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(WBTV 3 Charlotte)   Two busted for stealing from school: Pop Tarts, cartons of milk, strawberry apple sauce, compound bows, cheese sticks and...hold on a second...strawberry apple sauce?   (wbtv.com) divider line
    More: Strange, Compound bow, Archery, Calcium, Bow, stolen items, Pasteurization, Primary school, Longbow  
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1000 clicks; posted to Main » on 03 Jun 2021 at 6:30 AM (11 days ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook



43 Comments     (+0 »)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2021-06-03 6:32:18 AM  
Is subby sheltered? Why is this green?
 
2021-06-03 6:34:04 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size

A pack of crackers stolen from the school had already been consumed.

So he's a cannibal too.
 
2021-06-03 6:41:00 AM  
Dude is going to like jail.
 
2021-06-03 6:47:07 AM  
If those pop tarts were from the vending machine, that's like over $1000
 
2021-06-03 6:54:28 AM  
Strawberry applesauce is pretty good, I'm not going to lie.
 
2021-06-03 6:59:35 AM  
When I was a kid, there were certain snacks that the lunch ladies would offer occasionally, like those giant chocolate chip cookies or those sticky bun pastries.

Of course, we all knew where they stored them, so...their count/inventory of them may or may not have come back light a few cookies/sticky buns occasionally.
 
2021-06-03 7:02:06 AM  
I had strawberry applesauce and Roasted Garlic Triscuits for breakfast this morning.
 
2021-06-03 7:07:13 AM  

Boojum2k: [Fark user image image 425x212]
A pack of crackers stolen from the school had already been consumed.

So he's a cannibal too.


As a Southern man, I take offense at the term "pack of crackers."

The correct collective should be " an insurrection of crackers."
 
2021-06-03 7:07:45 AM  
I'm guessing Subby doesn't have kids.
 
2021-06-03 7:10:16 AM  
i.redd.itView Full Size
 
2021-06-03 7:15:38 AM  

snowybunting: I had strawberry applesauce and Roasted Garlic Triscuits for breakfast this morning.


Seems balanced
 
2021-06-03 7:16:08 AM  

Boojum2k: [Fark user image image 425x212]
A pack of crackers stolen from the school had already been consumed.

So he's a cannibal too.


When the meth is good...
 
2021-06-03 7:17:54 AM  

LowbrowDeluxe: Strawberry applesauce is pretty good, I'm not going to lie.


It sounds pretty decent.
 
2021-06-03 7:29:59 AM  

Stands With A Tiny Fist: LowbrowDeluxe: Strawberry applesauce is pretty good, I'm not going to lie.

It sounds pretty decent.


It is - been pretty common in the applesauce aisle for a while.  Started out as a kid thing, but everybody kinda liked it so now it's a lot more readily available.
 
2021-06-03 7:31:55 AM  
Subby is gonna have a stroke when they find out all the crazy things that gets put into yogurt. Strawberry AND banana at the same time!
 
2021-06-03 7:38:16 AM  

Walosi: I'm guessing Subby doesn't have kids.


I have kids. I never thought I would ever see those words in that combination. Have never seen or even heard of such a product.
 
2021-06-03 7:43:22 AM  
I thought "cracker" was our word.  That guy in the restaurant should have ordered captain's wafers or hardtack.
 
2021-06-03 7:43:30 AM  
FTA: Investigators...located Hamrick and almost all of the items stolen from the school during a canvass of area residences.

So some poptarts go missing from the school and they just start searching evey house nearby till they find them?
 
2021-06-03 7:45:43 AM  

aperson: FTA: Investigators...located Hamrick and almost all of the items stolen from the school during a canvass of area residences.

So some poptarts go missing from the school and they just start searching evey house nearby till they find them?


Every hen house, dog house and outhouse.
 
2021-06-03 7:56:10 AM  

aperson: FTA: Investigators...located Hamrick and almost all of the items stolen from the school during a canvass of area residences.

So some poptarts go missing from the school and they just start searching evey house nearby till they find them?


They may have been more concerned about the compound bows
 
2021-06-03 8:08:38 AM  
Burglary is a lot like looting, minus the natural disaster.

If you don't plan ahead you end up with stupid stuff.

CSB time.

Lived with 4 guys for a brief spell that were from the North so, had never been witness to a hurricane.

Walked them outside during the eye passing over and it was stunning. Second wall passes and they want to be idiots and drive around looking at destruction.

They returned to the house telling stories f how a wall on the bank blew down and how a tire shop sign is now sticking out of the Mini-Mart next door.

Of course they also looted a stop light that had fallen, a wicker basket that is commonly sold out of a family car trunk at gas stations and a plastic pumpkin that kids use for beggar's night.

So, the haul included a felony for the state property and junk they risked being shot for that was trash any other day of the week.

Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.
 
2021-06-03 8:10:30 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-03 8:10:58 AM  
Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-03 8:25:03 AM  
A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?
 
2021-06-03 8:45:04 AM  

LaChanz: Is subby sheltered? Why is this green?


I think Subby was making a joke a out the compound bows, but the questions still stand.
 
2021-06-03 8:45:36 AM  

IamTomJoad: Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.


A traffic light would make an awesome den ceiling light fixture, or glass coffee table base...
 
2021-06-03 8:47:54 AM  
Kids today don't eat or know what regular food tastes like. Apple sauce (without added sugar) isn't good enough so we fill it with HFCS and artificial strawberry flavor to fatten these kids up.

Make a REAL strawberry milkshake (milk, vanilla bean ice cream, and strawberries) and kids will say it tastes gross/weird.
 
2021-06-03 9:45:51 AM  

IamTomJoad: Burglary is a lot like looting, minus the natural disaster.

If you don't plan ahead you end up with stupid stuff.

CSB time.

Lived with 4 guys for a brief spell that were from the North so, had never been witness to a hurricane.

Walked them outside during the eye passing over and it was stunning. Second wall passes and they want to be idiots and drive around looking at destruction.

They returned to the house telling stories f how a wall on the bank blew down and how a tire shop sign is now sticking out of the Mini-Mart next door.

Of course they also looted a stop light that had fallen, a wicker basket that is commonly sold out of a family car trunk at gas stations and a plastic pumpkin that kids use for beggar's night.

So, the haul included a felony for the state property and junk they risked being shot for that was trash any other day of the week.

Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.


I knew an idiot like that would steal shiat just for the sake of stealing it, most of it had no real value or use to him he was just a kleptomaniac probably. Yeah it is really worth going to jail over a bag of hair ties or a sign from a store.
 
2021-06-03 9:49:14 AM  

Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?


Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.
 
2021-06-03 10:00:34 AM  

steklo: [Fark user image 800x650]


That would have been bad enough with the implied content of the Pop Tarts, but then there's that awful, awful, "don't eat this" green frosting.
 
2021-06-03 10:01:30 AM  

frigmous: Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?

Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.


chi-chi is slang for boobs
 
2021-06-03 10:06:28 AM  

snowybunting: I had strawberry applesauce and Roasted Garlic Triscuits for breakfast this morning.


As long as we're talking about Triscuits and product varieties, I was in the store one day and I realized there were 27 distinct Triscuit options on the shelf. 27! I don't believe there is anywhere near adequate local cracker enthusiasm to support 27 separate Triscuit choices, but I do believe that we're in a test market for certain foods...

Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-03 10:14:01 AM  

johnny_vegas: frigmous: Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?

Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.

chi-chi is slang for boobs


Huh. Well I guess I should go somewhere classier then. Hooters, or Twin Peaks.
 
2021-06-03 10:20:07 AM  

frigmous: johnny_vegas: frigmous: Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?

Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.

chi-chi is slang for boobs

Huh. Well I guess I should go somewhere classier then. Hooters, or Twin Peaks.


Well, it just stands to reason you'd have to save up for something like that
 
2021-06-03 10:20:37 AM  

peachpicker: snowybunting: I had strawberry applesauce and Roasted Garlic Triscuits for breakfast this morning.

As long as we're talking about Triscuits and product varieties, I was in the store one day and I realized there were 27 distinct Triscuit options on the shelf. 27! I don't believe there is anywhere near adequate local cracker enthusiasm to support 27 separate Triscuit choices, but I do believe that we're in a test market for certain foods...

[Fark user image 425x425]


Fark user imageView Full Size
 
2021-06-03 10:22:55 AM  

peachpicker: I don't believe there is anywhere near adequate local cracker enthusiasm to support 27 separate Triscuit choices


Where in Utah are you?
 
2021-06-03 10:28:32 AM  

johnny_vegas: frigmous: johnny_vegas: frigmous: Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?

Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.

chi-chi is slang for boobs

Huh. Well I guess I should go somewhere classier then. Hooters, or Twin Peaks.

Well, it just stands to reason you'd have to save up for something like that


Oh, my, yes. I mean, even if you go there on quarter wings day, with the wife and the kids, waters all around, pretty soon you've racked up $1.50 tab. And you know the boys will be all "but Dad, we's growin'. Can't we have another wing?" So now it's $2 before tax and tip. Do they think I'm made of money?
 
2021-06-03 10:30:00 AM  

frigmous: johnny_vegas: frigmous: johnny_vegas: frigmous: Literally Addicted: A school that has an archery program can't give kids something better than poptarts?

Whaddya talkin' about? They get the strawberry apple sauce! My kids only used to get that when we'd save up a bit and go to Chi-Chi's.

chi-chi is slang for boobs

Huh. Well I guess I should go somewhere classier then. Hooters, or Twin Peaks.

Well, it just stands to reason you'd have to save up for something like that

Oh, my, yes. I mean, even if you go there on quarter wings day, with the wife and the kids, waters all around, pretty soon you've racked up $1.50 tab. And you know the boys will be all "but Dad, we's growin'. Can't we have another wing?" So now it's $2 before tax and tip. Do they think I'm made of money?


I'm still talking about boobs
 
2021-06-03 10:43:08 AM  
I'm with subby, for a few seconds I was trying to figure out if it's just strawberry sauce and they called it strawberry applesauce because we're only used to sauce in apple flavor but now I've settled into the fact that it probably is indeed a mix of strawberry and apple in sauce form.
 
2021-06-03 10:59:19 AM  

LoneVVolf: IamTomJoad: Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.

A traffic light would make an awesome den ceiling light fixture, or glass coffee table base...


Sure, you go on believing that.

All of those ideas and many more were offered up, I'm telling you the outcome is a rusty traffic light sitting on your back patio.

"Take a look at the tool set the in-laws got me for my birthday"

"Wow!!! That's a nice set up!! You going to build something?"

"Don't know. I could.....I mean I have tools"
 
2021-06-03 11:02:23 AM  

groppet: IamTomJoad: Burglary is a lot like looting, minus the natural disaster.

If you don't plan ahead you end up with stupid stuff.

CSB time.

Lived with 4 guys for a brief spell that were from the North so, had never been witness to a hurricane.

Walked them outside during the eye passing over and it was stunning. Second wall passes and they want to be idiots and drive around looking at destruction.

They returned to the house telling stories f how a wall on the bank blew down and how a tire shop sign is now sticking out of the Mini-Mart next door.

Of course they also looted a stop light that had fallen, a wicker basket that is commonly sold out of a family car trunk at gas stations and a plastic pumpkin that kids use for beggar's night.

So, the haul included a felony for the state property and junk they risked being shot for that was trash any other day of the week.

Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.

I knew an idiot like that would steal shiat just for the sake of stealing it, most of it had no real value or use to him he was just a kleptomaniac probably. Yeah it is really worth going to jail over a bag of hair ties or a sign from a store.


I spent the early 90s not paying for cord wood
 
2021-06-03 11:13:48 AM  

groppet: IamTomJoad: Burglary is a lot like looting, minus the natural disaster.

If you don't plan ahead you end up with stupid stuff.

CSB time.

Lived with 4 guys for a brief spell that were from the North so, had never been witness to a hurricane.

Walked them outside during the eye passing over and it was stunning. Second wall passes and they want to be idiots and drive around looking at destruction.

They returned to the house telling stories f how a wall on the bank blew down and how a tire shop sign is now sticking out of the Mini-Mart next door.

Of course they also looted a stop light that had fallen, a wicker basket that is commonly sold out of a family car trunk at gas stations and a plastic pumpkin that kids use for beggar's night.

So, the haul included a felony for the state property and junk they risked being shot for that was trash any other day of the week.

Moral of the story is, if you are planning to loot or break into a place....have a plan on what you want to steal or you'll end up with a stop light sitting on your patio.

I knew an idiot like that would steal shiat just for the sake of stealing it, most of it had no real value or use to him he was just a kleptomaniac probably. Yeah it is really worth going to jail over a bag of hair ties or a sign from a store.


Inspiration for this character?

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2021-06-03 12:53:42 PM  
Strawberry applesauce is so common Target makes a store brand of it. Even funnier is that they charge ten cents more than Mott's.

/ Only Target would have a more expensive store brand.
 
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