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(WTAE)   Need to get rid of your hammer-wielding tenant? Stab him in the butt with a samurai sword. It's the Pittsburgh way   (wtae.com) divider line
    More: Asinine, Assault, police visit, Crime, landlord's friend claim, criminal complaints, Aggravation, tenant, police investigators  
•       •       •

1338 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jun 2021 at 9:17 PM (9 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



46 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-05 5:57:08 PM  
Gaijin, please.

The pommel is called "kashira"
 
2021-06-05 6:10:20 PM  
Someone's gonna get stabbed in the ass
Youtube ycxUHVj9mII
 
2021-06-05 6:16:41 PM  
I never imagined Marvel would set a Thor/Silver Samurai showdown in Pittsburgh
 
2021-06-05 9:15:08 PM  
That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshiat that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.
 
2021-06-05 9:19:06 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size


While y'inz was watchin' the Stillers n'at, I was practicin' da blade.
 
2021-06-05 9:20:38 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 9:20:44 PM  
Ball peen?
 
2021-06-05 9:20:44 PM  
I think that's called The Lowlander
 
2021-06-05 9:21:56 PM  
When their sportsball team is named the Pittsburgh Pirates, they should expect a certain number of sword- and sabre-related incidents.
 
2021-06-05 9:22:20 PM  

LordOfThePings: Ball peen?


No, in the ass.
 
2021-06-05 9:24:20 PM  

foo monkey: That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshiat that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.


No doubt, specially once they get up past about 40 mph.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 9:26:39 PM  
Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.
 
2021-06-05 9:29:09 PM  
Whoa-oh China Grove!
 
2021-06-05 9:31:10 PM  

foo monkey: That's it. I'm sick of all this "Masterwork Bastard Sword" bullshiat that's going on in the d20 system right now. Katanas deserve much better than that. Much, much better than that.
I should know what I'm talking about. I myself commissioned a genuine katana in Japan for 2,400,000 Yen (that's about $20,000) and have been practicing with it for almost 2 years now. I can even cut slabs of solid steel with my katana.
Japanese smiths spend years working on a single katana and fold it up to a million times to produce the finest blades known to mankind.
Katanas are thrice as sharp as European swords and thrice as hard for that matter too. Anything a longsword can cut through, a katana can cut through better. I'm pretty sure a katana could easily bisect a knight wearing full plate with a simple vertical slash.
Ever wonder why medieval Europe never bothered conquering Japan? That's right, they were too scared to fight the disciplined Samurai and their katanas of destruction. Even in World War II, American soldiers targeted the men with the katanas first because their killing power was feared and respected.
So what am I saying? Katanas are simply the best sword that the world has ever seen, and thus, require better stats in the d20 system. Here is the stat block I propose for Katanas:
(One-Handed Exotic Weapon) 1d12 Damage 19-20 x4 Crit +2 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
(Two-Handed Exotic Weapon) 2d10 Damage 17-20 x4 Crit +5 to hit and damage Counts as Masterwork
Now that seems a lot more representative of the cutting power of Katanas in real life, don't you think?
tl;dr = Katanas need to do more damage in d20, see my new stat block.


If anime has taught me anything (and let's be honest, most of everything I learned from anime. Including how to pick up women... well that's a special kind of anime) it's that only one thing is stronger and sharper than a katana. That's the Bokken.
centurymartialarts.comView Full Size

In the hands of a master, it can easily cleave through a house sized Boulder.
And it deserves nothing less than 1D100 damage. With the first 50 an automatic reroll.
 
2021-06-05 9:31:18 PM  
It's hard to root for either of them, really.

Asshole tenant who thinks he can go through life threatening people with hammers, or douchebag landlord, putting said asshole tenant's shiat into garbage bags and leaving them on the street, then stabbing the idiot with a sword he probably bought from a vape store in the mall....Actually, they're both douchebags. The cops should've just made them fight to the death.
 
2021-06-05 9:33:44 PM  
I love that he's Shaq Juan instead of Shaquane!

It's his way of telling the world he's...  a total... baller.
 
2021-06-05 9:35:08 PM  

Ghastly: Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.


Can the hammer be tossed?
 
2021-06-05 9:35:33 PM  

leeksfromchichis: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 634x467]

While y'inz was watchin' the Stillers n'at, I was practicin' da blade.


If you took the vehicles out of the photo, that shiat looks medieval.
 
2021-06-05 9:37:51 PM  
Been to Pittsburgh repeatedly for funerals. This sounds like Pittsburgh.
 
2021-06-05 9:42:56 PM  

Ghastly: Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.


encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 9:53:41 PM  

leeksfromchichis: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 634x467]

While y'inz was watchin' the Stillers n'at, I was practicin' da blade.


That brings back memories of searching Google Street View circa 2009
 
2021-06-05 9:58:48 PM  

UNC_Samurai: leeksfromchichis: [encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com image 634x467]

While y'inz was watchin' the Stillers n'at, I was practicin' da blade.

That brings back memories of searching Google Street View circa 2009


For me it brings back memories of my childhood
 
2021-06-05 10:12:16 PM  
farkin' Samurai killing the working class.  This is why the way of the ninja is superior.
 
2021-06-05 10:24:13 PM  
Note: Only rich important people hired samurai. Poor people, who could not afford to hire samurai, did not hire samurai.
 
2021-06-05 10:31:04 PM  
i.makeagif.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 10:32:44 PM  

King Something: Note: Only rich important people hired samurai. Poor people, who could not afford to hire samurai, did not hire samurai.


And that's why there were ronin.
 
2021-06-05 10:43:58 PM  

Lsherm: Been to Pittsburgh repeatedly for funerals. This sounds like Pittsburgh.


No, this is only the second sword incident in recent memory.
 
2021-06-05 10:49:34 PM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: Lsherm: Been to Pittsburgh repeatedly for funerals. This sounds like Pittsburgh.

No, this is only the second sword incident in recent memory.


That y'inz heard of.

Dere kin be only one, y'inz jag offs!

THE PITTSBURGER
*theme music*
 
2021-06-05 10:54:30 PM  
It sounds more like the Three Stooges way.
 
2021-06-05 10:56:33 PM  

Kris_Romm: Ghastly: Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.

Can the hammer be tossed?


What?!
Should I even look that up in Urban Dictionary??
 
2021-06-05 10:59:46 PM  

Kris_Romm: I love that he's Shaq Juan instead of Shaquane!

It's his way of telling the world he's...  a total... baller.


I think it's pronounced Shack-a-jew-ann, like the Native American woman who helped Lewis and Clark.
 
2021-06-05 11:00:06 PM  
By the way, didn't we have a similar landlord with sword story?
Out of Florida I think.

Hold on...I think it was the tenant...and he killed the landlord
 
2021-06-05 11:04:53 PM  

Resident Muslim: By the way, didn't we have a similar landlord with sword story?
Out of Florida I think.

Hold on...I think it was the tenant...and he killed the landlord


I know a power ranger went to jail for sword violence
 
2021-06-05 11:13:45 PM  

Ghastly: Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.


Hammer could be thrown.
 
2021-06-05 11:25:23 PM  
Darryl Jacobson can tell you all about hammer-wielding tenants.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 11:53:31 PM  

no1curr: I never imagined Marvel would set a Thor/Silver Samurai showdown in Pittsburgh


Quite a while back, Mjolnir was damaged in a battle.  Unable to return to Asgard, Thor traveled to Pittsburgh to enlist the aid of the city's steel industry, her furnaces, and her skilled workers to assist him in making temporary repairs.

As a Pennsylvanian, I was proud of that moment.  Wish to God I still had the comic.

And there was an issue of Marvel Team-Up pairing up Spiderman with The Not Ready For Prime Time Players.  Parker took MJ to the TV studio to catch an episode of Saturday Night Live in person.  For some eminently forgettable reason, Silver Samurai invaded the studio - and promptly met up with Belushi's Samurai.  Meanwhile, Garret Morris was in costume as Thor for another skit.

I miss those days.
 
2021-06-06 12:05:29 AM  
Seriously though. Who hasn't played a rousing game of Hammery Swordy?
 
2021-06-06 12:16:51 AM  

yohohogreengiant: Gaijin, please.

The pommel is called "kashira"


Izzit just me, or is stabbing with a katana bad form?
 
2021-06-06 12:21:40 AM  
Italian rapiers are SO much more classy.
 
2021-06-06 12:42:46 AM  

syzygy whizz: yohohogreengiant: Gaijin, please.

The pommel is called "kashira"

Izzit just me, or is stabbing with a katana bad form?


It's just you. They're cleaving swords, but there's a distinctive clipped point for a reason.
Think about it. A sword you can't stab with would be... pointless.
 
2021-06-06 12:48:40 AM  

leeksfromchichis: A sword you can't stab with would be... pointless.


That's my opinion of buhurt.

Oh, also - 2wolves:  "ronin" did not mean cool masterless samurai, ronin meant uncool masterless samurai.

(Japanese were weird)
 
2021-06-06 3:26:13 AM  
FUNNY FIGHT PRAGUE - ARAGORN WITH SWORD :o)
Youtube 3xqyWgJCFak
 
2021-06-06 3:27:13 AM  
RED FANG - "Prehistoric Dog" (Official Music Video)
Youtube VufilzHKTqk
 
2021-06-06 5:53:20 AM  

leeksfromchichis: Resident Muslim: By the way, didn't we have a similar landlord with sword story?
Out of Florida I think.

Hold on...I think it was the tenant...and he killed the landlord

I know a power ranger went to jail for sword violence


This is the story from CNN.com.
I tried to look it up on Fark but couldn't find it.

https://www.cnn.com/2020/07/31/us/har​t​ford-sword-homicide-trnd/index.html
 
2021-06-06 8:19:45 AM  

Kris_Romm: I love that he's Shaq Juan instead of Shaquane!

It's his way of telling the world he's...  a total... baller.


I need to know, though.
Is it pronounced Shaq juan? Shaq jawan? Shaqa joo-an?
Hard to tell with some names
 
2021-06-06 5:12:35 PM  

StatelyGreekAutomaton: Ghastly: Hammer vs sword? Seriously?

Outreached cannot be breached.

Hammer could be thrown.


Throwing your primary melee weapon is really a desperation move.
 
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