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(Buzzfeed)   Rules for Being a Houseguest - Rule #1: Don't do any of these   (buzzfeed.com) divider line
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4425 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jul 2021 at 1:35 PM (4 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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4 days ago  
unemployed friend living on my couch for months. Went out one night and got drunk. threw up on my bathroom floor. Didn't clean it up
 
4 days ago  
A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."
 
4 days ago  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."


wtf
 
4 days ago  
Don't do what Donny Don't Does.


/he was a guest in the White House
 
4 days ago  
I had a lousy roommate post graduation because I was broke and needed to split expenses.  He had a drug dealer friend named "Freddie".  I walked in my living room to see Freddie on the phone talking to a hooker and giving her my name.
 
4 days ago  

gopher321: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."

wtf


While bent over a chair, she was so bored with your attempts at anal that she passed the time by looking at the art.
 
4 days ago  
The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.

/just sayin
 
4 days ago  
I once had a friend browse the politics tab on some website called Fark and start stating comments as facts to the group.  What a douche.
 
4 days ago  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."


To be fair, 99% of people hang their artwork too high.  Especially anything done on black velvet.
 
4 days ago  
Sorry but i couldnt find any toilet paper, so i used the curtains.  Hope you dont mind.
 
4 days ago  
A good friend was in a bind, needed a place to stay for two weeks...

two weeks turned into two months...

He did clean up after himself, cooked meals, chipped in for food, and whatnot and in the end could've been a lot worse.

I consider myself lucky.
 
4 days ago  
i.kym-cdn.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."


Her coke was cut with something?
 
4 days ago  

Marcus Aurelius: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."

To be fair, 99% of people hang their artwork too high.  Especially anything done on black velvet.


High enough to clear a person sitting in a chair +6". Unless you hang it in a room where things will never move. So the bottom of the frame should be around 5'  from the floor.
 
4 days ago  
My dad and stepmother are "flag" people - always hanging daft flags outside their homes to express themselves (thankfully not Trump flags). Once they came to visit and gave me one...I accepted it graciously but with as little enthusiasm as possible. Told them I couldn't hang it because the pole was too wide for my flagpole holder and put it in the front closet. 

When I got home from work the next day, they'd drilled holes into the window casing and obstructed my front sidewalk (and the only path the mail carrier had to my mailbox) with that godawful rag. I immediately took it down and put it in the garbage, then went to the hardware store and patched the holes they'd drilled in my window. They got the message.
 
4 days ago  
i.vimeocdn.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  
Extremely drunk friend went into the bathroom to take care of a bloody nose. All I can imagine he did in there was whip his head side to side without falling over, because he managed to spray blood on just about every surface.
 
4 days ago  
I was a bad houseguest now and again. Alcohol was usually involved. But, hey, I didn't drive drunk at least.
 
4 days ago  

Prof. Frink: gopher321: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."

wtf

While bent over a chair, she was so bored with your attempts at anal that she passed the time by looking at the art.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

tuxq: The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.

/just sayin


Wait'll you find out about the handy icon on the left that can prevent you from seeing things you don't like.
 
4 days ago  

Pats_Cloth_Coat: unemployed friend living on my couch for months. Went out one night and got drunk. threw up on my bathroom floor. Didn't clean it up


See waxbeans prides himself on always making it to the restroom in 30 years only one time did I not make it to the restroom and even then I just threw up in a trash bag that was full of my clothes and then threw it out.
You know I just don't get enough credit for being better than most people.
😂
 
4 days ago  
In high school my best friend came over and when we visited my room he shut the door and started masturbating. Apparently he had recently learned how fun it was. Not an ounce of modesty or discretion. As an innocent kid I didn't really know what to do about it other than cringe. He grew up to be just as weird as his kid self, which is to say he never really grew up.
 
4 days ago  
"My son's middle school friend opened all the yogurts in my refrigerator. Didn't eat them - just opened all the tinfoil lids."

Oh no. I have experienced this as well. We are dealing with a serial yogurt container opener. This requires a new CSI series.
 
4 days ago  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."


Hey that's wife material dude
 
4 days ago  

Marcus Aurelius: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."

To be fair, 99% of people hang their artwork too high.  Especially anything done on black velvet.


I should have known there was going to be a home interior person in here talking about how it's supposed to be eye level
 
4 days ago  
These are either fake as heck or the reason why I don't have guests over. Or both.
 
4 days ago  

waxbeans: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."

Hey that's wife material dude


Well, they were both women and one was married, so...
 
4 days ago  

Solty Dog: I was a bad houseguest now and again. Alcohol was usually involved. But, hey, I didn't drive drunk at least.


You know that's what I find interesting I'm a heavy drinker why can't I find a roommate that wants to drink with me what the fark is that about
 
4 days ago  

waxbeans: Pats_Cloth_Coat: unemployed friend living on my couch for months. Went out one night and got drunk. threw up on my bathroom floor. Didn't clean it up

See waxbeans prides himself on always making it to the restroom in 30 years only one time did I not make it to the restroom and even then I just threw up in a trash bag that was full of my clothes and then threw it out.
You know I just don't get enough credit for being better than most people.
😂


Came here to tell a similar story. My friend was gracious, but still regularly chides me about it. I "cleaned things up," but it may surprise you to find out that drunk EveDewer isn't the most fastidious cleaner in the world.

/chunksremained
 
4 days ago  

Marcus Aurelius: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."
---
To be fair, 99% of people hang their artwork too high.  Especially anything done on black velvet.
---


Or they anticipate a flood.. 
1.bp.blogspot.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

nanim: Marcus Aurelius: Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: A friend had a houseguest who rehung all of the pictures on the walls slightly lower because "It was bothering her."
---
To be fair, 99% of people hang their artwork too high.  Especially anything done on black velvet.
---

Or they anticipate a flood.. [1.bp.blogspot.com image 320x200]


"It was a terrible shame about the furniture but at least we kept the $9.00 prints from Target safe."
 
4 days ago  
Reddit --> BuzzFeed --> FARK

Internet seems to be working just fine.
 
4 days ago  

Pats_Cloth_Coat: unemployed friend living on my couch for months. Went out one night and got drunk. threw up on my bathroom floor. Didn't clean it up


I ALWAYS cleaned up my barf.
 
4 days ago  
No mention of an upper decker? Sweet. Carry on.
 
4 days ago  
Several coworkers and I were out eating and drinking, and there was not enough room for the DD to take them all home. I offered to let one coworker crash on my couch, and I'd take him back to his place in the morning.

Next morning, he is buck naked on my couch. I send my dog to "kiss" him awake, wait for him to get dressed, then took him back to his place. He then told all the other coworkers (behind my back) that he scored and we were dating.

From my perspective the coworker got weird, and even dropped by my apartment unannounced. I refused to even let him in because I was still irked about his naked ass on my couch, which I had to rent a shampooer to clean for the sake of my sanity.

Then someone at work let loose with the dating thing, and I was confused. The guys explained what they were told, and I publicly refuted it by explaining that for some stupid reason, he stripped naked on my couch, and the closest thing he got to any action was the wakeup from my dog.  Turns out, dude thought that if everyone thought we were dating, I would go along with it because...reasons?

I got several apologies from everyone else in the office for the whole incident. I also never offered to let a drunk coworker crash on my couch again.
 
4 days ago  
CSB from a friend of mine (the host).

The host had a mutual friend friend from college over for a party. The friend sleazily creeps over all the women who came to the party. He just oozes the frat boy vibe.

The friend crashes and stays the night on the floor within earshot of the host. At night, the host hears him jerking off.

Neither I nor the host ever had anything to do with him ever again.
 
4 days ago  
Hey, look, that was why I quit drinking, 'K?
 
4 days ago  

Snaptastic: Several coworkers and I were out eating and drinking, and there was not enough room for the DD to take them all home. I offered to let one coworker crash on my couch, and I'd take him back to his place in the morning.

Next morning, he is buck naked on my couch. I send my dog to "kiss" him awake, wait for him to get dressed, then took him back to his place. He then told all the other coworkers (behind my back) that he scored and we were dating.

From my perspective the coworker got weird, and even dropped by my apartment unannounced. I refused to even let him in because I was still irked about his naked ass on my couch, which I had to rent a shampooer to clean for the sake of my sanity.

Then someone at work let loose with the dating thing, and I was confused. The guys explained what they were told, and I publicly refuted it by explaining that for some stupid reason, he stripped naked on my couch, and the closest thing he got to any action was the wakeup from my dog.  Turns out, dude thought that if everyone thought we were dating, I would go along with it because...reasons?

I got several apologies from everyone else in the office for the whole incident. I also never offered to let a drunk coworker crash on my couch again.


You know, with a few tweaks and exaggerations, you could easily sell that story to Lifetime. That's totally their jam.
 
4 days ago  

steklo: A good friend was in a bind, needed a place to stay for two weeks...

two weeks turned into two months...


Mrs Clam and I let someone stay in our guest room for what was supposed to be a week or two and it became months until we sold the place (we were planning on doing that anyway, he wasn't that bad).

We haven't had a place with a guest room since.
 
4 days ago  

Snaptastic: Several coworkers and I were out eating and drinking, and there was not enough room for the DD to take them all home. I offered to let one coworker crash on my couch, and I'd take him back to his place in the morning.

Next morning, he is buck naked on my couch. I send my dog to "kiss" him awake, wait for him to get dressed, then took him back to his place. He then told all the other coworkers (behind my back) that he scored and we were dating.

From my perspective the coworker got weird, and even dropped by my apartment unannounced. I refused to even let him in because I was still irked about his naked ass on my couch, which I had to rent a shampooer to clean for the sake of my sanity.

Then someone at work let loose with the dating thing, and I was confused. The guys explained what they were told, and I publicly refuted it by explaining that for some stupid reason, he stripped naked on my couch, and the closest thing he got to any action was the wakeup from my dog.  Turns out, dude thought that if everyone thought we were dating, I would go along with it because...reasons?

I got several apologies from everyone else in the office for the whole incident. I also never offered to let a drunk coworker crash on my couch again.


Are you sure you didn't have sex with him because when I was in high school I met this new transfer and we exchanged phone numbers and she called me about a week later and she came over and we had sex all night jump forward 20 years later and I try to hit on her at a bar and she straight up legit acted like she didn't know who the fark I was
 
4 days ago  

xxBirdMadGirlxx: Snaptastic: Several coworkers and I were out eating and drinking, and there was not enough room for the DD to take them all home. I offered to let one coworker crash on my couch, and I'd take him back to his place in the morning.

Next morning, he is buck naked on my couch. I send my dog to "kiss" him awake, wait for him to get dressed, then took him back to his place. He then told all the other coworkers (behind my back) that he scored and we were dating.

From my perspective the coworker got weird, and even dropped by my apartment unannounced. I refused to even let him in because I was still irked about his naked ass on my couch, which I had to rent a shampooer to clean for the sake of my sanity.

Then someone at work let loose with the dating thing, and I was confused. The guys explained what they were told, and I publicly refuted it by explaining that for some stupid reason, he stripped naked on my couch, and the closest thing he got to any action was the wakeup from my dog.  Turns out, dude thought that if everyone thought we were dating, I would go along with it because...reasons?

I got several apologies from everyone else in the office for the whole incident. I also never offered to let a drunk coworker crash on my couch again.

You know, with a few tweaks and exaggerations, you could easily sell that story to Lifetime. That's totally their jam.


And a little bit more work it could sell to SVU
 
4 days ago  
My dorm had a party once in college.

One woman who came was evidently on her period. She got really drunk and went into the bathroom. I don't know the details, but eventually another woman went in after her. Reportedly, she had gotten blood everywhere somehow.

All I know is that all my female friends and acquaintances called her "Bloody Mary" behind her back from that day onwards.
 
4 days ago  

bostonguy: My dorm had a party once in college.

One woman who came was evidently on her period. She got really drunk and went into the bathroom. I don't know the details, but eventually another woman went in after her. Reportedly, she had gotten blood everywhere somehow.

All I know is that all my female friends and acquaintances called her "Bloody Mary" behind her back from that day onwards.


(Her name was Mary.)
 
wee
4 days ago  

tuxq: The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.


And it's nothing but a re-hash of a 3 day old Reddit post. You can just go there and read it for free. But fark doesn't get its cut that way.

The trend of trying to create an "article" by putting together quotes from another source, a bunch of twitter screenshots, etc needs to die.
 
4 days ago  
In Canada, it's common to take off your shoes when you're a guest. One guy I knew, a pretentious hypochondriac, both at my place and at someone else's, asked for a pair of slippers he could wear. Dude, why the fark do you think we'd want to use our own slippers ever again after you used them? Or what makes you assume we'd even have the same shoe size? Bring your own damn slippers if it's so important.
 
4 days ago  

EvaDewer: tuxq: The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.

/just sayin

Wait'll you find out about the handy icon on the left that can prevent you from seeing things you don't like.


On the left?

Or the other left?
 
4 days ago  
When I scroll Reddit, I play "which thread will be a Buzzfeed article?"
 
4 days ago  

Embden.Meyerhof: EvaDewer: tuxq: The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.

/just sayin

Wait'll you find out about the handy icon on the left that can prevent you from seeing things you don't like.

On the left?
Or the other left?


Not sure if serious. Other platforms render the site differently, but this is the browser view:

Fark user image
 
4 days ago  

wee: tuxq: The day fark blacklists slate and buzzfeed is the day I buy a lifetime subscription to totalfark.

And it's nothing but a re-hash of a 3 day old Reddit post. You can just go there and read it for free. But fark doesn't get its cut that way.

The trend of trying to create an "article" by putting together quotes from another source, a bunch of twitter screenshots, etc needs to die.


We could link to articles with actual journalism, but Boomers get angy when they hit a paywall.
 
4 days ago  
My ex-wife had this friend that had a crazy friend. She was really weird. We had a bunch of people over one day for a cookout and crazy friend was came along. As the day wound down, she offered to help us clean up and I thought, "great".

She was in the kitchen supposedly washing dishes. Turns out what she did was wash one or two plates, put the dirty plates back in the cabinet with food still on them and the clean ones on top for some reason. She also took a bowl that had salad in it and hid it in the oven.

Two steak knives also disappeared that day. I'm sure she either stole them or threw them in the garbage and we didn't notice. It was a very bizarre thing to do.
 
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