've ever known, tore me down because I didn't punch someone who called her fat at a bar. I called him out and yelled at him, and the bouncer took him outside, but at no point was I going to engage a fist fight, because I was going to lose. The guy was six inches taller than me and had an easy 100 pounds on me to boot. After he got thrown out, she was still sullen, so I asked her what was up. Her answer? "You didn't defend me. But maybe you couldn't."

But that's the rub: I DID defend her, just not in the manner she was expecting.

Ex wife sounds right. Anyone who thinks that a valid or a default response to verbal insults should be physical violence is an idiot.

Clearly you've never met women

Oh, do shut up.


I was dating this married girl. And she was griping about her husband not standing up to some guy that grabbed her ass.
I'm like y'all live in the hood if he started a disagreement over that it was going to end with somebody you need to shoot somebody.
And she was insistent that I didn't know what I was talking about and that she didn't want that I'm like that's where that goes when you live in the hood I'm sure that's why he didn't say anything.
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
2021-08-01 4:22:57 PM  

Peki: Mr. Shabooboo: Peki: (EDITED FOR TIME)

Yup. I can't even answer a question about siblings normally because of my childhood. I've learned to take the easy answer because the truth is something that makes people uncomfortable; two of my siblings died when I was very young. So without a normal basis to start a convo, I get outcast pretty damn quick.
I'm trying, really I am, but my life's story tends to scare people instead of forming connections with them.


See that's also part of it...If you have to explain too much, then you are also discounted..
It's like being a Kafka novel in a world of people that barely get the story arc of Archie Comics..
You can't be put into a box of simple cliche' High School characters like a John Hughes movie..
 
2021-08-01 4:28:32 PM  
How to make friends and keep them... I think I've seen this movie.

flxt.tmsimg.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 4:39:16 PM  

Heamer: You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.


halloweenforum.comView Full Size
 
2021-08-01 4:42:45 PM  
What I hate is when a friend tells me "Wow, you have cool friends." like it's a surprise to them.
True, though. I'm not cool, my friends are.
 
2021-08-01 4:57:02 PM  

Heamer: You can make more friends in two weeks by becoming interested in other people than you can make in two months by trying to get other people interested in you.


Those who shine too brightly dim their own light.
 
2021-08-01 4:59:41 PM  

Lsherm: BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.
You know, I have cats, love cats, and I was having a hard time making friends. So I volunteered for a local cat rescue organization that helped me out in the past. Like they say, invest in a hobby that you love. I was just hoping to meet new people.
It was full of the most toxic women I've ever met in my entire life. I was the only male volunteer out of 200. There was a core group of 10 women in charge who coordinated everything and they all hated each other. Every meet-up at PetSmart was just hostile gossip about other volunteers.
A 60 year-old woman told me I shouldn't talk to a younger volunteer because "her kitty smells because she doesn't take care of herself." She wasn't talking about a cat. I don't have a great sense of smell, but that was the first time in my life someone talked about a smelly crotch without actually being face deep in it.
I kept it up for a year, but eventually it got to be too much. I realized I wasn't meeting anyone I wanted to spend time with at all, so I went home to my cats. Then Covid hit.


"animal lovers" are a strange bunch. Some of them are perfectly normal, but a lot of them are lonely and those animals become their lives, like children they can control a lot better. A lot of them are one step above being an animal hoarder. And some of them just like to do that stuff so they can put it on their resume, really or just to talk about it. I met a lot of narcissists in pet shelters. Those farkers are always attracted to places where they can look like do-gooders, but have a lot of hidden control.

Have you ever been to a shelter and all the dogs and cats were simply too precious to adopt out? Your questionnaire is four pages long with a home visit, and you just wanted the 12-year old cat. I was shocked when I ran into this, years ago, but it's common now. finding the critters a home is secondary to these control freaks having the power to tell you "no."
And then you have horse people, and you don't even want to know.
/I won't even go in pet smart. Those farkers will charge you $50 for a guinea pig.
 
2021-08-01 5:02:10 PM  
Stay away from me.
 
2021-08-01 5:45:06 PM  
Whodini - Friends (Audio)
Youtube o5r0i2ZAbCc
 
2021-08-01 6:23:36 PM  
You people are weird.
 
2021-08-01 7:05:31 PM  

cryinoutloud: Lsherm: BonoboJeezus: Simple: Befriend animals.
You know, I have cats, love cats, and I was having a hard time making friends. So I volunteered for a local cat rescue organization that helped me out in the past. Like they say, invest in a hobby that you love. I was just hoping to meet new people.
It was full of the most toxic women I've ever met in my entire life. I was the only male volunteer out of 200. There was a core group of 10 women in charge who coordinated everything and they all hated each other. Every meet-up at PetSmart was just hostile gossip about other volunteers.
A 60 year-old woman told me I shouldn't talk to a younger volunteer because "her kitty smells because she doesn't take care of herself." She wasn't talking about a cat. I don't have a great sense of smell, but that was the first time in my life someone talked about a smelly crotch without actually being face deep in it.
I kept it up for a year, but eventually it got to be too much. I realized I wasn't meeting anyone I wanted to spend time with at all, so I went home to my cats. Then Covid hit.

"animal lovers" are a strange bunch. Some of them are perfectly normal, but a lot of them are lonely and those animals become their lives, like children they can control a lot better. A lot of them are one step above being an animal hoarder. And some of them just like to do that stuff so they can put it on their resume, really or just to talk about it. I met a lot of narcissists in pet shelters. Those farkers are always attracted to places where they can look like do-gooders, but have a lot of hidden control.

Have you ever been to a shelter and all the dogs and cats were simply too precious to adopt out? Your questionnaire is four pages long with a home visit, and you just wanted the 12-year old cat. I was shocked when I ran into this, years ago, but it's common now. finding the critters a home is secondary to these control freaks having the power to tell you "no."
And then you have horse peop ...


Fark is getting expensive, but you're worth it. Been enjoying you for fifteen years, so enjoy some TF, even if it's diminishing returns :)

Thanks Cryin'  - I am a big fan of yours.
 
2021-08-01 7:17:07 PM  

Peki: Mr. Shabooboo: Peki: I have found that if you don't have friends as an adult, good luck making new ones. It's also very difficult if your life story is something that most people can't relate to (like going to college as a 12yo, which also contributed to a lack of friends), or if you're disabled and can't go out much.

So while people need community in order to support each other through tough times, those communities tend to be very closed off over time. This is why we need a strong safety net that doesn't have wholes large enough to drive a semi through: not everyone can find community, but they still deserve to have basic life-sustaining goods and services. The hard part is getting people to care about people who aren't a part of their friends network.

This is a pretty true thing you said...Those of us who slipped outside the  "Common experiences"
window are far more outsiders than those who were on the fringe, but still had the common shared
experiences of childhood. I can't identify with or even compare notes on the usual "Common experiences"
that a lot of people use to connect on (I'm going to use a Network Topology thing here) the first layer
of communication among each other..There seems to be very little tolerance for someone that can't
exchange these experiences..The expectation that you have to have this common protocol of
experiences or you are pegged as, "someone we just can't talk to because they aren't in on it.".
And this is coming from an otherwise regular appearing white male..For someone of  obvious
physical difference, they are even more hosed, they probably don't even get a chance
among a lot of people, because they get pegged, as "outsider" on visual inspection alone..



-- Hey kids if you come across something like this -- a good answer is -- how did that past thing influence your present? -- How is your present different from the thing you were in?
 
2021-08-01 8:21:46 PM  
TLC - What About Your Friends (Official Video)
Youtube 92gHq1s6G-c
 
2021-08-01 10:02:26 PM  
I've figured out my main issue is that I met most of the friends in the past 10 or 15 years through my extrovert friend that adopted me. Unfortunately she passed on 4 years or so ago, so not only did I lose my best friend, but also the main avenue I had for meeting other new people.
 
2021-08-01 11:08:10 PM  
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2021-08-02 12:37:47 AM  
Was No.1 - go outside, leave your house?
 
2021-08-02 1:08:07 AM  

Langdon_777: Was No.1 - go outside, leave your house?


It should be. Lol.
 
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