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(Slate)   "My husband confessed to trying to have an affair six years ago, saying he messaged the woman on an app he doesn't remember but says she never showed. He recalls no details, and I want them all. Because I need them to move beyond it. What do?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Sexual intercourse, Human sexuality, Human sexual behavior, Slate's sex advice column, much friction, Love, exact time frame, kind of high-friction sex  
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294 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 20 Jul 2021 at 9:50 AM (9 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-07-20 9:11:40 AM  
He's going to try again.
 
2021-07-20 9:29:50 AM  
Bad Idea Jeans - Saturday Night Live
Youtube mGfBEnBw01A
 
2021-07-20 9:40:55 AM  
1-800-YOUR-MOM
 
2021-07-20 9:56:38 AM  
My husband confessed to trying to have an affair six years ago, saying he messaged the woman on an app he doesn't remember

Grindr

but says she never showed.

He went to a motel and had a gun stuck in his face. It cost him the contents of his wallet.

He recalls no details, and I want them all. Because I need them to move beyond it. What do?

He's too embarrassed to tell you and he's wondering how he can make up some lies to stop you from asking more questions that won't make things worse.
 
2021-07-20 10:01:27 AM  
Seriously, who confesses to a failed attempt at an affair?
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2021-07-20 10:03:03 AM  

Fear the Clam: My husband confessed to trying to have an affair six years ago, saying he messaged the woman on an app he doesn't remember

Grindr

but says she never showed.

He went to a motel and had a gun stuck in his face. It cost him the contents of his wallet.

He recalls no details, and I want them all. Because I need them to move beyond it. What do?

He's too embarrassed to tell you and he's wondering how he can make up some lies to stop you from asking more questions that won't make things worse.


Ashley Madison, and he contacted a fake account.
 
2021-07-20 10:05:28 AM  
For most human people with a conscience, when you do hurtful stuff to people you love (if not people in general), and particularly secret offenses against them, you tend to worry about being caught, and so obsess over the details of their trespass in order to scan for ways you could trip up and be exposed. This leads to having pretty high retention on details of the crime.

So when you see cheaters or murderers or corrupt politicians trying to tell you they don't recall, you can be absolutely certain they are hoping to give themselves cover from blowback despite their crimes being known.

tl;dr i would bet this guy knows everything she wants to know but perceives himself at a disadvantage giving the entire game away
 
2021-07-20 10:11:24 AM  
He recalls no details, and I want them all. Because I need them to move beyond it.


Suuure, because in no realm of possibility would this info be used against him in the future.
 
2021-07-20 10:11:59 AM  
He attempted to have an affair, ended up not doing anything, it was six years ago, and... he decided to tell his wife about it now?
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 10:13:09 AM  
tell him cuckqueening is your turn on.
 
2021-07-20 10:16:41 AM  
He's cheating now.
Or recently.
And he's feeling guilty.
So he's telling you, without really telling you.
 
2021-07-20 10:19:54 AM  

InfoFreako: Seriously, who confesses to a failed attempt at an affair?


I mean, they don't give out Nobel Prizes for Attempted Chemistry
 
2021-07-20 10:20:04 AM  
If the other woman never showed, what details is the wife expecting to hear?  What route he took to get to the hotel?
 
2021-07-20 10:25:19 AM  

debug: If the other woman never showed, what details is the wife expecting to hear?  What route he took to get to the hotel?


The way she wrote that letter sounds like she water boarded him for two years until he "confessed" he "might have" "tried" to have an affair, and he can't remember details because either he's scared to invent more things to be held against him forever or maybe very little happened but he knows it's gonna be WW3.
memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2021-07-20 10:26:36 AM  
Who the fark would admit to that?
 
2021-07-20 10:27:27 AM  

debug: If the other woman never showed, what details is the wife expecting to hear?  What route he took to get to the hotel?


She says he said they messaged online for MONTH before deciding to meet. There's bound to be hours of unaccounted for conversation where he drags his wife to this woman and tells her she understands him like his wife doesn't, or some other sh*t like he's actually single. That he doesn't remember logging into a website to chat over a period of a month smacks of utter bullsh*t
 
2021-07-20 10:28:34 AM  

debug: If the other woman never showed, what details is the wife expecting to hear?  What route he took to get to the hotel?


Probably what app he used, so that she can start checking internet history and see if it gets re-installed on his phone.

If he's smart he'll stick with signing in using incognito so he would only get caught if she walks in on him on the website in the moment.
 
2021-07-20 10:46:03 AM  

debug: If the other woman never showed, what details is the wife expecting to hear?  What route he took to get to the hotel?


I think she's got a cuck fetish (is it still considered a cuckold if it's the wife getting cheated on? I'm not all that hip to the swinger kids' lingo). She's getting off on hearing details, the more sordid the better...
 
2021-07-20 12:34:08 PM  
Whaddya mean what do? Kick his cheater ass to the curb and recover your self-respect. What else?
 
2021-07-20 1:45:07 PM  
This sounds very obsessive. Like "I need more details to beat him with!"
The guy is [obviously] no prize, but she sounds like a punishment.
 
2021-07-20 2:02:50 PM  
It happened 6 years ago, she's been hounding him for details for 2 years.

Time to throw in the towel. Divide up your stuff and go your separate ways.
 
2021-07-20 2:49:59 PM  

Gramma: It happened 6 years ago, she's been hounding him for details for 2 years.

Time to throw in the towel. Divide up your stuff and go your separate ways.


He should finally break and shout

pbs.twimg.comView Full Size

"I farkED HER RAW! GLORIOUS farkING! I'LL TELL YOU EVERY DETAIL!"
 
2021-07-20 3:01:33 PM  
So for years she has been hounding him about this? Well they either need some therapy or just break up since this will just fester and will always be at the back of her mind driving her nuts.
 
2021-07-20 3:10:41 PM  
If he did it once, he'll do it again, and it will be easier the next time.

Get rid of him.
 
2021-07-20 4:54:54 PM  
What do?

Umm...butt stuff. Duh.
 
2021-07-20 5:02:48 PM  
He doesn't want to tell his wife the chicks name was Lola
 
2021-07-20 5:51:35 PM  
he showed up and found out she was 17, it didnt stop him, he just doesnt want her to know.
 
2021-07-20 6:02:48 PM  
Let it go and move on to include some individual and couple's counseling for everyone involved , or dig for details and eventually learn something you can't forgive him for and get a divorce.

Personally the infidelity is enough for me to walk away, but some people need that extra layer of detail in order to move on, like they did it in our bed.

At the end of the day do what is going to end up making you happy in the end. If that is forgiving and moving on great, if it is a divorce also great.  its your life, you need to decide what matters to you.
 
2021-07-20 6:42:42 PM  
heh...similar thing here 20 years ago:
Marriage was in the shiatter, girl didn't show but left a note at the hotel.

/didn't tell wife
//divorced
///still qualifies as cheating in my book
 
2021-07-20 7:56:41 PM  
It was TFD and he doesn't want to talk about it
 
2021-07-21 1:07:44 AM  
Fark his dad?
 
2021-07-21 7:41:04 AM  

Odd Bird: heh...similar thing here 20 years ago:
Marriage was in the shiatter, girl didn't show but left a note at the hotel.

/didn't tell wife
//divorced
///still qualifies as cheating in my book


What did the note say?
 
2021-07-21 7:45:22 AM  

buntz: Odd Bird: heh...similar thing here 20 years ago:
Marriage was in the shiatter, girl didn't show but left a note at the hotel.

/didn't tell wife
//divorced
///still qualifies as cheating in my book

What did the note say?


"All that you love will be carried away"
 
2021-07-21 11:56:32 AM  

buntz: Odd Bird: heh...similar thing here 20 years ago:
Marriage was in the shiatter, girl didn't show but left a note at the hotel.

/didn't tell wife
//divorced
///still qualifies as cheating in my book

What did the note say?


i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-21 1:44:16 PM  

buntz: Odd Bird: heh...similar thing here 20 years ago:
Marriage was in the shiatter, girl didn't show but left a note at the hotel.

/didn't tell wife
//divorced
///still qualifies as cheating in my book

What did the note say?


I don't recall exactly; apology for not being there, it had to do with me being married.
 
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