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(Slate)   My formerly ambitious wife just had my child, and now she only wants to stay home and raise it. How can I best communicate my disappointment in her newfound laziness?   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Obvious, Need, WANT, Lebanon, Tennessee, best friend, good job, wife's company, home parent, good example  
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341 clicks; posted to Discussion » and Main » on 09 Jun 2021 at 7:50 AM (11 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



35 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-09 7:26:40 AM  
Try using your words.
 
2021-06-09 7:29:41 AM  
I don't know if it's subby or TFA, but --

It's not "your" child. It's "our" child. And the child is not an "it." The child is a "he" or "she."
 
2021-06-09 7:31:34 AM  
It's really simple.  Give her a week vacation at a spa, and tell her you'll handle the baby while going to work every day.  Then when she gets back, you can show her how simple it was to juggle a child and work all at the same time.

I promise nothing can go wrong with this plan, you'll be fine.  I mean, she's just being lazy and all this baby stuff is easy, right?
 
2021-06-09 7:45:09 AM  
Obviously, the only rational solution is to make the kid get a job.
 
2021-06-09 7:46:01 AM  
How can I best communicate my disappointment in her newfound laziness?

That's easy.  Put it in your suicide letter.  It may seem extreme, but trust me, you'll all be better off that way.
 
2021-06-09 7:50:07 AM  

bostonguy: I don't know if it's subby or TFA, but --

It's not "your" child. It's "our" child. And the child is not an "it." The child is a "he" or "she."


They're being respectful and waiting for the child to pick it's own gender first.

// eye roll
 
2021-06-09 7:51:05 AM  
By making sure she knows what you want to have ready to eat for dinner when you get home each night.
 
2021-06-09 7:58:23 AM  

labman: How can I best communicate my disappointment in her newfound laziness?

That's easy.  Put it in your suicide letter.  It may seem extreme, but trust me, you'll all be better off that way.


You're really just skipping a step and saving her the physical effort (and legal troubles), so it's a very thoughtful solution.
 
2021-06-09 8:02:26 AM  
This man is pathetic.  Your wife is going to take care of your child, ensure she gets the proper support as she progresses through childhood.  You see no value in that clearly.  All the leftist propaganda about belittling stay at home motherhood is finally paying it's dividends.

Looking at you  Jill Filipovic
 
2021-06-09 8:06:31 AM  

tfresh: bostonguy: I don't know if it's subby or TFA, but --

It's not "your" child. It's "our" child. And the child is not an "it." The child is a "he" or "she."

They're being respectful and waiting for the child to pick it's own gender first.

// eye roll


The child does have a name.

/Grogu
 
2021-06-09 8:07:50 AM  

Driedsponge: It's really simple.  Give her a week vacation at a spa, and tell her you'll handle the baby while going to work every day.  Then when she gets back, you can show her how simple it was to juggle a child and work all at the same time.

I promise nothing can go wrong with this plan, you'll be fine.  I mean, she's just being lazy and all this baby stuff is easy, right?


yeah, I guarantee this guy hasn't spent more than 15 minutes in a row with their kid since they were born.
 
2021-06-09 8:10:38 AM  
The dude's opinion of his wife's "ambition" is his own issue, but the financial stuff sounded like a bigger red flag to me. "We can probably make ends meet on one income if we give up one of the cars and a lot of the creature comforts we both like" doesn't give you a ton of information about the degree of scrimping they need to do, and it also doesn't tell you much about what kind of lifestyle they're both accustomed to, or how much wiggle room they have for expanding costs as the kid grows (or if they have another one.)

If his wife's decision effectively means he's going to need to work for 10 years longer than he thought he'd need to before retiring, or that he's doomed to several decades of his wife yelling at him if he goes out to lunch with his co-workers rather than pack a sandwich made of imperfect cold cuts every single day, there's going to be some resentment there, no matter how much you tell him he "shouldn't" feel that way.

I'm sympathetic to the wife wanting to be a stay-at-home mom and certainly not about fetishizing professional drive or whatever, but if his wife is renegotiating the previously agreed-upon terms of their relationship, it is going to be a delicate time for their relationship.
 
2021-06-09 8:14:24 AM  
Should have stuck with the butt stuff, pal. Then this wouldn't be an issue.
 
2021-06-09 8:36:30 AM  

Driedsponge: It's really simple.  Give her a week vacation at a spa, and tell her you'll handle the baby while going to work every day.  Then when she gets back, you can show her how simple it was to juggle a child and work all at the same time.

I promise nothing can go wrong with this plan, you'll be fine.  I mean, she's just being lazy and all this baby stuff is easy, right?



Make it 2 weeks so he can't just neglect laundry, house cleaning and shopping.  Because those are a real blast with a baby.
 
2021-06-09 8:37:11 AM  
It's cheaper to keep her
Youtube 3mFI8ih1D98
 
2021-06-09 8:42:52 AM  
This sounds like it's not worth beating the paywall.
 
2021-06-09 9:34:48 AM  
A time machine and butt stuff.
 
2021-06-09 10:07:54 AM  
You can certainly tell that guy is not a scientist.   And there's a whole raft of dimwits (male & female) that conveniently forget that humans are subjected to exactly the same effects of oxytocinas other mammals.   In short, the oxytocin flood during pregnancy/birth makes forming a strong bond with your infant, and wanting to keep it in sight / take care of it is the rule vs. the exception.
 
2021-06-09 10:13:35 AM  
I guess that he hasn't figured out that by her going back to work, they're going to need to pay for daycare and that usually is the cost of one person's salary?
 
2021-06-09 10:46:59 AM  

nanim: You can certainly tell that guy is not a scientist.   And there's a whole raft of dimwits (male & female) that conveniently forget that humans are subjected to exactly the same effects of oxytocinas other mammals.   In short, the oxytocin flood during pregnancy/birth makes forming a strong bond with your infant, and wanting to keep it in sight / take care of it is the rule vs. the exception.


Dimwits are those that allow the body's caveman tricks to override their own good sense
 
2021-06-09 11:28:48 AM  
Hear the voice of a man who has not yet been awoken every night by the baby.
 
2021-06-09 11:32:50 AM  

American-Irish eyes: This man is pathetic.  Your wife is going to take care of your child, ensure she gets the proper support as she progresses through childhood.  You see no value in that clearly.  All the leftist propaganda about belittling stay at home motherhood is finally paying it's dividends.

Looking at you  Jill Filipovic


Leftist? You mean feminist?  This woman is reducing herself to being a broodmare for the state, pumping out a unit and raising it rather than putting on a man-tailored suit and emulating the worst aspects of career men!
 
2021-06-09 12:29:41 PM  

Driedsponge: It's really simple.  Give her a week vacation at a spa, and tell her you'll handle the baby while going to work every day.  Then when she gets back, you can show her how simple it was to juggle a child and work all at the same time.

I promise nothing can go wrong with this plan, you'll be fine.  I mean, she's just being lazy and all this baby stuff is easy, right?


he's not advocating for him going on vacation while she does everything. he's just wanting her to stick to what she said she would do.  i've worked full time and taken care of multiple mini-scarfs for extended periods; spoiler alert - it isn't easy but it isn't the herculean task it is made out to be.  mostly it's just boring and repetitive, you know, like most low skill jobs.
 
2021-06-09 2:05:30 PM  
So I have a great idea.

Foot fetish videos.

Solves all of their problems.

She can film them while the kid is napping, and once she develops a following that ad money keeps rolling in.  If she is into it, she can even do an only fans.

That solves the cash flow problems, and she can stay at home with the kid.

Also she won't have to show her face!

Genius if I say so myself.
 
2021-06-09 2:54:31 PM  
Men taking care of their children, doing house hold chores and missing their children while at work, Ha what a laugh.
I think that above covers this thread.
 
2021-06-09 3:33:26 PM  

American-Irish eyes: This man is pathetic.  Your wife is going to take care of your child, ensure she gets the proper support as she progresses through childhood.  You see no value in that clearly.  All the leftist propaganda about belittling stay at home motherhood is finally paying it's dividends.

Looking at you  Jill Filipovic


I think my leftist propaganda is out of date. I know I've been missing meetings lately but this is ridiculous!
 
2021-06-09 6:50:15 PM  
did the lazy lima bean and you have a clear cut plan before babby time? if yes the answer is easy. do like a lot of guys do and run away. this will give her incentive to hold a job and raise the child full time. it's win-win.
 
2021-06-09 7:40:27 PM  
This too shall pass.

It will pass more quickly should she stay home when the kid is a toddler.
 
2021-06-09 9:41:55 PM  
Her staying home for a few years is probably the best outcome. Once the child starts school, or preschool, she can resume her career.
 
2021-06-09 11:00:26 PM  
Tell that a career and the status that comes with it is more important than some kid. I'm sure she'll totally understand. Besides, if she stops working, you will not be able to get that motorcycle you've always wanted. You will not be able to afford a new set of golf clubs or a new bowling ball. You will have to give up boutique label craft beer in favor or mass produced swill. Ask her "have you thought about me at all?"

I'm sure she will completely understand.
 
2021-06-09 11:03:26 PM  

Bruscar: Tell that a career and the status that comes with it is more important than some kid. I'm sure she'll totally understand. Besides, if she stops working, you will not be able to get that motorcycle you've always wanted. You will not be able to afford a new set of golf clubs or a new bowling ball. You will have to give up boutique label craft beer in favor or mass produced swill. Ask her "have you thought about me at all?"

I'm sure she will completely understand.


Tell HER, damn it.

When did I become so bad at proofreading?
 
2021-06-10 2:30:11 AM  

Bruscar: Tell that a career and the status that comes with it is more important than some kid. I'm sure she'll totally understand. Besides, if she stops working, you will not be able to get that motorcycle you've always wanted. You will not be able to afford a new set of golf clubs or a new bowling ball. You will have to give up boutique label craft beer in favor or mass produced swill. Ask her "have you thought about me at all?"

I'm sure she will completely understand.


You're right. They can lose half their income and be fine. He's just being petty about having to give up some selfish indulgences.
 
2021-06-10 10:05:42 AM  

psychosis_inducing: Bruscar: Tell that a career and the status that comes with it is more important than some kid. I'm sure she'll totally understand. Besides, if she stops working, you will not be able to get that motorcycle you've always wanted. You will not be able to afford a new set of golf clubs or a new bowling ball. You will have to give up boutique label craft beer in favor or mass produced swill. Ask her "have you thought about me at all?"

I'm sure she will completely understand.

You're right. They can lose half their income and be fine. He's just being petty about having to give up some selfish indulgences.


why shouldn't he give up everything he likes or brings him joy so she can do the one thing she wants to do?  i mean he's just there to provide money, kill spiders and take care of all the hot/heavy/dangerous stuff and if he can't find happiness in that why is that her problem?  nothing has ever gone wrong in relationships when one of members is completely exploited and left feeling hopeless.  i'm sure it'll all work out
 
2021-06-10 10:24:35 AM  

psychosis_inducing: Bruscar: Tell that a career and the status that comes with it is more important than some kid. I'm sure she'll totally understand. Besides, if she stops working, you will not be able to get that motorcycle you've always wanted. You will not be able to afford a new set of golf clubs or a new bowling ball. You will have to give up boutique label craft beer in favor or mass produced swill. Ask her "have you thought about me at all?"

I'm sure she will completely understand.

You're right. They can lose half their income and be fine. He's just being petty about having to give up some selfish indulgences.


and i'm sure she's realized she'll have to give up all her extras too and won't be at all bitter when she is told no.  expensive makeup or a new dress, can't swing it. that kitchen/bath remodel you wanted, sorry.  want to take the kiddo to Disney World, not unless you've found a bag of cash.
 
2021-06-10 5:39:40 PM  

Gramma: Driedsponge: It's really simple.  Give her a week vacation at a spa, and tell her you'll handle the baby while going to work every day.  Then when she gets back, you can show her how simple it was to juggle a child and work all at the same time.

I promise nothing can go wrong with this plan, you'll be fine.  I mean, she's just being lazy and all this baby stuff is easy, right?


Make it 2 weeks so he can't just neglect laundry, house cleaning and shopping.  Because those are a real blast with a baby.


You guys saved me the trouble of digging up the old farmer and his wife cartoon.

/my pre-marriage agreement was "I'm fine with you working, I'm not fine with other people raising our kids"
//ie wanna work, work, but when you have kids you take care of the kids
///and I take care of all of you
 
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