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(Guardian)   "She says that I'm perfect the way I am and she thinks I'm the perfect size." Bless your heart   (theguardian.com) divider line
    More: Giggity, Human penis size, long time, pornography movies, intelligent lover, perfect size, Sexual intercourse, self-conscious, male size anxiety  
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890 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 09 Jun 2021 at 9:05 AM (11 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-09 9:23:38 AM  
Yeah, sure, getting that extra inch to beat her ex is TOTALLY worth the risk of stroke, infection, burst stitches, scar tissue, a wonky shaped cock and/or impotence.
 
2021-06-09 9:28:40 AM  
Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.
 
2021-06-09 9:31:44 AM  
Jesus Christ.  Ladies, most men can't handle this kind of information.  We literally refer to competitions as "dick measuring competitions" so just don't farking mention this unless you want to go through the most pathetic relationship you've ever seen (excepting for kink, of course).

Dude, she's in your head deeper than a human being should be.  Break up with her and work on yourself because you shouldn't be this worried about it.
 
2021-06-09 9:34:55 AM  
This topic again.

I keep hearing about how magical my big penis is. But in practice I have to be really careful so I don't do a 'Mr. hands' to someone. That's all well and good from about my ages 17 to 27, but I've been married now for quite awhile and the wife is understandably gunshy about a few positions.
 
2021-06-09 9:35:29 AM  
Jeez, dude; chill. Women know that we make up for it with our tongues.
 
2021-06-09 9:35:29 AM  
What you need is therapy and a new girlfriend.
 
2021-06-09 9:37:41 AM  

abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.


It's an insecurity-placed question, trying to be better than guys they had before.  You're better off never going down that line of questioning, cutting them off if they want to discuss it, and focusing sex-questions to the here and now.
 
2021-06-09 9:50:23 AM  

abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.


It's not that I've never been curious, it's that I think knowing the answer to that question is probably worse than not knowing the answer to that question.
 
2021-06-09 9:53:58 AM  

kyleaugustus: It's an insecurity-placed question, trying to be better than guys they had before.  You're better off never going down that line of questioning, cutting them off if they want to discuss it

Fark user imageView Full Size

 
2021-06-09 9:54:04 AM  

mofa: Jeez, dude; chill. Women know that we make up for it with our tongues.


And when they find out you can breath through your ears, things get really interesting.
 
2021-06-09 9:59:57 AM  

Martian_Astronomer: kyleaugustus: It's an insecurity-placed question, trying to be better than guys they had before.  You're better off never going down that line of questioning, cutting them off if they want to discuss it

[Fark user image 512x269]


Exactly.  Don't have that conversation.  The knowledge isn't worth it.

You're more than welcome to explain your thoughts to your partner.  But, like said up-thread, it's literal dick-measuring competitions.  That route leads to its own problems.
 
2021-06-09 10:00:20 AM  

Unoriginal_Username: mofa: Jeez, dude; chill. Women know that we make up for it with our tongues.

And when they find out you can breath through your ass, things get really interesting.


FTFY
 
2021-06-09 10:00:54 AM  
Maybe she got tired of being punched in the cervix?
 
2021-06-09 10:26:37 AM  
I haven't read the article - who does that..?! - but dude, at least you've met somebody who wants to be intimate with you; I - and I expect a fair few other people - would liken themselves to the starving watching somebody complaining about the cutlery at a banquet

/ Also, I get to repost this:
// A tip for any women reading: "my p#ssy is tight, so it'll be the right size for me when we have sex" is not as encouraging, and definitely not as subtle, as you think
/// Spoiler: she did not, in the end, want to have sex with me
 
2021-06-09 10:32:46 AM  
It may only be 5 inches, but it smells like a foot.
 
2021-06-09 10:33:26 AM  
A guy sees his doctor about his tiny penis. He tells the doctor about how all the girls laugh at him on dates, and he just can't seem to get over it. The doctor takes a look and says "You'd be a great candidate for this new procedure. We take a baby elephant's trunk and surgically implant it on you. You might have to wait a while, because there aren't that many baby elephants, and even fewer that die at a young age, and of those only a few that we can get harvested in time. But if you're interested, I'll put you on the waiting list."

The man agrees, and a few years later he gets a call from the doc. "You're up. Poor little guy at the San Diego zoo didn't make it. Can you be ready for surgery by this afternoon?" The man replies affirmative and is as excited as a boy can be.

The surgery is a success, and after a few weeks he's mostly healed up and ready to start dating. He calls up one of the girls who had been particularly cruel to him and tells her that 'his little problem' has been fixed. They go to a fine Italian restaurant, the kind where they keep a basked of hot yeast rolls on the table. During dinner conversation, they chat about this and that, and the guy feels a growing pressure in his pants. It increases in discomfort and intensity until he decides to surreptitiously unbutton his pants and lower his zipper to try to relieve the growing pain. As soon as he does, like a shot, his baby elephant trunk reaches up on the table, grabs a hot yeast roll, and slinks back under the table.  The woman, in a mixture of awe, excitement, and lust quietly asks "Can you do that again?"

"I think so, but I'm not sure my ass could handle another hot yeast roll!"
 
2021-06-09 10:36:40 AM  

abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.


I'm know two who seemed to think I wanted to hear them  talk about size. I do believe it was a learned behavior, or at least some bad advice they got reading Cosmo.
 
2021-06-09 10:37:06 AM  

abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.


as a woman, I've never measured.

I think men don't realize that even as penises come in different sizes, vaginas do too. And being too big is, in many ways, worse than being too small. And men shouldn't regard their penises as the beginning and end of pleasure. if I had a guy with a talented tongue I wouldn't give the slightest fark how big his cock was.
 
2021-06-09 10:39:29 AM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 11:03:21 AM  

kyleaugustus: abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.

It's an insecurity-placed question, trying to be better than guys they had before.  You're better off never going down that line of questioning, cutting them off if they want to discuss it, and focusing sex-questions to the here and now.


And I thunder from the Orgasmstrom: "I AM THAT I AM"
 
2021-06-09 11:06:17 AM  
My take has always been that if someone doesn't like what I have to offer, she's free to leave. I'll meet someone else.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯
 
2021-06-09 11:09:28 AM  

Ambivalence: abhorrent1: Is asking your girlfriend how big her ex's dicks were actually a thing that people do? I mean, I've dated a few women in my life and never felt the need to know.

as a woman, I've never measured.

I think men don't realize that even as penises come in different sizes, vaginas do too. And being too big is, in many ways, worse than being too small. And men shouldn't regard their penises as the beginning and end of pleasure. if I had a guy with a talented tongue I wouldn't give the slightest fark how big his cock was.


How _you_ doin'?
 
2021-06-09 11:13:12 AM  

Omnis_evil_twin: Yeah, sure, getting that extra inch to beat her ex is TOTALLY worth the risk of stroke, infection, burst stitches, scar tissue, a wonky shaped cock and/or impotence.


Not to mention size doesn't always correlate to pleasure, much less performance, with a particular partner. One of my lady friends was not my long-term friend in the bedroom. Being that I'm lucky enough to be a bit bigger than average, I'm not the right size for her. Granted this is less common, and honestly for most women size usually isn't much of an issue either way until you get to the extremes.

However while some women really prefer to be with guys who are hung like horses, as the vernacular states, more than a few women want guys who are barely average... if that big. Everyone is different, and if she's an average height and smaller than average inside below the belt herself, she might find bigger than average guys unpleasant. Even the gals who like guys with really big packages admit it hurts, but they think it hurts in a good way. The friend above finds guys who are average to be hard to get inside, even after popping out two babies. Guys like me, who are a bit above average, are flat out unpleasant even with foreplay. As she said, she doesn't want to feel like she's being split open again... she's having sex not popping out a baby. She'd rather have average or a bit smaller, thank you very much and have a nice day.

So if this guy's girlfriend really is fine with him being a bit smaller than other guys she's taken into her bed, she probably is like most women and his size isn't a deal breaker. He's probably not at one of the extremes, in his case he's not extremely small, so it works. Don't complain, be happy.
 
2021-06-09 11:16:40 AM  
He should just become a cop. He can learn how at his next trump rally or corvette guy get together.
 
2021-06-09 12:01:41 PM  
i.imgur.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 12:35:12 PM  
I've known since high school I was on the low end of the curve. I dealt with my fears by diving into ways of bringing women pleasure so that my size would be less an issue. I learned about anatomy, I listened when women talked about what they liked or wanted. I practiced technique endlessly. I might not be able to fill but I can fulfill desires and needs.

/shamelessly lifted from when a similar article was posted.
 
2021-06-09 12:38:22 PM  
Depending on the circumstances, my penis is normally about 5.8-6.2in. She said her most recent ex was bigger, at 7in, and the other was maybe an inch longer.

How exactly is she measuring these penises?  7in and 8in are basically 99th percentile+, 6.2in is 95th percentile.
 
2021-06-09 12:43:37 PM  

bhcompy: Depending on the circumstances, my penis is normally about 5.8-6.2in. She said her most recent ex was bigger, at 7in, and the other was maybe an inch longer.

How exactly is she measuring these penises?  7in and 8in are basically 99th percentile+, 6.2in is 95th percentile.


She's measuring from the anus.
 
2021-06-09 12:44:41 PM  

kyuzokai: A guy sees his doctor about his tiny penis. He tells the doctor about how all the girls laugh at him on dates, and he just can't seem to get over it. The doctor takes a look and says "You'd be a great candidate for this new procedure. We take a baby elephant's trunk and surgically implant it on you. You might have to wait a while, because there aren't that many baby elephants, and even fewer that die at a young age, and of those only a few that we can get harvested in time. But if you're interested, I'll put you on the waiting list."

The man agrees, and a few years later he gets a call from the doc. "You're up. Poor little guy at the San Diego zoo didn't make it. Can you be ready for surgery by this afternoon?" The man replies affirmative and is as excited as a boy can be.

The surgery is a success, and after a few weeks he's mostly healed up and ready to start dating. He calls up one of the girls who had been particularly cruel to him and tells her that 'his little problem' has been fixed. They go to a fine Italian restaurant, the kind where they keep a basked of hot yeast rolls on the table. During dinner conversation, they chat about this and that, and the guy feels a growing pressure in his pants. It increases in discomfort and intensity until he decides to surreptitiously unbutton his pants and lower his zipper to try to relieve the growing pain. As soon as he does, like a shot, his baby elephant trunk reaches up on the table, grabs a hot yeast roll, and slinks back under the table.  The woman, in a mixture of awe, excitement, and lust quietly asks "Can you do that again?"

"I think so, but I'm not sure my ass could handle another hot yeast roll!"


I knew where that was going in the first paragraph and still laughed.
 
2021-06-09 1:06:33 PM  
An ex once admitted that mine was bigger than her previous partner's but was quick to add that his testicles were larger. After a few moments contemplation I realized I was ok with that.
 
2021-06-09 1:14:25 PM  
Born in the 80's and really the most commented thing about the old weiner was "Never been with an uncut man before"

Size isn't a huge deal for most women so never paid much mind to that aspect.
 
2021-06-09 1:30:28 PM  
Maybe just ask her to take that one bedroom photo of the ex off her phone.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 1:39:38 PM  
95% of men are between +/- 2 std dev. They make the babies. If you believed modern anxieties, it's the guys over 2 std dev who made the babies. They aren't. Not now. Not ever. Trust Darwin. Trust the math.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-09 1:54:32 PM  

inglixthemad: Omnis_evil_twin: Yeah, sure, getting that extra inch to beat her ex is TOTALLY worth the risk of stroke, infection, burst stitches, scar tissue, a wonky shaped cock and/or impotence.

Not to mention size doesn't always correlate to pleasure, much less performance, with a particular partner. One of my lady friends was not my long-term friend in the bedroom. Being that I'm lucky enough to be a bit bigger than average, I'm not the right size for her. Granted this is less common, and honestly for most women size usually isn't much of an issue either way until you get to the extremes.

However while some women really prefer to be with guys who are hung like horses, as the vernacular states, more than a few women want guys who are barely average... if that big. Everyone is different, and if she's an average height and smaller than average inside below the belt herself, she might find bigger than average guys unpleasant. Even the gals who like guys with really big packages admit it hurts, but they think it hurts in a good way. The friend above finds guys who are average to be hard to get inside, even after popping out two babies. Guys like me, who are a bit above average, are flat out unpleasant even with foreplay. As she said, she doesn't want to feel like she's being split open again... she's having sex not popping out a baby. She'd rather have average or a bit smaller, thank you very much and have a nice day.

So if this guy's girlfriend really is fine with him being a bit smaller than other guys she's taken into her bed, she probably is like most women and his size isn't a deal breaker. He's probably not at one of the extremes, in his case he's not extremely small, so it works. Don't complain, be happy.


Porn.

Porn gives men the idea that even the most "virtuous" woman can't resist the idea of being split in two by huge dongs.
 
2021-06-09 2:01:02 PM  
Kill yourself.

1, why are you discussing your partner's exes penis sizes?
2, why are you even considering elective surgery on your penis?

This one is broken. Best to clear the slate and start over.
 
2021-06-09 2:55:03 PM  

bhcompy: Depending on the circumstances, my penis is normally about 5.8-6.2in. She said her most recent ex was bigger, at 7in, and the other was maybe an inch longer.

How exactly is she measuring these penises?  7in and 8in are basically 99th percentile+, 6.2in is 95th percentile.


It's Length times Diameter plus Weight over Girth divided by Angle of the tip squared or ((L*D)+(W/G))/(A^2)
 
2021-06-09 2:58:04 PM  
Whenever I start feeling self conscious about the size of my penis, I go outside and stare at the stars for while and contemplate the size of the universe. You quickly realize an inch here or there doesn't make any difference in the grand scheme of things.
 
2021-06-09 3:01:07 PM  

Ennzie: Whenever I start feeling self conscious about the size of my penis, I go outside and stare at the stars for while and contemplate the size of the universe. You quickly realize an inch here or there doesn't make any difference in the grand scheme of things.


Inventor-of-the-Total Perspective Vortex-like typing detected *
 
2021-06-09 3:05:05 PM  

zeroman987: Porn gives men the idea that even the most "virtuous" woman can't resist the idea of being split in two by huge dongs.


To be fair it does that to women as well. I had a friend who thought she had to like a 11" coke can shoved in her. She's a little (100lbs!) thing and me being inside her, I'm not a 11" coke can, could get painful at times. I am the upper limit of what she farks now. However for several years she thought something was wrong with her because she wasn't screaming in ecstasy when a guy shoved his (approx) 10" coke can in her. She said he wasn't inconsiderate and was very cognizant of foreplay, et al., but it just didn't feel good. So she's 19, thinking to be a real woman she's got to enjoy this guy or she's not a woman. That had her telling him to pin her down, put it all inside her, and give it to her hard and deep for a couple months. Literally she told him to hold her down, force it inside of her, and jackhammer away, even though it hurt like hell. Mind you he wasn't much brighter because shoving it in like that can get painful for guys pretty fast as well. Oh, she let him try anal a few times. That didn't go well either but he didn't like her bleeding so he only finished once when she begged him not to stop. About three months later she gave up and broke up with him. She apparently went off and cried because she felt she wasn't a real woman or she'd have been able to take / enjoy his giant package.

Took her a couple years to realize that she wasn't broken, or a failure as a woman. Although I did joke she was lucky he didn't break her when she had him holding her down hammering away.
 
2021-06-09 4:11:19 PM  
If you're concerned about the shape and size of your junk, then just put a picture up on one of those anonymous 'rate my junk' sites. Easy peasy kinda skeezy.
 
2021-06-09 5:04:24 PM  

bhcompy: Depending on the circumstances, my penis is normally about 5.8-6.2in. She said her most recent ex was bigger, at 7in, and the other was maybe an inch longer.

How exactly is she measuring these penises?  7in and 8in are basically 99th percentile+, 6.2in is 95th percentile.


To the asshole
 
2021-06-09 9:31:43 PM  
6 inches is big enough. Don't try any operation to make it bigger, no matter what the size. Too many of them go horribly wrong.
 
2021-06-10 2:24:39 PM  

Wobambo: If you're concerned about the shape and size of your junk, then just put a picture up on one of those anonymous 'rate my junk' sites. Easy peasy kinda skeezy.


Like "hot or not"?
 
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