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(Metro)   A look at how lockdown changed the experience of "coming out" for LGBTQ individuals   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Interesting, LGBT, Coming out, Sexual orientation, Transgender, hardest things, much time, real life, Alayna Fender  
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159 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 16 Jun 2021 at 1:35 PM (6 weeks ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



14 Comments     (+0 »)
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2021-06-16 1:38:45 PM  
After the lockdown, didn't everybody come out?
 
2021-06-16 2:12:25 PM  
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2021-06-16 2:17:20 PM  
Most people who "come out" were known to be gay years ahead of time.

But then if someone is gay, they are gay. I'm not going to treat them any different.
 
2021-06-16 2:21:02 PM  
My niece came out in the last year. The entire extended family's reaction was "Well, anyway...". If you have decent friends and relatives then coming out is no more exciting than saying you got your nails done.
 
2021-06-16 2:52:34 PM  

Russ1642: My niece came out in the last year. The entire extended family's reaction was "Well, anyway...". If you have decent friends and relatives then coming out is no more exciting than saying you got your nails done.


My niece came out about three years ago - our family's reaction "Oh honey, we've known for years, but wanted to respect your privacy.  Now, pass the potatoes."   Yeah, decent friends and relatives make all the difference.  Her confidence level soared after the full acceptance.
 
2021-06-16 2:57:18 PM  
It's all coming ... out (?)
EXTRA Gum: "For When It's Time" | Longform Film
Youtube Gxm7Hu-IHJs
 
2021-06-16 3:17:10 PM  
I came out (again) during the lockdown, so getting a kick yadda yadda.

/had a lot more to do with talking with a lot of LGBT+ friends than the lockdown
//first as bi
///now trans as well
 
2021-06-16 3:20:18 PM  

Russ1642: My niece came out in the last year. The entire extended family's reaction was "Well, anyway...". If you have decent friends and relatives then coming out is no more exciting than saying you got your nails done.


Sadly, that "relatives" part can still be a bloody big "if." And I have to imagine that coming out as the "T" part of "LGBTQ+" is still more difficult than most of the other letters.

But yeah, for the most part, the "LGB" part often gets greeted with a "we know." or "Okay. Now what's for dinner?"
 
2021-06-16 3:31:22 PM  

LucklessWonder: Russ1642: My niece came out in the last year. The entire extended family's reaction was "Well, anyway...". If you have decent friends and relatives then coming out is no more exciting than saying you got your nails done.

Sadly, that "relatives" part can still be a bloody big "if." And I have to imagine that coming out as the "T" part of "LGBTQ+" is still more difficult than most of the other letters.

But yeah, for the most part, the "LGB" part often gets greeted with a "we know." or "Okay. Now what's for dinner?"


Yup.  I thought my dad knew I was bi but apparently my mom never told him so I was giving him the benefit of the doubt to a "no matter what I'll always love you speech" he gave like a week after telling my mom and getting an absolutely awful reaction from her.  So when I was talking to about it recently, he's was like whatever, I work with plenty of gay people, though maybe I would have been upset back in 2002.

Then I was like "and I think I'm trans", which he guessed was going through my mind and was actually uncharacteristically perceptive about when he noticed I shaved my body and said I was going to start therapy soon, and asked if I could just be bi instead.  

No, Dad, that's not how this farking works.

He still thinks I'm being peer pressured into doing it.  Because that's a thing all the cool kids in their thirties are doing these days.
 
2021-06-16 4:22:53 PM  

Eclectic: hammer85: He still thinks I'm being peer pressured into doing it. Because that's a thing all the cool kids in their thirties are doing these days.

*takes long drag off cigarette*

Sure, dad. Because signing up to be to the political punching bag-bag du jour, risking discrimination in everything from housing to basic healthcare, and waking up every morning wondering which of our civil rights got rolled back *this* time is so f*cking trendy. That's certainly what made us trans.

My wife initially got the "why can't you just be a gay man?!?" from her mom.
*bangs head on desk*


Did your wife give the answer I did after the second time.  "I've done that all my life and its clearly not working!"

The weird thing is that he gets that.  Which is why I haven't completely cut him out, but on one hand he's like "look I'm worried about your safety because its dangerous for transwomen especially" and tries to give what he thinks is good advice like "I think you should finish your divorce before starting HRT to focus mentally on that and rebuilding your relationship with your daughter" but then follows it up with nonsense like "you're so boyish/masculine" and "after a year you'll realize this is just a phase" and I want to scream at him.

Luckily though I have my sister to do that for me.
 
2021-06-16 4:58:16 PM  

Eclectic: Anyway, we've had multiple people at my work come out as trans during the pandemic.


What do you do?  Statistically that seems like a massive longshot, like you have to work with thousands of people to hit those numbers.
 
2021-06-16 6:05:52 PM  
My BIL's teenaged kid started kinda sorta coming out during COVID. They were open about being gay (by their birth sex) but recently have started using a gender neutral version of their name online.

We had a family weekend recently (adults are vaccinated, kids had quarantined) and I approached them privately and asked what I should call them. They said they preferred they/them and their new gender neutral name. Then I noticed that the family was still using their old name and pronouns.

It was awkward. I didn't want to start a thing with my in-laws (our relationship has been up and down) if they didn't accept the kid's new identity, nor could I go back on my word to use their wanted name and pronouns. I'm afraid I took the coward's way out and avoided name/pronouns in company and used their prefered terms between the two of us.

It sucks. I'm just some aunt-in-law they only see a few times a year and this kid is obviously struggling. I told them they could always talk to me, but who wants to talk to an ole lady 30 years older than them?

So yeah, I guess I'm not just sharing but also asking for any advice Farkers might care to share.
 
2021-06-16 7:07:56 PM  

Almea Tarrant: My BIL's teenaged kid started kinda sorta coming out during COVID. They were open about being gay (by their birth sex) but recently have started using a gender neutral version of their name online.

We had a family weekend recently (adults are vaccinated, kids had quarantined) and I approached them privately and asked what I should call them. They said they preferred they/them and their new gender neutral name. Then I noticed that the family was still using their old name and pronouns.

It was awkward. I didn't want to start a thing with my in-laws (our relationship has been up and down) if they didn't accept the kid's new identity, nor could I go back on my word to use their wanted name and pronouns. I'm afraid I took the coward's way out and avoided name/pronouns in company and used their prefered terms between the two of us.

It sucks. I'm just some aunt-in-law they only see a few times a year and this kid is obviously struggling. I told them they could always talk to me, but who wants to talk to an ole lady 30 years older than them?

So yeah, I guess I'm not just sharing but also asking for any advice Farkers might care to share.


Keep being supportive.  Every supportive person is appreciated.  My new second favorite aunt is one I haven't seen in thirty years because they messaged me just to say they're proud to have me as a niece when I came out and has sent me resources from their trans friends to help me out.

And I guess let them go at their own pace.
 
2021-06-17 8:35:11 AM  

Eclectic: I'm also a chairperson for our LGBTQ+ and trans-specific networks, so when trans folks are looming for resources or community at my company, I'm one of the first contacts.


Good on you.  The only way I know how to meaningfully contribute is picking a fight when someone gets mouthy with my friends.  Hasn't really come in handy in the past decade.
 
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