Skip to content
Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(The Daily Beast)   Feds say LAX baggage handlers recreated "3 Kings" without the drawn out Iraq subplot, exploding Nerf footballs, & still never got their Lexus convertibles, neither   (thedailybeast.com) divider line
    More: Fail, English-language films, Marlon Moody, gold bars, Justice Department, cargo handlers, Federal Bureau of Investigation, United States Department of Justice, United States  
•       •       •

2370 clicks; posted to Main » on 07 Jun 2021 at 3:20 PM (4 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



39 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
5 days ago  
FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.
 
5 days ago  
"If You Leave Me Now" in "Three Kings"
Youtube SqnCOs0X7Hc
 
4 days ago  
Quality flick
 
4 days ago  
Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

Still, its pretty fu*ked up that they will probably get ten times the sentence than any of the wall street fu*k faces that cratered the world economy in 08.
 
4 days ago  
What's this about an ass-map?
 
4 days ago  

inner ted: Quality flick


What did you do to Michael Jackson?
 
4 days ago  
Would we call "Iraq" a "subplot" of that movie?
 
4 days ago  
All that trouble over those little cubes you put in water to make soup?
 
4 days ago  
Smoking on a rubber cigar?

We Three Kings - Claymation Christmas HQ
Youtube CnIFTtW1pko
 
4 days ago  

Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.


You'd be amazed at what you can get away with if you just STFU.
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.



Yeah, you find a nice hiding place nearby, don't say anything, and wait for all the heat to die down. Hopefully, you'll still have access to the airport after they start firing everyone who failed the polygraph. lol

This is why you always build a secret tunnel system from your ... oops.
 
4 days ago  
No Lexus convertible. Infinity only.
 
4 days ago  
i.gifer.comView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

Still, its pretty fu*ked up that they will probably get ten times the sentence than any of the wall street fu*k faces that cratered the world economy in 08.


Are you anticipating that we will celebrate your declared lack of integrity and character?
 
4 days ago  

special20: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.


Yeah, you find a nice hiding place nearby, don't say anything, and wait for all the heat to die down. Hopefully, you'll still have access to the airport after they start firing everyone who failed the polygraph. lol

This is why you always build a secret tunnel system from your ... oops.


The two greatest lessons in life?

Never say nothing and always keep your mouth shut.
 
4 days ago  

Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.

You'd be amazed at what you can get away with if you just STFU.


Everything from theft to insurrection, it would seem.
 
4 days ago  
The vast majority of trouble I've had in life began with saying too much.
 
4 days ago  

DeathByGeekSquad: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

Still, its pretty fu*ked up that they will probably get ten times the sentence than any of the wall street fu*k faces that cratered the world economy in 08.

Are you anticipating that we will celebrate your declared lack of integrity and character?


Yep.
Now hop to it, nerd.
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: DeathByGeekSquad: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

Still, its pretty fu*ked up that they will probably get ten times the sentence than any of the wall street fu*k faces that cratered the world economy in 08.

Are you anticipating that we will celebrate your declared lack of integrity and character?

Yep.
Now hop to it, nerd.


I'm too busy sending you crypto pyramid schemes.
 
4 days ago  

DeathByGeekSquad: dothemath: DeathByGeekSquad: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

Still, its pretty fu*ked up that they will probably get ten times the sentence than any of the wall street fu*k faces that cratered the world economy in 08.

Are you anticipating that we will celebrate your declared lack of integrity and character?

Yep.
Now hop to it, nerd.

I'm too busy sending you crypto pyramid schemes.


Cool, Ill check my Hotmail.
 
4 days ago  

Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.

You'd be amazed at what you can get away with if you just STFU.


Yep, silence is your friend 99.9% of the time.  But humans on the whole are absolutely terrible at keeping secrets.  That's how I know for certain that the whole "massive election fraud" story is a load of BS on par with the moon landings being faked and the Earth being flat.  To pull off something of that scale would involve too many people; keeping it secret for very long would be impossible.
 
4 days ago  

Neondistraction: Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.

You'd be amazed at what you can get away with if you just STFU.

Yep, silence is your friend 99.9% of the time.  But humans on the whole are absolutely terrible at keeping secrets.  That's how I know for certain that the whole "massive election fraud" story is a load of BS on par with the moon landings being faked and the Earth being flat.  To pull off something of that scale would involve too many people; keeping it secret for very long would be impossible.


Hey, Bill Clinton got away with killing dozens of people.  He wasn't able to keep a BJ a secret though.
 
4 days ago  
The single gold bar is now checked into the FBI evidence lockup, right next to the contents of their Beverly Hills seizures taken when they exceeded their search warrants

https://reason.com/2021/05/10/the-fbi​-​seized-heirlooms-coins-and-cash-from-h​undreds-of-safe-deposit-boxes-in-bever​ly-hills-despite-knowing-some-belonged​-to-honest-citizens/
 
4 days ago  

Neondistraction: To pull off something of that scale would involve too many people; keeping it secret for very long would be impossible.


Ah, I see you have experience as a project manager!
 
4 days ago  

Neondistraction: Troy Aikman's Giant Thumbs: Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.

You'd be amazed at what you can get away with if you just STFU.

Yep, silence is your friend 99.9% of the time.  But humans on the whole are absolutely terrible at keeping secrets.  That's how I know for certain that the whole "massive election fraud" story is a load of BS on par with the moon landings being faked and the Earth being flat.  To pull off something of that scale would involve too many people; keeping it secret for very long would be impossible.


That is why you kill everybody.
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.


One thing most stupid criminals have in common is that they think they're smarter than everyone else.
 
4 days ago  

Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.


If you are doing something illegal, never text or email other people about it.  Make old school phone calls or meet face to face-sure there's a small chance you or your phone is bugged, but it's a lot less than the chance that the cops can retroactively read your texts or emails off the server logs.  You would think this was obvious, but I guess not.

So many people get caught like this I've decided that most people who get into a life of crime do so because they are farking morons and can't make money any other way.  Dumbasses.
 
4 days ago  

BretMavrik: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.

One thing most stupid criminals have in common is that they think they're smarter than everyone else.


True.
In reality I would have definitely thought it was a trap and never touched it.
 
4 days ago  
CSB: One of my first jobs back around '95 or so, was working as a laborer for a company that contracted to work in the Edgar Thompson Steel Works in Braddock, PA. It was an awful job doing the crap stuff that the steel workers didn't want to do at 2 to 3 times our pay. 

Either way, lots of the older guys liked to tell stories. Probably apocryphal, but what I was told that at one of the other plants somewhere around Pittsburgh(Don't recall which.) some guy tried to steal a bunch of assorted copper bits and scrap weighing in at a total of around a ton. The guy was moderately smart about it and got it loaded into a smallish U-Haul like trailer without being noticed. The guy made it through the security check at the gate and would have been all clear but the axles on the trailer gave out about 50' past the gate.
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: special20: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.


Yeah, you find a nice hiding place nearby, don't say anything, and wait for all the heat to die down. Hopefully, you'll still have access to the airport after they start firing everyone who failed the polygraph. lol

This is why you always build a secret tunnel system from your ... oops.

The two greatest lessons in life?

Never say nothing and always keep your mouth shut.


Oh, I learned.... last time I opened my mouth, a bunch of penises flew into it.
 
4 days ago  

Geotpf: Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.

If you are doing something illegal, never text or email other people about it.  Make old school phone calls or meet face to face-sure there's a small chance you or your phone is bugged, but it's a lot less than the chance that the cops can retroactively read your texts or emails off the server logs.  You would think this was obvious, but I guess not.

So many people get caught like this I've decided that most people who get into a life of crime do so because they are farking morons and can't make money any other way.  Dumbasses.


If you aren't willing to have it read out loud on every newscast, webcast, and podcast in the world, don't write it down digitally or on any other media anywhere, ever.

If you aren't willing to say it in front of a judge, don't say it while using any type of voice comms device, ever.

If you aren't cool with having someone else saying it in front of a judge, or on any type of podcast , webcast or tv show, don't tell it to anyone, ever.
 
4 days ago  

Kubo: FTFA: Two cargo handlers at Los Angeles International Airport have been arrested and accused of carrying out an old-school gold heist. In a statement, the Justice Department said Marlon Moody, 38, and Brian Benson, 35, were arrested by FBI agents Tuesday morning and charged with conspiracy and theft of a foreign shipment. The feds allege that, last month, the pair were helping to process a shipment of 2,000 gold bars at LAX-but one box was recorded missing. Moody allegedly found the missing box the next morning and removed four of the bars, each valued at around $56,000, and Benson picked up Moody later that day. They allegedly texted each other about the bars while in the vehicle with other employees, and then Moody allegedly gave Benson one bar. Moody then allegedly gave a bar to a relative and buried the other two in his yard. All four gold bars were recovered by the FBI within two weeks.

Worst. Heist. Ever.


I like how the box of gold going missing was apparently not part of the heist.
 
4 days ago  
I am not the thieving type.  Hell I once returned inside a Walmart to pay for the paper towels in the under carriage of my shopping cart when I realized the cashier didn't scan them.  Yeah, I am that guy.  That said, while I don't think I would be tempted to steal stuff out of people's luggage, a bunch of gold bars like this would be different.  Don't know that I would steal them, but the temptation would certainly be there.
 
4 days ago  

Eravior: I like how the box of gold going missing was apparently not part of the heist.


That's almost the dumbest part too. Did they not think that a box gold that was unaccounted for overnight might come under greater scrutiny? Maybe that was the logic: Hey, it was missing all night so anyone could have taken it.
 
4 days ago  
Unavailable for comment

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
4 days ago  

dothemath: special20: dothemath: Fu*k it, I would have done the same thing. In a less stupid way.


Yeah, you find a nice hiding place nearby, don't say anything, and wait for all the heat to die down. Hopefully, you'll still have access to the airport after they start firing everyone who failed the polygraph. lol

This is why you always build a secret tunnel system from your ... oops.

The two greatest lessons in life?

Never say nothing and always keep your mouth shut.


3. Don't work out the details of the crime with text messages.
 
4 days ago  
The better question is what were they going to do with a big, heavy, conspicuous gold bar? Melt it down I suppose? Turn it into smaller bits you can then sell?
 
4 days ago  
At least for once we got read about dumb criminals stealing something actually worth stealing!
 
4 days ago  

inner ted: Quality flick


The scene with the Iraqi officer and Marky Mark was perhaps one of the best to encapsulate the entire first Iraq war.

"You don't fight a war for oil, mummy man? Then why are you here?"

"I used to be a father. I'm not anymore."
 
Displayed 39 of 39 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking




On Twitter


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.