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(Click2Houston)   You could run from New York City to Boston, and still not burn enough calories to wipe out all that Joey Chestnut consumed yesterday   (click2houston.com) divider line
    More: Sick, Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, days worth of calories, average weight, hot dog, Mile, Takeru Kobayashi, Triathlon, rough estimates  
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3030 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jul 2021 at 8:05 PM (2 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


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2021-07-05 4:45:36 PM  
Or I could puke it up, just like he did.
 
2021-07-05 4:49:18 PM  
the couch method works too, it just takes longer, and you can't eat anything else for two weeks.
 
2021-07-05 7:15:44 PM  

Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.


Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.
 
2021-07-05 8:06:48 PM  

OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.


something I'm not sure I wanted to know ,but I am glad now that I do.
 
2021-07-05 8:07:46 PM  

Eightballjacket: OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.

something I'm not sure I wanted to know ,but I am glad now that I do.


The origin of feces.
 
2021-07-05 8:08:26 PM  
If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.
 
2021-07-05 8:09:32 PM  
Never mentioned: the epic shiats the competitors likely to have.

I remember pooping out a partially intact ring of onion.  Just imagine, 72 hot dogs, partially, if at all, chewed.
 
2021-07-05 8:12:19 PM  
I'd like to see the turd.
 
2021-07-05 8:12:36 PM  

zjoik: Never mentioned: the epic shiats the competitors likely to have.

I remember pooping out a partially intact ring of onion.  Just imagine, 72 hot dogs, partially, if at all, chewed.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 8:12:38 PM  
Duh sorry...you never heard of panzerottis....2 fer 1,.....there is reason you never hear of 'all you can eat panzerotti' contests, they along same lines as russian vodka contests.
 
2021-07-05 8:12:48 PM  

zjoik: Never mentioned: the epic shiats the competitors likely to have.

I remember pooping out a partially intact ring of onion.  Just imagine, 72 hot dogs, partially, if at all, chewed.


media1.tenor.comView Full Size


They're probably mostly still good
 
2021-07-05 8:14:35 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 8:16:36 PM  

OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.


I saw a documentary on the world of competitive eating once. The guy who held the jalapeno record said he didn't puke it up the first time and it took him three days to drive an eight hour trip because of the constant oil on the anus and subsequent diarrhea. From that point on, he always puked them afterwards.
 
2021-07-05 8:16:47 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 8:20:04 PM  
Just sign up for the Death Valley ultramarathon. 135 miles of heat and pain.

That ought to burn quite a few calories.
 
2021-07-05 8:20:34 PM  
It's a mental illness contest.
 
2021-07-05 8:20:54 PM  

imauniter: I'd like to see the turd.


upload.wikimedia.orgView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 8:21:24 PM  
I absolutely could not run from NYC to Boston.  No farking way.  I'd be lucky if I could run a single block these days.  The short way.
 
2021-07-05 8:21:54 PM  
Consumed 23000 calories in 10 minutes and puked up 23000 calories in 4 minutes or less.
 
2021-07-05 8:22:14 PM  

Abox: It's a mental illness contest.


You can win money and it's more fun than most sports.
 
2021-07-05 8:22:49 PM  
Joey Chestnut? Is that like Nutella? Sorry, misread the headline.
 
2021-07-05 8:24:22 PM  

brantgoose: Joey Chestnut? Is that like Nutella? Sorry, misread the headline.


He's the Paulie Walnuts of competitive eating.
 
2021-07-05 8:24:47 PM  

OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.


Do they now? Seems to me eating 20 000+ calories in 10 minutes would probably kill ya if you didnt puke it out.
 
2021-07-05 8:25:04 PM  

neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.


How?
 
2021-07-05 8:32:27 PM  

lolmao500: OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.

Do they now? Seems to me eating 20 000+ calories in 10 minutes would probably kill ya if you didnt puke it out.


It doesn't stay in long enough to digest all of that.

If you eat copious amounts in one sitting your body accelerates the egress
 
2021-07-05 8:34:23 PM  

waxbeans: neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.

How?


Colon Blow - SNL
Youtube Ku42Iszh9KM
 
2021-07-05 8:35:42 PM  
Matt Stonie, another one of those guys who hovers in the same circles as Joey Chestnut, seems to think there's a limit to how many calories the body will extract from the stuff he eats before it makes its way out, one way or the other. I suspect he's a puker; I've watched him do things like eat a dozen large pizzas on his Youtube channel and he's a skinny little mofo.

On the other hand, I've also seen a 4'10", 88lb. girl eat a 4.5lb steak and a baked potato (and about a quart of margarita, which wasn't even part of the challenge) in an hour and NOT puke, so who the hell knows. Some people are just lucky I guess.
 
2021-07-05 8:35:43 PM  

neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 8:37:19 PM  

likefunbutnot: Matt Stonie, another one of those guys who hovers in the same circles as Joey Chestnut, seems to think there's a limit to how many calories the body will extract from the stuff he eats before it makes its way out, one way or the other. I suspect he's a puker; I've watched him do things like eat a dozen large pizzas on his Youtube channel and he's a skinny little mofo.

On the other hand, I've also seen a 4'10", 88lb. girl eat a 4.5lb steak and a baked potato (and about a quart of margarita, which wasn't even part of the challenge) in an hour and NOT puke, so who the hell knows. Some people are just lucky I guess.


You can train your gut to hold things. look up tarare if you wanna be horrified
 
2021-07-05 8:38:42 PM  

neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.


Ow.
 
2021-07-05 8:39:32 PM  
You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops, and that's using the kinds of specialized carbohydrate mixes balanced to maximize exactly that number consumed by people doing things like professional-level competitive cycling.  When you're not active the number is lower than that, but might as well take the high mark for the purposes of the arithmetic.

Food spends an absolute maximum of 8 hours in the small intestine/stomach and an average a bit short of seven-ish.

This means that the maximum number of calories that you can get from a single meal that's as maximized for calorie absorption as reasonably possible, basically a mash of various carbohydrates eaten while you engage in aerobic exercise that maximizes blood flow to the small intestine, is around 3000.

Hot dogs are, notably, protein-heavy, which doesn't mean they're healthy but means that all of the numbers here are much, much lower.  Like... so much lower that one of the most common weight-loss diets (like, real diets a doctor might put you on, not fad diet bullshiat from a "doctor" you saw on a video casette or youtube channel) recommend substituting calories from protein for calories from other sources as one of the first steps.

22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs, but the actual number of calories he consumed is around a thousand to fifteen hundred or so-- if that fast consumption of a single meal was the only thing he ate that day he'd potentially be losing weight.  Note also that he's not particularly chubby, despite consuming this much being a physical feat he would have necessarily needed to practice repeatedly.

If humans could just consume as many calories as they wanted in one sitting and then burn them off over as long a period as they liked, human history would be dramatically different, in that, like... governments wouldn't exist because there'd be no need of them and crime and conflict would be super farking rare.

// note: again, getting all of those 3000 maximum calories from one meal from hot dogs would still be super farking unhealthy for other reasons.  Also should note that I'm rolling with the hypothetical TFA poses where it's all actually swallowed instead of removed with induced vomiting, which other posters seem to think is standard.
 
2021-07-05 8:40:42 PM  
I hate to go all "stop liking what I don't like" but I can't think of many things that disgust me more than competitive eating contests in a world where some people are literally starving to death.
 
2021-07-05 8:41:17 PM  

OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.


Thank you. I appreciate the mental depiction of what they are doing on a toilet. Or rather to a toilet.
 
2021-07-05 8:41:55 PM  

waxbeans: neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.

How?


peristalsis
 
2021-07-05 8:43:47 PM  

casual disregard: OptionC: Spectrum: Or I could puke it up, just like he did.

Wrong end.  Competitive eaters push it through the normal direction, just way faster than anyone would want to.

Thank you. I appreciate the mental depiction of what they are doing on a toilet. Or rather to a toilet.


I wonder if they rent a ports potty, or if the *ahem* intact excess is given to a feed lot
 
2021-07-05 8:46:59 PM  

Jim_Callahan: 22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs


Homer Watches Teacher Burn Donut
Youtube FtUKUUKvXUw
 
2021-07-05 8:49:41 PM  
I just want to say....Wow.

Not just because this human being displays an epic amount of questionable judgement every year during his test of intestinal fortitude. But also because a large number of Farkers have displayed here an abundant, possibly proprietary, and frankly, disturbing familiarity of competitive eating.

And just when you think you know a bunch of internet strangers...
 
2021-07-05 8:51:27 PM  

Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops, and that's using the kinds of specialized carbohydrate mixes balanced to maximize exactly that number consumed by people doing things like professional-level competitive cycling.  When you're not active the number is lower than that, but might as well take the high mark for the purposes of the arithmetic.

Food spends an absolute maximum of 8 hours in the small intestine/stomach and an average a bit short of seven-ish.

This means that the maximum number of calories that you can get from a single meal that's as maximized for calorie absorption as reasonably possible, basically a mash of various carbohydrates eaten while you engage in aerobic exercise that maximizes blood flow to the small intestine, is around 3000.

Hot dogs are, notably, protein-heavy, which doesn't mean they're healthy but means that all of the numbers here are much, much lower.  Like... so much lower that one of the most common weight-loss diets (like, real diets a doctor might put you on, not fad diet bullshiat from a "doctor" you saw on a video casette or youtube channel) recommend substituting calories from protein for calories from other sources as one of the first steps.

22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs, but the actual number of calories he consumed is around a thousand to fifteen hundred or so-- if that fast consumption of a single meal was the only thing he ate that day he'd potentially be losing weight.  Note also that he's not particularly chubby, despite consuming this much being a physical feat he would have necessarily needed to practice repeatedly.

If humans could just consume as many calories as they wanted in one sitting and then burn them off over as long a period as they liked, human history would be dramatically different, in that, like... governments wouldn't exist because there'd b ...


Interesting. I wonder what the numbers are like for bukake
 
2021-07-05 8:53:57 PM  

neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.


Yup.  Just because he can eat 22,000 calories doesn't mean his digestive tract can absorb 22,000 calories in a day.  I would guess the extreme glut moves it through faster and reduces absorption.

lolmao500: Just sign up for the Death Valley ultramarathon. 135 miles of heat and pain.

That ought to burn quite a few calories.


135 miles of insanity is more like it.  I actually like Death Valley--in the winter.

jtown: I absolutely could not run from NYC to Boston.  No farking way.  I'd be lucky if I could run a single block these days.  The short way.


I've always been a truly horrible runner--but I've had days I burned 5,000 calories out in the mountains.  I'm not the fastest guy out there by any means but I like long hikes.

likefunbutnot: On the other hand, I've also seen a 4'10", 88lb. girl eat a 4.5lb steak and a baked potato (and about a quart of margarita, which wasn't even part of the challenge) in an hour and NOT puke, so who the hell knows. Some people are just lucky I guess.


When my wife was young I wouldn't be surprised if she could have (4'11", 93# adult weight) although I don't know if she could have done it in an hour--while her younger self had a bottomless stomach she was never a fast eater.  (And definitely not the alcohol.)
 
2021-07-05 9:00:10 PM  

Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops,


Have a citation for that by chance? My googlefu is weak.
 
2021-07-05 9:00:59 PM  

waxbeans: neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.

How?


You gotta, like, untwist a coat hanger, then get hold of your poop knife.
 
2021-07-05 9:05:54 PM  

Por que tan serioso: waxbeans: neongoats: If you think he is going to absorb all those calories you're nuts.

90% of that will be shoved through his colon undigested.

How?

You gotta, like, untwist a coat hanger, then get hold of your poop knife.


My money is on some form of buttsnek, 72 has to be far beyond backalley poop abortion tactics.

external-content.duckduckgo.comView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 9:05:55 PM  
Most people seem to be taking away that he ate a lot of hot dogs.

My takeaway here is that running is not worth it.
 
2021-07-05 9:16:30 PM  
HERO
 
2021-07-05 9:24:09 PM  

Smackledorfer: Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops,

Have a citation for that by chance? My googlefu is weak.


Here's one.

I mean, usual internet caveats, but it has other links that end up in sources that cite actual published studies (which, admittedly, I can't access, as my database doesn't include sports medicine journals).  Both his and my calculations are, obviously, ballpark as fark, I already mentioned picking the absolute highest numbers possible on absorption rather than attempting any kind of real estimate on activity, etc.

His recommendation for optimum mix for absorption is malodextrine/fructose in the form of basically a milkshake, if you're curious what kind of disgusting bullshiat you have to consume to actually hit that upper limit.

// Bonus bit where this might actually be relevant to someone: that absorption limit has a lot to do with why if you're trying to lose weight you'll also be told to eat fewer meals, even if they overall have the same amount of calories: continuous snacking for this reason gets the calories actually absorbed and turned into fat more effectively.
 
2021-07-05 9:28:08 PM  

jtown: Jim_Callahan: 22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs

[iFrame https://www.youtube.com/embed/FtUKUUKv​XUw?autoplay=1&widget_referrer=https%3​A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&start=0&enablejsap​i=1&origin=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.fark.com&​widgetid=1]


I... actually wasn't making any kind of joke, there.

That's actually the base of how calories in food are determined: setting them the fark on fire in a contained environment where you can measure the heat generated.

Even the boring end of science like public health can be surprisingly metal at times.

// Admittedly most packaged food is calculated by burning the ingredients and adding them up, or using standard values for known things like lard, sugar, etc.  At some point, that number was obtained by literally setting a bunch of stuff on fire, though.
 
2021-07-05 9:34:15 PM  

darkman2000: Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops, and that's using the kinds of specialized carbohydrate mixes balanced to maximize exactly that number consumed by people doing things like professional-level competitive cycling.  When you're not active the number is lower than that, but might as well take the high mark for the purposes of the arithmetic.

Food spends an absolute maximum of 8 hours in the small intestine/stomach and an average a bit short of seven-ish.

This means that the maximum number of calories that you can get from a single meal that's as maximized for calorie absorption as reasonably possible, basically a mash of various carbohydrates eaten while you engage in aerobic exercise that maximizes blood flow to the small intestine, is around 3000.

Hot dogs are, notably, protein-heavy, which doesn't mean they're healthy but means that all of the numbers here are much, much lower.  Like... so much lower that one of the most common weight-loss diets (like, real diets a doctor might put you on, not fad diet bullshiat from a "doctor" you saw on a video casette or youtube channel) recommend substituting calories from protein for calories from other sources as one of the first steps.

22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs, but the actual number of calories he consumed is around a thousand to fifteen hundred or so-- if that fast consumption of a single meal was the only thing he ate that day he'd potentially be losing weight.  Note also that he's not particularly chubby, despite consuming this much being a physical feat he would have necessarily needed to practice repeatedly.

If humans could just consume as many calories as they wanted in one sitting and then burn them off over as long a period as they liked, human history would be dramatically different, in that, like... governments wouldn't exist because there'd b ...

Interesting. I wonder what the numbers are like for bukake


For bukake udon? Probably pretty high. Lotsa carbs.

If you're talking semen, 5 calories per ... teaspoon?  I think it was teaspoons. Anyway, it's low calorie and chock full of protein.  Use that information as you will.
 
2021-07-05 9:41:59 PM  

leeksfromchichis: darkman2000: Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops, and that's using the kinds of specialized carbohydrate mixes balanced to maximize exactly that number consumed by people doing things like professional-level competitive cycling.  When you're not active the number is lower than that, but might as well take the high mark for the purposes of the arithmetic.

Food spends an absolute maximum of 8 hours in the small intestine/stomach and an average a bit short of seven-ish.

This means that the maximum number of calories that you can get from a single meal that's as maximized for calorie absorption as reasonably possible, basically a mash of various carbohydrates eaten while you engage in aerobic exercise that maximizes blood flow to the small intestine, is around 3000.

Hot dogs are, notably, protein-heavy, which doesn't mean they're healthy but means that all of the numbers here are much, much lower.  Like... so much lower that one of the most common weight-loss diets (like, real diets a doctor might put you on, not fad diet bullshiat from a "doctor" you saw on a video casette or youtube channel) recommend substituting calories from protein for calories from other sources as one of the first steps.

22,800 calories is what you would get if you put what went into his mouth into a bomb calorimeter and set it on fire to estimate the chemical energy recoverable from all those dogs, but the actual number of calories he consumed is around a thousand to fifteen hundred or so-- if that fast consumption of a single meal was the only thing he ate that day he'd potentially be losing weight.  Note also that he's not particularly chubby, despite consuming this much being a physical feat he would have necessarily needed to practice repeatedly.

If humans could just consume as many calories as they wanted in one sitting and then burn them off over as long a period as they liked, human history would be dramatically different, in that, like... governments wouldn't exist because there'd b ...

Interesting. I wonder what the numbers are like for bukake

For bukake udon? Probably pretty high. Lotsa carbs.

If you're talking semen, 5 calories per ... teaspoon?  I think it was teaspoons. Anyway, it's low calorie and chock full of protein.  Use that information as you will.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-07-05 9:49:43 PM  

Jim_Callahan: Smackledorfer: Jim_Callahan: You can absorb about 350 calories an hour, tops,

Have a citation for that by chance? My googlefu is weak.

Here's one.

I mean, usual internet caveats, but it has other links that end up in sources that cite actual published studies (which, admittedly, I can't access, as my database doesn't include sports medicine journals).  Both his and my calculations are, obviously, ballpark as fark, I already mentioned picking the absolute highest numbers possible on absorption rather than attempting any kind of real estimate on activity, etc.

His recommendation for optimum mix for absorption is malodextrine/fructose in the form of basically a milkshake, if you're curious what kind of disgusting bullshiat you have to consume to actually hit that upper limit.

// Bonus bit where this might actually be relevant to someone: that absorption limit has a lot to do with why if you're trying to lose weight you'll also be told to eat fewer meals, even if they overall have the same amount of calories: continuous snacking for this reason gets the calories actually absorbed and turned into fat more effectively.


It would seem that if it were true one could do a OMAD plan with a nearly endless calorie count and be able to lose weight.

I can testify to that not being the case, both from personal testing and from discussions with others. Meaning either that one meal can take its sweet time, or one can absorb far more calories than many exercise size gurus believe.

Bearing in mind, of course, these folks are focused at getting energy directly back to the body for marathon workout. Perhaps their concept of calorie absorption is quite different. I can certainly tell you that a huge meal definitely makes it out the other end in the same expected format as a smaller one. Things aren't going undigested on the basis of excess.
 
2021-07-05 10:05:13 PM  

Smackledorfer: It would seem that if it were true one could do a OMAD plan with a nearly endless calorie count and be able to lose weight.


3000 calories is enough to easily gain weight, eat carb/sugar heavy and you'll be near the max.  Even 2000 is enough to gain weight unless you're over six feet in height at typical activity levels.

So... no, you probably can't.  You might be able to do it if the calories in question were in a really specific form, but that's not super likely.  I guess it's maybe achievable?  That's basically what the Atkins diet was, eat as much farking meat as you want but cut out certain signaling proteins (primarily gluten) 100% to reduce your intestine's absorption ratio... not that I'd recommend that one on the whole, fad diets tend to have some major downsides.

One meal a day is a pretty typical part of a modern weight-loss diet, though, it's called "fasting" and it's one of the more effective ways to achieve the weight loss part, though iirc it's not necessarily recommended for other reasons (e.g. blood sugar dips can be a son of a biatch).  Don't quote me on that last bit, though, I have not actually tried fasting as an intentional discipline or asked anyone in a position of authority regarding diet about it.

If you're eating large enough meals a lot of it is definitely coming out partially or even fully undigested, also.  It's not going to be discernible without intentionally examining it, but it's something that's true of basically all animals.  If you ever have, say, a pet dog, you're gonna become painfully familiar with this.
 
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