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(Fark)   What useless superpower do you have? Subby regularly spontaneously teleports his keys, wallets, cellphones and pens to random other parts of his home. Still more impressive than Hawkeye and Black Widow   (fark.com) divider line
    More: Silly, Cascading Style Sheets, Comment, useless superpower, Politics, Main, major university, STEM, lot of Bully Hill wine  
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42 clicks; posted to Discussion » on 06 Jun 2021 at 3:20 PM (8 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



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2021-06-06 2:14:46 PM  
I work at a major university medical center which attracts a lot of patients from out of town.  As I walk around campus, I apparently have a look of approachability.  My superpower is to quickly and concisely give directions to lost motorists as they block traffic by stopping to ask me directions to their doctor appointment.
 
2021-06-06 2:29:40 PM  
We used to drink a lot of Bully Hill wine, which was fine when we were poor college students and that's what we could get.  The corks had different sayings on them but you wouldn't know what it was until you pulled it (wine with love, wine with laugher, wine with friends etc.).  I had the uncanny ability to predict what it said.
 
2021-06-06 2:31:47 PM  
When presented with a box chocolates. I can pick the horrid little pink crap cream filled ones. Every Farken Time.
I'll just nibble off a corner and return it to the box.
 
2021-06-06 2:35:49 PM  
Not really useless, but I have "parking luck" where I almost always seem to find a good parking space. And I apparently inherited it from my dad, who had the same luck. And I can also fold a fitted sheet, which make either be a superpower or outright magic.

Proof:

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-06 2:36:51 PM  
haven't tested it lately, but i was always unnaturally good at predicting the color of the gumball coming out of the gumball machine.  even with 6 or 8 different colors i'd get it right over 50% of the time
 
2021-06-06 2:39:32 PM  
I can skip like a school girl faster than I can run using 1/3rd of the physical energy. It's also easier on my bladder if I'm rushing to get inside my house from the car after a long drive.
 
2021-06-06 2:41:03 PM  
I'm really good at hiding things from myself.

Five years ago I "lost" my wife's front license plate, because her new car didn't have a bracket for it.  Fast-forward about three years, and she got a ticket for no front plate, so I had to scrounge for it, and after completely tearing the garage apart, came up with nada.

A buddy was over having beers, and I told him the story, and the first thing he said was "Did you screw both plates to the rear bracket so it wouldn't get lost?"

So of course I checked, and **DING DING DING** we have a winner.
 
2021-06-06 2:44:10 PM  
I can annoy my wife by just being in the same room as her.
 
2021-06-06 2:45:59 PM  
I occasionally dream of the future. Sometimes months or even years in the future.

Difficulty: it's always something mundane. "Honey, where'd my keys go" kinds of conversations. I dreamed of my wife years in advance. And it was of us washing dishes in an apartment I didn't recognize-until we had the conversation, and I remembered the moment.

It's never anything significant. Never a warning to go to the cardiologist because I have an aneurysm. Never a "you take this crazy woman home she IS going to try to steal some petty ass bullsh*t." Just mundane moments. But it's odd how strongly I can remember the dream later, considering at the time it was a "that was weird" moment.
 
2021-06-06 2:46:07 PM  
I can instantly remember any stranger's name and retain the information for seven to ten seconds. After that everybody's name is Buddy.
 
2021-06-06 2:50:59 PM  
Listening to people until they have finished talking, no matter how long it takes them.
 
2021-06-06 2:58:31 PM  
I can make stoplights turn red.  Not anyone else's, just mine.

Superpowers suck.
 
2021-06-06 3:00:17 PM  
When I buy bulk items that are stored in refillable containers at home (herbs/spices, beans/rice, flour/sugar, etc.), I have the uncanny ability to eyeball the amount we buy and always buy exactly the right amount to fill the remaining space in the container at home, so that it's 100% full but there's no extra left in the bag.

On the other hand, I have a complete inability to properly pour these items from the plastic bags they're bought in from the bulk section into the containers at home without spilling the shiat all over the countertop. My wife has the superpower, fortunately, of always being able to do this without spilling a molecule of it. We make a good team.
 
2021-06-06 3:00:49 PM  
I can see discrepancies in patterns and do pattern recognition.

Looking for something small in a cluttered store, show me a picture of it and I will find it in less than a min.

Need a 4-leaf clover, I find a few a day.

/always won scavenger hunts as a kid
//probably should get a job reading x-rays and MRIs
 
2021-06-06 3:04:38 PM  
I can walk into any room, find the sharpest thing there, and cut myself on it.

I don't have any healing powers, unfortunately.

/or band aids, usually
 
2021-06-06 3:15:40 PM  
I can telepathically, unconsciously open my kitchen cabinets and drawers.

When I walk back in, almost every cabinet or drawer door will be open and I absolutely swear I have
no recollection of touching any of them.
this has been going for decades and apparently will. not. stop.
 
2021-06-06 3:20:16 PM  
I get a lot of free coffee. Just today the clerk at the 7 Eleven told me my extra large joe was her treat, and she's not the first, nor the second nor third.

Clerks get their coffee for free but they're not supposed to give it out to random customers.
 
2021-06-06 3:27:13 PM  
I always stand in front of the right elevator to get the next one that opens.
 
2021-06-06 3:29:37 PM  
I can make beer disappear :-)
 
2021-06-06 3:32:18 PM  

Fark that Pixel: I can make beer disappear :-)


Ah, but I can make it re-appear.  Usually all over the back seat of a cab.
 
2021-06-06 3:35:08 PM  
I can magically convert any type of good craft beer - stouts, IPAs, porters, you name it - into Budweiser, Miller and/or Coors products.
 
2021-06-06 3:35:14 PM  

Mad Scientist: Fark that Pixel: I can make beer disappear :-)

Ah, but I can make it re-appear.  Usually all over the back seat of a cab.


I agree to let you have that one, I don't want it :-)
 
2021-06-06 3:38:25 PM  
I can be on top of mundane life task and then completely blow it.  Example getting my car registration sticker as soon as I get the registration letter in then mail.  Then forget to put the sticker on my tag for four months.
 
2021-06-06 3:41:11 PM  
My superpower is always getting in the checkout line behind the one person who is going to hold everything up.
 
2021-06-06 3:43:01 PM  
I can amaze most pets.
 
2021-06-06 3:46:24 PM  

Madison_Smiled: My superpower is always getting in the checkout line behind the one person who is going to hold everything up.


I think I have this one too.  Out of date coupons, disputes the ring up price to the shelf tag so an employee has to go check, spends five minutes digging through there purse for enough cash only to realize they don't have enough.  So then they either have to break out the check book, or worse start having to take off the twinkies, potato chips and that 1lb of premium deli meat.
 
2021-06-06 3:53:40 PM  
I can jam printers merely by standing next to them.
 
2021-06-06 3:59:50 PM  

CheetahOlivetti: I can jam printers merely by standing next to them.


cdn.ebaumsworld.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-06 4:00:56 PM  
My superpower is to be kind and supportive to my dates, renewing their faith that there are kind men out in the world, so that they want more than I'm capable of giving, at which point I wish them success in finding someone like me, but without my crippling fear of commitment.

I think it's a good superpower, using my crippling fear of commitment for good.
 
2021-06-06 4:08:36 PM  
My superpower is the ability to take any 15 minute fix-it project and turn it into a 48 hour ruckus that should've been televised. Since 1976.
 
2021-06-06 4:09:08 PM  
If a radio is on in my vicinity, and a random song pops into my head (usually an annoying one), it will as likely as not be playing on the radio within 10 minutes.
 
2021-06-06 4:09:42 PM  
I have stupidly good loot luck in video games.

Like server first shiat in WoW Classic.

Or the last PoE season I played with some friends:

"Why are you guys so far behind on mapping?"

"Because it's not normal to find 3 exalts before you hit level 45, farker."
 
2021-06-06 4:24:14 PM  
I can pick the line that will take the longest at checkout every time.
 
2021-06-06 4:29:37 PM  
I have the amazing power to untangle earbud cords in the dark.
 
2021-06-06 4:43:16 PM  
At work, I've been labeled "the finder of unintended features" as I have a knack for figuring or how to break our software, systems, and processes in the most imaginative ways possible.
 
2021-06-06 4:49:45 PM  
Self-delusion
 
2021-06-06 4:54:27 PM  
I can get anyone to like me for about an hour. After that, it's a crapshoot.
 
2021-06-06 5:03:12 PM  
My grandmother used to vividly dream about mundane things that were going to happen and stuff she had no way of otherwise knowing. My mom dreams about horrible disasters before they happen, which is kind of a bummer. It seems to have translated to me being able to see about two seconds in advance when some minor annoyance is about to happen. Just about enough time to say "Watchoutyouregonnaknockover" before a glass gets knocked over. It is not a particularly useful skill.
 
2021-06-06 5:04:56 PM  
I can travel in time from when I start drinking heavily straight to the next morning.
 
2021-06-06 5:07:48 PM  
No matter how many lottery tickets I buy, I never win.
 
2021-06-06 5:21:46 PM  
I can arrange and rearrange things in a box until they all fit. Comes in handy when selling ice cream.
 
2021-06-06 5:31:11 PM  
I can find and crate the most reluctant of our (all indoor only) felines. Sometimes it isn't the most dignified process, such as when I crawl under the bed and grab them by an arm and then we wiggle out together. Or when I am in the closet on a ladder with a cat-size fishnet raking our youngest (wild-capture) off the top shelf into a top-loading carrier. Or when we show up at the vets' office 10 minutes late with my hand wrapped in a bloody paper towel that was clean when we left the house a few minutes ago.

/I start crating an hour before we need to leave for our appointment.
//After the first couple of bite wound visits my primary physician doesn't need to see me anymore, I just call them a couple days after the event when it's much uglier than it should be. They prescribe the necessary antibiotics and we all go on with life.
///Number of bloody bites in the last two years.

Thank the gods they max out at under 20 pounds!
 
2021-06-06 5:36:04 PM  
Not me but my children have an uncanny sixth sense, kinda like a useless spider sense.

Whenever I am in the kitchen trying to sneak a snack like chocolate or biscuits, they will find themselves drawn there. They will come in the door just as I am about to put the snack in my mouth and of course want one too
 
2021-06-06 5:42:18 PM  
I can clear a room pretty quick.
 
2021-06-06 5:52:55 PM  
I have the power to start fire!! (User name checks out)....with my Bic.
 
2021-06-06 5:54:33 PM  
I'm able to near-instantly go from being a stranger to being the guy a girl will trust to walk her home; alas, I've yet to figure out how to become good enough for a girl to want to take me home, if you appreciate the distinction :/

Just as frustrating, but more seriously and more supernatural, I occasionally have seemingly prophetic dreams - for example, back in 2010, I dreamt I was on a cold seafront, looking out at the Pacific, waiting for something terrible to happen, and that the date was "11/11/11" - but I was very slightly lucid, and knew that my programmer-brain was interfering, and part of the date was decimal, and part of the date was binary - but not which parts - so (assuming the year was correct, and not - for example - 2103 or 2111) the date could be:
3rd of March, 2011
11th of March, 2011
3rd of November, 2011
11th of November, 2011

The Sendai earthquake/tsunami was on the 11th of March, 2011

There's a lot of sh#t I've dreamt about I hope are just bad dreams
 
2021-06-06 5:55:50 PM  

Winterlight: Not really useless, but I have "parking luck" where I almost always seem to find a good parking space. And I apparently inherited it from my dad, who had the same luck. And I can also fold a fitted sheet, which make either be a superpower or outright magic.

Proof:

[Fark user image image 850x637]


Tell your secrets! Not your parking secrets.
Sheets look like that once and once only - when they leave the factory. Ever after, they become sad balls of defeat and despair.
 
2021-06-06 5:58:50 PM  

enry: We used to drink a lot of Bully Hill wine, which was fine when we were poor college students and that's what we could get.  The corks had different sayings on them but you wouldn't know what it was until you pulled it (wine with love, wine with laugher, wine with friends etc.).  I had the uncanny ability to predict what it said.


In college, the cheapest beer was generally bottled by General Brewing Co.  (Generic beer, Lucky Lager).  They included a rebus puzzle on the underside of each bottle cap.  I don't remember one which I couldn't solve.  Which means I was either very clever, or very drunk.
 
2021-06-06 6:03:27 PM  

grokca: I can annoy my wife by just being in the same room as her.


I found that as I honed those powers I could make my ex adopt any opinion, simply by her thinking I had the opposite position.

Many examples, but one:
Early on in relationship: "Don't you dare try to indoctrinate me into religion! I know you're planning to, and I'm very angry about it!! How dare you!!"

Years later, after my ex finally realized that I am not religious in the slightest, am not interested in going to church, despite my having religious upbringing:
"I've decided that we're going to church every Sunday, and you are obligated to go with me"
 
2021-06-06 6:23:25 PM  

Uranus: I can clear a room pretty quick.


Username checks out
 
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