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(Slate)   A quick explanation of how you, too, can blame your lunch burrito for your failed drug test. "It's a substance everyone knows not to take on purpose anymore"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Followup, Carne asada, Nandrolone, David Epstein, False positive paradox, Vivian Solon, That that is is that that is not is not is that it it is, female athlete, Shelby Houlihan  
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5819 clicks; posted to Main » and Sports » on 23 Jun 2021 at 2:05 PM (4 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-06-23 2:07:35 PM  
There are poppy seeds in burritos now?
 
2021-06-23 2:09:21 PM  
Damn...I might have to cut back on my margarrito intake at lunch now.
 
2021-06-23 2:10:59 PM  
Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.
 
2021-06-23 2:11:26 PM  
I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.
 
2021-06-23 2:12:35 PM  
I blame the line of heroin I snorted just before my drug test.
 
2021-06-23 2:12:37 PM  
Well, I guess I'm going to have to start supplementing my workouts with burritos.

I'm not Olympic caliber so I should be fine.
 
2021-06-23 2:13:11 PM  
Lies, damn lies, and "I had a burrito from a truck."
 
2021-06-23 2:13:16 PM  
Was it a Sinaloa or an El Chapo burrito?
 
2021-06-23 2:14:58 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


O_o

We're you trying to express that in the creepiest way possible?
 
2021-06-23 2:16:10 PM  

Nirbo: Well, I guess I'm going to have to start supplementing my workouts with burritos.

I'm not Olympic caliber so I should be fine.


Maybe if you ate more burritos, the steroids in them would make you Olympic caliber!
 
2021-06-23 2:16:39 PM  

I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: Lies, damn lies, and "I had a burrito from a truck."


Well not only that, but what's the purpose of adding steroids into a normal burrito?
 
2021-06-23 2:16:50 PM  
I'll add it to my list of things people know they shouldn'tb eat and banned substances found in in burritos:

salt
sugar
fat
vegetable oil
cotton
white flour
tofu or soyabean byproducts
corn syrup
bananas
Nadralone

I thought about adding beef, pork, fish and chicken but what are the odds?
 
2021-06-23 2:17:57 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


sharpkneesnotfarkstandards.jpg

Not enough stored energy in reserve ala curves.

Probably cranky all the time because of hunger but makes up for it by getting paid to do what they love.
 
2021-06-23 2:19:24 PM  
Illegal Lunch Burrito is my Rancid cover band name.
 
2021-06-23 2:21:13 PM  

steklo: I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: Lies, damn lies, and "I had a burrito from a truck."

Well not only that, but what's the purpose of adding steroids into a normal burrito?


Spitballing here.
Maybe a farmer figured they could get more weight on their livestock, and thus more money, by administering a steroid.
I have no idea what the cost/benefit ratio would work out to be, and I'm not saying that's what happened. But since grocery store packaging loves to announce that it's hormone free, it stands to reason that some livestock wouldn't be free of artificially-administered hormones.
Was that the same hormone that they caught in that horse at the Kentucky Derby?
 
2021-06-23 2:21:53 PM  

brantgoose: I'll add it to my list of things people know they shouldn'tb eat and banned substances found in in burritos:

salt
sugar
fat
vegetable oil
cotton
white flour
tofu or soyabean byproducts
corn syrup
bananas
Nadralone

I thought about adding beef, pork, fish and chicken but what are the odds?


You forgot clostridium.
 
2021-06-23 2:22:22 PM  
This could be a real thing. I recall some years ago various sports leagues warning their players to watch what they eat when on vacation because players were testing positive for some weird shiat when coming back from Mexico.
 
2021-06-23 2:23:01 PM  

JesseL: sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.

O_o

We're you trying to express that in the creepiest way possible?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-23 2:24:10 PM  

rolladuck: Maybe a farmer figured they could get more weight on their livestock, and thus more money, by administering a steroid.


oh so it's worse then expected? The steroids are second hand, already in the meat and not added when making the burrito?

reason 393746447603 why I don't eat them.
 
2021-06-23 2:24:16 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-23 2:24:53 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-23 2:25:28 PM  
In other news, Chipotle swears that the burning in your anus is from the drugs.
 
2021-06-23 2:25:49 PM  

HailRobonia: JesseL: sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.

O_o

We're you trying to express that in the creepiest way possible?

[Fark user image 850x283]


Damnit!
 
2021-06-23 2:27:26 PM  

JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.


Yeah, it sounds like they're mostly disregarding positive tests for this stuff because "false" positives are so common, and you'd have to be dumb to use it, because the testing for it is so effective.  At that point, with most positives being disregarded, does it become kind of smart to take it again?
 
2021-06-23 2:28:00 PM  

rolladuck: steklo: I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: Lies, damn lies, and "I had a burrito from a truck."

Well not only that, but what's the purpose of adding steroids into a normal burrito?

Spitballing here.
Maybe a farmer figured they could get more weight on their livestock, and thus more money, by administering a steroid.
I have no idea what the cost/benefit ratio would work out to be, and I'm not saying that's what happened. But since grocery store packaging loves to announce that it's hormone free, it stands to reason that some livestock wouldn't be free of artificially-administered hormones.
Was that the same hormone that they caught in that horse at the Kentucky Derby?


It occurs naturally in some pork.
 
2021-06-23 2:28:22 PM  
Bet she thinks Trump won the election, too.
 
2021-06-23 2:28:56 PM  

JesseL: sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.

O_o

We're you trying to express that in the creepiest way possible?


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-23 2:29:44 PM  
Why Shelby Houlihan Blamed a Burrito for Her Positive Doping Test

Was the burrito too spicy? Did it leave her with hot lips?
 
2021-06-23 2:29:48 PM  
Lol, yeah a burrito sure thing. Golfers, cyclists, old fat baseball pitchers get popped. I'm sure she's just a precious innocent snowflake whose never come across performance enhancing drugs before. Nothing about this is surprising other than athletes continuing to deny reality once they finally get caught
 
2021-06-23 2:32:53 PM  

Naido: JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.

Yeah, it sounds like they're mostly disregarding positive tests for this stuff because "false" positives are so common, and you'd have to be dumb to use it, because the testing for it is so effective.  At that point, with most positives being disregarded, does it become kind of smart to take it again?


Well...  no.

It stays in your system for months, and if you orally ingested it and got it second hand from food (as can actually happen), it will be gone more quickly.  She had negative tests shortly before and after her positive test.

That doesn't mean she's clean, but it is a suspicious enough test based on what is public that a 4 year ban is probably unjustified.  There could be more to the story though.  They talk about the "biologic passport" that the USADA appeals court might have access to.  That might show a strong doping signature that negates most of her defense.
 
2021-06-23 2:35:50 PM  
 
2021-06-23 2:39:10 PM  

steklo: Well not only that, but what's the purpose of adding steroids into a normal burrito?


The beef was supposedly injected with the steroid to promote muscle growth. In the article, they talk about how steroids are introduced to livestock for the same reason that athletes take them: more muscle.
 
2021-06-23 2:41:23 PM  

JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.


if the substance is in their body, is it really a "false positive?"

Also, I would have submitted this with a "porked" joke.
 
2021-06-23 2:43:13 PM  

Exhume me for National Pop Goes the Weasel Day: Was it a Sinaloa or an El Chapo burrito?



♬ Pass the Old El Chapo ♬
 
2021-06-23 2:47:35 PM  
LOL.

Called it when the original thread launched. She took that steroid knowing she would try to blame it on some poor food truck owner and their wares.

Watched her training partners smoke the competition at the trials. Would not be surprised if Shelby is the only one that got caught.
 
2021-06-23 2:48:35 PM  

steklo: oh so it's worse then expected? The steroids are second hand, already in the meat and not added when making the burrito?

reason 393746447603 why I don't eat them.


hobnail: It occurs naturally in some pork.


Thanks, you learn something new every day. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that some hormones from other animals could get ingested/processed by a human as its own.
And I wasn't thinking that the steroids would be added by the burrito maker, but more likely that somehow it was in the animal while it was alive. I hadn't considered the possibility that it would be manufactured by the organism as part of its natural processes.
Would the Anti-Doping Agency need to start policing people's diets? If it's really so easy to confuse cheating with a normal diet, maybe they should start listing approved food and beverage vendors.
 
2021-06-23 2:51:42 PM  

TheCubsFan: sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.

[Fark user image 850x467]


I read these articles in the same order. Well done.
 
2021-06-23 2:52:35 PM  

wild9: Damn...I might have to cut back on my margarrito intake at lunch now.


I'll stick with bourbon. I know what's in it.
 
2021-06-23 2:55:21 PM  

JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.


And she gets a 4 year ban for a global circus that people are slowly losing interest in.
 
2021-06-23 2:55:46 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


Hay now!
 
2021-06-23 2:57:47 PM  

Laptopia: Naido: JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.

Yeah, it sounds like they're mostly disregarding positive tests for this stuff because "false" positives are so common, and you'd have to be dumb to use it, because the testing for it is so effective.  At that point, with most positives being disregarded, does it become kind of smart to take it again?

Well...  no.

It stays in your system for months, and if you orally ingested it and got it second hand from food (as can actually happen), it will be gone more quickly.  She had negative tests shortly before and after her positive test.

That doesn't mean she's clean, but it is a suspicious enough test based on what is public that a 4 year ban is probably unjustified.  There could be more to the story though.  They talk about the "biologic passport" that the USADA appeals court might have access to.  That might show a strong doping signature that negates most of her defense.


Supposedly she provided them hair samples and those were clean.  If that's the case, then it's very unlikely she was taking it as a PED as it would show up readily there if she had actually taken enough to do any good.

On the other hand, big caveat: we're only hearing her side of the story in the media.  WADA doesn't comment on their decisions.
 
2021-06-23 2:57:55 PM  

fanbladesaresharp: wild9: Damn...I might have to cut back on my margarrito intake at lunch now.

I'll stick with bourbon. I know what's in it.


I mean, yeah, depending on who pours.
 
2021-06-23 3:04:14 PM  
Was it a Subway burrito? Cuz I want the Subway Burrito Defense to become a thing.

/dnrtfa
 
2021-06-23 3:04:38 PM  

sinko swimo: I love pics of female athletes. They are as beautiful as horses. Nature's finest.


Relevant...women not horses....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fB7fP​w​_iBT8
 
2021-06-23 3:06:06 PM  

The Flexecutioner: Was it a Subway burrito? Cuz I want the Subway Burrito Defense to become a thing.

/dnrtfa


Like a burrito you eat on an underground train?
 
2021-06-23 3:11:05 PM  
yeah this makes total sense cause Olympic athletes are totally know for their food truck diets.
 
2021-06-23 3:16:54 PM  

ImmutableTenderloin: I blame the line of heroin I snorted just before my drug test.


Man, snorting heroin is a really poor financial choice. You gotta inject that shiat to get the most value for your dollar.
 
2021-06-23 3:18:19 PM  
Stage right, our left... most certainly.
 
2021-06-23 3:19:22 PM  

rolladuck: steklo: I hereby demand that I be given a Fark account: Lies, damn lies, and "I had a burrito from a truck."

Well not only that, but what's the purpose of adding steroids into a normal burrito?

Spitballing here.
Maybe a farmer figured they could get more weight on their livestock, and thus more money, by administering a steroid.
I have no idea what the cost/benefit ratio would work out to be, and I'm not saying that's what happened. But since grocery store packaging loves to announce that it's hormone free, it stands to reason that some livestock wouldn't be free of artificially-administered hormones.
Was that the same hormone that they caught in that horse at the Kentucky Derby?


I'm not sure what big ranchers or whatever else big beef producers may feed their cattle, but my sister has an organic cattle ranch, and if one of her cows needs to be medicated for any illness (even antibiotics), she removes it from the food chain - removed for good. Organic cattle ranchers are required to keep detailed records, because someone shows up every year to inspect the ranch and review all records for the past year. If there's a question about any cow having been medicated and still in the food chain, they lose their organic certification.

The beef that comes from her cattle is the best beef I've ever eaten, including some amazing steaks at various high end restaurants.

Her goofy chickens are some of the happiest in the land.
The rectangular shaped container in the distance is their mobile chicken house. Her husband kindly built the thing. They move the it once a week, so those chickens are out in the field running around like silly chickens do, eating all sorts of lovely things.
Fark user imageView Full Size


The eggs they produce are absolutely delectable.
 
Juc
2021-06-23 3:19:31 PM  

JesseL: Seems to me that athlete's steroid tests should be compared with a random sampling of the general populace that probably has no reason to be using any steroids; just to get some idea how frequently false positives should really be seen.


then we find out there's a huge amount of people doping so they can keep up with their peleton class or whatever.
 
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