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(CNN)   They probably wouldn't have been able to do anything with it, but in case you need the blood to drain from your face today, the insurrectionists came within 100 feet of the backup nuclear football   (cnn.com) divider line
    More: Scary, United States Congress, President of the United States, inspector general, nuclear football, United States Senate, Vice President Mike Pence, vice president, Capitol Hill  
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1432 clicks; posted to Politics » on 20 Jul 2021 at 5:20 PM (12 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



124 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-07-20 4:13:50 PM  
I wouldn't worry.  They probably would have spent and hour trying to figure out how to play Call of Duty on it.
 
2021-07-20 4:22:11 PM  
'How do you launch domestic attacks on this thing?  I don't care about foreigners!'
 
2021-07-20 4:23:36 PM  
I suspect that there may be more involved in authorizing a nuclear launch than "I have the right code, you gotta launch it!".
 
2021-07-20 4:26:44 PM  
The code was 8675309? Really.  Huh.
 
2021-07-20 4:36:48 PM  
A previous incident had occurred with the president's "football" in 2017, during Trump's state visit to China. During that trip, a scuffle broke out between Chinese and US officials inside the Great Hall of the People. It included the military aide carrying the nuclear suitcase, though the satchel was never compromised.

terrifying
 
2021-07-20 4:36:54 PM  
But how far from the backup backup football were they/
 
2021-07-20 4:47:49 PM  
I GIS'd "nuclear football" and OMG there's a lot of Trumphumper fanboy wankery over Trump nuking people.


Anyway, here's a funny one:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 4:48:17 PM  
Relax, SecDef knew they were dealing with someone who is a few shovels short of a full barrel of shiat, so they replaced the Nuclear Football with this:

big5sportinggoods.comView Full Size


The chose orange for obvious reasons..
 
2021-07-20 5:24:25 PM  

Exluddite: I suspect that there may be more involved in authorizing a nuclear launch than "I have the right code, you gotta launch it!".


But ANY foreign country would love to see the tech involved. Loss of it would be a national security nightmare if information about it got to China or Russia.
 
2021-07-20 5:24:43 PM  

Myrdinn: The code was 8675309? Really.  Huh.


That means that they finally changed it from the code on my luggage. So, I have my doubts.
 
2021-07-20 5:24:47 PM  
What would tourists need with the nuclear football?
 
2021-07-20 5:25:14 PM  

gopher321: I GIS'd "nuclear football" and OMG there's a lot of Trumphumper fanboy wankery over Trump nuking people.


Anyway, here's a funny one:

[Fark user image image 777x437]


Shouldn't that be nukular?
 
2021-07-20 5:26:19 PM  

freddyV: A previous incident had occurred with the president's "football" in 2017, during Trump's state visit to China. During that trip, a scuffle broke out between Chinese and US officials inside the Great Hall of the People. It included the military aide carrying the nuclear suitcase, though the satchel was never compromised.

terrifying


Dont worry, the very intelligent Pence would have saved us all with the backup nuclear suitcase.
 
2021-07-20 5:26:33 PM  
I've wondered how differently the prosecution for insurrection would have been handled if they'd gotten a hold of Pence.
 
2021-07-20 5:27:06 PM  
They definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything with it.
 
2021-07-20 5:28:05 PM  
Had they actually gotten within touching distance, they should all have been Babbittized.
 
2021-07-20 5:28:42 PM  
We knew that the day it happened. There was a whole discussion about it here. Anybody can't just open up the thing and use it.
 
2021-07-20 5:29:00 PM  

Jeff5: They definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything with it.


except mail it to Russia for reverse engineering and vulnerability testing.
 
2021-07-20 5:29:20 PM  

NotARocketScientist: I've wondered how differently the prosecution for insurrection would have been handled if they'd gotten a hold of Pence.


There wouldn't be any prosecution, that was supposed to be the trigger for Trump to invoke the Insurrection Act and delay the transition indefinitely.

Probably adjourn both Houses of Congress at the same time, since only he can call them back into session that way.
 
2021-07-20 5:30:24 PM  

Jeff5: They definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything with it.


No weapons could have been launched, but... If I'm anywhere near correctly involved, part of the contents are a 3-ring binders with attack plans, pre-configured targets etc. etc.

It would be an extraordinary intelligence coup for any foreign power.
 
2021-07-20 5:30:25 PM  

Kumana Wanalaia: Jeff5: They definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything with it.

except mail it to Russia for reverse engineering and vulnerability testing.


It's just codes, they'd be changed within minutes of compromise.
 
2021-07-20 5:30:44 PM  

dodecahedron: We knew that the day it happened. There was a whole discussion about it here. Anybody can't just open up the thing and use it.


Counterpoint:  Where is Nancy Pelosi's laptop?
 
2021-07-20 5:30:48 PM  
Pretty sure actually breaching the chamber with Pence and the football results in the military aide and every other armed guard shooting them all and letting God sort it out.

Which would have been hilarious.
 
2021-07-20 5:31:46 PM  
If they'd actually gotten their hands on the nuke-u-lar football, the end result would've looked a lot closer to this:

i1.wp.comView Full Size


than this:

atomicarchive.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:32:49 PM  

namegoeshere: Had they actually gotten within touching distance, they should all have been Babbittized.


I think it should have happened as soon as they started breaking doors and windows in the capitol.
 
2021-07-20 5:35:39 PM  
There's a Tom Brady joke in there, I just can't put it together.
 
2021-07-20 5:35:47 PM  
Why isn't that thing surrounded by Secret Service guys with Uzis?
 
2021-07-20 5:36:31 PM  

NotARocketScientist: I've wondered how differently the prosecution for insurrection would have been handled if they'd gotten a hold of Pence.


Trump would have pardoned them, right after nominating  Ivanka for veep
 
2021-07-20 5:37:04 PM  
1-2-3-5-4
 
2021-07-20 5:37:13 PM  
So just another reason they should have been met with gunfire the instant they breached the building.

Not killing those terrorists in job lots is going to come back to haunt us. Since the Bundy ranch fiasco they have been handled with velvet gloves. The result being that they have pushed things to the point of a violent coup against the American republic itself.

Enough. Kill these people next time, put a smart bomb through their bedroom windows and a hellfire missile into their coal rolling F-250s.

Enough is enough.

/user name checks out comment.
//Republicans are the enemy of a free and open society.
/// three for the republic if we can keep it.
 
2021-07-20 5:37:14 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:37:29 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:38:00 PM  

Professor_Doctor: Pretty sure actually breaching the chamber with Pence and the football results in the military aide and every other armed guard shooting them all and letting God sort it out.

Which would have been hilarious.


that would've been awesome
 
2021-07-20 5:38:10 PM  

Erik_Emune: Jeff5: They definitely wouldn't have been able to do anything with it.

No weapons could have been launched, but... If I'm anywhere near correctly involved, part of the contents are a 3-ring binders with attack plans, pre-configured targets etc. etc.

It would be an extraordinary intelligence coup for any foreign power.


Everybody with shiat worth targeting already knows we're targeting it. The particular strike packages might be of some interest. If the football had fallen into unauthorized hands I suspect the delays in deploying military assets would have evaporated like whoever was carrying the actual football in a large hurry.
 
2021-07-20 5:38:46 PM  

gameshowhost: 1-2-3-5-4


Person Woman Man Camera TV
 
2021-07-20 5:38:47 PM  

Professor_Doctor: Pretty sure actually breaching the chamber with Pence and the football results in the military aide and every other armed guard shooting them all and letting God sort it out.

Which would have been hilarious.


Seeing how quickly they ventilated the woman who crossed the threshold into the Speaker's Gallery, I believe you're right.
 
2021-07-20 5:41:11 PM  
Based on every "terrorist group gains access to the nuclear football" movie/TV plot I've ever seen, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have known what the fark to do with it if they had actually gotten it.

Turns out fictional terrorists are usually smarter than real ones.
 
2021-07-20 5:42:52 PM  

RedComrade: So just another reason they should have been met with gunfire the instant they breached the building.

Not killing those terrorists in job lots is going to come back to haunt us. Since the Bundy ranch fiasco they have been handled with velvet gloves. The result being that they have pushed things to the point of a violent coup against the American republic itself.

Enough. Kill these people next time, put a smart bomb through their bedroom windows and a hellfire missile into their coal rolling F-250s.

Enough is enough.

/user name checks out comment.
//Republicans are the enemy of a free and open society.
/// three for the republic if we can keep it.


Trump supporting insurrectionists killed by a smart bomb:

cdn.spark.appView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:43:11 PM  

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Based on every "terrorist group gains access to the nuclear football" movie/TV plot I've ever seen, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have known what the fark to do with it if they had actually gotten it.

Turns out fictional terrorists are usually smarter than real ones.


No matter who has it the SecDef still has to confirm that it's a valid order from the President before anybody does anything.
 
2021-07-20 5:43:12 PM  
media0.giphy.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:43:49 PM  

gopher321: I GIS'd "nuclear football" and OMG there's a lot of Trumphumper fanboy wankery over Trump nuking people.


Anyway, here's a funny one:

[Fark user image image 777x437]


Lemme guess.  The code for that is up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, start?
 
2021-07-20 5:44:23 PM  
o.aolcdn.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:44:31 PM  

SpecialSnowFlake: Trump supporting insurrectionists killed by a smart bomb:


I lol'ed! Thanks!
 
2021-07-20 5:45:26 PM  

namegoeshere: Had they actually gotten within touching distance, they should all have been Babbittized.


If they had, they would have been.

The cops and natl guard that day bent over backward to avoid shooting people, but the one time the terrorists cornered a VIP, Babbit got ventilated. If they'd broken into the Senate while there were still Senators and Representatives there, 100% they would have opened fire.
 
2021-07-20 5:46:04 PM  

X-Geek: namegoeshere: Had they actually gotten within touching distance, they should all have been Babbittized.

I think it should have happened as soon as they started breaking doors and windows in the capitol.


I've posted this before.  Infantry standing shoulder-to-shoulder and firing in volley has no place in the 21st century battlefield, but it's a hell of a crowd control technique.
 
2021-07-20 5:46:14 PM  

EnderWiggnz: Myrdinn: The code was 8675309? Really.  Huh.

That means that they finally changed it from the code on my luggage. So, I have my doubts.


She was one hot number.
 
2021-07-20 5:46:49 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 5:47:04 PM  

Fart_Machine: [media0.giphy.com image 398x200] [View Full Size image _x_]


GOD DAMMIT
 
2021-07-20 5:47:11 PM  
whole e buzzwords, Batman
 
2021-07-20 5:47:31 PM  

Mad Scientist: Why isn't that thing surrounded by Secret Service guys with Uzis?


Because Uzis are dog yartz.
 
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