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(Metro)   You ever been so drunk you tried to order McDonald's from the cop arresting you?   (metro.co.uk) divider line
    More: Awkward, Alcoholic beverage, Kayleigh Marie Goodall, Corporal, Non-commissioned officer, Legal professions, army lance corporal, North Yorkshire, driving ban  
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2069 clicks; posted to Main » on 05 Jun 2021 at 1:42 PM (10 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



65 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Oldest | « | 1 | 2 | » | Newest | Show all

 
2021-06-05 11:25:02 AM  
"No, officer, it's 'Hi, how are you?'"
 
2021-06-05 11:41:05 AM  
One uniform is as good as any other.
 
2021-06-05 12:06:32 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size


ACAB
 
2021-06-05 12:18:19 PM  
British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.
 
2021-06-05 12:26:00 PM  
Not yet.
 
2021-06-05 12:26:58 PM  
Henry Lee Lucas would get a Happy Meal every time he confessed to a murder. There's a reason he confessed to like 600 of them.
 
2021-06-05 12:50:48 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
Is it too early for flapjacks?
 
2021-06-05 1:14:12 PM  

Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.


Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk
 
2021-06-05 1:38:17 PM  
South Park: Barbrady Can't Read
Youtube Ngg1-AUlPOE
 
2021-06-05 1:45:17 PM  
encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 1:46:43 PM  
Army Lance Corporal?

Ask some actual Army or Marines what they think about that.
 
2021-06-05 1:46:47 PM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 1:47:18 PM  
I can't read a "Have you ever" question without hearing Tom Papa's voice following it up with "I have."

/RIP LFH
 
2021-06-05 1:50:29 PM  
Thankfully no.

Falling asleep on a hardwood floor in the fetal position was probably my lowest point.
 
2021-06-05 1:51:48 PM  
No, but a friend of mine once got so goddamned drunk that he left a party to go home (he lived on a different floor in the same building as the party), then came back to the party sobbing uncontrollably. Host sat him down, got him water, and started asking him what had happened. He kept saying that his parents were dead, his parents had been killed, and everyone was trying to figure out what the hell had happened and what to do about it.

Until about fifteen more minutes of asking him questions revealed that he was so drunk he thought he was Harry Potter.
 
2021-06-05 1:52:56 PM  
You're probably not good to drive when you fail the field sobriety test before it's administered to you.
 
2021-06-05 1:53:09 PM  
They knew she was drunk when she drove on the wrong side of the road.
/ Difficulty: England
 
2021-06-05 1:55:28 PM  
Meh.  Just another schmuck in a uniform.  But for the lack of car-service food outlets, you can't really blame her for the mistake.
 
2021-06-05 1:55:50 PM  
It's right in the motto.

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 1:57:31 PM  
Challenge accepted.
 
2021-06-05 2:00:39 PM  
No, but I've been, like, SO stoned, man.
images.saymedia-content.comView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 2:01:13 PM  
I mean if we're playing that game, my worst was driving 20 minutes to see a college girlfriend blitzed off my tookas. I remember I was seeing double so I drove with one eye to get there. She and her parents were not happy. In more recent times I've fallen asleep on the toilet and did a direct header to the tile floor. I honestly believe that the drunk rag doll effect saved my life on that one.

/I don't drink much anymore
//too tired
///usually asleep before 10 now
 
2021-06-05 2:01:25 PM  
Nope, never been that drunk. Never been arrested.
 
2021-06-05 2:01:51 PM  
No, but I've done to opposite.
 
2021-06-05 2:07:20 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk


I feel "Wisconsin" deserves its' own spot ahead of "American" drunk.
 
2021-06-05 2:07:38 PM  
Uh, probably.   I used to black out quite often in my drinking days so I'm not really sure.
 
2021-06-05 2:08:52 PM  

Mister Buttons: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk

I feel "Wisconsin" deserves its' own spot ahead of "American" drunk.


I see you've not familiar with "New Orleans" drunk.
 
2021-06-05 2:09:15 PM  

Dinki: [Fark user image 713x385]Is it too early for flapjacks?


Came here to say this. Have an upvote.
 
2021-06-05 2:14:23 PM  

scanman61: Mister Buttons: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk

I feel "Wisconsin" deserves its' own spot ahead of "American" drunk.

I see you've not familiar with "New Orleans" drunk.


Are you considered drunk that's the way you feel the same 24/7 that's pretty much my experience with New Orleans.

Louis Jordan - What's the Use of Getting Sober
Youtube 2ANOkUVe92k
 
2021-06-05 2:15:33 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk


I think Polish tops Russian, from what I've seen here.
 
2021-06-05 2:16:10 PM  
No.
 
2021-06-05 2:17:34 PM  

bearded clamorer: [Fark user image image 276x500]

ACAB


All Cops Are Burgers?
 
2021-06-05 2:20:25 PM  
memegenerator.netView Full Size
 
2021-06-05 2:30:02 PM  

gonegirl: No, but a friend of mine once got so goddamned drunk that he left a party to go home (he lived on a different floor in the same building as the party), then came back to the party sobbing uncontrollably. Host sat him down, got him water, and started asking him what had happened. He kept saying that his parents were dead, his parents had been killed, and everyone was trying to figure out what the hell had happened and what to do about it.

Until about fifteen more minutes of asking him questions revealed that he was so drunk he thought he was Harry Potter.


He wasn't drunk.  It was another of Hermione's little practical jokes.  Dam her.
 
2021-06-05 2:33:18 PM  

iron de havilland: [Fark user image 520x413] [View Full Size image _x_]
[Fark user image 520x413] [View Full Size image _x_]


Damn your eyes. First thing I thought of, and I came here with the picture URL all ready ...
 
2021-06-05 2:34:35 PM  

Exile On Beale Street: [memegenerator.net image 620x784]


So what does it mean if you are sitting under a bush eating cake and you *aren't* wasted?

/Asking for a friend.
 
2021-06-05 2:36:59 PM  
It can be fun to treat the cop like a cabbie, thank him for the ride, give him directions on taking you home. Tell him you don't appreciate his attitude and that he won't be getting a tip.
 
2021-06-05 2:38:16 PM  

kozlo: I mean if we're playing that game, my worst was driving 20 minutes to see a college girlfriend blitzed off my tookas. I remember I was seeing double so I drove with one eye to get there. She and her parents were not happy. In more recent times I've fallen asleep on the toilet and did a direct header to the tile floor. I honestly believe that the drunk rag doll effect saved my life on that one.

/I don't drink much anymore
//too tired
///usually asleep before 10 now


I don't drive drive drunk but I have tile in my kitchen and took a direct header last week. The wound was at the top of my head so a baseball cap covered it.

I rolled on an apparently sturdy beer can that I had tried to throw in the trash, missed, and never picked it up. Oh, and I was drunk. Woke up in the dark to make a drunken Dagwood sammich.

Thing is, I was in the privacy of my own home. No cops, not even a roommate to laugh at me. So I have that going for me.
 
2021-06-05 2:44:20 PM  
dickfreckle:

Yeah, my wife found me. It's a scary proposition if you think about it. Crack your head on tile, if there's bleeding internal or external and no ones there to help, you're borked. I had a huge goose egg on my right temple for weeks after that one. Thus ended my binge drinking Covid streak.
 
2021-06-05 2:45:47 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk


Can Russians get drunk? I thought death occurred before drunkenness set in.
 
2021-06-05 2:46:32 PM  
No, until the statute of limitations expires.
 
2021-06-05 2:52:24 PM  

orbister: iron de havilland: [Fark user image 520x413] [View Full Size image _x_]
[Fark user image 520x413] [View Full Size image _x_]

Damn your eyes. First thing I thought of, and I came here with the picture URL all ready ...


fatherted.gifglobe.com is pretty useful for all your FT gif needs.

/Although the second one was cut sloppily so I used ezgif.com to trim a few frames out of it.
 
2021-06-05 3:01:11 PM  

Mister Buttons: ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk

I feel "Wisconsin" deserves its' own spot ahead of "American" drunk.


Yes, it does (born and raised in Wisconsin, and us Sconnies are well-trained professional drunks, because we barely get a buzz after drinking a 6-pack of beer, and consider drinking anything less than a 12-pack of beer a light-drinking day).
 
2021-06-05 3:02:02 PM  

ZZ9 Plural Z Alpha: Rusty Shackleford: British drunk is approximately 2.3 times American drunk.

Russian Drunk > Irish Drunk > Scottish Drunk >. English Drunk > American Drunk

 
2021-06-05 3:07:10 PM  

jimjays: It can be fun to treat the cop like a cabbie, thank him for the ride, give him directions on taking you home. Tell him you don't appreciate his attitude and that he won't be getting a tip.


CSB: An old buddy in college was from Chicago. Super nice guy, but raging alcoholic. Friendly, hug everybody drunk. Dance on tables, etc., but harmless. He gets thrown out of a bar in Chicago where they didn't know him, gets arrested for disorderly/public drunk. He's in the back seat mouthing of to the cops, talking shiat. Cops decide they don't want to do paperwork, drive to the worst project in Chicago, and let him out. He hid in a garbage dumpster all night, hearing gunshots, pimps, hookers, crackheads...When the sun came up he spotted an older man in a military uniform, jumped out and said "Please help me!" Old guy walked him to a bus stop. I'm sure he didn't learn his lesson, though.
 
2021-06-05 3:15:56 PM  

Exile On Beale Street: [memegenerator.net image 620x784]


"Sitting under a bush eating cake"

Well, there's a euphemism for it I've never run across before...

/IYKWIM
 
2021-06-05 3:25:04 PM  
I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.
 
2021-06-05 3:25:53 PM  
wrong thread. derp.
 
2021-06-05 3:31:27 PM  

chucknasty: I can't help it if I have a heavy flow and a wide set vagina.


Timed perfectly though.
 
2021-06-05 3:34:35 PM  
I have never been so drunk that McDonalds sounded like a good decision. I can't even eat their crap food sober.

However, when you're hungover, a double quarter pounder and a small chocolate shake, with fries, is mana from the heavens.

Assuming their shake machine is working. Which if it's a month with an average temperature above 40 degrees Fahrenheit, it's not.

*Pro tip, put a shiatload of fries on the burger, dip the rest in the shake.
 
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