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(Slate)   "My husband won't speak to me unless I pay him a tithe. Am I crazy or is that insane?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Creepy, White people, Marriage, Anxiety, Black people, good friend, white families, elementary school, first thought  
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797 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 30 Jul 2021 at 5:36 AM (7 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



33 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-07-29 11:37:21 PM  
My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.

Some people claimed he'd been psychologically damaged in the war, but my other uncle reckoned he was just "whelped mean".

Also, kick that petulant fark to the kerb. He's trying to control you with money and biatchiness.
 
2021-07-30 2:06:07 AM  

Jesus McSordid: My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.


Did he speak to other people? To what degree of closeness?

Anyway my guess is he cheated on her and had a known love child. And kept his mouth shut because he knew he'd spill the beans.
...

I said guess.
 
2021-07-30 5:42:52 AM  
Your husband is abusing you.  GTFO ASAP.
 
2021-07-30 5:46:25 AM  
[Whynotboth.jpg]
 
2021-07-30 6:03:50 AM  
DTMFA.
 
2021-07-30 6:11:20 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-30 6:27:23 AM  
On the "tithe" part, if it just means she's expected to chip in 10% of the household expenses (sounds like she makes about 20% of household income), I see no problem with that and think calling it a "tithe" is kind of funny.

Everything else about that says she should dump his sorry ass though. Dude is a grade-A douchebag.
 
2021-07-30 6:30:00 AM  
Oh, and next time he's being a douche, fark his dad.
 
2021-07-30 6:44:02 AM  

Jesus McSordid: My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.

Some people claimed he'd been psychologically damaged in the war, but my other uncle reckoned he was just "whelped mean".

Also, kick that petulant fark to the kerb. He's trying to control you with money and biatchiness.


I think it's a terrible shame your auntie didn't kick your uncle in the crotch whenever he asked for sex that way.

/that's a man who needed to eat his mushrooms
 
2021-07-30 6:44:46 AM  
. "We [...] have a great marriage [...]  when I do something wrong, whether by accident or not, [my husband] stops speaking to me"

Well, this is a definition of "great marriage" I was hitherto ignorant of

/ Ditch the controlling b#stard - lest you end up in a ditch
 
2021-07-30 7:00:51 AM  

Nidiot: Jesus McSordid: My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.

Some people claimed he'd been psychologically damaged in the war, but my other uncle reckoned he was just "whelped mean".

Also, kick that petulant fark to the kerb. He's trying to control you with money and biatchiness.

I think it's a terrible shame your auntie didn't kick your uncle in the crotch whenever he asked for sex that way.

/that's a man who needed to eat his mushrooms


Yeah, kicking in the leg is a pretty bad way to ask. I tried setting up a nonverbal communication system with my ex-wife though - I suggested that, when I wanted sex, I could reach over and give her ass two firm squeezes. Then, if she agreed, she could reach over and give my willy two tugs; alternatively, if she disagreed, she could reach over and give 87 tugs to say "no".  Unfortunately she didn't go for it, preferring the simple verbal "Yes" or "fark Off" instead...
 
2021-07-30 7:14:03 AM  
You got all the way to marrying this guy and now you want advice.

He's a keeper.
 
2021-07-30 7:53:45 AM  
He's an abuser, a money-grubber and a narcissist. Trust Auntie phenn on this one:

GET RID OF HIM.


*She won't, of course, but you know...
 
2021-07-30 8:07:17 AM  
What's his fark handle?
 
2021-07-30 8:11:40 AM  
I would be hard pressed to agree that that should be called a marriage. But then again, if the people involved want to call it that, there's no particular reason why they should ask me, and besides, I can't stop them from using whatever word they want. I mean, they probably have the legally issued certificate, and they live together, so there you go.

An agreement that she should contribute to the household expenses isn't one single bit out of the ordinary. But calling it a "tithe" is just flat-out farking creepy, even if she were to contribute at the dictionary-defined rate of 10 percent.
 
2021-07-30 8:19:19 AM  
Hold on here folks, we have no idea just how annoying this woman is.
 
2021-07-30 8:31:29 AM  
I Married a Psychopath. Now in theaters.
 
2021-07-30 8:42:32 AM  
The reply had the most crucial point, she needs to build a secret cash reserve and a solid new life plan before she leaves.

Men like this are ruthless in divorce cases, especially financially.
 
2021-07-30 9:13:38 AM  

Nick Nostril: I Married a Psychopath. Now in theaters.


My Stepmother Is A Peasant.
/Starring Dan Akroyd
 
2021-07-30 9:30:12 AM  
I just found this organization, so glad that financial abuse is being recognized and addressed.
https://www.freefrom.org/
 
2021-07-30 9:38:50 AM  
Save up your tithe money for your divorce lawyer.
 
TWX
2021-07-30 9:50:04 AM  
...

...

You can do that?!
 
2021-07-30 10:40:59 AM  
article: 'If I do something he doesn't like, he won't speak to me for HOURS until he asks me if I am ready to apologize. I am not a pushover type of person. I am strong and smart and dynamic and a leader'

I am sorry for her, but she's also no leader if she's been putting up with this childish behaviour of his for more than a decade.
 
2021-07-30 11:12:37 AM  
Stop speaking with him entirely.  Move out.  Transfer all money out of any joint accounts into a new account that is in your name only - doesn't matter who "earned" it.

And then have him served with divorce papers.  Let the abusive asshole "tithe" to you in the form of alimony.
 
2021-07-30 11:21:58 AM  
1) I Won't Pay, I Won't Pay Ya, No Way!: DTMFA

2) Ev'ry Time I See Your Face It Reminds Me Of The Places We Used To Go: I would go with soft contact first and advise you have them.  One reason would be to verify your contact information is accurate before sending the pictures.  Other would be to check interest.  Then if they respond, do as they ask.  If you're confident on the contact info and they don't respond, STFU and MYOB.

3) Oh, The Only Question Is "Do I Creep You Out?": DTMFA.

4) His Patience Long, But Soon He Won't Have Any: Why TF would you write Prudie with this question?  So basically, the concern is not being there to correct behavior of others as it relates to your child, which means teaching your child to stand up on their own without it being a major incident.  Find the most polite way to teach him how to deliver the message of STFU when appropriate.  There will be fark-ups, and obviously the talk about dealing with police is gonna have to happen earlier than you want.

5) Now That My Life Is So Prearranged, I Know That It's Time For A Cool Change: I sincerely believe in fark first.  But if that's not on the table, well, be ready to DTMFA or see if they are open to open so you both can find someone compatible.

6) I've Got To Admit It's Getting Better (Stump Prudie): Friends who don't support you in self improvement are not your friends.  Tell them to STFU and if they won't, tell them to FRO.

7) 'Cause If You Don't Start Drinkin', I'm Gonna Leave: Working on the assumption we have no incidents of getting black-out drunk or driving after drinking, you can tell them to STFU and MYOB.  Offer void if conditions are not met.

8) And You're Having My Baby (Classic): This one has been the classic letter before.  I am personally against bringing a child into a known uncertain financial situation.  Having said that, it's not your sperm or your womb, so you are welcome to give your opinion, but that's it.  Say what's on your mind, but then STFU and MYOB.
 
2021-07-30 12:05:12 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-30 1:35:46 PM  
Reminds me an awful lot of this tweet.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-30 2:09:34 PM  
Time to find a new church.
 
2021-07-30 7:25:09 PM  

eKonk: On the "tithe" part, if it just means she's expected to chip in 10% of the household expenses (sounds like she makes about 20% of household income), I see no problem with that and think calling it a "tithe" is kind of funny.

Everything else about that says she should dump his sorry ass though. Dude is a grade-A douchebag.


So, obviously these letters are fake.  However, when I read it, I thought, oh this is a lady who is Hon who is selling herbalife and her husband had enough and made her get a job at Target.  Now she can have herbalife parties again, and he is sick and tired of sinking his salary into an MLM.

I think its because she used the word entrepreneurship, which is not what someone with a real business would say, but rather, it is something MLMs use to brainwash people into thinking they are legit.

I think she should run, for her husband's sake.
 
2021-07-30 8:10:22 PM  

puffy999: Jesus McSordid: My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.


Did he speak to other people? To what degree of closeness?

Anyway my guess is he cheated on her and had a known love child. And kept his mouth shut because he knew he'd spill the beans.
...

I said guess.


Oh, he spoke to others, but not much. To call him phlegmatic would be a gross understatement. One thing though, he did love his kids. And he adored my brother (Ernie was always of a practical bent). He got along pretty well with my dad as well - they were both farm boys.
 
2021-07-30 8:13:48 PM  

Nidiot: Jesus McSordid: My uncle didn't speak to my auntie for thirteen years. If he wanted sex, he'd kick her in the leg.

Some people claimed he'd been psychologically damaged in the war, but my other uncle reckoned he was just "whelped mean".

Also, kick that petulant fark to the kerb. He's trying to control you with money and biatchiness.

I think it's a terrible shame your auntie didn't kick your uncle in the crotch whenever he asked for sex that way.

/that's a man who needed to eat his mushrooms


I daresay a kick in the nuts would have done somebody some good, but my auntie was pretty self-sufficient herself. She got her kicks by trying to tease him into speaking. One time, she kept asking him "Is that alright, Eddie?" as he was eating, and he eventually deigned to grump "I'm eatin' it, aint I?", but he'd mellowed by that stage.
We didn't see a lot of them, because they lived 500 miles north of us, but we came into contact when we visited my dad's mother.
 
2021-07-30 9:16:14 PM  
Not mine, hence the italics, but:

It's been said so often by outsiders "Why do you accept that kind of behaviour? If it were me, I'd have left the second it started."

What they fail to recognise is that the Narcissist's abuse is a gradual thing. It increase ever so slowly. They don't want us catching on too quickly.  They need for us to 'accept' the abuse as part of a normal daily routine. They need us to become accustomed to being treated that way. - Julianna


The letter to Prudence here may well be a fake, but that doesn't mean there aren't a thousand women out there who could have legitimately written a letter like it.

Narcissists are nasty pieces of work who belittle and gaslight their partners until the partner is no longer certain if even the ground they stand on is real. The husband in the letter sounds like a narcissist, not for the 'tithe' specifically, but for refusing to speak to her until she is "ready to apologise" after she may have done something of which he does not approve. That is incredibly controlling, and suggest there is no form of healthy communication in which information is is shared between these two. She's left in a situation where she only feels hated (her word) and like it's all her fault, which is pretty much what happens to all partners of narcissists.

So in a way it is a generic a letter that maybe more than a few readers might be able to relate to, and the advice of yes try therapy but make plans to have some money of your own so you can get out, is sound for all of them.
 
2021-07-31 3:17:30 AM  

Nidiot: Not mine, hence the italics, but:

It's been said so often by outsiders "Why do you accept that kind of behaviour? If it were me, I'd have left the second it started."

What they fail to recognise is that the Narcissist's abuse is a gradual thing. It increase ever so slowly. They don't want us catching on too quickly.  They need for us to 'accept' the abuse as part of a normal daily routine. They need us to become accustomed to being treated that way. - Julianna

The letter to Prudence here may well be a fake, but that doesn't mean there aren't a thousand women out there who could have legitimately written a letter like it.

Narcissists are nasty pieces of work who belittle and gaslight their partners until the partner is no longer certain if even the ground they stand on is real. The husband in the letter sounds like a narcissist, not for the 'tithe' specifically, but for refusing to speak to her until she is "ready to apologise" after she may have done something of which he does not approve. That is incredibly controlling, and suggest there is no form of healthy communication in which information is is shared between these two. She's left in a situation where she only feels hated (her word) and like it's all her fault, which is pretty much what happens to all partners of narcissists.

So in a way it is a generic a letter that maybe more than a few readers might be able to relate to, and the advice of yes try therapy but make plans to have some money of your own so you can get out, is sound for all of them.


Incredibly well-said, thank you.
 
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