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(Slate)   "My daughter wants to do a DNA test...but she was conceived via IVF and it could get complicated. What do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Sibling, Mother, Parent, Family, long time, biological mother, hand of a child, older brother  
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262 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 21 Jul 2021 at 5:18 AM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



20 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-07-20 10:33:52 PM  
 
2021-07-21 5:34:43 AM  
F*ck her dad real dad
 
2021-07-21 6:02:12 AM  

cretinbob: Inform her they are not accurate and are basically scams


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2021-07-21 6:03:30 AM  
The genetic health information could be valuable.
 
2021-07-21 6:09:12 AM  
Swap her sample out for one of your dogs.
 
2021-07-21 6:19:38 AM  
So, you never told her she's part Beaker?
 
2021-07-21 6:38:25 AM  

dionysusaur: The genetic health information could be valuable.


Those generally come in tandem with the use of donated of sperm/eggs.
 
2021-07-21 6:41:22 AM  

cretinbob: Inform her they are not accurate and are basically scams


That link is about the health tests. That has little to no impact on the family ties that will get revealed with a 23andme test.
 
2021-07-21 7:55:24 AM  
The issue is Mom was not bio-Mom.
 
2021-07-21 7:57:00 AM  
Oh, I made the mistake of RTFA. WTF?

Letter writer talks about a half-sister. So you know who donated the egg? Then talks about full siblings. So you and your late wife could conceive, but decided to go with a donated egg? And then you, as a couple, donated fertiled eggs?
 
2021-07-21 8:32:30 AM  
You only have one choice: destroy the evidence and kill your daughter.  It's the only way to keep this secret.
 
2021-07-21 10:33:42 AM  
Let her do the tests and when she confronts you about the results tell her the truth. She'll feel like Sherlock Homes, and you won't be an ass for lying to her or trying to cover up something for no reason. The IVF stuff wasn't wrong so you don't need to act like you murdered somebody and hid the body.
 
2021-07-21 11:17:23 AM  

Pinner: So, you never told her she's part Beaker?


duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-21 11:26:19 AM  
1) Who Made Who?  Ain't Nobody Told You?: Your child is old enough to know the truth and you should not feel any shame in sharing it.  How you approach it is where knowing your child and consulting some professionals would help.

2) The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get: As Prudie said, best brought up in private.  You can offer to help, but be advised you can only do so much.

3) You're Never Too Old To Rock And Roll If You're Too Young To Die: Insufficient data on my part to be of any help, so all I can say is good luck.

4) But Occasionally I Wanna Talk About Me: Yeah, tell mom to STFU once in awhile so you can complain about your dad.

5) It's Plain To See We're Over: Oh, I see.  Anna thinks she has to be in a relationship.  Doesn't like the one she's in, but won't quit it unless she's got something else long term lined up.  So I say STFU, MYOB and run TF away.

1a) Who Made Who II: We have a ditto

1b) Who Made Who III: I understand the sentiment, but that doesn't mean there won't be curiosity.  I would avoid anything that could be interpreted as disparaging about the donor as well.  Might not be taken as intended.

2a) The Smoker You Drink II: It can be hard to watch a love one follow a destructive path, but they have to want to avoid it.

4a) Talk About Me II: I should note, hands free talking while commuting is not distraction free, so I should also encourage these talks to happen at other times.  Or in other words, STFU and drive.
 
2021-07-21 2:03:02 PM  
11 years ago, & he thinks no cousin/gma/etc has mentioned it in front of the kid?
 
2021-07-21 2:11:18 PM  

mcmnky: Then talks about full siblings.


If the embryos they donated were used by others to conceive, they would be the full siblings of each other. Like, from the dad and the woman whose egg they used.
 
2021-07-21 2:43:57 PM  

noYOUare: mcmnky: Then talks about full siblings.

If the embryos they donated were used by others to conceive, they would be the full siblings of each other. Like, from the dad and the woman whose egg they used.


I gotta plead ignorance on this one. I didn't realize these types of donations involved swaps. He got eggs, she got sperm. And apparently none of this is anonymous.
 
2021-07-21 9:22:18 PM  

DerAppie: dionysusaur: The genetic health information could be valuable.

Those generally come in tandem with the use of donated of sperm/eggs.


Oh.  My ignince is showing.
 
2021-07-22 6:12:16 AM  
You didn't actually fark around and she'll find out.

Same principle as farking around and finding out though. You made a conscious choice in the matter and now you and your daughter have to live with the consequences. She has a right to know. "Is there a history of x in your family?" is a question she might have to answer in a situation where it can alter the outcome of a medical decision.
 
2021-07-22 6:28:00 PM  

turboke: You didn't actually fark around and she'll find out.

Same principle as farking around and finding out though. You made a conscious choice in the matter and now you and your daughter have to live with the consequences. She has a right to know. "Is there a history of x in your family?" is a question she might have to answer in a situation where it can alter the outcome of a medical decision.


People who donate sperm/eggs fill in a questionnaire about their medical history. No one needs to be tracked down for any medical history.
 
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