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(Slate)   "I had to have surgery and told my 3 year-old daughter I'd be gone overnight. My husband never reinforced it, and now my daughter has severe anxiety about being away from me and it's my husband's fault. How do I fix this?"   (slate.com) divider line
    More: Awkward, Want, Anxiety, Because of You, 3-year-old, one-time incident, great day, Last night, good pediatric psychologist  
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349 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 07 Jun 2021 at 10:05 AM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



24 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-07 9:14:13 AM  
FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.
 
2021-06-07 10:11:19 AM  
Ooo boy wait until kindergarten.

My kid has such separation anxiety she burned down the school.  It's my husbands fault.  How do I fix this?
 
2021-06-07 10:14:52 AM  

Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.


Ding ding ding.

I imagine Mom has some undiagnosed anxiety, which is why she had to be the one to do it, and there's no way her husband was competent enough, and you're not a mom so you don't understand.
 
2021-06-07 10:25:00 AM  
You failed to communicate expectations.

Learn to communicate better.
 
2021-06-07 10:29:00 AM  

FrancoFile: Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.

Ding ding ding.

I imagine Mom has some undiagnosed anxiety, which is why she had to be the one to do it, and there's no way her husband was competent enough, and you're not a mom so you don't understand.


Or possibly, Dad is a man-baby who "doesn't wanna."  I've seen that too.
 
2021-06-07 10:29:23 AM  
She's 3, she'll get over it
 
2021-06-07 10:29:32 AM  
Your job as a parent is not to coddle your child and shelter them from the real world. Your job is to prepare them for adulthood.
 
2021-06-07 10:32:49 AM  
Fatal beating. Works every time.
 
2021-06-07 10:41:55 AM  
If the child feels abandoned by the parent it's important to tell them that it's their fault and if they don't smarten up mommy will stop loving them and put them out in the garbage when they're asleep.

It's just science.
 
2021-06-07 10:52:57 AM  

Barfmaker: If the child feels abandoned by the parent it's important to tell them that it's their fault and if they don't smarten up mommy will stop loving them and put them out in the garbage when they're asleep.

It's just science.


You just don't get kids today. They know that parts of them are recyclable!
 
2021-06-07 11:02:20 AM  
Get a divorce and give him full custody.

He broke her
He bought her
 
2021-06-07 11:38:42 AM  
There are so many things wrong here I don't know where to begin.

1. She's a bad parent for never insisting that her husband put the kid to bed.
2. He's a bad parent for never insisting that he put the kid to bed.
3. They don't communicate and plan well.

I would suggest that they both take parenting classes. If issues persist call a child psychologist. The kids only three so chances are any damage caused by these clearly dysfunctional nitwits can probably be fixed but said nitwits need a clue first.

I always hope these aren't real situations. People can't be this moronic right?
 
2021-06-07 12:38:51 PM  

kermit the forg: FrancoFile: Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.

Ding ding ding.

I imagine Mom has some undiagnosed anxiety, which is why she had to be the one to do it, and there's no way her husband was competent enough, and you're not a mom so you don't understand.

Or possibly, Dad is a man-baby who "doesn't wanna."  I've seen that too.


I'm not buying it.  They didn't bring in Grandma to babysit for the hospital stay.
 
2021-06-07 1:02:55 PM  
Like all of these letters, the "writer" has some out of bounds behavior like anxiety that they unknowingly force their partner to compensate for, causing a positive feedback loop.
 
2021-06-07 1:11:42 PM  

kermit the forg: FrancoFile: Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.

Ding ding ding.

I imagine Mom has some undiagnosed anxiety, which is why she had to be the one to do it, and there's no way her husband was competent enough, and you're not a mom so you don't understand.

Or possibly, Dad is a man-baby who "doesn't wanna."  I've seen that too.


Or maybe he was the sole breadwinner and working brutal hours, so that really, it's on mom to step up?
 
2021-06-07 1:53:48 PM  

deadsanta: kermit the forg: FrancoFile: Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.

Ding ding ding.

I imagine Mom has some undiagnosed anxiety, which is why she had to be the one to do it, and there's no way her husband was competent enough, and you're not a mom so you don't understand.

Or possibly, Dad is a man-baby who "doesn't wanna."  I've seen that too.

Or maybe he was the sole breadwinner and working brutal hours, so that really, it's on mom to step up?


That's us, but I still put the kid to bed, change diapers, bottle feed, and generally do everything I'm biologically capable of doing for a baby whenever I am home.

I don't think he wants to wake up at 5 in the morning with me so I let him sleep, except on weekends when I wake him up and feed him so his mother can sleep.

I've worked 7 day a week jobs, but I've never done a three year unbroken stretch because that's not a thing.
 
2021-06-07 2:21:09 PM  
Of course, the most important thing here is that she was able to find a way to blame the whole thing on the dad.
 
2021-06-07 2:30:23 PM  

Dry Spell: There are so many things wrong here I don't know where to begin.
...
I always hope these aren't real situations. People can't be this moronic right?


There is always more moronic.  But there is always the danger somebody might sue if they published real letters.

/sure it would be dismissed
//but how  much does that brief cost?
///and how many will want to sue?  Slate writers are cheap (probably writing for exposure)
 
2021-06-07 2:33:20 PM  

Somacandra: FTFA: "I've put her to bed and gotten up with her every day since her birth, so this was definitely a change for her"

3 years old and Dad never put her to bed or got her up even once? Yeah, THAT was the big mistake. If they don't get used to all parents, they won't be able to handle minor changes at 3. Both of you need to be involved so switch offs are normalized.


There was a long period when my daughter was 2-4 where she would cry non-stop when my wife (a stay-at-home mom) left the house without her.  Before and after that there were periods when she was a daddy's girl.

As far as bedtime, it was (and still is at 6) a daily rotation.  Any resistance to this results in the next day she would have with mommy being skipped.
 
2021-06-07 2:49:31 PM  
Minor trauma is over-rated. My parents were often away when I was little. They never gave me a heads-up. Frankly, I was hardly aware they were gone. I was a toddler with little concept of time.

Quit making a big deal out of it.
 
2021-06-07 5:40:30 PM  
My husband didn't do exactly what I never told him to do so now everything is his fault and I'm still a perfect mom, right?

/ your skids squished your kid, helicopter mom
 
2021-06-07 10:10:22 PM  
You could start by giving your kids the tools they need to develop resilience.
 
2021-06-08 8:31:04 AM  

Subtonic: Fatal beating. Works every time.


But only once.
 
2021-06-08 11:32:51 AM  
if a three year old is traumatized over you leaving for the night it's because you made a big deal about it.  i guarantee if you had just said you were going out for a bit while dad and kid watch TV and have some ice cream kiddo wouldn't have thought twice about it.
 
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