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(Salon)   You think you're tough? 77-year-old man succesfully fights off cougar attack   ( salon.com) divider line
    More: Hero  
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4602 clicks; posted to Main » on 12 Feb 2002 at 6:55 PM (16 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»

52 Comments     (+0 »)

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2002-02-12 06:59:59 PM  
What, are all the tough guys old, now? Jeeze-Louise! Next, it'll be WWF vs. AARP!
2002-02-12 07:02:09 PM  
This guy is a bad ass, no doubt IMO.
I found his tale fascinating.
2002-02-12 07:04:44 PM  
Headline: "Old guy beats-off big pussy."

Film at 11.
2002-02-12 07:05:11 PM  
He's a Christian, too.



2002-02-12 07:05:45 PM  
That's what I call a very determined old man. It's people like that that are made into legends. (Dan'l Boone killed a bear here and all that...)
2002-02-12 07:06:10 PM  
[image from prisma-online.de too old to be available]
that's not so tough. lee marvin, that's tough.
2002-02-12 07:10:32 PM  
What a guy! I hope I'm one-fiftieth that tough when I'm 77. I hope I'm alive when I'm 77.

Great story.
2002-02-12 07:12:07 PM  
If god gives me the strength and knowledge to kick the shiat out of a cougar, I just might become a believer.

Nahhhh, I'd just roam the countryside beating the crap out of wildlife wherever I found it.

Ha-ha stupid god.
2002-02-12 07:16:36 PM  
Life or Death situation. Reacted to give himself the best chance to survive, yet only a chance. Great Story.
2002-02-12 07:17:53 PM  
yes a hero, even though he contributed to absolutely nothing and helped no one but himself.

he's just slick.
2002-02-12 07:19:04 PM  
Wow... Great story indeed, what a tough man.
2002-02-12 07:22:02 PM  
great story... but it didn't quite tell me 'how to survive a couger attack' except for the bits about god giving him the inside instruction.

a couger isn't that big... but seems scarely nevertheless. after all, most of the animals that weigh half as much as you are capable of killing you :(
2002-02-12 07:22:02 PM  
Christ died (for me, if you believe the bourbocam).

Christians 1
Atheists 1

Now hold still. I'm bringing da pain.
2002-02-12 07:24:19 PM  
Maybe he had a tazer
2002-02-12 07:25:14 PM  
My dad came back from hunting in Eastern Washington last year with two couger pelts. He likes to show them off every chance he gets (it's surprising how small a couger pelt can be when it's folded up and placed in a freezer) before he gets them stuffed.

He's 77, and turned around to see three cougers, and I swear he actually said, "coming right for me!". So I thought this story might have been about him.
2002-02-12 07:27:51 PM  
Now, if every Christian could survive a cougar attack with their bare hands, I'd be won over.

Kudos to this old guy. I've always said I hope I don't live to be 70, but maybe it won't be so bad after all....
2002-02-12 07:28:25 PM  
how does this make him a hero, he just saved his own ass. In my eyes he's simply a badass.
2002-02-12 07:28:39 PM  
You have to read the whole story for the instructions.

Step one, take control of the cougar's lower jaw.
Step two, wrestle the cougar into a choke hold.
Step thee, wait for someone to bring a gun and shoot the cougar.
2002-02-12 07:29:06 PM  
I also once killed a cougar after being attacked. Well, it wasn't really a cougar, more like a stupid cat. And I guess it didn't really attack me, but I was drunk and bored and it might have attacked me if it had lived after I tied it to my remote control car and drove it off the roof of my house and into the empty swimming pool below.
I did have a war scar though, like the old man -- when retreiving the car/cat I slipped in the pool and busted open my lip.
2002-02-12 07:30:05 PM  
Rich_mitch, he was going to try to snap the little guy's neck or suffocate him, or something. Some dude with a rifle just happened by
2002-02-12 07:35:35 PM  
OK, you're right, but I try not to let facts get in the way of a joke, good or otherwise.
2002-02-12 07:39:17 PM  
I'm tougher than this old sap.

I fended off a John Cougar Mellencamp attack, and it hurt so good.
2002-02-12 07:40:54 PM  
If you grew up with a pet cat in a rural area, you probably can appreciate what they can do as hunters, or how they can take on a much larger animal like a dog. Now imagine the a cat weighing 80lbs.
2002-02-12 07:42:08 PM  
10mm Glock = cougar repellent. Bet he's never caught without a hangun again.
2002-02-12 07:43:49 PM  
Any of you animal planet freaks know the diffrence between a couagar and a jaguar. Im talking about the size mostly. I guess we got jaguars running around in Arizona now. Wondering if i should pick up a stick or a broken beer bottle when I go out to my car to go home.
2002-02-12 07:47:09 PM  
"At that moment, with his jaws around my neck, I was reminded that the Holy Spirit is more than one billion times faster than a cougar."

The Holy spirit was later contacted for comment:

"Yeah, I outran the old man, is it my fault that I'm faster than him?"
2002-02-12 07:52:57 PM  
That guy rocks =)
2002-02-12 07:53:32 PM  
[image from drunkgamers.com too old to be available]
Was it a University of Houston Cougar? If so, this story needs the
img.fark.netView Full Size
If you could get 11 geriatrics together, you could win a Conference USA championship.
2002-02-12 08:01:48 PM  
This guy is an asskicker, absolutely no question about it.

Now the question is, when will Vince McMahon hire him, and who will he feud with first?

I'm betting Undertaker...the whole "you almost died, ha ha!" angle and all.
2002-02-12 08:07:46 PM  
Go Cougs!

(oh, wait....wrong article.)
2002-02-12 08:08:11 PM  
Cougars (pumas) are actually considered lesser cats instead of greater cats because they don't roar and they do purr. The largest cougars will be about 170 lbs, and can be as little as 70 lbs. They can jump as far as 40 feet to land on their prey.

Jaguars are considerably larger, adults weighing from 150-340 lbs and are definately considered big cats. Where most big cats will suffocate it's prey by latching down on the throat, jaguars have jaws so strong that they will often just pierce your farking skull and kill you that way. However, most of them live close to water and eat mostly fish, hunting land game only when it's easy or when they have no other choice.
2002-02-12 08:16:08 PM  
. . . and so I tied an onion on my belt, which was the fashion at the time, . . .

Man, that old guy goes on. But it is quite a story.
2002-02-12 08:23:40 PM  
I've ever read.
2002-02-12 08:25:21 PM  
Glad an interesting old coot was spared.

"Thanks Holy Spirit, but next time a cougar's going to pounce on my shriveled Hitler-stomping ass do you think you could WARN ME A LITTLE SOONER?! LIKE THE DAY BEFORE?!! OW! OWWWWW!"
--R.I.P. Sam Kinison
2002-02-12 08:56:48 PM  
That is the best story about a cougar attacking a 77 year old man ever.

Seriously, that guy is a badass muthafarka.
2002-02-12 09:22:00 PM  
I'd fight Ghandi.
2002-02-12 09:30:14 PM  
Woot Woot!!! This almost makes me wanna go over and kick the crap out of my neighbors cat.
2002-02-12 10:05:00 PM  
The cougar had every reason to attack me. He was starving. There was nothing in his stomach but water, and porcupine quills in its throat -- those 'stickers', the quills, were his last meal, and they hurt him. He was in pain. And when I put my hands on either side of his face, and I looked straight into his eyes, I felt sorry: That was the closest I've ever gotten to such a fierce animal, and I saw how beautiful an animal this was, and I felt sorry that it had to be destroyed, that I had to kill this pretty animal. One of the prettiest animals in North America, a proud and master predator, a species unto himself, and he knows it. I have a great respect for the cougar."

Asskicker, and he's not one of those bloodthirsty hunter types.
2002-02-12 10:09:22 PM  

No way. The CUSA is the most underrated major conference in the country this year. Between Cincinatti, Marquette, Memphis, and Charlotte, they are doing pretty well.
2002-02-12 10:16:46 PM  
80lbs! That is one SMALL cougar. I have hunted (called "treeing" (you don't actually kill them, but chase them up a tree with a pack of dogs)) and most of the ones we saw were upwards of 150-200 lbs.

Somehow I doubt this guy could have fought off a 175 lbs. cougar.

But he is still a badass none the less.
2002-02-12 11:45:28 PM  
This story for some reason I dinna canna explain made me think of Elmer Keith, a very tough guy. Contained in this missive is an interesting recollection from his youth:

2002-02-13 12:19:16 AM  
He was attacked by a horny 40 yaer old hottie?
2002-02-13 01:15:58 AM  
This is a lot like Rodney Fox's famous shark attack story. Now I know how to survive these 2 attacks:

Cougar: Control lower jaw, choke. Hope for gun-toter to happen by. Go to hospital.

Shark: Jab eyes, hug shark so it can't swallow you. Swim for life. Hope it accidentally swallows your diving float instead of you. Then hope that the rope connecting you to the float breaks before you run out of air as the shark tows you through the water. Go to hospital.
2002-02-13 01:32:31 AM  
"At that moment, with his jaws around my neck, I was reminded that the Holy Spirit is more than one billion times faster than a cougar."

One 1 billions times.... oh ye of little faith
2002-02-13 09:18:44 AM  
I've got a friend in game control in Nevada, He tells me that cougars can take rottweilers right out of your back yard and the dog doesn't make a sound,he just leaves a trail of blood as the cat drags his a$$ over the fence.
2002-02-13 09:30:37 AM  
Christ rose from the dead.

Christians 2

Atheists 1
2002-02-13 09:42:26 AM  
Damn, that cat was smaller than my dog.

Still, it has big nasty claws to go with it's teeth.

I wish I could hear this guy tell his story in person. He is such a badass.
2002-02-13 10:26:41 AM  
Worst Case Senario provides us with this handy tip for dealing with Mt. Lions (same as cougars?)


They also say that if you have to fight one, you'll probably win.
2002-02-13 10:28:05 AM  
[image from zachery.path.med.umich.edu too old to be available]
2002-02-13 12:39:31 PM  
"Look upon these abs and despair!"
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