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(BroBible)   Joel Osteen's Lakewood Church received a $4.4 million forgivable PPP loan. People are upset, given that his net worth is allegedly more than $100 million, and weekly he asks his parishioners for even more. Religion in the US is totally farked up   (brobible.com) divider line
    More: Sick, Joel Osteen, Lakewood Church, Prosperity theology, Victoria Osteen, John Osteen, prosperity Gospel, view of the mega-rich, Jesus start  
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953 clicks; posted to Politics » on 19 Jul 2021 at 11:28 PM (4 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



89 Comments     (+0 »)
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5 days ago  
God won't forgive him, so why should the US Government?
 
5 days ago  
Someone needs to steal his farking money.
 
5 days ago  
I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.
 
5 days ago  
I thought God would provide for them?

Why do they need Uncle Sam?
 
5 days ago  

Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.


The gym I used to go to pre-COVID had him on the big screen on Sunday. I swear it looks like he actually plucks his hairline back.

Also, with that amount of plastic surgery my guess is he's on pain meds all the goddamn time, so I don't know if his makeup artist is actually terrible or if he just doesn't give them enough time.
 
5 days ago  

dv-ous: Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.

The gym I used to go to pre-COVID had him on the big screen on Sunday. I swear it looks like he actually plucks his hairline back.

Also, with that amount of plastic surgery my guess is he's on pain meds all the goddamn time, so I don't know if his makeup artist is actually terrible or if he just doesn't give them enough time.


Well, he's not as scary as this fellow prosperity preacher:

glamourfame.comView Full Size


I mean come on.  Don't try and tell me that's not a lizard wearing a human skinsuit. I won't believe you if you try.
 
5 days ago  
that is not religion. He believes in nothing but greed. Narcissistic sociopath.  He doesn't give a God Damn about what jesus preached. He's a charismatic leech
 
5 days ago  
*sees some churches get away with crimes*

IRS? ... Tax everyone.

"What do you mean everyone?"

Leon the Professional - EVERYONE
Youtube KBKXu3Kg4yg
 
4 days ago  

zeronewbury: that is not religion. He believes in nothing but greed. Narcissistic sociopath.  He doesn't give a God Damn about what jesus preached. He's a charismatic leech


Looks like Enzyte Bob's skeevier brother.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.


He suckers in people who aren't particularly religious, but still prone to falling for things like MLMs and "life coaches" and shiat like that. I've heard a few of them trip over themselves explaining how I can get something out of his messages, even as they see my eyes roll up into the back of my head as soon as I hear the name.
 
4 days ago  
Wut?  You don't trust this face?

i.pinimg.comView Full Size

messianicmeow.files.wordpress.comView Full Size

religiondispatches.orgView Full Size
 
4 days ago  
"The god I believe in isn't short of cash, mister"
 
4 days ago  
I should start selling magic rocks that make religion go away.
 
4 days ago  
Make America a better place.  Burn these places to the ground.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: dv-ous: Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.

The gym I used to go to pre-COVID had him on the big screen on Sunday. I swear it looks like he actually plucks his hairline back.

Also, with that amount of plastic surgery my guess is he's on pain meds all the goddamn time, so I don't know if his makeup artist is actually terrible or if he just doesn't give them enough time.

Well, he's not as scary as this fellow prosperity preacher:

[glamourfame.com image 600x400]

I mean come on.  Don't try and tell me that's not a lizard wearing a human skinsuit. I won't believe you if you try.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
4 days ago  
My church got a ppp loan.  We didn't need it.  We can have it forgiven and spend it or we can pay it back.  We're paying it back.
 
4 days ago  
But don't you dare give a single working mother food stamps to feed her children because that's SoHALiSm111!!1!!!!
 
4 days ago  

Markus5: My church got a ppp loan.  We didn't need it.  We can have it forgiven and spend it or we can pay it back.  We're paying it back.


Why did you apply for the loan if you didn't need it to begin with?
 
4 days ago  
People that flock to these scumbags get what they deserve. No love lost here.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.


My brother and sister-in-law used to just sit around and watch Benny Hinn and cheer the way other people watch Jerry Springer.
 
4 days ago  
Wish we could pay churches to close
Use the land for something useful like a gravel pit
 
4 days ago  
But going back to that $600/week supplement would have bankrupted this country, I'm sure.
 
4 days ago  

zeronewbury: that is not religion. He believes in nothing but greed. Narcissistic sociopath.  He doesn't give a God Damn about what jesus preached. He's a charismatic leech


No that is the essence of religion. Are you not familiar with literally all major sects? Which one isn't greedy, sociopathic, and follows the teachings of this mythical Jesus?
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: dv-ous: Kris_Romm: I have a close relative who watches him. They're not even Christian.  When visiting once, and they had it on, I asked why they watch and they just couldn't explain it. To me he just looked like some kind of alien in a human skinsuit, all teeth and crazy eyes.

The gym I used to go to pre-COVID had him on the big screen on Sunday. I swear it looks like he actually plucks his hairline back.

Also, with that amount of plastic surgery my guess is he's on pain meds all the goddamn time, so I don't know if his makeup artist is actually terrible or if he just doesn't give them enough time.

Well, he's not as scary as this fellow prosperity preacher:

[glamourfame.com image 600x400]

I mean come on.  Don't try and tell me that's not a lizard wearing a human skinsuit. I won't believe you if you try.


His face there looks like it's about a third of the way through its shift into a Buffyverse vampire.
 
4 days ago  
If you looked like Joel Osteen your whole life, you'd probably say yes when the people that surrounded you suddenly and mysteriously developed a compulsion to give you money to do absolutely nothing. You'd have to make it the single defining trait of your psyche, and develop one hell of a weird child star / rock musician complex.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: Wut?  You don't trust this face?

[i.pinimg.com image 474x266]
[messianicmeow.files.wordpress.com image 328x267]
[religiondispatches.org image 690x460]


He looks like the guy in 80s action movies (usually a real estate developer) who is financing the robbers or drug runners or terrorists and thinks he's in charge, but learns very violently towards the end of the second act that he's not running shiat.
 
4 days ago  

the money is in the banana stand: Markus5: My church got a ppp loan.  We didn't need it.  We can have it forgiven and spend it or we can pay it back.  We're paying it back.

Why did you apply for the loan if you didn't need it to begin with?


You can't hang him for that alone. I'm in a completely different business - no one knew how long the work lockout would last. You had to apply before you knew how much you'd spend or how long it works last. Just sayin'...
 
4 days ago  
For something that doesn't exist in the universe religion sure has a way of consuming the product of an organism's expenditure of energy.  Talk about the whole is greater than the sum of its parts; how can group psychosis get a loan and 75% of the psychos can't.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: Wut?  You don't trust this face?

[i.pinimg.com image 474x266]
[messianicmeow.files.wordpress.com image 328x267]
[religiondispatches.org image 690x460]


He looks like Martin Short's creepy brother
i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

Richard Freckle: For something that doesn't exist in the universe religion sure has a way of consuming the product of an organism's expenditure of energy.  Talk about the whole is greater than the sum of its parts; how can group psychosis get a loan and 75% of the psychos can't.


Because the psychosis steals the money. No loans will be given to the poor.

/BoA 12:23
 
4 days ago  

Excelsior: Kris_Romm: Wut?  You don't trust this face?

[i.pinimg.com image 474x266]
[messianicmeow.files.wordpress.com image 328x267]
[religiondispatches.org image 690x460]

He looks like Martin Short's creepy brother
[i.pinimg.com image 236x354]


Fark user imageView Full Size

Where is Martin Short on this gradient?
 
4 days ago  
I work in the online gambling industry and I guarantee you that we have far more integrity in how we earn or money than he does.
 
4 days ago  

Skarekrough: Make America a better place.  Burn these places to the ground.


hey cmon, i used to watch the rockets play basketball in that church

there's plenty of good uses for it

i think my mom saw zz top there
 
4 days ago  

Demetrius: "The god I believe in isn't short of cash, mister"


Into the arms......of America
 
4 days ago  

fatalvenom: Richard Freckle: For something that doesn't exist in the universe religion sure has a way of consuming the product of an organism's expenditure of energy.  Talk about the whole is greater than the sum of its parts; how can group psychosis get a loan and 75% of the psychos can't.

Because the psychosis steals the money. No loans will be given to the poor.

/BoA 12:23


psychosis psychopaths
Ftfy
 
4 days ago  

the money is in the banana stand: Markus5: My church got a ppp loan.  We didn't need it.  We can have it forgiven and spend it or we can pay it back.  We're paying it back.

Why did you apply for the loan if you didn't need it to begin with?


Credit against future potential loss to ensure employees paid and services continued. Not making sure people had to repay them even interest free is the confusing part to me
 
4 days ago  

covfefe: If you looked like Joel Osteen your whole life, you'd probably say yes when the people that surrounded you suddenly and mysteriously developed a compulsion to give you money to do absolutely nothing. You'd have to make it the single defining trait of your psyche, and develop one hell of a weird child star / rock musician complex.


Pulling the Prosperity Gospel bit is just horseshiat.

If you're that guy then you're just pussyfooting around with Catholicism.  That's setting the bar low.  There's no danger, there's no fulfillment, it can't be what you really want.

Now, a good solid cult on the other hand, that's where everything you outlined gets fulfilled.

If Osteen asked the members of his congregation to drive a spike through their hands to be more like Jesus how many do you think would do it?  Maybe 10%?

In a cult?  We're talking 90% or better.

Don't excuse Osteen for taking the path already traveled.  America didn't get great by hedging our bets and playing it safe.  it got great by going balls out, 24/7 365.  Paint him as what he is; a weak-ass fraud that doesn't deserve his wealth because he's capable of better and greater things.
 
4 days ago  

I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise: Someone needs to steal his farking money.


Tax all the damn churches. All of em. And seize 75% of their assets if they try to move outside the country.
 
4 days ago  
Religion in the US is messed up?

Religion has been used to fleece the masses since... mostly forever when it comes to abrahamic religions.

It's literally one of the reasons for its founding.
 
4 days ago  

I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise: Someone needs to steal his farking money

teeth.

I think that would hurt him more.
 
4 days ago  
This criminal needs to go to prison.
 
4 days ago  

Purple_Urkle: I should start selling magic rocks that make religion go away.


Good luck outselling my magic rocks that make religion come back.
 
4 days ago  
When the inevitable film is produced about scumbag grifters guilting otherwise decent people into going without necessary food and medication so some jagoff "preacher" can buy his second Gulfstream or fourth Maserati, I just want to see Osteen played by Benedict Cumberbatch.

All he'd need is some big honking prosthetic teeth.

This is the only bad guy role I will permit him to play.
 
4 days ago  
I watched him once a dozen or so years ago. The first time I had watched any religious programming in a very long time. His message in that broadcast just seemed to be "Jesus loves you and wants you to be happy." Pretty wholesome.

It was much later I found out he was a scumbag.
 
4 days ago  

lolmao500: I am Tom Joad's Complete Lack of Surprise: Someone needs to steal his farking money.

Tax all the damn churches. All of em. And seize 75% of their assets if they try to move outside the country.


Actually, tax them at 75% and send them to prison if they attempt to move outside of the country. And remind them of John 2:13-16.

/Then set up the stakes with lots of wood...and petrol.
//Also ask how I really feel
 
4 days ago  

Skarekrough: covfefe: If you looked like Joel Osteen your whole life, you'd probably say yes when the people that surrounded you suddenly and mysteriously developed a compulsion to give you money to do absolutely nothing. You'd have to make it the single defining trait of your psyche, and develop one hell of a weird child star / rock musician complex.

Pulling the Prosperity Gospel bit is just horseshiat.

If you're that guy then you're just pussyfooting around with Catholicism.  That's setting the bar low.  There's no danger, there's no fulfillment, it can't be what you really want.

Now, a good solid cult on the other hand, that's where everything you outlined gets fulfilled.

If Osteen asked the members of his congregation to drive a spike through their hands to be more like Jesus how many do you think would do it?  Maybe 10%?

In a cult?  We're talking 90% or better.

Don't excuse Osteen for taking the path already traveled.  America didn't get great by hedging our bets and playing it safe.  it got great by going balls out, 24/7 365.  Paint him as what he is; a weak-ass fraud that doesn't deserve his wealth because he's capable of better and greater things.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

dkulprit: Religion in the US is messed up?

Religion has been used to fleece the masses since... mostly forever when it comes to abrahamic religions.

It's literally one of the reasons for its founding.


Churches exist for the same reasons as everything else. Humans want money, sex and power. Some want one of three. Some want two of three. Some want all three.

Those are the primary motivations for human activity. People who run and create churches and religions are in pursuit of the same.
 
4 days ago  

Kris_Romm: Wut?  You don't trust this face?

[i.pinimg.com image 474x266]
[messianicmeow.files.wordpress.com image 328x267]
[religiondispatches.org image 690x460]


He kinda looks like Tim Allen.

i.pinimg.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  
Fark user imageView Full Size
Religion
 
4 days ago  
maybe they'll all catch covid and die.

tots and pears a-holes
 
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