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(Vox)   How and why are so many American parents obsessed with gender?   (vox.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Pregnancy, Gender, second-trimester ultrasound, gender identity, cute baby, Fetus, American parents, first child  
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300 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 12 Jul 2021 at 6:18 AM (14 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



33 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-07-11 10:18:31 PM  
CSB: I may have overcorrected for this. When i had a kid I didn't find out the sex in utero (my partner, a doctor, could decipher the ultrasound and knew). I also did not tell anyone... after the birth. Waited a month or 2. No family live nearby so we were the only ones changing diapers. Clothes were all hand me downs and the name which comes from partner's non-western language is not a gendered one.

Happily we didnt get a bunch of "it's a boy/girl" or pink/blue crap. I am not totally against people being into it, but it is a bit weird, imo. It is only one characteristic with way too much fixation.

That said, infants have no other characteristics except weight and length, so boy/girl is the default question for lack of a better one. Also, talking about a person in the 3rd person without gendered pronouns is really hard in English. It made conversations about the baby a bit exhausting. It was a fun thought experiment, and maybe people thought for a second about the child as just a human before forming expectations about boy's or girl's supposed characteristics, but idk. Some people were annoyed.

/ You don't really need to know about my baby's penis/vagina
// You can ask new parents about how they (the new parents) are
 
2021-07-11 10:39:17 PM  

ElFugawz: You can ask new parents about how they (the new parents) are


Besides tired?
 
2021-07-11 11:43:06 PM  
I always figured it was just another excuse to get together and drink in excess.
 
2021-07-12 3:09:53 AM  
When else do you get basically a free pass to burn down half your state?
 
2021-07-12 6:41:40 AM  
Because transphobia is the new homophobia
 
2021-07-12 6:59:06 AM  
How and why are so many American parents obsessed with gender?


Because American politics seem to be obsessed with gender?
 
2021-07-12 7:05:32 AM  
Theyre turning chinese theye turning chinese i really think so.

Next up : having a daughter is bad. Trumpers will become pro abortion when pregnant with a girl?

/wouldnt surprise me from those degenerates
 
2021-07-12 7:10:28 AM  
Because dome people love to be the center of attention and want some build up like they see on TV.

It's your life people, not a scripted narrative. But damned if they aren't gonna try.
 
2021-07-12 7:22:57 AM  
Because they want attention. It's Munchausen Syndrome but with the baby's gender.
 
2021-07-12 7:32:48 AM  
Mostly they are just announcing which kind they got, and celebrating that they are having a child at all. That's hardly "obsessed with gender", unlike in certain cultures where the "wrong" one results in an abortion.
 
2021-07-12 7:37:34 AM  
Toddlers don't have gender, they have disaster settings. Setting 1 is 'laying in a crib giggling' while setting 10 is 'set the house on fire'. :p

Some models may come with additional settings like poop fountain or environmental disaster.
 
2021-07-12 7:39:36 AM  
It's not just an American thing - seeing it online is influencing others. A German former colleague and his Mexican wife just had a gender-reveal party. Thankfully, they just went with a cake and not explosions.
 
2021-07-12 7:53:32 AM  
Because the vast majority of people believe that birth gender is real and matters.
Because it is and does.
 
2021-07-12 8:02:40 AM  

redsquid: Because the vast majority of people believe that birth gender is real and matters.
Because it is and does.


It matters to the person being born.  It matters to their physician/s.  It may or may not matter to their parents.  It may or may not matter to whoever they become sexually or romantically involved with later.  The people on that list have a reasonable need to know.  The people not on that list?  Why the fark does it matter?
 
2021-07-12 9:04:22 AM  
My plan is to have a baby shower and hype the gender reveal cake.  Then just serve a chocolate cake.  "You want to know the sex?  Change a diaper!"  Buy animal toys and onesies.
 
2021-07-12 9:13:12 AM  
Are the obsessed, or do they just want to cut in half the number of names they have to consider?

Most parents I know just want healthy.
 
2021-07-12 9:56:07 AM  
Can't speak for the rest of the world, but America has been weird for a while, and getting worse..  the baby will be either a girl or boy, who just wants milk and sleep.. that is reality.   The parents and others want to make it about them, so we get 'reveal' parties, etc.  The process of filling the child,s head with sex BS starts shortly thereafter..  then we have to deal with mentally farked up kids who don't know who / what they really are.  We made this problem, which is not reversible.. once you alter a child's mindset with this crap, instead of letting nature take it's course, we all have to deal with the results, and the child is damaged for life.  A terrible thing to do to a child, but this is the American Way.
 
2021-07-12 10:11:28 AM  
My oldest is 30, the youngest is 22, with 2 in between. I guess we are old school, because we were surprised at the gender of each one and no one in either of our families got mad at us for not wanting to know beforehand.

Different strokes I guess.
 
2021-07-12 10:45:21 AM  

hubiestubert: Because dome people love to be the center of attention and want some build up like they see on TV.

It's your life people, not a scripted narrative. But damned if they aren't gonna try.


imagesvc.meredithcorp.ioView Full Size

Dome people
 
2021-07-12 11:10:59 AM  

hubiestubert: Because dome people love to be the center of attention and want some build up like they see on TV.


Fark user imageView Full Size

What dome people may look like
 
2021-07-12 11:12:09 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: redsquid: Because the vast majority of people believe that birth gender is real and matters.
Because it is and does.

It matters to the person being born.  It matters to their physician/s.  It may or may not matter to their parents.  It may or may not matter to whoever they become sexually or romantically involved with later.  The people on that list have a reasonable need to know.  The people not on that list?  Why the fark does it matter?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-12 11:33:14 AM  
Because it's a trophy sprog.  An indirect way to announce that somebody had sex with them.
 
2021-07-12 12:34:56 PM  
We intentionally didn't find out. It was kind of fun. At ultrasounds they kept telling my wife "Look away now, you might see something that spoils your surprise."

A coworker gave us an outfit that was very feminine and you know what? We put it on him anyway a few times in the two or three weeks it fit for a few hours until he inevitably spit up or pooped on it. It was fine.
 
2021-07-12 12:40:08 PM  

Manic Depressive Mouse: Thankfully, they just went with a cake and not explosions.


That's like a camp without a fire.
 
2021-07-12 12:59:10 PM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: redsquid: Because the vast majority of people believe that birth gender is real and matters.
Because it is and does.

It matters to the person being born.  It matters to their physician/s.  It may or may not matter to their parents.  It may or may not matter to whoever they become sexually or romantically involved with later.  The people on that list have a reasonable need to know.  The people not on that list?  Why the fark does it matter?


Sorry, but a person's gender has the most critical effects on their life and personality of any available information (short of some genetic or other medical disaster) at birth (you could also argue social class of the parents, but gender is new information).

And this shouldn't be a surprise.  If gender was somehow as irrelevant as you claim (which appeared to be a late-20th century liberal axiom), trans people wouldn't have any issue in presenting their birth sex as their gender.  But it is a big deal, and of course it matters to them.  Vive la différence, and don't pretend the difference isn't there (even if it doesn't match the [original] plumbing).

More to the point, I've even heard the claim that there are significant differences between "boy mothers" and "girl mothers" thanks to the experiences of raising such sprogs.  And while there isn't going to be much of a difference before roughly school age, between that and when they finally leave the house expect a significant difference.  And yes, you can reasonably plan on the gender to match the plumbing (this effectively proven in early gender reassignments that involved damaged sex organs of infants).

/you'd think the ChristiansTM would be more interested in hyping up the edges of human sexuality
//aside from simply find more people to sacrifice to the God of Hate
///Evolution (and especially Evo-psych) looks at the variability of human sex and says "WTF?".
 
2021-07-12 1:11:55 PM  
Meh. When my wife was expecting our first (26 years ago), she didn't need any tests that would also revel the gender of the baby, so we didn't opt for any procedure for that purpose alone. So surprise... girl (at least that's what he was assigned.... but that's another story, and a whole other reason to eschew the "gender reveal party").
When the 2nd was on the way, there WERE tests, and we found out it was a boy. So we told people we were having a boy... that's it. No need to burn anything down.
 
2021-07-12 1:42:28 PM  

ryant123: Manic Depressive Mouse: Thankfully, they just went with a cake and not explosions.

That's like a camp without a fire.


Meh, with the amount of unexploded things here in Germany, it's a wonder they didn't accidentally have an explosion anyway
 
2021-07-12 4:21:01 PM  
Politics aside, it's partly the same reason that parents have a problem with ditching math mastery for other methods.  It's different than what they know.  Humans are conditioned to routines and the older they get the less learning something new becomes desirable.
 
2021-07-12 4:55:56 PM  

bhcompy: Politics aside, it's partly the same reason that parents have a problem with ditching math mastery for other methods.  It's different than what they know.  Humans are conditioned to routines and the older they get the less learning something new becomes desirable.


I feel like I'm the only person who thinks math mastery is a good idea without actually understanding it.  They teach you to express basic mathematical proofs verbally, that's going to have a great impact on logic and understanding outside of strict mathematics.
 
2021-07-12 5:02:58 PM  

mike_d85: bhcompy: Politics aside, it's partly the same reason that parents have a problem with ditching math mastery for other methods.  It's different than what they know.  Humans are conditioned to routines and the older they get the less learning something new becomes desirable.

I feel like I'm the only person who thinks math mastery is a good idea without actually understanding it.  They teach you to express basic mathematical proofs verbally, that's going to have a great impact on logic and understanding outside of strict mathematics.


Oh I agree with you.  It's why I did my own tutoring(or hired it out) for my kids because the concepts weren't sinking in.  Even something as simple as memorizing a multiplication table goes a long way in establishing a foundation that you'll fall back on constantly through education and life
 
2021-07-12 9:26:05 PM  

yet_another_wumpus: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: redsquid: Because the vast majority of people believe that birth gender is real and matters.
Because it is and does.

It matters to the person being born.  It matters to their physician/s.  It may or may not matter to their parents.  It may or may not matter to whoever they become sexually or romantically involved with later.  The people on that list have a reasonable need to know.  The people not on that list?  Why the fark does it matter?

Sorry, but a person's gender has the most critical effects on their life and personality of any available information (short of some genetic or other medical disaster) at birth (you could also argue social class of the parents, but gender is new information).

And this shouldn't be a surprise.  If gender was somehow as irrelevant as you claim (which appeared to be a late-20th century liberal axiom), trans people wouldn't have any issue in presenting their birth sex as their gender.  But it is a big deal, and of course it matters to them.  Vive la différence, and don't pretend the difference isn't there (even if it doesn't match the [original] plumbing).

More to the point, I've even heard the claim that there are significant differences between "boy mothers" and "girl mothers" thanks to the experiences of raising such sprogs.  And while there isn't going to be much of a difference before roughly school age, between that and when they finally leave the house expect a significant difference.  And yes, you can reasonably plan on the gender to match the plumbing (this effectively proven in early gender reassignments that involved damaged sex organs of infants).

/you'd think the ChristiansTM would be more interested in hyping up the edges of human sexuality
//aside from simply find more people to sacrifice to the God of Hate
///Evolution (and especially Evo-psych) looks at the variability of human sex and says "WTF?".


Well let's see: I listed parents among others on the "need to know" list up there so that pretty much negates your developmental concerns right out the gate without even getting into validity.  Nothing else you've written has a thing to do with why anyone that's not on that list really needs to know.  You've built yourself one heck of a straw man here.
 
2021-07-13 3:14:50 AM  

Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Well let's see: I listed parents among others on the "need to know" list up there so that pretty much negates your developmental concerns right out the gate without even getting into validity.  Nothing else you've written has a thing to do with why anyone that's not on that list really needs to know.  You've built yourself one heck of a straw man here.


Or straw woman. We need to know!
 
2021-07-13 3:43:34 AM  

turboke: Some Junkie Cosmonaut: Well let's see: I listed parents among others on the "need to know" list up there so that pretty much negates your developmental concerns right out the gate without even getting into validity.  Nothing else you've written has a thing to do with why anyone that's not on that list really needs to know.  You've built yourself one heck of a straw man here.

Or straw woman. We need to know!


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